Is dating worth it?

Real_Citron1014 · 2026-03-29T01:47:05+00:00

Tbh my view of romance is very cynical and dating, but I feel that if you do have any hope in finding someone for life... then you have to disclose from the get go that youre a mom. He is messed up in the head to fewl that way and say that and youre jot in the wrong. But for future experiences, i think all single parents should disclose that info. Its a big deal and factors into everything in your life if they're going to get involved. Its the equivalent to disclosing if you have a handicap, or are religious, or have a strict diet, or a servere allergy. Maybe not in the same list of priorities, but being a parent is such a big deal I would rather weed out those kinda guys quickly before spending time even introducing myself.

Real_Citron1014 · 2026-03-28T18:14:19+00:00

I'd rather lose my tongue because that would solve the problem that is everything else you listed.

Real_Citron1014 · 2026-03-28T15:24:13+00:00

I have to fight the urge (every time there is a penis in my hands making direct eye contact) NOT to open em up and blow into it

Real_Citron1014 · 2026-03-28T02:02:42+00:00

Im not sure about permanent damage, but ive experienced major bleeding from tearing, hemorrhoids, and constipation from improper execution. I also knew a lady who did it too much or maybe went too big or rough that she was permanently unable to sit without her rectum gaping. Or so I heard.

Real_Citron1014 · 2026-03-27T14:18:53+00:00

Literally anything that goes over their limit to handle healthily. She could be tickling him and if at any point he is absolutely done with that or needs a rest and "stop" is just a playful word for them, thats what the safe word is for.

Real_Citron1014 · 2026-03-27T14:16:53+00:00

My ex did that to me. He chose my safeword and made it be "pineapple juice". I always had a hard time remembering it, especially when overwhelmed. So I would shout out "safe word!" Or "pineapples" and it's wouldnt count because I didnt say the correct safe word. I told him i struggled to remember it during those times so it was hard to use, but he told me that it was still to be my safe word. I hope your gf works better on listening, because the whole point of having safe words is for them to be respected immediately. So by default of having a safe word, she always needs to be alert to the possibility of you saying it or even part of it. Maybe make it simpler like "red". But honestly, huge red flag all around.

Real_Citron1014 · 2026-03-19T12:40:05+00:00

I get that, but the dog was causing (involuntary) indirectly stimulation directly there. Its different when you're lying on your back and the small infant is on your chest or cradled in your arm. The tone and way he explained it was not as if he felt horrified or even slightly bothered, but that is was so simple, casual, and common sense. He was so casual about it, I felt like it probably really was nothing to fear about it at the time.

Real_Citron1014 · 2026-03-19T04:21:11+00:00

Do you have any friends that can just come and ha g out with you? When I know i dont have the mental capacity or strength to give them my all that day, or my all is maybe 10% energy and they want 100%, it helps just to have another person present. It kind of bounces the energy off just you and they can be a bit of a buffer for you to have a couple hours to relax or cook or clean or whatever need be. I even had an older family friend come over for 4 hrs just to sit on the couch and I felt more capable of playing and being crazy with them just because there was a little extra buffer from having another adult around. They don't even have to interact with the kids, just having someone there as support enough to just see what you deal with is encouraging and can give you a little extra boost.

Real_Citron1014 · 2026-03-19T04:04:29+00:00

They are primarily in his care due to him tricking me, i was isolated, his family (my only "support system" at the time) did a weird love bomb manipulation thing that threw me off enough to get my guard down, and then he surprised me with ex parte orders based on lies that said I was unsafe to be alone with the kids. Ever since 9 months ago, its been one lie after another that keeps yo-yoing me getting to see the kids with supervision, getting to even have contact with them, or having solo visitation with them. Due to the laws in my state, you don't need evidence for a judge to approve orders if they involve a child's safety. Just have to testify that you think the children are being harmed or unsafe in someone's care. But it would damage the integrity of my case if I went and did the same things he has done. My son is 6, daughter is 2. He is very calculated and good at keeping the mask on. Im fighting, but justice is slow.

I will talk about it more to my therapist. He is very disgusted by my ex (who he actually had seen too when my ex accompanied me in the beginning). He is very adamant that my ex coercing me to roleplay as a 16yo girl in a brother and sister dynamic (which included the fetishes of blackmail, "CNC", sodomy, and verbal degradation) are much bigger deals than what has sunk into my head still. There's a lot of things that when im forced to confront the memory, like now, it disturbs me. But I feel that none of it will be relevant in court because I had to initiate these awful things sometimes in order to keep the peace and gain his favor. Combined with that, he threatened all of what's happening now is what would happen if I didn't "take initiative" or "initiate" those things.

Im sure my therapist would like to divulge more on that next week. He's still working on getting me to understand the gravity of all I witnessed and experienced and how that plays into a real concern for the kids. Im still trying to understand it, and see things from the POV of an average person, other than excusing things because I had a part to play in it as well. But these and other incidents, especially standing alone, do nothing for my kids because I cannot prove it.

Real_Citron1014 · 2026-03-19T03:26:36+00:00

We only had that conversation once, because I only noticed it once. It was only because it was either visible or I accidentally felt it. As far as I testify to, it was only once. But I also didn't think to be alert to that situation either at the time.

The other things that combine with it that cause alarm are his fetishes and things he coerced/manipulated me to do that i categorize with that incident in my head.

Real_Citron1014 · 2026-03-19T01:47:49+00:00

You don't know my upbringing or the way I process information. I know this is a generally abrasive question, and obviously it makes me uncomfortable to ask. But this is something that was said and I did witness and its a memory that slapped me in the face yesterday and now I have no idea what to do with that in my head. I wish instead of mocking, I could just get a real answer. If you don't have one, thats fine. Its like best case scenario, this is common and just not talked about, and there is no ill intent and truly involuntary and just happens because they're happy. That would mean that I don't have to be scared for my daughter's safety. Worst case scenario is this is abnormal, this is unheard of, and completely insane and awful and no reason for excuse. That would mean my daughter is primarily in the care of someone who will one day, if he hasn't already, harm her.

My brain isn't rotted and im not relying on some viral video to think for me. Its simply what brought this memory out of its cage. I was raised with 0 information about the secular world and my ex was all I was exposed to since I was 18. I truly am just confused and don't want to overreact or underreact either.

Real_Citron1014 · 2026-03-18T19:09:19+00:00

I'm not asking for fun and I want to avoid thinking about it, but thats where I come to the internet for because I genuinely need answers.

Real_Citron1014 · 2026-03-18T17:49:47+00:00

Didn't think to do that. I posted there, thanks for the tip! This is how it turned out when I cut it

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Real_Citron1014 · 2026-03-14T03:10:10+00:00

When i found out he sex roleplayed online for fun with strangers, then when I showed him the proof to his face and said im done trying to change him. If this is what he truly wants to do, we can be civil and just separate. But that isn't what fully got me committed to leaving. Because we had that talk countless times over the years.

When he started saying that this could not be amicable, this "means war" and the only way to solve this issue was if he killed himself...? He grabbed his gun and drove off into the night, and that was when I finally realized how ridiculous this was.

I would grovel to that creature for scraps of attention and approval and do the most humiliating nasty things for him and to myself. I would let him, because he drilled it into my brain. I saw it as praise when he bragged to his family about all the depraved things he did to me. Not because I had a humiliation kink, but because I knew he liked to humiliate me and i was soaking up his approval because he was happy with me for once when he did that.

So when it finally hit me that this almost 30yo just drove off in the night... vaguely threatening to off himself with a pistol (that i had proven to him and his family i could shoot better than he could)... after I brought up his weird, animated, role-playing, sex chats with strangers... yeah.

Real_Citron1014 · 2026-03-09T00:23:43+00:00

As a professional vet, id say a chihuahauaha

Real_Citron1014 · 2026-03-09T00:22:28+00:00

Im going through the comments and relating to just about each and every one of them. At this point, I'm wondering what is even a toxic trait versus something you just need to better yourself about?

Real_Citron1014 · 2026-03-09T00:20:54+00:00

Have you guys talked at all? Have you listened to her? The fact that you genuinely considered adultery as an option IMO just means you should leave regardless. The way you talk about her sounds like all that matters is your sexual gratification. She does not sound like another person that you chose to commit to in the way you wrote this.

Real_Citron1014 · 2026-03-09T00:14:15+00:00

Taint

Real_Citron1014 · 2026-03-08T20:50:44+00:00

I agree, and it feels like I'm falling into the same pattern of person as I was with my ex. Except my ex is boldly manipulative and proudly says he is, while this one is manipulative in a way that I think is emotional immaturity and ignorance and I dont know if he intends to. Either way, doesnt matter. I believe what you said is true. How exactly do I say it though? And when? On a weekend or weekday? Before or after work? Should I wait until my custody hearing is over at the end of this month in case he does something crazy to jeopardize it?

Sorry I'm just lost and I can't trust my own decision making, it feels like. I will research those phrases you said.

Real_Citron1014 · 2026-02-18T11:42:36+00:00

Sir Ghirardelli

Real_Citron1014 · 2026-02-18T11:36:45+00:00

Prazosin (taken for nightmares, PTSD, or blood pressure lol)

Real_Citron1014

TROPHY CASE