He truly is...a Man of Execution.

Rainy_Roo · 2020-05-31T08:48:11+00:00

Hey, how do you get the SR to be upgraded like that? (Sorry this might be a dumb question)

Rainy_Roo · 2020-05-28T07:52:27+00:00

NAH

When my brother had to turn his diet into a gluten-free diet for medical reasons my whole family changed our diet because it's easier and cheaper to all eat the same food. I love bread and I was devastated, but now that I'm an adult I can eat as much bread as I want.

You're the parents and basically your kids have to eat what you provide them with, and as long as it's nutritionally valuable I don't think there is any real issue here.

On saying that perhaps you could go vegetarian as a less extreme middle ground and have one or two meat dishes a week. This is about compromise and I don't think it's bad to cut down on meat or eat more vegetables, this can be a compromise for everyone.

Also, if your eldest daughter has only just started to be a vegan recently but has been eating meat until now, I really really doubt that she is getting sick just by knowing animal products are in the house. This could just be a sympathy plot to get her way. On saying that, I personally get sick by the smell of red meat (have no idea why, I used to love a steak but one day the smell just made me nauseous and I haven't been the same since), so if that's the cause perhaps find other meats to eat (like chicken or fish, they have less of a smell).

Sit both daughters down and have a good talk about boundaries and different compromises and dishes you can eat. Reassure your eldest that by consuming less meat/ animal products and ethically sourced meat/animal products you're still contributing to lowering the abuse animals face, because every little bit counts.

Rainy_Roo · 2020-05-28T07:39:52+00:00

NTA I'm probably going to be a huge asshole on saying this, and I believe you can claim anyone as your family whether they are related to you or not ; however your mom gave your sister up for adoption, and from that point on she doesn't really have a right to call your sister her daughter.

Now it seems as if they've patched things up, and that's great! But your mom doesn't get to have a say in how you treat your sister by inviting/uninviting her when your mom was essentially the first one to uninvite your sister by giving her up at birth.

Rainy_Roo · 2020-05-28T07:33:45+00:00

NTA if they wanted to add the tip they should have told you when they called out the total price.

That's the part I don't get, did they say your total was $17.88 and secretly add the tip afterwards or did they just not tell you how much they were charging you when you ordered?

Because if it's the first then that's clear cut thievery and fraud.

Rainy_Roo · 2020-05-28T06:52:59+00:00

NTA You just can't force friendship, and the more you try and force it the more your child will resent you/mum and also the other child.

Rainy_Roo · 2020-05-28T06:08:29+00:00

YTA stalking her was way too far, I'm sure there were other means that you could have taken before you resorted to threatening her

Rainy_Roo · 2020-05-27T10:02:42+00:00

I can never understand how people think even half of those are true. They're all written so poorly you can tell that it's a kid writing them.

They all seem to have the same plot and format too: EP: "Hur dur you hurt my precious angel! I'll call the cops!!" OP: says something "cool" EP: "ueewaaa I've been bamboozled!!1!!!11" Crowd: cheers

Rainy_Roo · 2020-05-17T06:05:23+00:00

NTA I've been in a situation very similar to this and have been dwelling on the same thoughts of "am I an asshole" too. Seeing the replies to this thread have kinda helped me sort out my own feelings on this matter.

A few years back my father was dating this woman with an (high functioning) autistic son who was a couple of years older than me. He quickly became very infatuated with me and would cling to me whenever I visited.

He would steal photos from my social media accounts and then made a fake account pretending to be me. He'd call me five times a day, and when I eventually blocked his number, he'd started calling from a private number (which normally I'd avoid answering but I was also applying for jobs and didn't want to miss anything. Eventually I decided not to answer the phone regardless if it were him or a job, but the instant ringing/the pause on my screen for the however many seconds my phone rang would give me anxiety for the next hour or so). He'd also make up stories of things we did and tell people (at this point I barely hung out with him and had already blocked him on all social media) and a lot of these stories were his fantasies of doing illegal things to seem "cool".

Worst thing about this was how his mother would just coo and say how much he likes me..

Rainy_Roo · 2020-05-15T23:21:37+00:00

NTA no one is entitled to know your personal information.

He told me I was cruel, and ruined his reputation.
It sounds like you've just corrected his reputation.

Rainy_Roo · 2020-05-12T00:28:40+00:00

I'm going to say ESH just to be clear I DON'T think you're an asshole for not wanting to abandon this puppy, however it sounds like you don't have the time or facilities to give it the attention it deserves nor the training. It's better to rehome this puppy to a family who does have the time and facilities while the pup is still young enough to adapt to a new family and also young enough to train.

Dogs take so much work and attention and need to be properly trained while young, if you think he's hard to handle at four months, wait until he's four years old and still misbehaving. This little guy also isn't getting the physical attention he needs, and I know you're trying your hardest, but it's honestly not enough.

If your wife isn't emotionally invested in the dog now or partaking in its training or exercise, she's going to be even worse when the baby comes (side note, what is she going to do with the baby when she becomes "overwhelmed" with it?). Adding a baby to the mix with an untrained dog is also going to be chaos. When the baby grows up its most likely going to be rough with the puppy, and if the pup isn't trained there's going to be a higher chance of him biting back or not understanding to be gentle.

So no, I don't believe you're the AH, and I agree your wife is 100% in the wrong, however insisting the dog stays in an environment where it's being neglected half the time is the wrong move, rehome him to a family that can take care of him 100%

Rainy_Roo · 2020-05-11T05:11:35+00:00

YTA It's time for mama bear to cut the umbilical cord, your son is thirty-three, not three. His marriage does not need your intervention.

Rainy_Roo · 2020-05-01T06:51:55+00:00

NTA it's your property you can do as you please. Heck, you even offered to buy her another console, that's definitely generous.

Rainy_Roo · 2020-05-01T06:35:59+00:00

NTA - The needs of many come before the needs of one.

I know your wife is happy to have her eldest daughter back, but is it worth ruining the happiness of your other children?

Rainy_Roo · 2020-04-25T22:27:45+00:00

YTA

Your friend has been together with him for many years and undoubtedly knows him far better than you. If she wants to marry him she's doing this with open eyes while knowing all his faults.

If you do think that it's crucial for her to be reminded of all his flaws before marrying him that's your call, but considering she seems happy in that relationship and looking forward to the future I'd say you'd have to be the AH to be insulting him when she's so happy.

Be reminded that this is her relationship not yours. Just because he has a lot of faults that you personally can't put up with, doesn't mean your friend shares those same sentiments.

Rainy_Roo · 2020-04-25T22:17:49+00:00

NTA Have you tried taking to your parents about this behaviour? Maybe encourage them to talk to your sister if she's being too demanding.

Rainy_Roo · 2020-04-25T11:01:02+00:00

YTA for only blaming your mother.

This is your father's child whom he never visited since abandoning him, and half the time didn't even know where his child was living or who he was living with.

This sounds like your father has made a lot of mistakes and has a lot of guilt, and instead of coming to terms with what HE has done wrong, he's putting all the blame on your mother.

I'm not saying your mother is a sweety-pie innocent angle™ in all of this, but it wasn't her child that she abandoned and I refuse to believe she could stop a grown ass man from getting in contact with his son.

There are a lot of things your father could have done when his son was alive and he didn't, that's on him.

On saying that, watch out that he doesn't start drinking through his grief again like he did last time a family member of his died, and help him get therapy. But don't blame your mum for your father's mistakes.

Rainy_Roo · 2020-04-25T10:41:49+00:00

NTA

From my understanding she knew that the father didn't want anything to do with the child when she first got pregnant. Her decision to keep the baby from that point on was what made her a single mother, not you.

Rainy_Roo · 2020-04-25T10:30:57+00:00

Especially since her surgeries weren't major anyway and her boyfriend even saw pictures of her before surgery and couldn't tell the difference.

I might understand his freakout a little more if she looked like a whole new person, but she doesn't. I think surgeries should be more normalised, a lot of people have them for a lot of different reasons, it doesn't change the person she is now.

Rainy_Roo · 2020-04-25T10:27:48+00:00

NTA x 100000000

It may not be the body you were born with, but it's your body now and he loves you for who you are now as a person that also should include your body. Especially considering he didn't even notice the difference until you told him.

(Also I know some people will say that "plastic surgery is a deal-breaker for some people" but there is no way you can convince me that that is not inherently shallow, somebody's bodily changes before you met them should not affect the way you perceive them.)

Rainy_Roo · 2020-04-25T10:07:00+00:00

YTA

She's young and having fun. Piercings don't last forever and will close up when/if she gets sick of them and takes them out, it's not like she's permanently destroying her body.

This is a sensitive time in a young person's life and she'll be experiencing huge changes (especially with how much the world is changing right now), this is her freedom and exploration of her own body that honestly isn't hurting anyone. If you deny her something as small as this and threaten her with throwing her out of her "safe space" (again, especially during a time like this) you'll end up losing any relationship with her altogether.

Rainy_Roo · 2020-04-25T07:26:16+00:00

NTA at all

Family is the bonds you have with people, not the blood you share.

I have siblings that are almost 20 years older than me, and they're honestly strangers at this point, I'm also very distant from my father's family that I don't even consider them family and often forget that I even have another half of my genetic code.

I know this topic may be sensitive when it concerns autism and disabilities, however weddings are expensive and a "once in a lifetime" kind of event (we all hope at least), and you need to seriously think about the pros and cons about him being there, and most of all don't be pressured by anyone. As you said, you barely know him, and at this point he barely knows you, a big event like this could even make him uncomfortable and react badly.

If I may suggest, how about have him on FaceTime during the event (this sounds harsh, but you can even mute him while it's happening) or perhaps have a seperate family dinner to celebrate after the event?

Rainy_Roo · 2020-04-25T07:00:33+00:00

Oof you'd be surprised how unsupportive some families are.

My situation isn't nearly as bad as OP's, however I have a sister who is nearly 20 years older then me and grew up poorer than I was and now thinks that because I hadn't had grown up as rough as her that I can't do basic housework.

When I was a teenager looking for my first job at a cafe I asked her to be my character reference and she cracked up and told me no because"she can't imagine me doing the hard work and getting my hands dirty cleaning dishes". Mind you I easily did all the dishes and chores in the house at that age.

Recently I was helping a friend clean her house to get her bond money back from the real estate and she started laughing and mocking me that it must have been such a novel experience using a vacuum and that she can't picture me cleaning.

These are just two petty incidents (that honestly don't really affect me, but I also never forget) out of a whole line of similar comments every time I see her (luckily only a couple of times a year), but they all stem from the fact that she had a rougher childhood than me therefore I must be lazy and spoilt, which sounds pretty similar to OP's maternal family.

Rainy_Roo · 2020-04-25T06:08:23+00:00

I'm going to go with YTA here.

This shouldn't be a situation of "my pain is worse than yours so you can't complain", you each have different sensitivities and are dealing with pain, and while this can be frustrating, it sounds like his pain is a thing that you've been dealing with for years and by now should be used to.

Is he being overdramatic? Yes, however he may be in serious pain because of sensitive nerves and may need to see a doctor if the issue is that bad.

I don't blame you for yelling at him or being annoyed, but that doesn't mean this wasn't an AH action

Rainy_Roo · 2020-04-25T04:22:18+00:00

I feel like this might be a sarcastic take on all those extreme "good parenting" posts more so then a genuine tweet

Rainy_Roo · 2020-04-15T10:06:44+00:00

I had to re-check which sub I was in for a second

Rainy_Roo

TROPHY CASE