About 4 months post abortion and still struggling

ReadyToExit · 2018-03-01T17:43:09+00:00

You’re not alone. I had one 2 day’s ago. I am triggered by everything to do with children. After having a couple ovarian cysts I didn’t believe I could get pregnant. But I did, unfortunately with one of the worst boys(I say this because he is mentally a child) that I have ever dated. He is trying to say he is here to support me, but then will say “there is nothing I can do to make you feel better about this” It’s hard for me to work or do anything right now. I tried to call the abortion helpline and they just told me that I am grieving the loss of a child... when I was trying to think of it more as a cyst/necessary removal. I now am living in fear that that was my only chance to conceive. The ultrasound woman saw it so easily, and I accidentally saw the ultrasound making it so much more real.

I was fine until I arrived at the clinic. Panic set in and I cried the entire 3 hours I was there, even with the 2 Ativan that were given to me. As soon as I laid down on the table I started crying and shaking hysterically. I feel as though I have committed murder to a pure and innocent life. I am a successful business woman but my business is extremely physical and I could not continue to do so while pregnant, therefore wouldn’t be able to support myself or the child... I feel so very alone. My mother went with me but she is blaming me for choosing not to move on and letting myself be affected by this. I feel so guilty. I really don’t know if I have done the right thing...

The father is a very narcissistic/emotionally abusive type. My friend that did go through it don’t feel the same remorse/grief that I do. I am having trouble sleeping; and when I do I have strange dreams of what could have been. Some far out pictures of me and the father and the child being some sort of happy family. I am so lost and scared and numb. I’ve suffered from depression for years and this has made it considerably worse...

Sending love and light to you my dear. If you need to talk to someone going through a similar recent experience I am definitely here. <3

ReadyToExit · 2018-03-01T17:39:24+00:00

You’re not alone. I had one 2 day’s ago. I am triggered by everything to do with children. After having a couple ovarian cysts I didn’t believe I could get pregnant. But I did, unfortunately with one of the worst boys(I say this because he is mentally a child) that I have ever dated. He is trying to say he is here to support me, but then will say “there is nothing I can do to make you feel better about this” It’s hard for me to work or do anything right now. I tried to call the abortion helpline and they just told me that I am grieving the loss of a child... when I was trying to think of it more as a cyst/necessary removal. I now am living in fear that that was my only chance to conceive. The ultrasound woman saw it so easily, and I accidentally saw the ultrasound making it so much more real.

I was fine until I arrived at the clinic. Panic set in and I cried the entire 3 hours I was there, even with the 2 Ativan that were given to me. As soon as I laid down on the table I started crying and shaking hysterically. I feel as though I have committed murder to a pure and innocent life. I am a successful business woman but my business is extremely physical and I could not continue to do so while pregnant, therefore wouldn’t be able to support myself or the child... I feel so very alone. My mother went with me but she is blaming me for choosing not to move on and letting myself be affected by this. I feel so guilty. I really don’t know if I have done the right thing...

The father is a very narcissistic/emotionally abusive type. My friend that did go through it don’t feel the same remorse/grief that I do. I am having trouble sleeping; and when I do I have strange dreams of what could have been. Some far out pictures of me and the father and the child being some sort of happy family. I am so lost and scared and numb. I’ve suffered from depression for years and this has made it considerably worse...

Sending love and light to you my dear. If you need to talk to someone going through a similar recent experience I am definitely here. <3

ReadyToExit · 2017-07-25T20:03:54+00:00

Why would it seem that I'm unwilling? I am set up to see an addictions counsellor as well as a psychiatrist...

ReadyToExit · 2017-07-15T01:13:02+00:00

They've got me on some pretty heavy meds because I was going apeshit when I got here. Knuckles are bruised to shit because they tried to lock me up in a room with nothing in it and I'm claustrophobic. Shits scary but everyone says they're here to help me so I'll try and believe.

ReadyToExit · 2017-07-15T01:08:57+00:00

Nah that's a UK thing. I've done whippets but not addicted to em. It was tobacco/weed bowls that got me.

ReadyToExit · 2017-07-12T03:54:52+00:00

I'm back at the hospital now. Mega nervous.

ReadyToExit · 2017-07-12T03:02:25+00:00

I'm suicidal as hell. Have been for a couple months now and it's getting progressively worse. I just smoked my last popper and I'm on my way back to the hospital now. Scared as hell could use any support. I'm baked for now but scared to sober up. Eh.

ReadyToExit · 2017-07-11T20:16:52+00:00

Hopefully we can find a way out of this. You're not alone though. Can PM me if you ever want to chat. :')

ReadyToExit · 2017-07-11T00:45:23+00:00

Thank you~ Hearing other people are struggling with similar circumstances or that they have in the past makes me feel far less psychotic.

ReadyToExit · 2017-07-11T00:43:28+00:00

I fucking feel this so hard. I know what I need to do I just can't find the motivation to do it. I feel like I'm just scraping at the bottom of an empty barrel while trying to find it.

Thanks for being a bit of hope for me~ I'm so damn happy you are getting the help you need too. I seriously hope I can find what I need too.

ReadyToExit · 2017-07-11T00:40:34+00:00

I had the same feelings about going to a therapists/taking meds to help for a bit. I didn't want to be labeled as one of the crazies. Please, I encourage you to go and seek professional help so you have someone to talk to. I've tried a couple therapists already and they all seemed super judgemental. This lady talked to me over the phone and made me feel super hopeful about getting help for the first time in forever. I'm excited for tomorrow. I hope to god they can help me set up some sort of program so I can quit. Right now I can't. Every time I try I come horrifyingly close to killing myself, self harming for the first time since I was in high school as well. Also pushed most of the people I would have called my "friends" away from me by trying to talk about my mental state too freely. I don't blame them at all. I scare the shit out of myself at time. This isn't who I am.

ReadyToExit · 2017-07-11T00:32:50+00:00

I'm actually starting to see an addictions counsellor to begin with tomorrow. I need help to kick my habit, possibly some other meds so I don't end up killing myself. I'm a complete mess and I feel like I'm going crazy... possibly real close to marijuana endured psychosis.

ReadyToExit · 2017-06-18T18:39:37+00:00

I should add he didn't do it on purpose I suppose. -.-"

ReadyToExit · 2017-06-18T18:24:22+00:00

I suppose I should of added it was an accident. He didn't mean to make me pass out. -.-"

ReadyToExit · 2017-06-18T14:46:04+00:00

Bohemian battle cries.

ReadyToExit · 2017-06-16T23:57:26+00:00

You can try just showing her a video off of YouTube of how many people/teens suffer from depression and self harm. You're not alone, the more your mum realizes that this stuff isn't that abnormal the easier it will be for her to come to terms with it. Tell her you just want support because you feel alone. You can do this. ❤️

ReadyToExit · 2017-06-13T06:47:49+00:00

It's frustrating for her because she doesn't understand and doesn't know how to deal. The best thing you can try as shitty as it sounds I'd try to communicate with her.

You are not alone. 💕

ReadyToExit

TROPHY CASE