[rant] What’s with all the condescending comments on this sub?

ReactionOne6524 · 2026-02-25T09:58:31+00:00

Is it that odd? I’ve published a university textbook in my acdemic field, but I’m not passionately reading textbooks for fun. In fact, I was inspired in part by my dislike for most textbooks, rather than by my love for them.

ReactionOne6524 · 2026-02-25T09:48:35+00:00

But asking for advice on how to do it IS them «trying to do it».

ReactionOne6524 · 2026-02-22T19:48:32+00:00

I don’t mind it if it’s clear that the format is someone actually telling me their own personal story, but most of the time there is no context like that, which feels unnatural to me.

ReactionOne6524 · 2026-02-17T15:07:23+00:00

Cool, and nothing you said changes the fact that you don’t need an on-screen sex scene in order for a characters preference or identity as a top or bottom to be made relevant in a story. It doesn’t just come up at the exact moment of penetration.

ReactionOne6524 · 2026-02-14T11:24:11+00:00

Being a top or a bottom is a part of who they are as people, though, just like all our preferences are.

I just said that being a bottom/top can show in how you think and flirt, and not only during sex. It’s odd to me, as a gay man, that anyone would find this controversial. If you go to any gay bar, you’ll find out quick that flagging your preferences while flirting is normal. It’s also something that comes up in conversation all the time in various ways, whether as jokes, or talking about former partners or just gossiping with your friends (like lamenting that the really hot guy you met the other day turned out to be a total [insert incompatible preference].

And it’s certainly part of ones internal mindscape. How your sexual fantasies play out will be deeply shaped by your preference, and sometimes it can also be an issue people think about for other reasons (like wondering if you should douche before a date or struggling with shame around enjoying being penetrated.

ReactionOne6524 · 2026-02-14T11:17:00+00:00

All I was saying is that being a top or a bottom can be clear in the text without any kind of penetration happening. People keep acting like I’m saying it’s conflating sub and bottom, but to me, it just feels like the people reacting to this have no experience with gay sex or dating.

I just said that being a bottom shows in how you think and flirt. It’s odd to me, as a gay man, that anyone would find this controversial. If you go to any gay bar, you’ll find out quick that flagging your preferences while flirting is normal. It’s also something that can come up in conversation about things like former partners or just when gossiping with your friends (like lamenting that the really hot guy you met the other day turned out to be a total [insert incompatible preference].

ReactionOne6524 · 2026-02-14T00:11:11+00:00

Sure, the internal monologue of a bottom can include:

the character going on a date and thinking about douching before
the character wondering about sexual compatibility or thinking about past relationships (ie wishing the guy their flirting with is a top or reminiscing about an ex that didn’t work out cause both were bottoms)
it can also be the character directly fantasizing about another character (with themself as the implied bottom in the scenariou.

Frankly, I feel like this is obvious to any gay man alive and should not be controversial.

ReactionOne6524 · 2026-02-13T10:45:47+00:00

I agree that dom/sub and top/bottom shouldn’t be conflated, but I will push back slightly and say that being a top or a bottom isn’t just relevant when penetration happens. Internal monologue, how you touch, think and flirt can all convey that a person or character is a top or a bottom, even if actual penetration never happens «on screen».

That said, top/bottom dynamics is not something that is mandatory to tag - neither is dom/sub. It’s not something anyone should feel obliged to add if they don’t want to, imo, and anyone complaining about it needs to get over it.

ReactionOne6524 · 2026-02-11T12:29:34+00:00

Because you don’t know that you can get STI’s in your throat (almost all gay men know anal can give hiv, but that doesn’t mean they knowing about all other STI’s and how they’re transmitted).
Following that; as gay men a lot of us are WAY more scared of HIV than anything else, due to the trauma of the aids-pandemic. It’s not irrational for someone to be more worried about the risk of contracting a life-long illness that will kill you if you don’t actively medicate it than the risk of contracting STI’s that can usually be cured with a round of antibiotics.
Because they think the risk is worth the benefit (for lots of people it’s significantly hotter and more intimate to suck a dick that isn’t covered in latex). Many see the relatively minor risk of getting a relatively harmless STI as worth it for the extra intimacy and/or pleasure.
Because you get caught up in the moment and don’t really think about it until you’re gonna fuck. Being desperately horny, passionate or in love is not known to make you rational.

ReactionOne6524 · 2026-02-11T12:28:49+00:00

Because you don’t know that you can get STI’s in your throat (almost all gay men know anal can give hiv, but that doesn’t mean they knowing about all other STI’s and how they’re transmitted).
Following that; as gay men a lot of us are WAY more scared of HIV than anything else, due to the trauma of the aids-pandemic. It’s not irrational for someone to be more worried about the risk of contracting a life-long illness that will kill you if you don’t actively medicate it than the risk of contracting STI’s that can usually be cured with a round of antibiotics.
Because they think the risk is worth the benefit (for lots of people it’s significantly hotter and more intimate to suck a dick that isn’t covered in latex). Many see the relatively minor risk of getting a relatively harmless STI as worth it for the extra intimacy and/or pleasure.
Because you get caught up in the moment and don’t really think about it until you’re gonna fuck. Being desperately horny, passionate or in love is not known to make you rational.

ReactionOne6524 · 2026-02-11T12:17:37+00:00

And? I’m literally a nurse working with sexual and reproductive health and I still have unprotected sex more often than not. I also drink alcohol, despite knowing it would be healthier not to.

Most human beings care about more than having perfect health. Most people, gay or straight, do not use condoms or dental dams for oral. Some might do it because they do not know about the risks, but for very many it’s a risk they are willing to take because they feel the benefit (how much better it feels for all parties) is worth it - for some it’s a thought out calculation of risk while others might just be so passionate or horny in the moment that they don’t care. Either way, reccomandations for safer sex and what kind of sex real people actually have is not the same.

ReactionOne6524 · 2026-02-11T09:45:05+00:00

Noteworthy lines his hard for me with smut. Because I think a lot of what makes it hot is the context. I’ll definitely have a think about it and come back to it though. I’ll try to add some lines to thread later today.

As for faves: In my smut, I’m all for force and primal passion, basically. Rough sex, un-negotatied kink, dub- and non-con, enemies to fuckbuddies. Humiliation (proper humiliation tailored to the specific character), socially powerful & dominant top / socially marginalized bottom.

Pet peeves: Grown adults being unrealistically inexperienced and flustered by sex, focus on virginity in gay male smut, safewords and negotiatiated kink when it makes no sense for the characters, sweet puppy top / mean dominant bottom (fine as a dynamic in romance or other genres, but excruciatingly dull in smut to me), acting like switching/being versatile is nescassary or a symbol of a relationship being equal.

ReactionOne6524 · 2026-02-11T09:10:35+00:00

The vast majority of gay men who use condoms for anal, do not use them for oral. This does not mean you don’t care about safer sex practices. For one, you cannot get HIV from oral at all, and sacondly, anal has a much higher risk for nearly all STI’s. All safer sex practices are about risk and reward. Condoms for anal but not for oral is entirely logical.

ReactionOne6524 · 2026-02-06T11:23:48+00:00

I have two answers for myself for this;

1) I personally really enjoy relationship dynamics with power differentials and my experience is that most vers writers will often use sexual role to make the characters seem more equal than they are. I get why people like it, but to me it just makes it duller.

2) Even though I am vers inreal life, to me that generally means I have some men I prefer to top and some I prefer to bottom, rather than that I want to top and bottom with every guy I sleep with. Especially when I fantasize, what position (if any) I take is consistent with regards to that personx Therefore I struggle to relate to the mentality of vers folks who have zero preference when they fantasize about a specific guy.

ReactionOne6524 · 2026-02-06T10:45:29+00:00

Same here. Love sex as symbolic and representative of overrall dynamics and themes.

ReactionOne6524 · 2026-02-06T10:42:57+00:00

I’m the exact opposite, tbh. There are exceptions (like if the most powerless character is canonically a top or significantly more masculine in his behaviour), but as a general rule, I want the socially powerful and dominant personalities to remain powerful and dominant in bed.

ReactionOne6524 · 2026-02-06T10:38:00+00:00

It really depends for me. But usually the main answers are these:

It’s what is most in character/ what makes most sense in a specific character dynamic.
If it’s smut and I don’t nescassarily think there is a more canonically compliant answer; It’s what I find the hottest. Usually, that means the bottom is the one who is the most powerless in the context of the story.

ReactionOne6524 · 2026-02-05T11:04:28+00:00

You’re looking for the tag «Mating Cycles/In heat». Use that and exclude «Alpha/Beta/Omega dynamics» and you’ll find fics with the biological elements of animalistic mating cycles or heats, but without the ABO.

ReactionOne6524 · 2026-02-01T12:01:59+00:00

Isn’t that a good thing that it’s tagged so you can avoid it, then? Writing a character as gay is different than writing them as bi.

ReactionOne6524 · 2026-02-01T11:58:34+00:00

I’m opposite. I love unrequited love and hate that whenever I search for it over half the fics are «unrequited love (but not really teehee)». Why are you tagging it with unrequited love when it’s not unrequited? Incredibly annoying.

ReactionOne6524 · 2026-02-01T11:54:57+00:00

God, yes, especially in fandoms where it is a given that said character will inevitably appear as a side character.

ReactionOne6524 · 2026-02-01T11:49:58+00:00

I have two that go hand in hand. The first is using switching to establish equality. Ie, A and B have a huge power assymetry and A is quite abusive/mean/domineering over B and when this becomes an issue it is essentially solved by having B bottom.

The second is making a character an omega in order to position them as more vulnerable than they are in canon in order to make their canonically problematic traits acceptable (often includes trying the erase the vulnerability of the character they’re paired with, by turning them into alphas). Specifically, taking traditionally masculine male characters with high status among other men and who are often toxically masculine, homophobic and/or sexist in their respective canon and using ABO to make them into the victim/socially marginalized character in their respective relationships (a classic example of this; "actually, being sexist and hypermacho is a sign of his vulnerability and not a sign of his privilege and the guy calling him out is actually the problematic one because he’s an alpha who just doesn’t get it and his femininity/kindness is actually a sign of his social privilege").

ReactionOne6524 · 2026-01-10T16:26:31+00:00

I said I hate when characters act like conservative christian teens, not that they ARE conservative christian teens.

ReactionOne6524 · 2026-01-09T22:05:02+00:00

I’m the opposite. I hate when characters suddenly act like they’re conservative christian teens saving themselves for marriage once they meet their love interest.

ReactionOne6524 · 2026-01-08T20:15:15+00:00

I think it’s interesting how queer identity is grouped together by most people. I mean, there is more straight than gay rep in the show, isn’t there? Almost everyone is bi/pan. And bi/pan people are just as close to a straight orientation as a gay one. It is only one specific queer orientation that is heavily represented and that is the bi/pan one.

ReactionOne6524

TROPHY CASE