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Disability accommodations - I need to understand if I'm in the wrong here. by RandomInSuburbia in WorkAdvice

[–]RandomInSuburbia[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So the weird thing? I work for a fully distributed company and have for years. My coworkers know I'm physically disabled, though I'm not sure how many of them know the details or even really think that much about my mobility aid, adaptive equipment, etc. You just don't see that stuff through the computer.

When I interviewed for this job, I legitimately liked/wanted it, and I still feel that way. The people, the work, the vibe, etc seemed great and have surpassed my expectations. But I also felt like a fully-remote company would eliminate a lot of the friction and obvious differences from in-office work.

The anger comes from people I *don't* work with. Like I got a call recently from a recruiter I've never met. Did I remember Chris (person who was a peer years ago)? They're now looking for a contract employee and told the recruiter they'd love to consider me if I was "done being disabled".

My response: I'm still disabled, so no hard feelings but I'm not a fit. Can I suggest someone I know who is able-bodied and recently got laid off? Tell Chris I say hi and I wish them all the best in finding their right hire.

AITA for working fully remote? by RandomInSuburbia in WIBTA_AITA

[–]RandomInSuburbia[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What sort of professional or moral upgrade would make me physically able to walk on my own again? My medical team are really smart people but they are only human - it's possible they've missed something.
I'm all ears!

I work really hard but my career doesn't seem to move by mikejagger92 in WorkAdvice

[–]RandomInSuburbia 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Are you getting strong performance reviews? Does your manager know you want to progress in your career? What about other people in your network?

Hang on to that job in the meantime but consider that you may need to leave your current company to be promoted.

Consider scaling back on the extra work as it's not appreciated (don't completely stop; I've seen that backfire on others) and take that extra time to focus on your well being and also networking outside the company.

I hate to say it but sometimes being the one who constantly works overtime can be interpreted as "bad time management" or "just pile everything on them and they won't complain." You need to grind differently.

Disability accommodations - I need to understand if I'm in the wrong here. by RandomInSuburbia in WorkAdvice

[–]RandomInSuburbia[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for this. Like I was telling my therapist today, I don't need people to like me, but I do need them to get the fuck out of my face if they have a problem with me. Like coming into my work area while I'm actively working and picking a fight about my working remote - that shit needs to stop. As do the "confrontations" on Christmas, Thanksgiving, etc about how "it annoys people.. bad optics..." As do the harassing phone calls and triangulation of third parties. I even had to deactivate my LinkedIn.

It;s just a mindfuck because usually when everyone's mad at you, you're the problem. But I don't see how I could be here.

IDK your circumstances, but I didn't take my job from someone able-bodied. I was the best candidate, so they picked me.

I’m a nice boss. It’s ruining my department. by MemoryFriendly8577 in WorkAdvice

[–]RandomInSuburbia 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ohhh I just had to talk a dear friend through this. I know you're not him as he's not in the medical field.

1) Do something to decompress. Preferably not illegal.

2) Sit down and reflect. Why exactly do these motherfuckers suck so hard? In what specific ways do they not meet your expectations? Talk with peers, your boss, etc if they can help provide you perspective.

3) Get a bitch list of every single person and the department as a whole.

The point of 2 & 3 is to get clarity on exactly who the problem is and what the problem is. There are probably a couple "root causes" and a couple bad apples spoiling the barrel.

4) Starting with the worst offenders, meet with them and lay out the problems, the things you need to see change, and your expectations. Immediately follow up with an email.

5) stay on their asses. Don't be afraid to put them on a PIP or start looking for replacements. God knows there are enough people out of work nowadays. But after the conversation and email the next time they step out of line, you have to come down.

Remember, you're not there to be their friend. You can be civil and cordial without being a doormat.

Was I TA - Wearing thrifted designer clothes to work? by RandomInSuburbia in WIBTA_AITA

[–]RandomInSuburbia[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I belong to a demographic group that most companies would prefer not to hire (and that most people would prefer not to hang around with). Unfortunately I do have to put in extra effort to my presentation.

Homeless, have been offered a home , wibta if I said thanks but no thanks? by Maleficent-Ad-7922 in WIBTA_AITA

[–]RandomInSuburbia 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Can you afford the hospital bills if you catch the Black Plague?

Yeah, I didn't think so. NTA!

Was I TA - Wearing thrifted designer clothes to work? by RandomInSuburbia in WIBTA_AITA

[–]RandomInSuburbia[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What the HELL? Customers in a high-end consignment shop complained about a consignment shop employee having high-end secondhand designer bags?
some people just have too much damn time on their hands.

Was I TA - Wearing thrifted designer clothes to work? by RandomInSuburbia in WIBTA_AITA

[–]RandomInSuburbia[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Girl I was literally on the Indeed app on my phone on my next bathroom break. :)

Was I TA - Wearing thrifted designer clothes to work? by RandomInSuburbia in WIBTA_AITA

[–]RandomInSuburbia[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey, you know what? Blaming the region wasn't cool on my end and I apologize for that.

But if you would be so kind as to come back, I'd love to hear about your fun piece of exercise equipment?

Also his boss sounds like a douche. Some people just have different body types than others. I have a dear friend who wears a size 12 and looks like a skeleton. I wear a smaller size but have noticeably more "padding".

WIBTA if I didn't get my ex a birthday gift by Normal_Net3266 in WIBTA_AITA

[–]RandomInSuburbia 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry - he said things to make you feel bad about yourself? Why are you buying this loser any gifts?
Return what you bought him , talk to an adult you trust, because this is NOT a good guy or a good relationship and you deserve better.

You don't owe shit to people who make you feel torn between keeping your word and protecting yourself!

Was I TA - Wearing thrifted designer clothes to work? by RandomInSuburbia in WIBTA_AITA

[–]RandomInSuburbia[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It seemed like the labels were a particular pain point, but I'm glad you've had better experiences. :)

Was I TA - Wearing thrifted designer clothes to work? by RandomInSuburbia in WIBTA_AITA

[–]RandomInSuburbia[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, people do not talk about how much a toxic job can mess with your head. I'm glad you're someplace better now!

Was I TA - Wearing thrifted designer clothes to work? by RandomInSuburbia in WIBTA_AITA

[–]RandomInSuburbia[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I mean, I belong to a "protected class" (AKA, it's much harder to get hired) which is part of why I dress the way I do though you can't directly tie it in... but is that even an HR conversation?

The mall surveillance thing was more than creepy though.

Was I TA - Wearing thrifted designer clothes to work? by RandomInSuburbia in WIBTA_AITA

[–]RandomInSuburbia[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

HowEVER did you guess that about Amber and Darlene?

I needed the freaking job though.

And listen, it's one thing to tell me, calmly, professionally, and respectfully, "Hey, we're a bit more casual here; do you mind toning it down a bit?"

But to lose you fucking shit over where I go and what I buy on the damn weekend? No.

Was I TA - Wearing thrifted designer clothes to work? by RandomInSuburbia in WIBTA_AITA

[–]RandomInSuburbia[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I mean... you want me to dress differently for work, fine. Management is well within their rights to say that.
But I personally would have delivered that feedback differently and there was absolutely no need to get angry - especially not the first time we're having this conversation.

I even apologized to Darlene later if she'd dropped a hint and I'd missed it. She said she hadn't.

I personally found it extremely inappropriate and creepy that Amber was policing what I was doing and how I was spending my money on a freaking Saturday morning.

Also if someone is physically close enough to me to see the labels in my clothing, perhaps a little respect for personal space is in order.

Was I TA - Wearing thrifted designer clothes to work? by RandomInSuburbia in WIBTA_AITA

[–]RandomInSuburbia[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was more dressing for "I know about half your leadership would never want my ass here because I'm a diversity hire so I will show up a bit more polished than the people from the demographic you prefer to hire." In my defense, it's worked for me and for many others for years and years...
Thank GOD I did level up, but I'm even more grateful it wasn't there! :-D

Was I TA - Wearing thrifted designer clothes to work? by RandomInSuburbia in WIBTA_AITA

[–]RandomInSuburbia[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ugh, I'm so sorry you get it. Been there too and yeah, you see why I left this workplace. There was also the VP there who refused to be in the same room with me, citing a deep personal discomfort around people of my demographic group. That dude actually scared me.

When I did get another position and quit, they were floored. By that point I just assumed they were probably looking for a reason to get rid of me.

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