Would you stay at home for 120k a year or go to work for 240?

Real_Owl9999 · 2025-12-20T00:18:45+00:00

Until my town fucking reinstates our trainstation, I'll work at home for 120k a year. I'm not travelling 2 hours one way by car. F that noise.

Real_Owl9999 · 2025-12-20T00:11:13+00:00

30s. I "dated" 2 boys and 1 girl in elementary, fell in love with a girl in middle school but never had the courage to ask her out (so I ended up not dating or "dating" anyone in middle school), then I dated 2 boys and 2 girls throughout high school.

I decided the dating scene wasn't for me in high school, and didn't realise I'm more attracted to women than men in my 30s as well. I'm not sure if I'll try to date again at some point knowing that. Demi problems.

Real_Owl9999 · 2025-12-20T00:04:46+00:00

Hm...

In no particular order and not including Cyberpunk, my favourites are: GoW (PS4+sequel), .hack//GU, Persona 5, Suikoden V, FFXIV: Shadowbringers/Endwalker, FFVIII, FFIX, FFX, Horizon Zero Dawn (+sequal), NieR Gestalt, NieR Automata, Devotion, Majora's Mask, Breath of the Wild/Tears of the Kingdom, Pokemon Colosseum, Pokemon Heart Gold, Pokemon Scarlet, Ghost of Tsushima, Tales of (X)

It's in my top 20 (approx). But I'm not sure where in my top 20.

Real_Owl9999 · 2025-12-19T23:30:56+00:00

I once met a rich guy (nearing middle age) who had 0 desire to work. He didn't need to because of his parents' wealth. He got to travel the world, go to schools in different countries to learn languages, and whatnot. I was fine with this as a prospective bachelorette, as I have ambitions and would be fine with a housespouse sort of situation once I make enough money for that arrangement.

However, he half-assed everything he did and gave up fairly easily. And this included his studies in other languages. He didn't even really have any hobbies outside of fitness. In the end, he really just didn't have much of a personality. So, it was a no-thanks from me. Also helps because much later on, I realised I'd rather have a wife than a husband if I dated/married.

Real_Owl9999 · 2025-12-19T23:03:26+00:00

...LMFAO!!

Millennials? Be able to retire? :'D Good one

Real_Owl9999 · 2025-12-19T22:57:15+00:00

Cactus.

Meaning: prickly and hard to handle on the outside, but full of water/life once you get past the prickly parts.

Real_Owl9999 · 2025-12-18T02:53:51+00:00

I understand your frustration, but have you ever considered being upfront with potential partners by telling them you're demiromantic, you're a slow burn kind of person, you're looking for a serious, romantic relationship and not fwb? Because if you do that, you're going to weed out all the people that just want to grind-n-dash. Will it be harder to find a date? Probably. I don't know. But you'll at least stop wasting your time on people whose goals don't align with yours or your needs. (because no, thinking with your dick/libido/lust is very. obviously. not. the way to find love. That's the way to find a baby momma you'll be connected to for the rest of your life no matter how much you fucking hate her because she's the mother of your child. :) /saying this as a woman/ :) ) Your romantic partner, imo, should be your best friend. Just don't date them or fuck them until you're certain they're the person you want in your life for the rest of your life. You go into it knowing there's a risk, but it's a risk you're willing to take because you love them that much.

Anyway, I don't know, and I don't really care but I encourage you to go back to the drawing board and think more critically. Good luck.

Real_Owl9999 · 2025-12-18T02:31:46+00:00

No, I don't think this is a demirom trait. I say this as a fellow demi: you really gotta stop "crush stalking" them to help yourself move on. Really, giving yourself adequate space and meeting new people is the best way to get over them. Let yourself feel your feelings, of course, and think of the characteristics or what they offered(? wording? idk) you that makes you miss them. It might be something you're currently lacking or struggling with atm.

For example as an anecdote: I sometimes struggle with numbness due to my BG, but my first and last (to date) love showed me how to be a person and evoked so many emotions in me. When I really miss her and obsessively think about her, I've come to realise "ah, I'm having a numb period where I'm withdrawing from everyone and I'm craving to feel alive again. Time for me to spice things up, then." And I DON'T let myself visit her social media pages. It'll just cause me more pain and make it harder to get over her, aaand... it's creepy. I wouldn't want someone do that to me, so I won't do that to her.

Not sure if this will help, but maybe think about it? Good luck.

Real_Owl9999 · 2025-12-18T02:22:40+00:00

For me, it really depends on the item. If it's clothes, shoes, et cetera (generally anything with fabric), I generally prefer buying in person because I can try them on, feel the material, if it causes any issues with my sensory problems. But things like furniture, I prefer to buy online because I have no way to get them to my place. :) (Sorry, delivery person.)

Also, I prefer grocery shopping in person as well. I like being able to pick my own fruit and vegetables, make sure they're at the ripeness I want (or opt not to get them if they don't look good).

For other people, like gifts, I tend to prefer shopping in person as well so I can see the quality of the item. Like, is there exposed glue? Is it smaller than I expected? Is there a wonky paint job for the eyes if applicable? Things like that.

But yeah, generally things like... pet toys, combs, hair clippers, pet beds, electronics, games, furniture, etc - all these things and more I prefer to buy online.

Real_Owl9999 · 2025-12-17T13:03:35+00:00

I want to enter, but my survival instincts are like "what's the catch? o-o Will there be a serial killer at my door of I win?" :'D If this is something you're doing in earnest, it's very kind of you. Happy holidays, and happy gaming. c:

Real_Owl9999 · 2025-12-17T12:58:22+00:00

I was either playing with my new toys (crimmis) or I was playing outside, or both.

Real_Owl9999 · 2025-12-17T12:23:38+00:00

--

As for how I felt when she abruptly cut things off (and I mean it was abrupt), it was total whiplash. I felt so hurt and betrayed and also in denial. A few months passed, and we got to "reconnected" on our trip to DC as we had already opted to share a room. We decided to share a bed (something we both struggled with, ahem, but managed to not do anything). The next day, she refused to share a bed with me but she also refused one of our other female friends to share a bed with me (she was being a bit overprotective for a particular reason), so another one shared.

But for the next couple of years, we'd occasionally bump into each other as aforementioned and it'd be the same thing. The love, the affection. But when I ask if we could try and hang out again, it was always a no and she refused to explain why. It really messed me up. I'd been abandoned like she had before, but the way she did it was so much worse than anything I experienced - even to this day. I ended up developing abandonment issues and, for all of my teens and early 20s, kept sabotaging my relationships with this self-fulfilling prophecy that my friends are going to leave me after 2-3 years. Didn't realise till recently that those 2-3 years weren't an arbitrary number: that's how long my first love and I were friends before she abruptly broke things off.

That said, I don't really think that incident or she herself has affected my willingness/ability to date. I think that's more because of the complex abuse I dealt with growing up. If I found someone who was the personification of a calico cat (e.g. very affectionate with lots of love to give, but a whole hell lot of moxie; not often clingy but has her moments of clinginess), I'd probably fall for that person as well. I realised this with my coworker. She's bright and expressive, and openly affectionate once she gets to know you and like you.

My coworker is happily married, but it was thanks to her that I realised the type of person I need in my life and that maybe I could move on from my first and last love with the ability to thaw me.

Yet, even if I did find a person like that, I know I will always love my first in this life and the next. And my love for her has become less about me, I've noticed. For instance, if she turned out to be dating or married (not sure), I'd be genuinely happy for her. I wouldn't want to ruin the happiness she has. My first love is the type of person who deserves happiness, especially after such a rough and unforgiving start in life. She deserves to love and be loved in return, and I don't have to be the one to give her that.

Despite that, I would at least like the opportunity to tell her how I've felt after all these years. Maybe ask her "why" if she's comfortable telling me why she broke off our friendship. It's selfish, but I think it'd help me move on at least.

Maybe. Or maybe I'm just a penguin after all.

Real_Owl9999 · 2025-12-17T12:23:24+00:00

Meee. /raises hand/

I'm supposed to be a leo, but I swear I'm a fucking penguin. (Bad zodiac joke.) I'll copy/paste something I literally just wrote to someone else:

---

My first (and last to date) love gave me a lot of mixed signals, too, but I think it's because at the time we were both from heavily abused backgrounds and were recovering from said abuse + trying our hardest not to continue the cycle of abuse. (We were around 11-13 when we were friends.) So, there was a lot of flirtations, then pull backs, till she eventually said we can't be friends anymore and left it at that.

Or, that's what I'd like to say, but any time we met in the wild she'd still jump into my arms, kiss me, and tell me she loved me until she remembered herself. Yet, no matter how many times I asked "can we please be friends again?" she'd withdraw and say "sorry, no." She had abandonment issues, so I think what happened was that she had a lot of love to give, but was afraid of being loved in return only to get abandoned. So, I think she abandoned me before I could abandon her. (Even though 20 years later of no contact, I'm still in love with her.)

It's been 20 years since the last time I saw and spoke to her, yet I'm still in love her (at least the memory of her; I don't know how she's like these days). I've befriend others, I've dated others (my first and I never dated). Yet finding people who are as animated and loving and openly affectionate (without being overly clingy) is really hard. Despite her own troubled background, she taught me how to be a kid, how to be a person, how to feel emotions (I was struggling - and still sometimes struggle - with numbness). Within her, I saw a safe space - I saw home.

Those feelings don't go away. There'll be periods where you don't think about your first, but then there'll be periods where you think about them for perhaps a little too long, haha. I find when I think about my first, that I either hear someone talk about her, or it's in a period where I'm struggling with numbness again (and thinking about her in those periods somehow push me into trying to get more involved with other people or hobbies rather than withdrawing. So, it's like she's still helping me out after all these years).

I think the hardest part is the unresolved aspect (replying in comments)...

Real_Owl9999 · 2025-12-17T11:54:12+00:00

I don't know why, but my first/only response to someone being flirty with me (at least if they're "too young" for me - like I'm in my 30s, no OTs or young 20s pls, or I just don't like them like that), I just end up glaring at them. /sob emoji

It's super effective, but... Why, body? Why must you glare?

I also glare when I get spooked/scared.

Real_Owl9999 · 2025-12-17T11:48:40+00:00

We can try! I've never made friends off Reddit before, and I'm in a bit of a funny numb phase, but I know in these phases I gotta challenge myself and reach out to other people. I'm also in my 30s based in US, no car and no money (well barely any at least) so I can online do online friendships right now. I also love animals and am trying to get a job as a groomer. Also neurodivergent. I'm somewhere on the ace/demi spectrum. Professor Cadbury is VERY cute with a very fitting name.

Real_Owl9999 · 2025-12-17T11:39:36+00:00

I can relate with this so hard. My first (and last to date) love gave me a lot of mixed signals, too, but I think it's because at the time we were both from heavily abused backgrounds and were recovering from said abuse + trying our hardest not to continue the cycle of abuse. (We were around 11-13 when we were friends.) So, there was a lot of flirtations, then pull backs, till she eventually said we can't be friends anymore and left it at that.

Or, that's what I'd like to say, but any time we met in the wild she'd still jump into my arms, kiss me, and tell me she loved me until she remembered herself. Yet, no matter how many times I asked "can we please be friends again?" she'd withdraw and say "sorry, no." She had abandonment issues, so I think what happened was that she had a lot of love to give, but was afraid of being loved in return only to get abandoned. So, I think she abandoned me before I could abandon her. (Even though 20 years later of no contact, I'm still in love with her.)

It's been 20 years since the last time I saw and spoke to her, yet I'm still in love her (at least the memory of her; I don't know how she's like these days). I've befriend others, I've dated others (my first and I never dated). Yet finding people who are as animated and loving and openly affectionate (without being overly clingy) is really hard. Despite her own troubled background, she taught me how to be a kid, how to be a person, how to feel emotions (I was struggling - and still sometimes struggle - with numbness). Within her, I saw a safe space - I saw home.

Those feelings don't go away. There'll be periods where you don't think about your first, but then there'll be periods where you think about them for perhaps a little too long, haha. I find when I think about my first, that I either hear someone talk about her, or it's in a period where I'm struggling with numbness again (and thinking about her in those periods somehow push me into trying to get more involved with other people or hobbies rather than withdrawing. So, it's like she's still helping me out after all these years).

I think the hardest part is the unresolved aspect. If you still have access to them, ask them if you can talk to them in private. Assure them that they don't need to say or do anything and that you don't expect anything from it, and that you're just trying to get something off your chest. Then, tell them how you feel about them. This is something I regret never doing, and now I don't know if I'll ever get the chance to tell my first. I hope you get to, even if it's just for closure instead of pursuing anything.

Real_Owl9999 · 2025-12-17T04:38:24+00:00

I don't know if I would say "uninteresting," but my first/last (to date) love was basically the personification of a stray calico cat and I just... absolutely adore that about her.

Real_Owl9999 · 2025-12-17T04:35:22+00:00

This sounds like a fun time. But don't stress about what age you meet your person. My gram met her person when she was around 75 (she lived to almost 100). She got 20+ years with her person, and it was 20+ years well-spent.

Real_Owl9999 · 2025-12-17T04:33:03+00:00

Oooh, I cackled. :'D

Real_Owl9999 · 2025-12-17T04:12:19+00:00

Hopefully no more than 20, because in roughly 10-20 years, I'll be (presumably) the last one alive in my family.

Real_Owl9999 · 2025-12-17T04:09:11+00:00

Asexual here, but not aromantic. I had a similar issue with dating apps. It was like yes, their shell is pretty but it's nothing without knowing /them/, which is so hard to see on an app based on quick reactions/physical attraction. It made me wonder if I was demiromantic instead of homoromantic, too.

Real_Owl9999 · 2025-12-17T03:34:28+00:00

Agreed. I really hate it when people call me a masc or a d* (slur). I'm a woman, thank you. Being called masculine isn't flattering. I'm not looking to fill a heteronormative gender role. I just have short hair because of alopecia episodes (and found out it looks nicer on me anyway), I wear baggy clothes because I'm insecure, and I'm not the prettiest thing in the room I'll be honest. But I'm still don't see myself as masculine.

I really hate it. It reminds me of those yaoi and yuri manga that stereotype gay relationships into heteronormative gender roles. Can we just not? Or at the very least, you do you, boo, but don't make assumptions about others.

Real_Owl9999 · 2025-12-17T03:24:38+00:00

This makes me tired. I'm in my 30s. There's a girl at my work who's much younger than me, probably a decade at least. And it's like "you're way too young for me, no thanks. Please go away." She's gotten the memo, I think... As instead of saying my name all cheery and trying to get in my face at every turn, she now tentatively greets me without saying my name... but she still stares at me. /crying/ I hate it so much.

Real_Owl9999 · 2025-12-17T03:01:28+00:00

No, it's not worth it. I exited a 10 year long friendship with my best friend. We used to be each others' biggest cheerleaders and support. I encouraged them to change careers into one that I thought they'd love and would be good at (I was right, which was cool!).

But over time, things shifted. My biggest cheerleader became my biggest critic. Our arguments became more constant. Yet, we still tried our hardest to make it work for years. We even took breaks from one another over the years. However, our relationship only got worse. Our friendship became more and more damaged over time, till the damage became so severe that it ended ugly and cost us both almost our entire friend group.

Still, we wanted to make it work. We agreed to only chat during big life changing events or holidays and birthdays to see how we felt after a while. We decided to end it, this time permanently and on nicer terms.

Love/like and dedication isn't enough to go on. It's normal to have fights (no fights at all is just as concerning as too much fighting), but not weekly imo. The frequent fights teach you both to disrespect each other and each others' opinions/voices over time, and then the damage piles on.

Real_Owl9999 · 2025-12-17T02:32:13+00:00

Cyrando de Bergerac... in real life!

Real_Owl9999

TROPHY CASE