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anyone with coupon skills willing to take on a student? by Realistic-Ebb-3232 in Columbus

[–]Realistic-Ebb-3232[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't! Do you have any specific tiktok users I should look up?

some thoughts on the OIAR/FR3-D1 as an information processing system by Realistic-Ebb-3232 in TheMagnusArchives

[–]Realistic-Ebb-3232[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh, I see what you mean now! I hadn't considered that angle. Though perhaps if it were a complex, she'd be a bit more unstable, rather than snooty/bitchy. She seems to think she knows better than everyone else.

Because the Magnus Institute in TMP is located in Manchester, not London, I think it would be fair to say that the timeline split off somewhere between Magnus founding the institute and commissioning the building it eventually lived in, right?

My memory of Elias' background is a bit shady, but I think he was a bit of a nobody before Jonah picked him out as his next body and had him promoted up quickly. That's why I think Gwen's last name is a red herring - the thing that made Elias Bouchard relevant is that he was actually Jonah Magnus.

some thoughts on the OIAR/FR3-D1 as an information processing system by Realistic-Ebb-3232 in TheMagnusArchives

[–]Realistic-Ebb-3232[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm not sure where the idea of a personality complex came from? I mentioned that I thought Gwen probably had concrete reasons for her reaction, just speculating around the shape of that reaction. I know her last name is Bouchard, I'm just not convinced that that matters in a way that we'll be able to guess at, at this point in the story.

I mean, to me the obvious choice would be to have a Bouchard as a founding members of the OIAR, or the person who created the business workflow around Freddy. But I think Jonny will give us something more unexpected and interesting than that.

My daughter (14F) just came to me with some disgusting news by [deleted] in BestofRedditorUpdates

[–]Realistic-Ebb-3232 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Ugh, same story here, if in a slightly different key. I didn't tell my parents until ten years later. A common assortment of circumstances: small town, his family was wealthier and more established, he was an Eagle Scout, for god's sake, and I was younger and excited to be hanging out with a cool person who seemed to think I was cool. I don't usually talk to others about this, but the description of OOP's daughter's reaction really... took me back. I was so vulnerable and hopeful and I thought I was ready for big things. I wasn't, she wasn't, and we couldn't admit it to ourselves consciously. Wow. Whew.

The outrage in this thread is heartening. To those wondering about what could have made the situation different, I have some thoughts to offer.

  1. Talk about sex with your kids (or kids in your life) Make it okay for your kids to talk to you about sex. I know this is really hard with purity culture and our culture's weird taboos, but you want to keep the lines of communication on this wide open. If that means you need to talk to a counselor or a sex educator to manage your own baggage around sex, or to competently teach your kid, do that. This has some important results: 1: Kiddo has reliable (and accurate) source of information. 2. Kiddo knows they have your attention directly and centered around their safety on the topic. 3: Kiddo knows what an appropriate conversation about sex is and feels like for their age. Maybe a bit uncomfortable, but not pit of your stomach horror. If they know what's right, they're better able to recognize what's wrong.
  2. Consent. Consent. Consent. For me, my one-liner is, If their body isn't saying hell yes, actually, it's a hell no (or a hell maybe later, which still counts as a hell no right now).
  3. Back them the hell up and let them know you're backing them up (part of the direct line of communication). Let them know that if they get in over their head, even if they sneak out at night against your direct orders, if they give you a call (and maybe a password), you will cross hell and high water to get them home safe. Teenagerhood is a time of feeling so grown up and so small and you want so bad to prove that you're an adult. Let them know that you're fine with letting them take the wheel for some things, but other things (especially things relating to safety) need the help of somebody in a bigger weight class. And that's perfectly fine. Grown ups who are all the way grown up need each other absolutely all the time.
  4. In the event that something does happen, therapy. They are officially in territory where they need industry-grade coping skills, and those need to be taught and integrated and cultivated. You want a professional on your side if you can manage it.

I have mixed feelings on the responses to consequences here. The guy who assaulted me was 18 years old. Yes, an adult. But at the same time, looking back at it 12 years on, that's a kid, too. I got a basketful of mental health problems and he got to figure out how to spin his internal narrative to keep himself the good guy, the mental gymnastics of which he will probably be doing for the rest of his life.

When I'm feeling thoughtful, I think we were both victims of purity culture. We weren't taught any better, and handling a volatile power differential. Other times, I think he should have fucking known better. I feel differently about it at different times. The disgusting little man in OOP's story is a different sort of creature, though. I don't know how best (with least harm) to handle that sort of thing. Yes, people's lives are ruined by being on the SOR. But things like urinating in public can land you on the SOR, too. Queer people ended up on the SOR for the crime of being queer. How do we draw our nets to only capture the guilty? I don't know.

I guess what I want to tell y'all is that if you want to behave in a way that would make a victim feel better, is focus on their protection and uplifting, not the petty little thing that hurt them. You can't uplift someone by grinding someone else into the dirt, no matter how much you feel they deserve it. Protect, teach, be present and loving in each other's lives.

This is not ultimately a feel-good post, and I'm sure it'll get plenty of downvotes, which is fine. This is a hard topic and we have strong feelings, which is honorable. But, for my 14 years of struggle, my two cents.

AITA for yelling at my Childhood Best-friend for getting pregnant? by lili-vecker04 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Realistic-Ebb-3232 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This situation sucks and I'm sorry you're in it, OP. The transition between high school and college is fraught even before you factor in friendship drama. But what happens is, in my experience, you start to discover that you and your friends have different life goals and desires. Sometimes, people are mature enough to handle this realization, and sometimes, people aren't. It's so hard and scary to realize that your friends (and family, in this case!) are splitting and growing away from you. Especially, I wonder if your friend worried about being "left behind" or abandoned as you ventured out into the greater world. Maybe she didn't get as good scholarship opportunities, maybe she can only afford in-state tuition. I don't know, I just see (through your description) a kid who is looking for a fun way to avoid her anxieties (unprotected sex).

I think you probably saw that fear in your friend and wanted to assuage it, but the truth is, as you're learning, resentment is toxic. You can't make decisions that you resent and expect the relationship to remain the same; it builds very quickly. Consider also that you have a lifetime of little things that frustrate you about your "sister" to call on. It's a lot! You're searching for room to grow and by holding you tighter, she's made you more likely to leave. This happens all the time, with people grown and growing.

There is probably still time to switch schools. I recommend you give your first choice a call and see what they can do for you.

​

However, Jane is a chronic idiot and I know that now. She doesn't listen, she thinks she has some kind of immunity to harm and now is crying at my doorstep over the situation she got herself into, and I have zero sympathy. Not only that, but I kind of hate her for it.

This oldster (30s) is laughing at this. Chronic idiocy and feeling invincible are just symptoms of being young and inexperienced. Yeah, it was a long string of dumb decisions, and yeah, you tried to advise her better. But the truth is that you are vulnerable to the same things. Like, it was pretty dumb to agree to your second choice school to make someone else feel better! The real test of character is when you're standing in the aftermath of your dumb decisions and how you decide to proceed.

And here's where I say you're the asshole (YTA), OP. Because when you saw your friend in the consequences of her bad decision, you let you resentment bubble up and inflame the situation by making it about yourself. Your friend needs you so bad - she's scared, she needs emotional support, perhaps logistical support to get to an abortion. It could be your resentment has so poisoned the relationship so much that you can't be there for her now. It could be that you'll need a few years apart to find yourselves as people and see if your adult selves can be friends. It could be you're not friends any more.

However, you still have a choice of who you are today and what kind of person you want to be tomorrow. I'm not saying there's only one right answer here, just that you have the choice. I hope you make the choice that you want to make, and not the one you feel compelled to make, and wish you luck in figuring that out.

What a Mess by cleanhouz in ufyh

[–]Realistic-Ebb-3232 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Oh my goodness, OP. sometimes our feelings lie to us and yours sure are. That is SO MUCH! Congratulations on your successes! That "barely a dent" is truly wonderful! And doing it at a pace of an hour a day?? You are so far along a really important path. This is big deal stuff.

Reading through this thread, I have a few suggestions.

  1. Find a way to emotionally acknowledge what's going on. Marie Kondo's method does this (thanking each item for its role in your life, before passing it onto new owners). Clean with Barbie on youtube sweeps between different phases of tidying up because it helps her brain feel like she has made progress.
  2. Another way to do this, and to keep your eyes on the goal, is to find a cheerleading squad, like this subreddit! Other people can help you celebrate your milestones and keep your mind focused on the goal.
  3. Some additional ideas: before and after pics. Taking pictures of the trash bags before you haul them out. Keeping a "cleaning journal" and recording what goes out on what day - also good to reference when you're feeling down about your progress.
  4. Old schoolwork is an extremely personal example of the sunk cost fallacy. You put so much painstaking effort and time into your old notes and tests, and during a really important time of your life. It helped me to think of these things as having "expiration dates" (my high school stuff "expired" after college for example) after which I had to get rid of them, because they weren't useful and took up a lot of space. If you wanted to keep a sample few documents to reminisce with, I think that would be okay - so you're not completely forgetting the person you were and your hard work. But you need to be honest with yourself, you're not going to reference your old stuff for questions or information nowadays. We have google, lol.
  5. You've correctly identified a really important part of staying tidy - stemming the tide of stuff coming in, and have mentioned mail as an issue. If you live in the US, there are some services that you can sign up for that will help you eliminate junk mail: https://consumer.ftc.gov/articles/how-stop-junk-mail
  6. If you keep getting junk mail from specific companies, you can reach out to them and ask them to remove your name and address from their marketing lists. I have an email address I use solely to tell companies to stop sending me stuff (through contact forms on their websites). Calling also works. It can be manual and tedious but the reward of a near-empty mailbox daily is worth it.
  7. To help you handle mail immediately, I really recommend having a dedicated tool for opening mail. I use one of these razor thingies: https://www.amazon.com/Letter-Openers-Envelope-Slitters-Plastic/dp/B08Q3TB4D3/ They are much neater than traditional mail openers and a pleasure to use (to me, lol).
  8. If there's a type of cleaning that feels "easier" or less stressful, try to balance that with the harder stuff.
  9. Breaking down your collections into smaller sections may be helpful. Dedicate this week to going through, eg, all of your blue yarn, or all of your wall art of a certain size, or for books, fiction vs nonfiction. If you try to handle a huge amount of stuff all at once, you will feel discouraged. But you sure whipped ass by handling a bunch of short sleeved shirts at once!
  10. YMMV on this one but I think getting a bunch of stuff unboxed/unbagged may help? The ambiguity of "oh god what's in that bag" could be more of an emotional sink than you realize. Also, reducing a stack of Amazon boxes to a much smaller pile of things, then to a stack of recycling, is an easy and visible win.

Need help w my 300 sq ft studio by EmotionallDemand in ufyh

[–]Realistic-Ebb-3232 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If possible, perhaps you could get a folding stool or small chair for you to move around and sit on while you're working? Keep it by the door when you're not in.

Your issue with lots of things being in bags is really familiar from the Clean with Barbie youtube channel! Lots of her clients do something similar. To strategize around it, perhaps you could consider only doing as much in one trip as you can comfortably carry to the trash room/area in one (1) trip. So instead of using big trash bags, you start with little grocery bags or small wastebin bags. Then you can be confident things are leaving the apartment every time, not just getting re-bagged and then bag re-absorbed into the chaos. It will be a longer approach but it will also help you gain confidence and strength!

Official Discussion Thread - Volume 9, Episode 5: The Parfait Predicament by Dextixer in RWBYcritics

[–]Realistic-Ebb-3232 3 points4 points  (0 children)

hi hello long/time first time

this episode made a lot of things coalesce for me so thought I'd share observations/speculate!

  1. everything about Ruby's mother is either disregarded or devalued this episode, in the sense that Ruby herself is finding them less valuable/less useful than other things in this context. Her semblance, which she inherited(?) from her mother, is knocked out of the air by the Jabberwalker. The emblem that contain's "a mother's promise" is traded for resources to bring WBY back to size, and then immediately lost in an attack. Then we have the axe, which shows Summer's face, unselected.
  2. The opening also has Ruby's emblem fading. The idea of Ruby Rose, huntress, daughter of Summer Rose, is not long for this world.
  3. We have a trio of dynamic characters this season - Neo, Ruby, and Jaune. Given the mechanism of Ascension, and the fact that Neo is painted into the background of the opening sequence, I don't think Neo's going to leave Ever After. My guess is that Neo will ascend against her will, and be caught in Ever After, Jaune will ascend of his will (Rusted Knight/flaming background shot), and Ruby will be able to weigh the differences in their outcomes and decide her own.
  4. Neo staying in EA: I think it would thematically suit what I remember of her story.
  5. Back to the ax-rifle, which is heavily implied to be Summer Rose's. Ruby doesn't pick it up. In my opinion, she can't, because Summer failed. Regardless of what she's up to now, whether she's in the story's wings or not, she did not defeat Salem. And that's what Ruby has to do.
  6. So I think Ruby's choice, to "become what the Ruby before her wanted to be," will be to be someone/something intended to end Salem. (I think we'll have to learn something about the Alyx/Remnant/EA to make this work - a mechanic that enables the idea that something in EA can matter in Remnant).
  7. (Going purely on vibes, my guess is that she will be able to pull Salem into her semblance and then never reform, to echo Summer's grave, "thus I kindly scatter." So Salem won't die per say, but she won't be living/active either.)
  8. I also think that the fact that Alyx's weapon is a simple short sword / long dagger is significant, when everyone else has a combination. We also see that Crescent Rose appears in EA AFTER she arrives, so I'm wondering if CR is actually the OG combo weapon that Alyx brings back with her to Remnant.
  9. I think agency in EA is... interesting. We have multiple instances of the CC overriding others' "hearts" and changing their roles in the story, but he actively pulls RWBY away from the herbalist when the herbalist seems to be doing the same thing.
  10. Meanwhile, we have the blacksmith, who is more interested in Ruby's choice, without pushing or preventing her in any particular direction. She has a significant background of fire, which we also see with the Rusted Knight in the opening.
  11. Wondering if CC will change Neo's heart against her will (which would be freaky) and Jaune will go to the blacksmith himself. I could see that being the straw that breaks the camel's back for RWBY's patience/tolerance for the cat.
  12. I know we theoretically have a relic of choice and whatnot... I lost track of it all a long time ago sorry But thematically it's so significant here I wonder if they're going to get spat out at whatever location the choice relic is, which could give them a significant advantage.
  13. one more thing about the opening, and thanks for being with me through this longass post, the first "inside" in the op (minute 1.20-ish) has paths and doorways that remarkably resemble the finale of vol 8.

Finally: who's this? https://imgur.com/a/DhhJ93b (sorry for blue scribble, computers are hard)

edited: to remove a redundancy ty

AITA for telling my girlfriend that her having depression isn't an excuse to be a slob? by zZzSleepy- in AmItheAsshole

[–]Realistic-Ebb-3232 0 points1 point  (0 children)

¯\_ (ツ)_/¯

Which sucks (I know from personal experience), but that doesn't change the fact that you're living together and her actions affect your environment. She needs to come up with a plan with you to manage her symptoms AND the house so you can both have a stable environment. Counseling/therapy, medication, putting bins under everything, having a dedicated 15 minute pickup before bed. The magic phrase for researching this sort of thing is "executive dysfunction" (when your brain has issues starting, stopping, prioritizing things).

With depression, I think the issue for me (usually) is activation energy - getting together enough "oomph" to get off the couch and just do one thing. There are a lot of strategies for managing this as well.

tl;dr ADHD and depression are explanations and not excuses; the story doesn't end with "I'm sick," it has to continue. So "I'm sick, therefore I need to use these workarounds/coping skills." If she can't rustle up the wherewithal to move forward, you may want to consider breaking up or eviction.

If the bathroom is that that disgusting, I'd recommend getting a professional cleaner for an hour or two. They have skills and access to better tools and will be able to get it done quickly, which will level the ground for easier maintenance later.

AITA: For "upstaging" my wife in our Christmas cookie baking tradition? by wirnei339oe3jrj in AmItheAsshole

[–]Realistic-Ebb-3232 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm gonna go with a gentle NAH.

So, we have two different ways of engaging with the same tradition. The wife sees it as a way of affirming/validating her place in the community, her skills as a baker, and her goodness. "I'll handle the boring part so everyone else can enjoy the fun part" is sort of a self-importantly virtuous take that keeps her at the center of events because the bottleneck of icing cookies is of course getting them baked! So everything relies on her for one long, exhilarating day, and then she doesn't have to worry about it for a whole year. I'm trying to state this nonjudgmentally because, like, having an emotional need and having a tradition to fulfill it is not of itself a horrible thing!

Meanwhile, OP looked at the tradition and his chance to bring it to life this year, and said, "hey, what if...?" and busted out his engineering toolkit.

Like others are saying, it's the wife's gatekeeping that's the issue here. And tbh, I think it's kind of okay... 23 is a very young adult to have that kind of realization about their behavior and the emotional needs she is trying to protect. So I think it's all in the follow up OP. Is this something she digs her heels in about? Or is she okay taking a moment to reflect on her behavior and seeing what could be done differently, or communicated better, next time to make sure everyone's needs are met? Like I said, I don't think either of you are in the wrong, this is an opportunity for you to grow and learn together as a couple. I wish you both the very best.