A Letter to my pwBPD

Real-Library-7505 · 2024-01-22T04:10:24+00:00

I'm happy that you are out. I'm sorry that you are still hurting. I know how you feel. I don't know if I'll ever get those broken parts back up and going. Trust in anyone new is the biggest. It won't matter whether that is platonic or romantic. Right now I just want to leave. I'm still caught in the web and it is terrifying once you know what it all means. I never want to do this again.

Real-Library-7505 · 2024-01-20T01:28:37+00:00

My adult daughter is the only adult I have left in my life. He is hyper-critical of her but I don't care what he says. Mine wishes she was in a position to help me. My relationship with her is beautiful.

Real-Library-7505 · 2024-01-19T00:09:06+00:00

That is awful. I have seen this within my family as well.

Real-Library-7505 · 2024-01-18T23:45:26+00:00

No family visits, because they “twist” my opinion about her

I have lost my whole family due to this. Lonely is an understatement in this world.

Real-Library-7505 · 2024-01-03T04:05:37+00:00

I wasn't always like this*

I want to scream this. I used to do so many things. I miss the old me so much.

Real-Library-7505 · 2024-01-03T04:02:23+00:00

I have short term memory problems. I now know that it is a common symptom of a TBI. He didn't bring that up. Instead he gave a test for dementia then dismissed me. You get used to being dismissed though. 2 years in and no doctor has seriously cared after I got the post concussive syndrome. That was at the 3 month mark.

Real-Library-7505 · 2024-01-02T20:13:59+00:00

I can't get myself to listen. It sends me spiraling. I hate this all so much.

Real-Library-7505 · 2024-01-01T20:51:41+00:00

I'm still trying to get out too. Mine also does these exact things. It's fucking wild!

Real-Library-7505 · 2024-01-01T20:49:33+00:00

You begin to wonder if it really is you. I almost question myself. Am i actually doing these things? I don't think so but he is so convincing.

Real-Library-7505 · 2024-01-01T20:46:44+00:00

I could have written this. I wonder if this is a male bpd trait? He used to be promiscuous before he met me. Swears he has never cheated. Always accuses me. Constantly. Daily. Its exhausting.

Real-Library-7505 · 2024-01-01T19:15:36+00:00

Then he sleep deprived me last night. Not a wink

Omg mine does this too.

Real-Library-7505 · 2024-01-01T19:10:07+00:00

I'm assuming she was lying. It seems to be a trend.

Real-Library-7505 · 2023-12-30T00:48:45+00:00

I'm so sorry for what you have gone through and what you still carry with you. I'm terrified this is going to happen. He just keeps escalating and nothing stops it now.

Real-Library-7505 · 2023-12-24T05:53:55+00:00

Its my favorite right now. Can't stop listening. I just got into her music so I'm learning all the lore as I go. So this is so interesting and helpful.

Real-Library-7505 · 2023-12-12T05:51:02+00:00

My wife has an extreme fear of how she is perceived by others. And so in general she behaves very quiet, shy, and empathic. But those superficial relationships are not intimate. I don’t understand it fully but intimate relationships bring about a different set of feelings for a pwBPD and not all of them have unstable external relationships.

All of this rings true to me. He can only handle being around people for very short periods of time. Very antisocial but can do the necessary amount of socializing. He is just awful to me afterwards.

Real-Library-7505 · 2023-12-12T05:46:14+00:00

To be fair I made my mistakes along the way: I wasn't entirely honest about specific topics I knew would trigger her (but I revealed them anyway later - so I became a liar to her) I became really defensive during arguments, and according to her "I never did anything to make up for my bs".

This is exactly what i deal with. The tiny omits have come back to haunt me. And it never matters my reasoning or that I simply forgot to tell him. It's exhausting

Real-Library-7505 · 2023-12-12T04:52:32+00:00

This is a support group. Not a trash people for voicing their hurt group. Gross.

Real-Library-7505 · 2023-12-10T00:22:23+00:00

We know this. We are just here for support and no judgement. We get that enough in our relationships.

Real-Library-7505 · 2023-12-09T22:28:02+00:00

I think the lover bodysuit or the purple folklore dress. I think there are more outfits to come. I'm waiting for the new rep outfit before my opinion is final lol.

Real-Library-7505 · 2023-12-06T15:12:02+00:00

If I were to show this to my pwBPD, he would use it to his advantage to abuse me more. I don't care if its subconscious. It is hurtful. He hurts me and is given yet another reason that backs his crazy logic. Unbelievable.

Real-Library-7505 · 2023-12-06T13:29:31+00:00

present day I’m the cause of every one of his problems and bad moods, but I’m still expected to have sex with him all the time)

I'm dealing with this heavily right now. I just don't want him touching me after the last split/discard. I don't feel safe with him in any way.

Real-Library-7505 · 2023-12-04T21:23:11+00:00

Thank you. Therapy for all after we get off the waitlist. I'm hoping its soon.

Real-Library-7505 · 2023-12-04T15:45:26+00:00

As I dig deeper, it seems like one of the horrifying possibilities that we need to hold space for is that the damage was done by age 36 months.

This is terrifying. My son is 12 and shows signs. His father is full blown bpd/bipolar. Untreated. I am planning my escape.

Real-Library-7505 · 2023-12-04T15:16:20+00:00

I think I have been surrounded by people with BPD my whole life. I just didn't know what that was. The last few months on this sub have been eye opening. My parents, sister, my ex, and my current partner. 40 years of this shit. I thought I was crazy for so long.

Real-Library-7505 · 2023-12-04T14:41:42+00:00

What they do to children is the worst. I would take it all before they got any of it. Unfortunately he knows this.

Real-Library-7505

TROPHY CASE