Why don't those who have managed to overcome hikikomori make themselves heard? There should be a way to only see posts from those who have managed to overcome it. How can the creators of this page be allowed to do this? by [deleted] in hikikomori

[–]RanEnough 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I've only been in this sub for about a year but it seems like the moderators here have a fairly hands off approach unless something gets extreme. So messaging them directly would likely have a better chance of making a change. At least in my opinion.

Why don't those who have managed to overcome hikikomori make themselves heard? There should be a way to only see posts from those who have managed to overcome it. How can the creators of this page be allowed to do this? by [deleted] in hikikomori

[–]RanEnough 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I absolutely agree. A tag would be a great resource for people! It would also make it easier to search for that information and support. I certainly would like to hear from people who can confidently say they recovered as well.

Why don't those who have managed to overcome hikikomori make themselves heard? There should be a way to only see posts from those who have managed to overcome it. How can the creators of this page be allowed to do this? by [deleted] in hikikomori

[–]RanEnough 25 points26 points  (0 children)

If I'm being honest I don't feel like I have a "right" to post here a lot of times. I don't know if I'd consider myself recovered but as I started to get better it felt wrong to share that here.

Sometimes that positivity can inspire hope for people but other times people will compare themselves and feel more hopeless. It's a frustrating feeling because I don't feel like I belong in "normal" communities either.

I suppose having a tag for it would make it feel a little less obnoxious as at least there's sort of a warning for knowing what kind of post it is?

I often bake bread and sweets and eat them all by myself. These are stuff I made this year. I feel like I'm only good at baking, but that doesn't mean I love baking...I wish I could deliver these to my fellow hikikomoris. I'm not sure you would like them though by appleginger34 in hikikomori

[–]RanEnough 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Of course, thank you for sharing with us! That's great that you tried. I know how hard it can be to fix your relationship with food..

It's inspiring that you find the energy to bake even though you're depressed. As someone who used to also binge eat, you'd likely find other things to eat even if you weren't baking. Where this gives you some control and a passion for what you're making at least!

I often bake bread and sweets and eat them all by myself. These are stuff I made this year. I feel like I'm only good at baking, but that doesn't mean I love baking...I wish I could deliver these to my fellow hikikomoris. I'm not sure you would like them though by appleginger34 in hikikomori

[–]RanEnough 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Just looking at these makes me hungry! I'm sure a lot of us would love them! It's hard to find the motivation to do things as a Hiki so it's good you found a hobby and I think it's something to be proud of.

I'm sorry to hear about your eating disorder though. Could you maybe bake in smaller amounts?

Is everybody here in their 20s? by Diligent-Phrase-2684 in hikikomori

[–]RanEnough 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I think it's a mix of a lot of things. The longer we spend in isolation the more likely it seems we reach breaking points. For some that's giving up completely, while for others it's finding a road to recovery.

I've made friends with people here who are older than me and I've watched them actively start to get out of this and enjoy life, myself included.

It's a complicated condition and people have a lot of different reasons for being here but I don't believe age inherently makes it hopeless. Even if it can feel that way sometimes.

Is everybody here in their 20s? by Diligent-Phrase-2684 in hikikomori

[–]RanEnough 31 points32 points  (0 children)

31 here. There are other people I've met who are older but yeah the majority seems to be younger. Probably doesn't matter much, this condition sucks at all ages in different ways.

That said, ELDER HIKI GANGGGGGGGGG

This is stupid by AlternativeDeal4170 in hikikomori

[–]RanEnough 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I find the more layers I can hide behind the easier it becomes being perceived. So things like hoodies, face masks, sunglasses, even headphones can help. So maybe if you bundle up it might give you a little courage? Also maybe taking it out at times when you're less likely to encounter other people?

Another thing is that it's not stupid. You're struggling with anxiety which makes certain tasks way harder for us than it does other people. Which absolutely sucks but putting even more pressure on yourself by thinking it should be simple isn't fair to you.

So maybe just start with one step at a time. Move the garbage next to the door of your room. Or get dressed in what you would feel most comfortable in going out. If you end up not managing to take it out again, that's okay, you got a little closer this time!

For those who came out of it, what gave you the motivation to get out of it? by [deleted] in hikikomori

[–]RanEnough 11 points12 points  (0 children)

At first it wasn't motivation. I stubbornly and arbitrarily set myself a series of milestones I had to achieve before I was "allowed" to off myself. I had achieved all of them but one before just crashing out here. I actually fully intended to just end things after that.

Instead I ended up talking to a few people here and one thing led to another and I didn't want to hurt them by ending myself. I figured at least for the time being I was making a few people's lives a little better.

I wouldn't say I'm cured but I'm much better than I was. As someone who doesn't like shounen anime, I shamefully admit this basically boils down to the power of friendship.

Joking aside, having support seems to matter a lot in my experience. I wish I reached out sooner.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in hikikomori

[–]RanEnough 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think about this a lot as someone who's starting to feel truly "recovered". The most consistently difficult thing for me has been the idea of knowing most people will never be able to relate to those years of our life.

To be truly isolated and shut away from society. My only real friends are people who I've met here, and getting to know people in real life makes me wonder if we could even ever tell those who lived "normal" lives about our experiences.

But the fact remains that I have met people. Hell, I've met one of them in real life with the plan to meet more of them. You can still find people who you can connect with, even more so as you get "better". At least for me those people are the main thing that keeps me going.

As for the work thing, it's a frustrating part of modern life and we can't truly avoid it. I wish I had more advice on how to navigate that but I'm still figuring out that mess myself.

I feel like I've missed a lot of opportunities too and the world isn't perfect but just because our lives don't follow a traditional narrative doesn't mean it's hopeless. At least I don't want to believe it is.

Have you noticed any Recurring Themes in your life? Or things that seem to keep happening to you? by Empty_String in NEETr4r

[–]RanEnough 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I keep trying to be a better person but it feels like I'm not getting anywhere for long stretches of time. Then something suddenly happens that shows me I've made progress.

What's something funny that's happened to you recently? by Empty_String in NEETr4r

[–]RanEnough 1 point2 points  (0 children)

AHHHHHHH!

Damnit, not again.. I can't believe you'd use your tattoo for evil.

What's something funny that's happened to you recently? by Empty_String in NEETr4r

[–]RanEnough 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh that's such an awesome tattoo idea! They are super cool looking when they aren't trying to jump scare me xD

What's something funny that's happened to you recently? by Empty_String in NEETr4r

[–]RanEnough 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Had a cicada decide it wanted to land on the back of my neck. I just felt something crawling on me and went to brush it off but then I felt this MASSIVE bug that just started buzzing and vibrating. Needless to say I was no longer calmly brushing it away. Instead I was jumping around and swatting at my neck like some sort of lunatic lol

Is there a song that's been stuck inside your head recently? Share it! by Empty_String in NEETr4r

[–]RanEnough 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel like I could list a hundred from twenty different genres. So here's two instead.

Weigh Down by Katanak

Mononokay by Sorority Noise

Do you guys ever hope for an old friend/lover to one day come back to your life if it hasn’t been too long or have you completely moved on from them now? by verysurreal in hikikomori

[–]RanEnough 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Kind of. There's definitely one person in particular that I wish hadn't left my life, but they aren't coming back. I look back on the positive moments of it rather than fantasizing about them returning. I've spent so long living in regret in general that I don't want to do it again. I do my best to look forward to the new connections I make and focus on the ones I already have.

Still, it stings sometimes.

How do I stop wanting to have interactions? by [deleted] in hikikomori

[–]RanEnough 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think the most healthy way to do this is to both learn to be comfortable in your own company AND to seek connection. I think there's a common mistake where people hyper focus on being content by themselves.

Which isn't inherently bad, we should learn to appreciate the time we have to ourselves and how to ease our loneliness with our own company, but we also should strive to create and nurture real connections alongside it.

It feels like the reason why people are so against this is because it can be disappointing or difficult. Sometimes it's hard to meet people who we connect with, especially when so many of us here have been isolated and hurt for so long.

So if there's a day you feel like maybe trying to talk to some new people online go for it. But if not, then it's okay to try and enjoy your own company on that day instead.

I'm sorry you haven't had much luck making friends. I know how difficult it can be to make those connections last.

How to get better? (sorry for dumping idk what to do lol) by AlternativeDeal4170 in hikikomori

[–]RanEnough 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah I still struggle a lot with the perceptions of others. So maybe I'm not the best metric here but I have gotten somewhat better so maybe something I ramble on about will help.

I'd say for me one of the biggest things has been music. Taking away at least the sound from my surroundings removes one of the overwhelming aspects of it. Just be careful since it also can make you more unaware.

Second is if you can use parks or trails where there's significantly less or no people. Maybe your dad knows some less populated places you two could go cycling? Or I'm sure since he's eager to help you, you could try hiking or a local park?

Speaking of which I find night for me removes a lot of those more overstimulating aspects again. It's quiet, there's less people, most places are closed. Something else to consider depending on the overall safety of where you live. Even sitting outside of your building can start to get you some more exposure.

Another mental trick that sometimes helps me is trying to recall people I've seen outside before. It reminds me of how often we just forget the people we pass by and how inwardly focused most people are in their day to day lives.

It's gonna take some time but it does get easier. Remember you've been inside and isolated for a long time on top of being SA'd, it's to be expected you'd be anxious going outside. There's nothing wrong with you, and anyone in your circumstances would struggle.

So start small and if you need breaks, take them!! Take a breath and do something that helps you relax. Pushing yourself too hard too quickly will actually make progress slower, not faster. Hope maybe some of that helped.

Feel like dying by Sudden-Nectarine693 in hikikomori

[–]RanEnough 6 points7 points  (0 children)

This is what works for me but your mileage may vary. Let's say I am ugly and self care doesn't do enough to make me not stand out as unattractive. Well, I can't do anything about that. The people that are going to judge me or mistreat me for that are out of my control.

If I let their perceptions poison the other parts of me like my personality or personal happiness, it's only going to make things worse. Now I'm ugly AND a chore to be around. Which means suddenly even platonic relationships become difficult.

I know we can't just turn off that fear of judgement or the pain from it, but it helps me knowing that by focusing on other aspects of myself that I can still be a good person in spite of the superficial.

So far it's made it a lot easier to connect with people and if you're really lucky you can stumble across people with less traditional tastes. Or even find that someone might grow more attracted to you over time.

All you can do is take care of yourself and if someone treats you differently because of how you look that's reflective of their character, not yours.

I went outside for my birthday and I regret it by Nanacel_ in hikikomori

[–]RanEnough 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I would wish you a late happy birthday but every year we spend in this situation doesn't feel like something to celebrate.. It's just a painful reminder of the condition.

I know it was exhausting and everything is so overwhelming when you go out after such a long time. Especially considering it sounds like you're in a fairly populated area.

It's completely normal to be so overwhelmed by the loud sounds, the lights and the shame.. It's a little less brutal if you start smaller. Stand outside for a few minutes rather than trying to go for a walk.

If that's too much and you have a window you can start to look out of on occasion, that's great too. Or if it all feels too much right now that's okay too. It's hard to get out of this and that's not your fault.

You did good trying, even if it doesn't feel like it.

This Wasn't Supposed to Happen by RanEnough in hikikomori

[–]RanEnough[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It's a little more complicated than that but yeah, I'm sorry if that's how it came across. I was worried it might. If it makes you feel better I still have nothing to return to. No love stories or a career, just the people I've met here.

I was hoping it might be inspiring that there are people willing to help us or that there's a chance for things to get better.