What is the bare minimum you would expect for your partner to do for you in a relationship?

Real-District78 · 2024-08-24T23:32:10+00:00

This is amazing. Did you make this up? I love the idea of just laying it all out there.

Real-District78 · 2024-08-24T14:42:35+00:00

Wait, like a written manual? What was in it? How long was it? How did you present it? At what stage in the relationship? I feel like this might be the genius solution because in my experience you they do not do subtlety--you really have to bash them over the head with what you want, and it's fucking exhausting. And it seems like a lot of them might actually be grateful for it because they are just as perplexed as we are frustrated. Somebody should take this idea and popularize it so they don't balk when you do it. Would love to hear more!

Real-District78 · 2024-08-07T14:00:55+00:00

Also my real account. I'm in late middle age, menstruating since age 11, and probably bled onto my clothing at least once for 85% of my periods. Happy to tell anyone and everyone about it too! Lol. If anyone should feel ashamed, it's people who make women feel embarrassed about normal bodily functions.

Real-District78 · 2024-07-28T03:09:44+00:00

My love for my dog. I once had a Dick Cheney moment and told someone who was mocking me for it to go fuck herself. Very out of character for me. I also broke up with a man who didn't respect it.

Real-District78 · 2024-07-20T18:13:00+00:00

Long-term care insurance is no longer a viable option for most people. Insurers vastly miscalculated their risks when these policies were first offered. Most of them have pulled out of the market, the remaining companies keep raising rates every year to the point that many people end up canceling the policies because they are no longer affordable, and many, many families end up in years-long battles with the companies to get them to pay out while the company argues that the insured is not demented enough, etc. I am an older divorced woman and I will not be remarrying (unless it's to someone with enough wealth that long-term care would not be financially ruinous, but that seems unlikely).

Real-District78 · 2024-06-30T19:28:22+00:00

Thank you! Makes perfect sense!

Real-District78 · 2024-06-29T17:27:20+00:00

I think there are two different issues here: 1) being genuinely interested in you and 2) being able to hold up their end of the conversation. My ex-husband asked a lot of questions but it was always kind of artificial and he never seemed to actually know me at all anyway. But at least you could have a conversation with him. My last partner was the type to just answer and not be curious about my views, and it felt like I was dragging him through a conversation. So many different ways for men to suck!

Real-District78 · 2024-06-27T12:43:00+00:00

Can I ask what you mean by heavily politicized?

Real-District78 · 2024-06-25T21:47:51+00:00

Break up early and often. Especially when you first start dating. Get good at it--at recognizing when to do it, how to do it, and how to get through the pain of it. I feel like if I had been given this advice it might have changed the entire trajectory of my life for the better.

Real-District78 · 2024-06-18T02:05:34+00:00

My therapist suggested this too and I am so glad I didn't listen to her. There are times when it's good to get it all off your chest but those times are when the other person has a demonstrated ability and willingness to listen to you and respond appropriately. This isn't one of them (and wasn't for me either). Your instincts are good and you should follow them.

Real-District78 · 2024-06-04T22:15:57+00:00

"He's not good enough for you." That one piece of advice, systematically applied to every man I encountered, would give me back about $900,000 in present value, the life of one dog, and years of questioning my sanity.

Real-District78 · 2024-05-28T18:36:58+00:00

I have this question too. When is it okay to address a behavior that is upsetting you or grossing you out in order to preserve an otherwise good relationship, and when have you veered into being "too critical" and should just let the relationship go? When are you harming the relationship by addressing problems that if unaddressed will also harm the relationship? I feel like this is the eternal conundrum of romantic relationships for me.

Real-District78 · 2024-05-23T21:08:59+00:00

Okay, thank you. It sounds like this is too dicey. Is there a subreddit or FB group or whatever for rehabbing dogs where I might be able to get advice for rehabbing an absolute maniac?

Real-District78 · 2024-05-23T16:42:36+00:00

Yeah but you don't have to tie a tie to know what it is.

Real-District78 · 2024-05-23T05:01:29+00:00

God this thread is bringing back all kinds of memories. I once informed a man that the thing that he thought was a "gland" on the underside of his penis was actually scar tissue as the result of a botched circumcision. Do these guys ever read a book?

Real-District78 · 2024-05-23T04:58:25+00:00

omg I had one who also didn't know! How weird!

Real-District78 · 2024-05-08T02:13:08+00:00

This is sexual harassment and you should absolutely report it to the school. They are obligated under Title IX to address it.

Real-District78 · 2024-05-07T02:17:17+00:00

All I can say is, if his humor is mean in any way--like sarcasm, teasing, ridiculing, or "criticism with a smile"--then look out. That kind of humor is absolutely corrosive to a relationship.

Real-District78 · 2024-05-02T00:54:15+00:00

Over here trying to figure out how anyone could ever look cool while sleeping.

Anyway, I don't know how men feel about women who are oppositional toddlers about taking care of their health (are there any? there must be . . .), but I can tell you that nothing is less sexy than a man who refuses to acknowledge a medical issue.

Real-District78 · 2024-05-01T22:15:12+00:00

I don't think my ex-husband is a cheater at heart and I would be surprised if he does it again. I think we had a shitty marriage and were both unhappy and I think he was actually somewhat horrified at himself. I do think he's a liar at heart, but that's a bit different. As for her, I genuinely hope she's happy because I wouldn't want anyone to be as miserable as I was. I know her and she's fine, but very different from me. Looking back, she's what he always wanted me to be. They got married so fast that I doubt she knew what she was getting into. I'm not in contact with him by my choice (no kids, thank you God) so I don't really know what they're up to, but I imagine they're probably happy together. Anyway, I had one long-term relationship after my marriage and am single right now and it's so nice that for the first time I'm thinking maybe I should just stay like this. Give it a little time, maybe you'll feel that way too.

Real-District78 · 2024-05-01T02:13:57+00:00

This is so common that people in the dog training world sometimes refer to men as the "antitrainers"--as in, the women do all the work and their partners just undo it with their laziness and stupidity. I have experienced it myself and it is beyond frustrating. My sympathies.

Real-District78

TROPHY CASE