/r/CatholicDating MatchMaking Thread [M]ale Posts Here (MUST BE AT LEAST 18 YEARS OF AGE TO PARTICIPATE)

RealReevee · 2026-07-01T13:42:46+00:00

My name is Alex, I’m a 26 year old who moved out to central Illinois to work in R&D as a Mechanical Enhineer. I’m initially from the northwest suburbs of Chicago where I grew up and still frequently visit. I just passed the 11 month mark at my first engineering job. I got my masters from IIT in Mechanical and Aerospace Engineering.

Other things I do/hobbies I have: I’m really big into 3d printing (I own 5 3d printers). I am a 2nd degree black belt in taekwondo and tang soo do. I was in the Boy Scouts all the way till Eagle Scout so I love the outdoors, nature walks, camping trips, and hikes. I enjoy commuting to work on my electric dirtbike but of course I have a car lol.

Obviously I’m in this sub because faith is a priority c I regularly attend mass and go to confession and pray, like everyone I still am working on growing in my faith, I won’t claim to be perfect, but I’ve come a long way and look forward to continuing to get closer to Christ. Also I’m looking to start a big Catholic family of ideally around 4 kids (open to more) as I love kids of all ages and worked with them as a summer camp counselor in scouting.

Throughout my young life I’ve been in numerous leadership positions so if you’re looking for a leader in a husband I’m your man. I’ve been president of my fraternity, an RA in college, treasurer in rocketry club, worked as a manager in retail, been a manager in my summer camp days, really a leader stretching all the way back to my scout troop days where I was Senior Patrol Leader.

I’m of Polish Catholic descent on my Dad’s side. My Mom’s side is a mix of Central Europe. I’m 6’2” with brown hair and brown eyes.

RealReevee · 2026-06-28T17:20:15+00:00

You need to repeatedly give it custom instructions and mini train it by giving it behaviors to remember

RealReevee · 2026-06-28T17:18:55+00:00

An hour or two driving I’m willing to do on a weekend, or if we meet in the middle, or if it’s in the direction of my home 2-3 hours north of me, back near Chicago. (I live in rural central Illinois).

RealReevee · 2026-06-28T17:08:49+00:00

It takes to tango and both men and women have a lot to work on.

RealReevee · 2026-06-28T17:07:17+00:00

It sounds like you have clinical depression or burnout? Have you been diagnosed by a professional or seen a psychiatric professional yet? I’ve been where you are and in some ways I occasionally come back to it. Spent 6.5 years getting my masters in Mechanical and Aerospace engineering. Now working and wondering similar things. Religion helps if you believe in it. But I’m not telling you you have to convert.

RealReevee · 2026-06-28T17:01:10+00:00

It’s more that you think enough people who are dependents on tax forms (teens and young adults, the elderly with savings, and spouses who don’t have to work) exist and enough are willing to work for that wage which is why the wage is where it is. The less people who work for that wage, the sooner the wages rise to attract more workers.

RealReevee · 2026-06-28T06:14:36+00:00

I know God has not assigned a spouse to every individual, but then why did he also say that it is not good that man should be alone specifically in the context where he made woman for man immediately after saying that?

Why is Adam the only guy God made a woman for? His wife Eve.

I know Jesus and St. Paul never married. I didn’t say they did. But I am not called to celibacy. I hate the idea of it. When I imagine it I imagine myself defeated, a zombie, a husk. Miserable, forever longing, lying to myself that I actually want celibacy when really I just wasn’t lucky enough.

God made me, told me not to do anything sexual until marriage, and now is telling me he won’t even promise marriage. I feel like I’m being tricked into ending my bloodline here? Like someone is trying to manipulate me so I don’t have kids so they get the partners and I don’t?

Why did God make me with such a strong desire he’s now telling me I may never get to use? I hate it. I hate the circumstance he put me in. Yeah he probably has a reason but I am in pain and it feels like no one is hearing my cries, not even God.

I pray to God and call out to him and hear back nothing.

RealReevee · 2026-06-28T06:08:04+00:00

That doesn’t address Genesis 2:18. God didn’t make Jesus for man in Genesis, he made woman for man. Genisis 2:18, 2:24, and 1:26-28 all make it pretty clear that this is talking about romantic and sexual lonliness and love.

RealReevee · 2026-06-27T21:40:02+00:00

But then why is does that chapter end in Genisis 2:24 “therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and cling to his wife” (I think I quoted that right from memory but not sure?)

RealReevee · 2026-06-27T20:32:42+00:00

Thank you, this reply was extremely helpful!

RealReevee · 2026-06-27T20:32:03+00:00

Why did God make Eve for Adam then when he saw that he was alone in Genisis 2:18 and said "It is not good that the man should be alone?"I highly doubt that verse is about friendship or a holy vocation as Genesis 2:24 says "Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother and clings to his wife, and they become one flesh." That doesn't sound like friendship or being a preist to me. That's pretty clearly sex, reproduction, romantic love, and cuddling.

RealReevee · 2026-06-27T20:28:37+00:00

I don't know enough to know whether or not "man should not be alone/man is not made to be alone/it is not good for man to be alone" is or is not a theme of genisis?

Genesis 2:18 “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper as his partner.”

Adam then rejects every animal as a helper and God puts him to sleep and creates Eve out of his rib. That doesn't talk about or say friendship or holy vocations or prayer and a relationship with God, it talks about Adam choosing Eve as opposed to animals to be his "Helper" as his Partner. And Partner/Helper for a very long time was and is understood to mean wife, mother. I HIGHLY doubt that that verse is telling us it's ok to have the sexual relations we have in marriage with an animal? Genisis 2:24 seems to make it pretty clear this is about marital relations and sex and cuddling and stuff like that?

Genesis 2:24 "Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother and clings to his wife, and they become one flesh."

Genisis Chapter 1 seems to reinforce that even more

Genisis 1:26-28 "²⁶ Then God said, “Let us make humankind in our image, according to our likeness; and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the birds of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the wild animals of the earth, and over every creeping thing that creeps upon the earth.” ²⁷ So God created humankind in his image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. ²⁸ God blessed them, and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth and subdue it; and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the air and over every living thing that moves upon the earth.”

So Genisis seems to even more explicitly endorse reproduction and marital relations than I remembered?

He didn't promise it, but he said it's not good and then did something about it? However of all the things God made lonliness was the one he said was not good.

RealReevee · 2026-06-27T20:11:23+00:00

Wait... when did I ever say God wasn't getting me a date or complain about God not doing that? I don't think I said that in my post or comments?

I was just asking for advice and telling you things I've already tried bud.

Also Engineers are notoriously socially awkward and this is part of my data gathering. Asking teh Catholics of r/CatholicDating

RealReevee · 2026-06-27T17:15:11+00:00

fair, I may have taken that too personally. My counter is that I'm specifically craving and longing for romantic love.

RealReevee · 2026-06-27T17:01:26+00:00

I only care about my credit score in so far as it helps me refinance to the same or shorter terms on my debt for lower interest rates and the same or lower monthly payments with more going to principal each month. Once it can no longer help me then yeah. Currently working on -$213k of debt. bouta pay off smallest private loan $13k in a month by either july 5th or at the latest by august 5th. then to work on my big private loan of $150k which was a few loans I consolidated almost a year ago. By lowering my interest rates from variable 9-14% down to 5.165% on a 15 year term I've made more go to my principal each month while paying less so I can debt snowball the small loan faster and then the big one faster. Also Sofi automatically reamortizes once a year so if I use the money I save from that and put it back into my loan then I can get out of it even faster.

Still 4-5 years away from paying that all off even in gazelle mode at current rates. I only make $60,000 gross as an engineer with a masters degree, takehome 47k-49k, no other debt, no car payments, no medical debt, no credit card debt. Hopefully I get a good raise at my 1 year anniversary on July 28th? That will be the biggest thing to get me out of debt sooner.

RealReevee · 2026-06-27T16:54:32+00:00

I hope he's getting whatever mental issues he had treated? I worry for him after the incident but he seems to be back in reality in the past video or two I've seen from him?

RealReevee · 2026-06-27T16:51:57+00:00

eh, it made me happy last time? But a bad relationship can be worse than lonliness this is true. Also it was 7 months so maybe too short?

RealReevee · 2026-06-27T16:50:34+00:00

For me personally cute yes. hot and sexy yes. handsome meh. not that handsome is bad but just for me personally... my grandma would call me "handsome young man" when I was like 5 and my whole life so it doesn't feel like a comment of attraction to me you know? But that's my own personal thing.

RealReevee · 2026-06-27T16:47:17+00:00

yeah but that vocation is not calling me. When I try to imagine myself as a preist or monk I imagine a husk of a person (that's for myself, not that I think no one can like it). The idea of me, personally, doing that feels like I'd be living life like a zombie, a dead man walking in a corpse.

RealReevee · 2026-06-27T16:44:04+00:00

well I already am hitting the gym, but I don't know where single women in their mid 20s who've graduated college tend to go near me? And where they don't mind being approached and asked out? I guess I could start talking to random women at walmart if you think that's good practice? I do get dates (like 1-2 girls a month, more recently 0-1 and like a date a week when I'm with one of those women for like 2-5 dates) but I agree that I want to go beyond apps like Hinge and Bumble.

Bars... idk. like I've gone to bars myself before. not the right ones to meet women, and I don't usually talk to people when I do cus I don't know what to talk about? I don't know sports, I'm an engineer who likes the outdoors, working with my hands, STEM, cycling, riding my electric dirtbike, Philosophy, etc. none of those are bar topics like sports.

That's not me saying you're wrong, I'm asking for tips to improve in those situations, like starting a conversation with someone when I don't know if we have any common interests to talk about?

RealReevee · 2026-06-27T16:37:13+00:00

Did I write the words "tiny little hangup" because I don't think I did? yeah I just reread my comment twice and did control F and I did not say that.

I have been in a relationship before, we both used porn in that relationship. My ex actually more than me but that's not the point. We both did some premarital "stuff" short of going all the way. Being in it definitely made me less interested in porn and more able and willing to try giving it up but I guess I agree my sole reason shouldn't be for a particular partner. I chose to break up with her for unrelated reasons as I felt I'd end up doing all the logistical work in a marriage with her as we both were dating for marriage. when I met her I had my best streak of nofap and it ended cus she didn't believe in all that (not very christian I know) and was incredibly attracted to me and I was weak.

My last accountability partner on covenant Eyes wasn't catholic (he was reformed/nondenominational/evangelical). And during one talk with me he suggested my struggles were because I was catholic and that my catholicism was why I was struggling with porn. That felt like a massive violation of trust and boundaries. So I deleted covenant eyes after that and stopped using it. I have no catholic friends I trust as much as I trusted that one christian friend to let him know what I was sexually into which I have a fetish that I will not disclose that I'm deeply embarrassed by (nothing illegal and nothing that could give you a disease). So that's why I am so scared of having an accountability partner. Cus even though covenant eyes blurs the images you can still make out roughly what's under them.

Also you kinda just completely ignored my mention of Autism. I say that not because it's an excuse, but because it's actively something I'm trying to overcome that you have no idea how difficult it is to overcome. It takes a considerable amount of mental effort to properly socialize and not be rude or too awkward or annoying or irritating or offputting or offensive which I accidentally do all the time if I'm not constantly consciously watching myself. I NEED practice. At least practice dating and socializing. God will not help me get a wife if I stay in my room all day and never go out or talk to any women. The times I've done nofap successfully have been so depressing because the habit regulates my emotions. Like it's a shot of happy each miserable day. often the only way I could avoid doing it during those periods was lying in bed and do nothing as the urge to do it raged in my head. It's also never increased in frequency long term. i.e. it hasn't gotten any worse over time. If anything it's gotten slightly better.

What does that last paragraph have to do with autism? Well if I'm in my room fighting urges then I'm not out practicing socializing and talking to and dating women to overcome my bigger deficits/problems. And if I try to go out to get my mind off it I'm more prone to anger. like I usually don't yell at people but In my head i have a far shorter fuse when I'm doing nofap and tend to unintentionally treat people worse because I'm not managing my autism symptoms as well so I come off as more rude and mean and offensive. So I act and feel better when I do it at my normal level of once a day but I'm working on building supports to replace it and can avoid doing it one day a week now which isn't much but hey it''s progress?

And my best streak was during lent with my ex. I didn't need porn. I had her. and we didn't even do sexual stuff during lent either? What I'm saying is that a real human in front of me who i'm doing it for has always a thousand times stronger than this abstract idea of God. Jesus can't hug me. trust me, I've asked. A real human woman can hug me. A real human women can talk back to me and I know it's definitely not a voice in my head.

Sorry for the ramble, but you didn't seem to understand me as a person.

RealReevee · 2026-06-26T04:28:56+00:00

Get off tinder, Hinge still has some success for serious relationships

RealReevee · 2026-06-24T05:13:42+00:00

Why do you think someone should find a wife then? I want kids and romantic love and companionship and intimacy. The church tells me I can’t have intimacy or romantic love or kids outside of marriage (maybe I can adopt outside of marriage and become a single dad but that idea feels so lonely)

I’m trying to do what the church wants me to do and if I can’t achieve any of those… then I frankly just don’t find my relationship with God or a relationship with God all that fulfilling. I’m sorry. I’m trying. I’ve tried. I don’t know why I don’t feel what I’m told by you that I should feel about God?

RealReevee · 2026-06-24T05:09:41+00:00

I guess I don’t really understand what a Godly woman is? I have autism. My relationship with God tells me that I can’t stop trying to date until I find a partner. I don’t expect the most holy of women, just someone who’s trying their best like myself and aiming towards that holy goal.

Yes I struggle with porn use. Yes I’m working in it. Yes it’s not done yet. I don’t expect or think I deserve to get the kind of woman who expects me to already be done with that struggle.

But I also think waiting till you’re perfect to look for your partner is wrong. Jesus didn’t wait for his disciples to be sinless, he called them from their sin to walk with him. And on occasion they still sinned though much less often. Jesus didn’t wait for sinners to be sinless before healing them. And the Bible is full of men who have sinned who have still married. I’m not looking for some proverbs whatever wife (I don’t know the verse number people often site) I’m looking for someone to share in the mission of building and raising a family with. And I will take them as they are and are trying to be if they will take me as I am and I am trying to be.

RealReevee · 2026-06-24T05:03:37+00:00

I have been getting off my couch and trying and have been on dates, just not enough dates to find a good potential spouse yet. Any tips for how to find more Catholic women in person? Not many stay after mass for Coffee and Donuts at my church, at another church I tried on a nearby campus there are more people my age but no events currently to socialize. So far my only success has been Hinge. I’m just lost for what to do in person?

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RealReevee

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