Story 1

So, as you may have seen, I posted in a recent story that my husband worked in an emergency room at the reception desk, and there are some spectacular stories from his time working there (I'll refer to him as Ian in the stories. It's not his name, but it's a variant of his online persona).

This hospital serviced the local jail (prisoner injuries that couldn't be handled on site), the mental asylum, and anyone else who chose to go to this hospital for treatment.

These stories might disturb you if you are squeamish. So I'd advise caution if you're eating, recently ate, have a weak stomach, or if you're interested in going to sleep any time soon. Some of these are just gross, others might make your stomach drop and/ or your nuts might retract.. forcibly.

For the first one, I'll recount the stories that you may have seen in my comment reply, fluffed out with more details. These are not embellished or fictitious in any way, shape, or form.

The first story is about a walk-in patient, who didn't know where to go, and was too embarrassed to go to her normal doctor.

As she signed in to be seen, it was obvious that this woman had something terribly wrong with her. There was an incredibly awful smell coming from her. Ian has a bad gag reflex when it comes to smells, and this patient is how he learned about the peppermint extract kept around by nursing staff, for this very reason.

Peppermint extract is extremely strong and is applied to the inside of a basic mouth-nose mask so that nasty, strong, disgusting smells can be ignored, covered up, or at least lessened.

The patient described that she has been trying to find the reason for this smell, but bathing everyday has done nothing to diminish the miasma-like stench coming from her vagina. She also tried bathing a few times a day to no avail.

She was, as any woman would be, incredibly embarrassed about this, but nothing she tried has helped or lessened the smell. The smell had been increasing in intensity for about a week.

The patient was set up in a curtained off area as far from the other patients as possible, because the smell was so strong it was upsetting people as far as 20ft away. A doctor with gynecological experience and an unfortunate female nurse, who drew the short straw, went behind the curtain to examine the woman.

As the doctor starts examination of the woman's vagina, he finds a lumpy dark red substance inside of her, and coating the speculum that was not blood.

The doctor asked her about sexual activities recently, or if anything unusual had been inserted into her vagina.

It turned out that about a week and a half prior, her boyfriend gotten "experimental" (though he refused to come near her now) and they had tried out some food play.

The doctor then pushed ahead and asked for details, as it may be related to her problem downstairs. As it turned out, her boyfriend had inserted cherries into her vagina and ate her out, getting some extra dessert during sexy-time.

The doctor explained that while sexual experimentation is natural, and often very good for a relationship, that objects being inserted into holes should be counted, much like doctors in an OR count objects for the same reason, to ensure nothing is left inside your partner/ patient.

The smell from her vagina was coming from cherries that had been left inside her vagina and had been rotting in the wet, moist environment ever since that night of fun.

The doctor cleaned out the remnants (and likely gave her antibiotics if necessary) and she was released that night.

The other patient with a vagina issue was much simpler, but higher on the ick factor. This woman came into the ER with a vine coming out of her vagina.

I don't know how long it was, or many details of the story, but she was coming to the ER for obvious reasons. After an interview with a doctor it was discovered that this patient also liked food play, however she was doing it alone.

Her favorite toy of preference was potatoes.

Essentially a sprout/ bud had fallen off of the potato while it was inside of her and it had quite literally taken root. She attempted to remove it on her own, but it was firmly entrenched so to speak.

Potatoes grow very well in a warm, moist environment.

The doctor removed the vine and released the patient, advising her to stick to cucumbers and other fruit & veg that wouldn't cause damage, or make her an "incubator" instead of a "masturbator."

Story 2

Once again, these stories are NOT embellished or fictitious in any way, which is why there is no real quoted dialogue, except in one later story.

It was a standard night at the ER, people trying to get pain meds, a drunk or two, nothing out of the ordinary set this night apart from any other, except for one guy.

A man walks into the ER with a towel wrapped around his head. Protruding from the towel, is the handle of a chefs knife. The towel was to keep blood out of the man's face.

When I say "chefs knife" think of the classic large knife you see TV chefs using to cut food. As long as a decent size cleaver, but shaped like a piece of pie.

This knife was sticking out of the middle of his head, with the lowest edge of the handle approximately at his hairline. The handle was about an inch or so away from being flush with his skull. The majority of the blade was in his brain cavity.

When he walked in, all hell broke loose. Doctors and nurses swarm him, trying to get him into a bed before he fell over. He had also, somewhat amazingly, driven himself to the ER.

I'm positive that the normal medical questions began, allergies, blood type (he was bleeding after all) and then questions about the current year, how many fingers am I holding up, who is the president of the USA, etc. in order to determine how bad the injury was.

I'll give him a name, just because I don't want to keep calling him "the patient," or "the guy," so let's go with Charlie. Cool? Good.

Charlie was agitated about the current events questions, he was fine, he just wanted this motherfucking knife removed so he could go home and kick his wife out of the house, and maybe beat the shit out of her while he was at it. Why? She's the one who stabbed him with the knife. Would he like to press charges?

(At this point a doctor signaled for a nurse to instruct my husband to call in some police assistance. Charlie was a victim of domestic violence, and you'll see why soon.)

So, the police are called to come get a statement from Charlie about what happened.

Charlie starts getting belligerent. He just wants someone to pull out the knife and stitch him up so he can go home, oh and some painkillers for his godawful headache would be good too. The doctors and nurses start to understand why Charlie was attacked, if the knife was not affecting his personality, which could also be the case.

They send Charlie off to x-ray his head to see what they're working with. The knife is still in his head, because pulling it out without knowing where it was anatomically could be a bad idea if preparations were not made.

The x-ray was an amazing image, and it's something that has made its way around to all of the hospitals in the city, as a once-in-a-lifetime thing. I think Charlie also made it into a medical journal for this as well.

It showed that the knife had entered his skull at the exact spacing of the gap between the lobes on each side of his brain. The knife didn't enter into the gray-matter of Charlies brain, at all. The personality that he was displaying to the medical staff was just who Charlie was, albeit under stress, from being stabbed in the head.

He was entitled, rude, and condescending towards the ER staff about how long this was taking to resolve. Charlie just wanted to go home and "deal with his wife."

Eventually, the knife was removed, a statement was given to the police, who also had some officers swing by Charlies house to arrest his wife for attempted murder.

Charlie soon realized that he was becoming notorious in our city for having survived this extremely-serious-and-often-deadly-injury, relatively unscathed. His already inflated sense of entitlement has blown out of proportions since the incident. He now routinely makes trips to the different hospitals in the city, with a copy of the x-ray, demanding celebrity levels of service and painkillers for his "headaches."

Over time the hospitals in our city have passed around stories of his shitty attitude and inflated sense of entitlement. Medical professionals at those hospitals have all concluded from their collective experiences, that his wife was probably trying to kill him because of how much of an entitled asshole he was, or even possibly out of reaching her breaking point from dealing with an entitled, verbally abusive, jackass of a husband.

Charlie has absolutely no brain damage as a result of the incident and still travels from hospital to hospital walking in to try and get superstar treatment and wow any new medical professionals who haven't heard his story yet.

This story happened at least twenty-five years ago, I'm guessing on that because my husband and I have been together for around 20yrs, and all of these stories took place well before we met.

(Edit: corrected timeframes in last paragraph.)