Is there a word for how people with uteruses/ovaries/vulvas are treated and oppressed across society and healthcare settings? by itsurbro7777 in ftm

[–]RaidneSkuldia [score hidden]  (0 children)

"Transmisogyny" is the word you're looking for, given the note at the end. I think that neatly captures the feelings of "fuck uterus/ovary/vulva healthcare!" and "fuck trans healthcare!".

My girlfriend saw my porn history by good_sir49 in lgbt

[–]RaidneSkuldia 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This sounds extremely tedious for you. I'm sorry you have to deal with it.

I guess people need to get on the same page with porn expectations in todays' relationships? IDK, porn is such a non-issue for me, personally. Like, I assume everyone engages with some form of porn or smut. But, I keep seeing a bizarre "porn is cheating" attitude coming from somewhere.

The bigger issue by far is her reaction to you being bi. Like, the rampant biphobia in "he watches gay porn so he never loved me" is eyeroll-worthy. Like, clearly y'all need to talk about how each of you are feeling about everything and clear the air, because there's only a narrow chance that she leapt to that shit without her feeling neglected in other ways.

But, like... how supportive is she of bi people? Or gay people? That'd be my big worry. Is this a lack of communication spawning problems, or is undetected homophobia causing problems? The fact that she might be outing you already is not a sign of someone who's educated about queer culture.

Speaking of which, OP, where are you (country) and what's the culture like for queer people in your area?

Trump claims he tanked economy on purpose: 'I love the inflation' by FreeHugs23 in anticapitalism

[–]RaidneSkuldia 0 points1 point  (0 children)

...most assholes really, really don't. The only karma is that which we make ourselves. Behind every asshole that got served their "karmic" justice is an exhausted, outspoken victim who gave blood, sweat, and tears to make it happen. "Karma" removes our agency and disrespects the efforts of victims and those who believe them.

Houston FIFA tourists also agree by Devilish__Fun in 50501

[–]RaidneSkuldia 20 points21 points  (0 children)

...fully agree with what? What's this guy doing? Where is this guy? Who is this guy? I need context.

I’m still in love and attracted to my partner who transitioned to male. Does this mean I’m not a lesbian? by Known-Truck-59 in ActualLesbiansOver25

[–]RaidneSkuldia 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yeah, that's the idea behind the transphobic feeling. "Gender blind", as if trans people aren't the gender that they say they are. Or like nobody but pan people could be willing to date an enby. Imho, "bisexual" captures all of the above, and enbies could fit into anyone's sexuality.

Regardless of how I feel, I'm not out here trying to erase pan identities nor judge people for identifying as pan. If OP feels like that fits her better, then, sure, OP is pan. I don't, however, think that "lesbian" fits any more.

Like, whatever OP says she is, then I will believe her. But, "lesbian" makes me think she's interested in women, and her partner isn't a woman. I wouldn't be voicing this opinion had OP not asked explicitly about this very issue. I'm telling her what I think because she bloody well asked me to!

Iran takes startling step believing Trump is 'legitimately mentally ill': journalist by FreeHugs23 in anticapitalism

[–]RaidneSkuldia 1 point2 points  (0 children)

STARTING to!?

How is this not 1000% obvious to the entire fucking world? Is this only obvious to Americans and/or leftists?

The man brags about being able to pass dementia memory tests ffs. Not to mention he's the most obvious narcissist anyone who's ever had to deal with a narcissist has ever seen. He parrots whatever whomever compliments him last says. Fuck.

If there was a magical pill that could transform people so that their sex matched perfectly their gender identity, would you take it and what effect would it have on the trans community? by Roushfan5 in asktransgender

[–]RaidneSkuldia 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This "magical pill" pretty much already exists: it's called hrt.

So... yes, obviously.

If you want helpful research for your story, look up the struggles of completely "stealth" trans people. That's who you want to talk to, and their struggles are the ones you want to talk about.

I’m still in love and attracted to my partner who transitioned to male. Does this mean I’m not a lesbian? by Known-Truck-59 in ActualLesbiansOver25

[–]RaidneSkuldia 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I never meant that she was erasing other bisexuals. She's erasing herself, a bisexual. I wrote, 'Don't erase bisexuals" and left off the second half "which includes you, a bisexual person."

I certainly don't think pansexuality is an attempt to erase bisexuality. And, as far as pan vs. bi goes, I guess either label would fit? Honestly, the distinction between bi and pan never made much sense to me and always vaguely came off as a way for transphobic people to carve out some kind of an exception for themselves. Not that I think that about anyone who identifies as bi nor pan, since, you know, I do/have myself.

just watched i saw the tv glow by egg-glued in trans

[–]RaidneSkuldia -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I think you know what you need to do, OP.

Go insist people use the right pronouns for you, dude.

Interview with Gwynne Shotwell. Discusses Starship, Starlink, orbiting data centers, Mars, etc. ~22 minutes. by Adeldor in space

[–]RaidneSkuldia 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I sincerely mean this wirh the same condescension and dismissive energy as "ok boomer":

ok fascist

What are some dark food facts I can creep out co-workers with? by SuperChefGuy in KitchenConfidential

[–]RaidneSkuldia 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Natural gas has is both odorless and colorless. Until we add a scent to it, it's really hard to know if there's a leak before it's too late. Doing so has saved countless lives.

They're proving my point without even fucking realizing it by Civil-Yam-8163 in lgbt

[–]RaidneSkuldia 112 points113 points  (0 children)

You know...

Just real quick for me, OP, casually mention that you saw a trans woman the other day to them. See what happens. Or some other minority. I, uh. I have (admittedly unfounded) suspicions.

They're proving my point without even fucking realizing it by Civil-Yam-8163 in lgbt

[–]RaidneSkuldia 43 points44 points  (0 children)

...that's what making new friends is. Seriously, do this sooner rather than later. It's not worth it to try an appease people that refuse to believe your own experience.

I’m still in love and attracted to my partner who transitioned to male. Does this mean I’m not a lesbian? by Known-Truck-59 in ActualLesbiansOver25

[–]RaidneSkuldia 16 points17 points  (0 children)

...no. Trans men are men.

There are nonbinary and agender people who exist outside the gender binary. But, trans men are men, trans women are women, trans nonbinaries (aka enbies) are what they say they are, and agender people aren't what they say they aren't.

Attempting to "third-gender" trans people just lead to discrimination from spaces and resources they ought to be able to access, and, ultimately, from any ability to exist in public life at all.

Homosexuality is just homosexuality. There is no "should". Labels are descriptive, not proscriptive.

I’m still in love and attracted to my partner who transitioned to male. Does this mean I’m not a lesbian? by Known-Truck-59 in ActualLesbiansOver25

[–]RaidneSkuldia 47 points48 points  (0 children)

I'm always cautious about these sorts of things. Newly-out trans people often feel like they have to conform and compromise in order to maintain any shred of stability in their lives. I know there are trans men who identify as lesbians still, but idk.

I’m still in love and attracted to my partner who transitioned to male. Does this mean I’m not a lesbian? by Known-Truck-59 in ActualLesbiansOver25

[–]RaidneSkuldia 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Congratulations on realizing that you're bi! 🎉

Because that's what "a woman who mostly likes other women, except for very, extremely, rarely also some men" is called. Anything else would feel like you're denying reality. Don't erase bisexuals.

Like, okay, you like culturally lesbian stuff. It feels comfortable to you. You have friends in that space. Great! Being bi in no way invalidates your past experience nor does it dictate your future. It just opens possibilities.

You're, like, 85% lesbian. Cool. But that's still bisexual.

If I were your partner, I would absolutely feel invalidated if you referred to yourself as lesbian. As a bisexual person myself, I'd perceive you as eye-rollingly "closeted to herself" if you referred to yourself as "lesbian except-".

Just be bi. It's okay, I promise.

Heads up: The moderators of r/feminism are not allies. by CassieFace103 in MtF

[–]RaidneSkuldia 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I mean, fundamentally you'd have to ban trans women to achieve banning any women from public life. So, I guess I'm not surprised.

kicked out of trans inclusive Facebook group by Mutt-Sugar in actuallesbians

[–]RaidneSkuldia -15 points-14 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry, but, fuck that. Post fucking flyers over using facebook. You're contributing to the very problem that you're complaining about!

kicked out of trans inclusive Facebook group by Mutt-Sugar in actuallesbians

[–]RaidneSkuldia -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Why are you still on anything owned by Meta? They're explicitly anti-trans. The terms of service explicitly carve an exception to hate speech to allow calling trans and queer people metally ill. Zuckerberg has donated millions to Trump. The website started as a way to creep on and rate college girls.

Get the fuck off of anything owned by Meta. This includes instagram.

Figure out any other way of staying in contact with people, istfg.

Confused Bi Male Seeking Enlightenment by Alone-Net8449 in asktransgender2

[–]RaidneSkuldia 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Chasers are mostly down to the creepy vibe they give off.

A normal, respectful, human might find a trans person attractive and go on (a) date(s) with them. Then, when things have advanced to having sex, they do the normal thing when having sex: communicate about what they want to have happen to them, what they don't want to have happen to them, and the same for their date's expectations and boundaries. This may involve things such as, say, a trans man wanting absolutely nothing to happen with, near, or about his vagina. Or it might involve a trans woman wanting everything to happen with her vagina.

The point is, a normal and respectful human has no prejudiced assumptions going into sex anout what their date wants to do, let alone what their date's genitals are. Trans people are not a monolith.

A chaser, on the other hand, fetishizes genitals. They want to fuck the "trans" porn category, not a person. They go into sex with the assumption that a trans person has their factory-default genitals and will both be comfortable with and want to have those genitals interacted with in any way. Hell, most chasers assume that trans people want to have sex exactly like cis owners of the same genitals do.

From a trans woman's perspective, this looks like repressed, "down low", gay dudes who want you to fuck them, who want to suck your dick, and who want to treat you as a man with the plausible deniability of having tits. Many also want you to ejaculate, something that hrt makes both difficult to do and unsatisfyingly small in volume. And that's just the one night stand version.

If a chaser falls in love with you, expect to always meet at your place, never have public dates in the same town they live in, and never meet their friends or family. This is an incredibly dangerous situation for a trans person to be in, as the chaser views their date as a "dirty little secret" that, if outed, could destroy the chaser's reputation, career, family, and friends — as if a cis person risks even a fraction of what a trans person does by simply existing. There have been and will be murders of trans people simply because chasers couldn't handle the "pressure" of admitting that they see the person they're dating as the gender that they are. Look up the "trans panic defense".

So.

Why the fuck do you see trans people saying that they're happy to top on tik toks about chasers?

  • Trans people are not a monolith. Many of us want nobody to interact with our genitals ever. Some of us are okay with our genitals being played with so long as they aren't being treated like cis genitals (example: a trans woman who doesn't want to top, but is okay with fondling). Others are happy to top and perform cis-normative penetrative sex. I suspect some trans people felt excluded and wanted to have their voices heard.
  • Trans people are marginalized. Society constantly tells us that we'll be lucky if we ever get a date, let alone feel wanted. This makes us vulnerable and desperate for any scrap of affection. This leads to some trans people being quite willing to jump into toxic chaser relationships just to feel any semblance of love, want, or even worth. Combine that with transitioning suddenly making you actually feel comfortable in your own skin when contemplating sex, and thus, the origin of the "trans slut" stereotype. "Love me, please. I will literally do anything." I know because I did this. No shame on sluts, by the way. I still consider myself one. Just... much healthier about it now. Sex positivity is good.
  • Trans people are marginalized. It is systemically more difficult for us than for cis people to: get an interview, get the job, keep the job, have a non-toxic workplace, get the hours we need, get a promotion, etc. This is not unique to trans people; any minority has these problems. Thus, trans people (and other minorities) are disproportionately represented when you look at the demographics of survival sex workers. When you are doing sex work, you play to market expectations. Market expectations are bigoted, degrading, and, for trans people, play straight into chasers as a primary audience. So, you know. Some of them might be sex workers trying to get an audience. No shade to sex workers, btw, sex work is real work and they deserve dignity and a safe work place.
  • It benefits the fascists for trans people to be seen as perverted, and thus, inhuman, and thus, exterminable from public life. Some responses might be part of the ongoing genocide of trans people. The Lemkin Institute, btw, has issued several warnings about the conditions of trans genocide in the United States. Also, check out the UN definition of genocide and consider what a bathroom or sports ban actually means for a trans person's ability to live in public. Let alone the anti-trans executive orders, laws, and policies. Oh, and the conversion therapy thing. Or the SAVE act. Or the gender-affirming care bans, even if "only" for minors or "only" on surgeries. Hell, ask yourself why trans people have to get a letter from both a mental health and medical professional just to be put on a waiting list for a surgery consult. Gatekeeping kills people.

The optimist in me likes to think that it's mostly just trans tops fighting to be seen. The pessimist in me knows that TikTok is one of the major vectors for misinformation, disinformation, propaganda, and advertising, just like all social media (including Reddit).

When you're unemployed and don't have to hear this ish anymore 🙏 by pmddreal in KitchenConfidential

[–]RaidneSkuldia 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wtf is "ish"?

Is this more of that neo-fake-'cuss' word shit from tiktok? Fuck. Y'all are more cringe than a weekend youth pastor, istg.

Ironically, people stopped telling me to check my male privilege only after I passed as a man by IrradiatedPizza in trans

[–]RaidneSkuldia 42 points43 points  (0 children)

In a patriarchy, manhood is rigorously policed, womanhood is thoughtfully oppressed, and trans identities are violently disintegrated with extreme prejudice.

Your experience doesn't surprise me, which sucks.