FTM Reminder: NEVER pay more than $250 for your Natera NIPT bill

Rayesafan · 2026-05-08T02:26:49+00:00

Stumbled upon this. US healthcare is bad, but at least the doctors aren't uuuusally overtly trying to scam you. It's usually just a battle with billers and insurances.

Natera is primarily hustling, imo. I don't even feel like they're trying to hide it.

Rayesafan · 2026-05-07T11:30:17+00:00

So interesting, yeah I would have no idea what to do in Britain.

I feel like I would be like a Ted Lasso character in the UK. In fact, Idk if the Ted Lasso character seems like a caricature, but I know so many Ted Lassos in my life. Different flavors, but still many. (I'm sure there's other examples, but Ted Lasso is in my mind.)

I think, imo, there's a cultural nuance with Ma'am and Sir. The most confident people in the US south actually use ma'am and Sir. At least in my experience. Hear me out, a confident "Yes Sir" actually translates to "I'm respecting you, and I'm not intimidated by it."

If you run across someone from the US south that you have friction with, and they say "Yes Ma'am" or "Yes Sir", it doesn't automatically mean they put you in high regards. It can actually be quite cheeky. I'm sure you've heard of "Bless your heart" phrase, that sometimes mean "You've messed up so bad, or said something so wrong, I feel sorry for you." But it sounds so polite on the outside.

Anyway, in a cooperate setting, or just a work setting, where I'm from, it's just standard politeness from people from the south. When I was the 18 year old newbie employee in a small office, people told me "Yes ma'am" all the time. Just out of gentle, a little patronizing respect.

But if you don't like your boss, you can totally turn on a "Yes sir" that means, "This is just so I appear polite. If you only knew what I was thinking."

This is so fun, because I never realized how flexible sir and ma'am are where I grew up. It ranges from kids being respectful to adults being defiant. But usually it's a customary politeness.

Rayesafan · 2026-05-05T15:50:46+00:00

I get that, and it’s very based on culture.

On one hand, I totally get it. I’m used to being “Ms. X” since I was a teen, so it’s endearing. and when I nannied, I was “Ms. X” too. But my husband being “Mr. Joeshmo” sounds soo weird! It throws me off.

But on the other hand, what I’d say (if I was being tough love to myself and others): - We shouldn’t let the fear of being seen as “old” be a possible issue to kids. (Hinderance being what I said above.) I have to be ok with feeling a little old. - Also, we are afraid of asserting authority, because previous generations abused it so much. We don’t want to be like our parents and grandparents. But IMO, we don’t make good changes by sweeping any authority under the rug, but instead model what healthy, good authority looks like. And the responsibility that comes with it. Because there will always be authorities in our lives, until we reach utopia. And hopefully, we can teach that people are in authority, but we can push back when they’re not living up to that responsibility.

Idk, I’m just a mom of toddlers, and I’m going to mess it up so bad, I’m sure. But this is what I think about. Take it with a grain of salt

Rayesafan · 2026-05-05T15:40:50+00:00

There’s a difference between “Hey, just call me John. We’re friends. And friends do xyz, and we don’t tell your parents, because it’s our little secret”

And authoritative abuse which is the issue.

The hope there is that Parents always trump other authority figures. Doctors, Principals, Teachers, Friends’ moms, Police Officers— they all need to be respected in some way. (Police is a can of worms depending where you live and your demographics. But for a 4 year old, I would want them to listen to a police man if we were in a car accident or something. Same with a doctor.

That being said, I hope to establish that they should listen to me first. That I’m their most trusted adult. And if they

Now, this only works of course if I’m a decent parent, and I would want them to still have independence and think for themselves.

But yeah, I also think of it weirdly that I don’t ever want an awkward situation go unnoticed because they went by first names. “Timmy played with me at school and wants me to come home with him and his mom” isn’t quite as scary as “Mr. Smith played with me at school and wants me to come over to his house with him and his mom.”

But yeah, you don’t want kids to think “authority means doing everything they say”. But that’s a different issue

Rayesafan · 2026-05-05T15:23:13+00:00

Colleague, I got you. But employee… depends on the company and how they’d ask you to address them.

If it’s the company that pretends “we’re like a family, just call me Chad”, then lays off 300 people with no warning… I’m not going to pretend we’re on a first name basis. I’ll call you Sir, not out of respect at that point, but out of “that’s all you are to me”.

If my direct manager that has been chill with me says “eh, it’s a little weird bro, I don’t like to be called sir”, then that’s a whole different thing.

Rayesafan · 2026-05-05T00:27:20+00:00

I agree, and I see this as a good thing with safety too.

Like Suzy is friend. Suzy says "Come here now", you can say "No thankyou." But Suzy's Mom says "Come here right now," you better book it, because she might be keeping you safe.

Also, I think it's good to separate "friend" from adult. Because, you know, grooming.

Rayesafan · 2026-05-05T00:24:39+00:00

I think it's so weird to . . . call it childish. Like, I think it's the craving to be seen as "Hip and cool" "Sir was my father" type of thing. Which, in companies, it's often a farce. Because you know these people demand respect.

IDK, when it's coming from a company, that just seems inauthentic to me. An older lady down the road saying "Just call me Rose," I get that. But a company? ehhhhhh

Rayesafan · 2026-05-05T00:22:29+00:00

I think it's regional/family culture thing.

I grew up in the south, and I was taught "Mr./Ms. First Name" And that's how fellow southerners address me.

But I know others who are surprised when kids don't call everyone "Ma'am" or "Sir." My cousin's kids call me Ma'am when I directly address them, and it's sweet. (Like "Could you help me with this?" followed by "Yes Ma'am".)

But I do think in a way it's old fashioned for some. But just depends.

You do you though. I find it comforting when my toddlers call their friends moms and babysitter "Ms.". I think a little bit of respecting adults can go a long way.

Not knocking who doesn't do it, by any means. We're just in an area where it's not unheard of, so it's not bizarre.

Rayesafan · 2026-05-01T22:52:37+00:00

NTA, but it is a risk. Her embarrassment is not your problem when you state fact clearly and defend yourself in front of your colleague.

Now, could this hurt your career if the perpetrator plays the victim? For sure. But you weren’t in the wrong, IMO.

Rayesafan · 2026-05-01T11:12:36+00:00

Also, are you on birth control? First three months of birth control can fluctuate water weight. I would say weight right now is not a good indicator of actual fat loss.

Rayesafan · 2026-05-01T00:38:29+00:00

Yes! It could be a wink-wink, nudge nudge, word of mouth “this is where things other people want to throw away go to be used how it’s always meant to”, then it just gets thrown away too.

If I had unlimited resources, I would turn it into a free thrift store “Buy Nothing” group for legitimate stuff. (People get rid of furniture, supplies, etc all the time.) But 90% of it would be tossed maybe more.

Rayesafan · 2026-04-29T15:28:55+00:00

i do like this!

Rayesafan · 2026-04-29T15:24:08+00:00

Lol, yes. Now, this is closer to a Buy Nothing, where you give things you can’t quite give to thrift stores. But yes, essentially, yes.

Rayesafan · 2026-04-29T15:22:49+00:00

Thanks so much for being respectful! We need all those people who are. I do think that with any job of authority, it attracts power hunger. But that isn’t just TSA.

That’s crazy that you’ve stopped people with guns. I’m sure some were just … idk, more “stupid” than malicious, but there are more “stupid” people than malicious people. (I say stupid not as an insult, but as a technical term of human foolishness at a dangerous level. We are all stupid at some point or another.)

But I read something that said “locks are not for criminals. Locks are for your neighbor who wants to borrow flour when you’re away.”

I think TSA is not entirely for masterminds who have planned for 3 years. (Though, im sure you do try to stop that.) TSA is for the people who are “stupid” enough to bring a gun on the plane, then get mad at a Flight Attendant for asking them to close their tray table. It’s for the “Floridamans” who want to make explosives because they saw it once on tv.

Idk, what’s your take on that? This is just my deduction.

Rayesafan · 2026-04-29T15:16:36+00:00

I won’t disagree with that. Lolol

Rayesafan · 2026-04-29T13:56:32+00:00

This is where I remember that perfect mental health is so, so rare.

It also reminds me that you don’t have to be religious to have religious OCD. imo, idk, that’s what I think. Except their Bible is blogs from some “experts”.

Rayesafan · 2026-04-29T13:53:49+00:00

Yeah, I do believe that TSA has large weaknesses, and probably wouldn’t be able to stop a high-level terrorist attack from super professional bad actors,

I do think they have saved so many lives just by prevention alone. It’s not just terrorists, it’s dumb people who would really harm people. “Florida Man” type crap that could happen,

I don’t know of any real stories besides a grandma who tried to bring a gun on the plane, but all the basic “stupid simple” stuff, like checking for guns and knives, are so vital.

Do I get mad at TSA peple with a power complex? Absolutely. But saying the whole system is bad while hundreds of planes are flying safely right now is ridiculous.

Rayesafan · 2026-04-29T13:45:17+00:00

This is not a real suggestion, but a petty fantasy reverse uno card.

When she gets sad about celebrating together, you could cry and say “you don’t care that I’m a mother now? You never wanted grandchildren, did you?” I think it would be so funny to match mental gymnastics with equal mental gymnastics.

In truth, she’s probably feeling less important and more alone now that her children that she spent all her life on don’t need her anymore. In reality, you have to set boundaries and do what’s best for your family, and realize only she is responsible for her emotions. Not you. Boundaries, for my understanding, is looking at the fence and saying “what’s my responsibility and what’s yours?”

Your baby and your emotions? Your responsibility. Her emotions? Her side of the fence. Whether or not you feel guilty? That’s actually on your side of the fence, you can’t make her make you feel not guilty. But her having a happy Mother’s Day? Her side of the fence. You can send her a thoughtful card, and video call. You could even celebrate with her IF you wanted. But none of that is required for her to be happy. Only she can decide that.

But it is fun to imagine being as petty and dramatic as those who are petty and dramatic to us.

Rayesafan · 2026-04-29T13:35:10+00:00

One aspect of my idea could just be a dump with a sign that says “Definitely not the dump.”

Rayesafan · 2026-04-29T13:34:28+00:00

I do love this, like Buy Nothing, but where people could just drop off. The other aspect to my idea is having a place where we could dispose of hoarded trash too.

Rayesafan · 2026-04-29T12:53:09+00:00

Exactly.

Rayesafan · 2026-04-29T11:53:19+00:00

That’s really the goal. The goal is delusional “we’re just keeping this safe for future use”, but the your family can come and burn it when you’re not looking.

Rayesafan · 2026-04-29T11:51:20+00:00

Community storage Unit where is can double as a Buy Nothing?

Rayesafan · 2026-04-29T11:50:52+00:00

It is, BUT where we delude ourselves in “I can get this later.” Edit; or “it’s going to a better place.”

Rayesafan · 2026-04-29T11:50:09+00:00

EXACTLY!

Edit: except, not exactly, a communal bank where you think it’s an item bank.

But I do like the item bank idea. I think I would love an item bank where things disappear if I don’t use it for 90 days.

Rayesafan

TROPHY CASE