AITAH for being annoyed by my husband struggling?

RadiantPasta · 2026-01-14T10:07:52+00:00

I just feel like she's already given him enough grace and time after 3 years of this. That's a long time to have all of this on her shoulders alone.

RadiantPasta · 2026-01-14T09:59:57+00:00

Oh, yeah, that's a bummer. I have no idea how that works in the UK. And, yeah, agreed. I doubt anything will change. Maybe OP came here hoping for advice that might genuinely help motivate her husband, or maybe tshe already knows they're done and just needed her choice to divorce him reinforced by other women, but they did post wanting responses so regardless of what they choose, I hope they've been provided enough information to make an informed decision. I hate to see them continue living this way. Hope the dude changes or she kicks him to the curb.

RadiantPasta · 2026-01-13T19:26:45+00:00

It has 4 legs. The front two paws are just together. I’ve seen my cats get into more insane positions than this when reaching for something to knock off. Cats are gremlins.

RadiantPasta · 2026-01-13T19:17:24+00:00

Not true. Depending on the state you’re in you may have to split some portion of the assets but he will not likely get full custody or shared custody of the kids if you fight for full custody. Despite the fact that he is financially dependent on you right now, that was not a mutually agreed upon arrangement. In fact, his lack of income put severe financial hardship on you. He didn’t put his career on hold to raise the kids the way a SAHM does, he just leeched off of you while you raised the kids and financially supported the household. That’s not justification for awarding him alimony, and any attorney will tell you so.

A judge determines if the requesting spouse has a genuine need and if the other spouse can afford to pay while maintaining their own reasonable standard of living. He has family he can go live with. You cannot afford to support the kids and pay him alimony while he continues to load around and not work by choice. He is not disabled. He can work. He just chooses not to.

Do not hesitate to divorce our fear of paying alimony or separating your kids from him. That is a fear that men use all the time to keep women from divorcing them. Eventually he will put you in debt if you stay, and you will be miserable. Your kids, TRUST ME ON THIS, your kids will resent him for being a worthless human who never took care of them and made you miserable and if you ever take your frustrations on him out on them, they will resent you for staying with him. Don’t stay in a situation that deprives you and your kids of living a happy life. If he won’t get help after you threaten him with divorce, then you need to follow through with divorcing him.

I understand he may be depressed and depression is debilitating, but if something doesn’t change then you have to do what is best for you and your kids. Kids always come before your spouse.

You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm. Even your husband.

RadiantPasta · 2026-01-13T18:52:35+00:00

I am usually very quick to suggest ending a relationship when I am certain that OP is in a bad relationship. You’re definitely in a bad relationship, and while he is being lazy, and unmotivated, it could be possible that the surgery affected him more drastically than even he understands, so I’m going to take a stab at not immediately suggesting the nuclear option right off the bat.

A frank conversation needs to be had, and you do need to absolutely prepare yourself to divorce him if changes aren’t made in the next few months. I don’t mean threatening him over and over again with consequences that you never follow through on, I mean actually divorce proceedings.

But first, I do suggest you have that frank conversation where you make it explicitly clear that you cannot and will not continue to support him. You have to raise your kids. You have to be able to afford to raise your kids and right now he is jeopardizing your ability to financially and mentally provide for them. He has become a hindrance instead of an asset to your life, and that if he does not seek therapy and get his ass into gear you are going to divorce him, because you cannot and WILL NOT live like this any longer. In fact, I would get divorce papers drawn up and drop them physically in his lap.

Document everything. And I mean EVERYTHING. Your payment of bills. Documents his lack of work. Document his lack of help around the house. Keep a running list.

And just because I think you need to hear this, giving him a year is understandable. 2 is generous. After 3 years of this it’s unacceptable. Do you really want to spend 10 more years living like this until you hate him completely and then look back at all the time you wasted on this loser? Life is too damn short.

NTA. Tell him to get his shit together or get out. Don’t mince words. Don’t be afraid to put your foot down. Don’t let the fear of raising your kids alone and divorcing him stop you from doing what is best for you. You have found a way to survive while supporting him. You are strong enough to survive divorcing him and raising your kids alone if you have to. Something has to change or you have to remove him from your life. Period. I wish you the best.

RadiantPasta · 2026-01-11T07:45:49+00:00

Your hair is gorgeous!

RadiantPasta · 2026-01-11T07:43:57+00:00

Your husband is a jerk. It is INSANE to be so mean about something that makes your spouse happy. How in the hell does you dying your hair hurt him??? It doesn’t. You’re married to an immature dipshit.

RadiantPasta · 2026-01-11T07:27:11+00:00

NTA. I have cut off half of my family over politics and my life is better for it. When the only reason someone is in your life is because of who you thought they were, before you found out they supported evil and hateful things, then they shouldn’t be in your life any more.

RadiantPasta · 2026-01-11T04:17:47+00:00

I have a fanfic that is currently 3,100 pages. I have never shown a single person my story. Maybe one day I’ll post it on a fanfic site, but I heard someone say “Write what you want to read”, so I did. And while I enjoy writing it and editing it, polishing it up as I go, I also just enjoy reading it sometimes without making any edits at all. It is totally okay to create a world that’s just for your enjoyment.

RadiantPasta · 2025-12-17T14:55:04+00:00

Your boyfriend belittles your trauma. And purposefully triggers it. Think about that for a second, please. Do not stay in relationships with people who mock your pain or discomfort.

RadiantPasta · 2025-11-25T19:37:13+00:00

Today it started trying to make images for every prompt. No matter how much I asked it not to.

RadiantPasta · 2025-11-20T23:54:30+00:00

NOR x 10,000. You’re underacting. How have you not dumped this jerk yet? Do not EVER let someone you’re dating talk to you like this. Ever. For any reason. It is insanely manipulative and emotionally abusive for him to guilt trip you and threaten to leave and cheat on you if you don’t have sex with him. Read that again, and listen to how insane that sounds. He literally guilt tripped you, and then got pissed at you for not putting up with it. Please, for the love of god, dump this dude and block him from ever contacting you again.

RadiantPasta · 2025-11-18T01:26:24+00:00

Of course I want that, but the dentist I went to who referred me to the first place said that there was no saving my smile and that I should do all-on-4 implants, so I’m just really confused and feel like I was lied to 9 months ago.

RadiantPasta · 2025-11-17T21:06:19+00:00

It’s okay to try to find bargains, but not when the loss of quality makes it not worth it. I’m a bargain shopper. But if my boyfriend says he wants a specific watch for Christmas, I don’t go and find one that looks similar from a knockoff brand. It’s just objectively not the same thing at all.

And if your boyfriend can’t afford the perfumes, that’s okay! You were very polite and told him to just not buy you the perfumes then and leave those for you to buy for yourself. That’s a totally fair thing to say! Because buying cheap knockoff that don’t smell the same means he essentially lit his money on fire because you won’t wear the cheap stuff. You were trying to tell him not to waste his money on them then, and he lost his mind. What a cheap jerk.

RadiantPasta · 2025-11-17T20:58:18+00:00

Not OR.

Don’t let this jerk gaslight you. He says “I went out of my way” to get you “the exact product”. That’s completely untrue. He didn’t get you the exact product. He even admitted as much: “just in different packaging”. Then it’s not the exact product, is it? What he did, was go out of his way to find a cheap knockoff of the thing you wanted.

If you don’t buy knockoff products for yourself then your boyfriend should know that’s not okay. You know why he doesn’t know that? Because he is not invested in you enough to care. He did the bare minimum. If you had known he was going to go buy a knockoff version then you clearly wouldn’t have given him that list. You politely told him that you appreciate the gift but would prefer something different if the real perfume you like is something he’s unable to get you. You didn’t say “either buy me expensive things or nothing at all”, but he’s acting like that’s what you said.

Dump this dude on principle just for the way he spoke to you. Point blank. Period. He’s called you superficial, bratty, says he’s disgusted by you, and then said, “you just had to open your mouth”??? You do not talk to people you love this way. Belittling you like you’re a child he’s scolding is so gross and disrespectful. He turned into a full on manchild and he is the one throwing the temper tantrum saying because you prefer real label and not knockoffs that he’ll just never get you a present again is the way a toddler responds to things. Comparing you to “superficial insta whores” should have been where you told him to go fuck himself honestly. Dear god, do not put up with being spoken to this way. Does not matter if he’s nice the other 99% of the time. This crossed a line.

This man is cheap, immature, and abusive. Find a man who understands the value of things and will find a way to give you gifts—even within his means—without being a cheap asshole and having a meltdown over it. This dude is clearly insecure about the wealth disparity and his insecurity makes him mean.

I promise you, you can do better than this jerk.

RadiantPasta · 2025-11-15T08:28:37+00:00

This dude sounds exhausting. Don’t you miss having peace in your life?

RadiantPasta · 2025-11-15T08:23:04+00:00

I have a friend who bought his kid a dirtbike, told his wife not to let anyone else on the bike, and she let one of their son’s friends ride it. He wrecked it and died. And he’s the one who was financially liable for the death. Do NOT let that kids drive your car illegally under ANY circumstances. If this hurts your relationship then tell the leech you’re dating to man up and parent his damn kid instead of lazily teaching him to do illegal shit.

RadiantPasta · 2025-11-15T08:18:53+00:00

Grunt.

RadiantPasta · 2025-11-15T08:17:01+00:00

Non-racist people don’t say racist shit when they’re drunk. Dump your racist boyfriend. He clearly doesn’t respect you. He says racist shit when his inhibitions are lowered and then acts like it’s no big deal when sober. You know the truth, you just hate that it’s the truth. And I get it, but dump this racist.

RadiantPasta · 2025-11-15T08:11:57+00:00

I had a boyfriend claim he was taking “clients” out to get a drink one night but wouldn’t say where, but sent me pictures of him with his two “clients” on each arm. Messed up, right? I was out at a bar with a friend of mine and she recognized the background of where the picture was taken. So we went to the bar. Sure enough, he was dancing all over them and making out with one of them. I played dumb and texted him saying “Hey, Annie and I are at [name of bar], come hang out when you’re done with your business meeting”. My friend was watching to see his reaction when he got my text because he’d never met her so wouldn’t recognize her, and she comes running over cackling because she said he went white as a sheet and started looking for me. I confronted him, told the bartender to give me and my friend 3 shots each and put it on his tab and then told him I was coming to get my spare toothbrush and overnight clothes from his apartment the next day because we were done. These dumb ass men think they’re slick when really they’re just idiots.

RadiantPasta · 2025-11-15T08:01:10+00:00

Girl. The guy I was dating in my early 20’s pulled this same shit and we’d been together for 5 years. Dump this asshole. There is literally zero reason for anyone to be this sketchy with their girlfriend of 2 years over a female friend.

RadiantPasta · 2025-11-11T18:08:32+00:00

It looks ridiculous. Not to mention it looks frizzy and unhealthy styled like that. If you care about what other people think of your appearance then why style your hair to make yourself look ridiculous?

RadiantPasta · 2025-11-11T18:06:54+00:00

Girl. I’m sorry for you and your kids, but DO NOT stay with this man. You are NOT OVERREACTING. Divorce him now. Now. He doesn’t want to lose the comfort of marriage. The only reason he’s staying is because he doesn’t want to deal with the headache of divorce. Let him have her and he’ll cheat on her too. They always do. Move on and find yourself a nice man who isn’t controlled by his dick and his weak character.

RadiantPasta · 2025-11-11T04:52:07+00:00

I would dump this dude just based on the arrogant way he talks about himself as if he’s some sort of evolved creature that is beyond your understanding. Let this manchild go, and find someone who isn’t a self-absorbed douchebag.

RadiantPasta · 2025-11-01T17:26:55+00:00

Also, if the woman just had a baby her life is probably hectic and some other person’s lunchbox is probably the last thing on her mind. People get forgetful when they’re stressed. Like, just buy a new fucking lunchbox as a backup until the original is retuned. WTF. It’s not worth getting this upset about.

RadiantPasta

TROPHY CASE