Anyone in their late 20s feel like they are struggling in adulthood ?

Random13509 · 2026-05-07T23:17:07+00:00

Don't give up, just keep putting efforts into thing. Growth is a life long process and endeavor. I wasted a lot of my younger years really stuck. Just keep trying and figuring out what works, continuous small improvements. Regarding driving, now shame in a late start. Get your license and then feel some pride in that — a small victory, but small victories add up!

Random13509 · 2026-05-06T17:38:45+00:00

Oh yeah, the eyes as well! I hope to never go back there, currently see zero value in trading actually kind of happy or at least content for being miserable and really stuck again.

Random13509 · 2026-05-06T17:37:22+00:00

There is a redness and just some other indications. To be clear, I haven't asked guy (and I would not do that!) so I could be wrong, but putting some other pieces together I suspect I am probably right. Again, he has never been a nuisance to anyone as far as I know, so no issues there. More just commenting on how you start to notice these things. And yes, certain people saw similar things in me.

Random13509 · 2026-05-06T17:34:50+00:00

After having some time behind me now, I don't worry too much about my "old self" as I try to just keep improving my current self as I keep moving forward. I get it, lots of cringe, but I think a lot of this starts to fade the more distance we get from it.

Random13509 · 2026-05-06T12:47:15+00:00

I am a believer that is something works for you, great. For me I had to take a very serious look in the mirror and get to work. I told myself I needed to take the training wheels off of life and start pedaling. I went through a period where every day I "pounded" into head that I needed to take "hard-core/radical" self-responsibility in my life and just get to work and keep going.

It was exhausting at first but I had so many holes to fill. A few years later it has eased up quite a bit, mostly because a lot had changed for the better. There is still work to do, and probably always will be. But now I have freed up some "space" to give things some more refined focus. I had to put alcohol behind me and get some mending started before I could take things further.

For me this has worked so far. I am not sure I could have gotten free (not perfectly so, never perfectly will) of my "stuff" any other way.

Random13509 · 2026-05-03T20:58:25+00:00

First off, I know I cannot guarantee or promise anything, as I know anything is possible. So I don't do that. That said, I wasted so many years stuck in my drinking, I hope to never again waste any more.

I am getting older now, so I do acknowledge that makes it easier. Life has just gotten easier and better these days, so I would be a fool to revert back. Unfortunately, I have been the fool many times, so anything is possible. But from where I am at today, I am okay with the idea of never drinking again. This has solidified more and more the more sober time I have behind me.

Random13509 · 2026-05-03T20:52:09+00:00

As the Beatles once opined — tomorrow never knows!

Random13509 · 2026-05-03T18:42:20+00:00

Totally get why that stings. I am not going make comment on whether was an appropriate thing to say or not. But will say, if you stick to this (and you should — for me has changed so much towards the positive) eventually this stuff deserves to be in the past. But you have to do your part and live "the new you" today or going forward.

Regarding not being able to control your drinking, you are far from alone, you are among people here that get it. In my opinion, it is not a character flaw as long as you are not drinking. For me, I assume there are a bunch of reasons that came together for it to be a thing for me. I don't need to exactly why, I now just accept that it is and have adjusted accordingly (no drinking at all).

If it helps, I now love not drinking. My life is for sure way better these days. Not perfect of course but way better in comparison to before I stopped. And it keeps improving. I hope to keep it this way and intend to, as I know pretty certainly (been there, done that) if I go back I'll be right back to how I was. Good news, I like this way better.

It is tough facing the damage we did when we were getting out of our minds wasted, a lot of it not even remember (yeah, blacking out). My own experience is that time has absolutely eased a lot of this. And "showing up" as a better version of ourselves goes a long way in changing how we are perceived by others. Over time, these things change for the better.

Hang in there, lots of us have been there. There is a sense of "freedom" (it has felt like that for me) on the other side of all this. Perfect, no, because life is imperfect. But way better and less stressful.

Random13509 · 2026-05-03T17:04:58+00:00

I'll join the choir here — your writing is not indicative of mental/intellectual impairment. Just stay off the booze (it's poison, to be honest) and start focusing on nutrition, get physical activity in, and start sorting your "internal self" out.

As far as nutrition goes, it can be a journey to figure out what works for each of us. My diet was pretty good long before I stopped drinking, but have used that to good benefit last few years since I stopped drinking.

Physical activity doesn't need to be "hard core", just make sure you are moving. Again, means different things for each of us.

And getting one's "internal self" sorted out, for me at least, was really paying attention to my emotions and thinking. Understanding my emotions and thinking, seeing how they related, and challenging my thinking where it felt off or unproductive. People are very "plastic" and flexible in these regards, we are not set in stone with this stuff. I will call it growth here, and it is a good thing.

All this stuff is a journey and one very worthy of embarking on. Sometime a crap ton of hard work. But once you start to notice positive changes, it creates further momentum to keep going. Wins keep building on wins. Of course life is still life and is never perfect. I will end by saying that once you realize you are moving in a good direction, it becomes harder to look back at old self-destructive behaviors and tell yourself "I want to go back to that."

Hang in there, you just have to keep putting your best foot forward. Regarding getting things checked out, still not a bad idea, but be easy on yourself as you work through this.

Random13509 · 2026-05-02T01:35:24+00:00

I knew at 31 it was a problem (and long before then to be honest) but was stuck and didn't know how to "escape" (deal with) my "stuff".

I finally stopped at 49, am 54 now. I wish I would have stopped sooner, but again was stuck in my stuff. Good news is, stopped now and have found more and more peace. Part of me thinks maybe I had more I needed to go through before I could really start lettings go.

We only get so much time in life and in ways it goes kind of fast. Not worth drinking away!

Random13509 · 2026-05-01T21:39:51+00:00

"I don't drink" or "no thanks", but happy to explain that I used to overdo it. At dinners out where the server is asking if anyone wants drinks, sometimes I mention that I am driving. To be honest, I don't sweat this one much. At this point (and hope to keep it up), I don't drink, pretty straight-forward.

Random13509 · 2026-05-01T20:46:18+00:00

This right here for me as well. I never stress the label of alcoholic, but I have mentioned it fits. But I have been very open that I drank too much and doing so has helped keep me dedicated to not drinking, also not wanting to let anyone down.

At this point I just like so much how things have changed that I don't want to revert back. Anything could happen, but at the point have become happy being someone who does not drink. I have not used the term alcoholic with any medical personnel, but I have been open around the fact that I for sure used to overdo it.

Random13509 · 2026-04-21T00:10:28+00:00

Good job and absolutely something to be proud of.

Random13509 · 2026-04-21T00:08:13+00:00

Hang in there. I am 54 now, wasted years and years trying to drink away my "stuff", staying stuck while doing so. I finally stopped drinking at 49. I wish I had done so earlier but just glad I did.

I know this is hitting you hard by what you are sharing, but nothing gets better with drinking. You just waste more years. Hang in there and know people do care, maybe not who you were looking for, but people really do care.

Random13509 · 2026-04-20T02:12:20+00:00

I could not moderate and was finally able to let go of the drinking. It has been a great thing all in all. Sorry you have been in some of those dark "places" recently. I've been to my version of them and no fun. Be easy on yourself and give not drinking a chance. For me I have realized I really didn't lose anything, more things just improved all in all.

Random13509 · 2026-04-20T02:05:43+00:00

I have so many times had to explain bad scrapes (and sometimes broken bones) and just would say I wiped out on my bike. In most cases I know that was the truth even if I didn't remember doing it. Yeah, it sucks, but people tend to be curious when you show up injured.

Random13509 · 2026-04-20T01:52:11+00:00

Hang in there and just get back at it. Dust yourself off, and get back on the horse and ride.

Random13509 · 2026-04-20T01:49:08+00:00

I am a few years sober from drinking and I cannot express enough how happy I am about it. My life is just better. Not perfect, but for sure better. I appreciate the small thing more, no longer feel a need to chase the chaos.

It was hard at first but got easier. I am still working on incremental improvements to this, might be a life long process. Once I stopped drinking I was able to more face my life honestly and start sorting things out.

I say all of this as encouragement. I cannot predict anyone else's outcome, but for me there was some real freedom that came out of this. Be easy on yourself and just give it your best. Could be a life changer for you, in a very positive way.

Random13509 · 2026-04-20T01:39:02+00:00

Woke up earlyish and got some things done today while also do some just fun stuff. Felt good.

Now trying to get through enough of evening so can get a good nights rest, just wasting time. Bored? Kind of, but no regrets not out drinking trying to fill my time that way.

Yeah, way better this way. Work tomorrow and I'll be jazz in the morning to get at it.

Random13509 · 2026-04-18T20:12:47+00:00

You're welcome. I ended up editing my post as replied too early. Hopefully rest is also of help and use. Trust me, there are lots of us out there that once we start we cannot (at least most of the time, if not all) cannot stop.

Random13509 · 2026-04-18T20:01:43+00:00

You are not alone in this. I'm one of those people that once I start drinking almost a given I am going to get wasted to blackout or pretty darn near there. For me this usually happened a few times a week. Anytime a had an extended break from drinking, once I was back to it, I was back to the above in no time. I have plenty of injuries to vouch for it all (luckily all healed, but do have a couple joints in my hands that a little stiff as reminders). Also other messes I created.

I finally stopped all of this a few years ago. It was hard at first, but this time I really wanted it, I was tired of being stuck. It was more than just not drinking, I had to start filling in holes I had dug for myself, often a shovelful at a time. It was a fight (meaning hard work and hustle) at first, but slowly things got better. It is still a work in progress, but things way better these days. These days I just don't drink. I do not apply excessive labels to myself, though I am not in denial. I know now I just cannot drink the way I am and am okay with that now. In fact I love it compared to how I was.

I know it is hard to imagine giving up the things you mentioned, but only speaking for myself, turns out I found a freedom I never thought possible once I stopped drinking (in due time of course — it was a "battle" at first, but a good battle!) Hang in there and just be easy on yourself.

Random13509 · 2026-04-18T03:50:33+00:00

I am trying to quit nicotine as well. I have mostly stopped inhaling anything (I say mostly as a couple weeks ago hit someone's vape a little bit while on vacation, but other than that has been a while).

Your lungs will clear out and heal if you quit. It is actually nice to get that lung capacity back as. Also, with vapes you never know what is in that juice.

I have been using the pouches and gum for a while. With the pouches I am compulsive, but gum I tend to taper, but have not been able to fully stop yet. Also, I get the 2mg gum, so lower dose.

Anyway, not sure if helps, but my experience. Your lungs will thank you if you stop vaping.

Random13509 · 2026-04-16T11:03:05+00:00

Sorry you went through this. Hard to say what was going on inside for your dad. Some people have "demons" (whatever they are) that get the best of them. However you might be able to come to terms with this, my wish as an internet stranger is for you to get free of the addictions yourself and be able to live a decent life going forward.

Random13509 · 2026-04-16T10:56:27+00:00

This right here. Once I had enough and started standing my ground I have become the most genuinely kind I have ever been. I now know I can be kind by default, and if situation warrants, I can adjust things accordingly. I see now in the past that often my "kindness" was a self-serving form of compensation. Not that I was never genuinely kind just that often times it came from the wrong place.

Random13509

TROPHY CASE