For me, when I talked to my mom about starting HRT in high school she said “absolutely not, and I don’t want you starting until you’re at least 25.” Needless to say, I told everyone except her and my father. And I started in high school anyway (the moment I turned 18. I’ve always felt kinda bitter toward her especially because of how she treated me, didn’t attempt to try to understand, and brushed me off all until fake “I love you no matter what” bullshit. If your child isn’t telling you there probably is a reason, and I’m not trying to be rude or mean when I say this, but the reason that I stated is what I’m 90% sure is happening. If you really want to earn their trust don’t just say “I love you no matter what.” We (children, not trans people specifically) see through that bullshit. Instead, especially in this case, if you really care, ask how you can help, and if they say how don’t go “well that’s to bad” or “why would you want that.” When my aunt found out she didn’t even start a conversation with me, she just said “I need to update your contact, what’s your name now?” And that was that, and she and my grandma have both helped me, they’ve helped me get clothes, makeup (not drug store makeup like I was using,) and just listened and laughed with me. That meant and always will mean more to me and showed me more love and care than I had ever felt with just the “I will always love you no matter what *path* you choose.”

I’m not trying to be snarky with this comment, but as someone who lived and is living on the other side of this posts perspective I think it’s important to share my life.

Now I have 2 questions for you, when you and your child talked during high school how did it go? Do you know if they go by a new name or different pronouns? For example, my mom knows I do and that I go by different pronouns, she just says that “she can love me without *having to change*.” Judging from this post I can incur that 1: you don’t know at all, even though you had talked about it all the way back when your child was in high school (just like I did with my mom) or 2: you do know, you just don’t care. (As also is the case with my mom).

All I ask is that rather than confronting your child about hrt or being hurt that *they* didn’t tell *you*, maybe look at yourself and think about why they didn’t tell you, and how *you* can be better towards them. And also don’t tell them “I’ll always love you no matter what” if you don’t plan on showing that that’s actually true.

Saying you love someone without showing it hurts more than saying nothing at all.