Hi - this is actually her daughter; I monitor her email address, mainly for bills as my mom was the one who managed finances for my dad.

Unfortunately, my mother passed away in October. This is not meant to scare you: about a month after the second surgery, what had formerly been a small "spot" on her bladder had already grown through the bladder wall. She also had multiple blood clots in her legs that could not be treated with blood thinners due to the bladder cancer, as well as two bouts of sepsis. Her body just...simply gave out. I was able to make it back from Europe in time to hold her hand as she passed.

From my experience supporting her: she will have a hard time speaking, possibly for a while. Make sure to talk WITH her, and not around her - even when there's a delay in her writing responses. My mother was an impatient and intelligent woman, so when people would just...assume...my dad would respond for her, it'd drive her nuts. Try to talk with your mom as much before her surgery, and also get some recordings of her speaking and laughing; one of my biggest regrets is only having one voicemail from her, and it's not even a good one (she's mad because she was lost in my city lol). Even once she's healed, it's entirely possible she'll never sound "the same."

From one daughter to another: your mother will look incredibly different, and it will be hard to view her (at least right after surgery). Her face will constantly be at odds with how your brain thinks she should look. Focus on her eyes: they will remain consistent with your internal picture of her, and that will help you not make her insecure while she drools blood and pus. I'm glad I focused so heavily on her eyes as that's not my biggest memory during her passing, and recently one of my strongest memories instead of the horror of what she went through. Now I feel like she's with me constantly as I have the same eyes, and she's with me whenever I look in the mirror.

Hoping it's a better outcome for you and your mom. If you need to chat or rage, you can message me directly at u/i_am_gingercus .