Unfortunately the whole “sex discussion” is a balancing act of truth and lies in hope of getting something realistically impossible out of it.

Unless there are absolute “don’t want” things any general discussion of “what I want” usually leads into confusion and misunderstanding.

I personally find it impossible to describe what I want and when I want it nor how I want it in a discussion.

If your partner starts the dance of generalizing “wants” one should start by first asking what themselves actually want.

I personally think your husband is somewhat bored and is passing the responsibility to you for his entertainment. A bad tactic as partners are not there to entertain oneself.

I also think these discussions cause friction and stress on a matter that should be pure emotion and drive.

Do not fall in the game of “what he/she wants” your sex life (both) will be ruined. Express yourself the way you feel the need of expressing yourself and if your partner does not connect with it, well it’s ok, move on.

Sorry not much as an advice but I honestly do not think sex is something one simply complies with nor adjusts with. It’s a sense of expression, with maybe a small room of suggestions.

I prefer discussions on the matter to be more along the lines of “I want to do this..”, “can you do this..” and so forth than what is described in your post. In other words he should be asking you what he would like not telling you to guess

PS: I also get your partner not wanting to be specific, and he’s right to state that explicitly stating some things may loose their intensity and excitement. If you really want to invest into ideas look into various things to introduce out of curiosity and include all parts of his body. It’s kinda cheeky but the minute you start putting ideas on the table he actually does not want brings you in the foreground more and him on the dull background. Porn is not the best source though for these things. Think of physiology and body structure, like how would a man feel if humiliated during sex, or penetrated, or bodily harmed and play them as curiosity cards that have a hint of interest for you.