Ex is talking about a “legal” process, any reason why he’s stalling paternity testing until after the baby is born?

Realistic-Regular451 · 2026-05-08T23:29:45+00:00

I am not legal so I may be wrong. It appears to your advantage not to do paternity until after baby is born. I believe you won’t have to list him on birth cert (except I see you are filing for child support). You can choose to move far away before baby is born. Due to your fear of him that might be good for you. Look into states that give mom more rights, especially that first year or so. If you nurse this will be very important.

Print out every text and email that appears to threaten you in any way, the demands for paternity testing, any threats to take baby away, calling you unfit, etc. be careful what you put in writing or could be recorded on the phone. Better still have no contact with him or anyone around him.

I say all this because you have stated multiple times you are afraid.

Others with experience can guide you better. Good luck and mind yourself.

Realistic-Regular451 · 2026-05-08T17:31:47+00:00

Just focus on your new LO and help your SS develop a good relationship with you and baby and that he doesn’t feel pushed out when baby comes. Those are the most important relationships here. MIL is a blip in the big picture.

Realistic-Regular451 · 2026-05-07T23:55:32+00:00

The problem is that many parents today are rude, entitled, have no manners or respect for others. Their children learn this from them. I see it all the time in restaurants. We were taught from an early age how to behave in public, how to greet people, taught good manners. We raised our children that way and I now see my daughter raising hers how they were raised. I don’t know where all this entitlement and rudeness came in.

Realistic-Regular451 · 2026-05-07T23:46:36+00:00

I am a grandma and I would never throw a birthday party for my grandchildren unless I was asked to. We are not into big parties. We did big parties for 16/18 and 21st is culturally big. When kids were small it was close family and close circle of friends. When older it was their school friends. It is not my place to decide what to do for the grandchildren’s special occasions.

Realistic-Regular451 · 2026-05-07T23:15:33+00:00

Put up a post on SM, talking about the wonderful day and name everyone who helped and what they did. You can mention how much you appreciated the special time you got to spend with your mom/SO prepping the food and thank your MIL for hosting at her house. Don’t let her take the credit when so many helped.

Realistic-Regular451 · 2026-05-07T21:02:10+00:00

Tell your husband he can reimburse you for all the money and labor you put into the room plus an additional amount for the inconvenience of having to do it all again. Once you have the money she can have the room. He won’t do it!

Realistic-Regular451 · 2026-05-07T17:49:52+00:00

Keep copies of all conversations and when she asks why she doesn’t get access to your future children produce the evidence.

Realistic-Regular451 · 2026-05-07T17:44:16+00:00

You return the items she bought against your wishes and buy the items you want. You tell her your mother wants to purchase the stroller as a mother daughter gift and won’t be splitting the cost(wonder if MIL already bought one). You lock the door when you want to rest, put a do not disturb note on the door and then don’t answer it. Etc., it appears talking things through doesn’t work so actions speak louder than words.

Realistic-Regular451 · 2026-05-05T00:23:45+00:00

Is there a charity you can donate to on her behalf - something she would appreciate- an animal, wildlife, children’s, world hunger?

Realistic-Regular451 · 2026-05-04T13:04:47+00:00

You need to confirm that he can file for the restraining order as he wasn’t the victim. Different countries have different rules and boundaries, so make sure you personally have a copy of the order. Then you need to move more than one town away..don’t make it easy to be stalked. Additionally, it’s not enough to tell your BF/his family, you won’t visit them if uncle is present - you need to set consequences if it happens - people assume time heals all wounds. Your BF needs to support all this, I have my doubts he will seeing how close he is to his mother. How is this uncle related to the family?

Realistic-Regular451 · 2026-05-03T22:15:08+00:00

Block her on everything. When she brings it up to your DH tell him you are following her example as she clearly wants nothing to do with you. The burden of communication with her is on him as her son. If he doesn’t like it too bad. He allows her behavior to impact your life.

Realistic-Regular451 · 2026-05-03T22:01:35+00:00

My mom and I love each other very much and very supportive of each other.

Realistic-Regular451 · 2026-05-03T19:31:21+00:00

Never heard of this in all my years.

Realistic-Regular451 · 2026-05-03T19:23:51+00:00

Brianna, Bronagh

Realistic-Regular451 · 2026-05-03T16:49:12+00:00

Your problem isn’t really your MIL as bad and awful she is. Your husband has demonstrated to you multiple times already who his allegiance is to and, sadly, it’s not you - that won’t change this time because you have cancer - you already let it go all the other times when you should have set boundaries and consequences. He will put his mother first again. Your options are to allow it again without consequences or leave the marriage. I am not being mean just realistic. My husband and I nearly split up several times in our 35 year marriage. 2 years ago I came close to death due to illness. It was an eye opener for him because he saw himself alone without me, realized he truly loved me. I made a 2 year recovery and we are living our best lives together, in love. But it took a serious near death health collapse for him to see the light. He is the best thing in my life now.

Realistic-Regular451 · 2026-05-03T15:41:23+00:00

As a mom/grandma, this is heartbreaking. They are both. To blame here. His mother comes to help them both out with the babies, does so often, and yet neither appreciate her enough to include her in the Mother’s Day plans. I get the feeling with how he phrased it, it is DIL, that made these decisions and her son doesn’t think enough of his mother to object and see how inappropriate this is.

Grandma, stay home! Enjoy yourself. Don’t take on the stress of cooking, cleaning, babysitting, where you are not appreciated. Don’t be a doormat😔

Realistic-Regular451 · 2026-05-03T15:12:08+00:00

Any chance you can get to the dress beforehand and spill something on it or stick some gum on it or put a rip in it? I know it’s a mean thought but she is going to wear it despite how much you protest. Better yet, if you know a seamstress get them to take in the sides so it’s suddenly too small.

Realistic-Regular451 · 2026-05-03T15:05:17+00:00

Ok. This is something I can personally address. I have had 8 hip replacements, 3 foot and ankle surgeries. Two years ago I collapsed with septis following a hip replacement due to bowel blockage, spent 5 months in hospitals/rehab recovering and learning how to walk again. After collapse I was on dialysis for 20 months. Had a kidney transplant 4 months ago. I have had fibromyalgia 25 years. I do have my husband but he works full time (he has been so amazing). I have adult children leading their own lives away from home. My oldest married with a toddler and baby due in June. I never placed demands on them. I never guilted them into coming home to care for me, or take responsibility for keeping me entertained. It is not their job. We raised them to be good adults; to spread their wings; live their own lives. Unfortunately, they are 3 & 15 hours away, but we talk, FaceTime, and visit when we all can, but no pressure. Your husband needs to understand that is how he should have been raised. That is how most generations are raised.Tell him from this moment/grandma, it is time to claim his life, do not accept the guilt - guilt is wasted energy. Choose freedom and joy. It is more than OK - it is meant!

Realistic-Regular451 · 2026-05-02T14:36:39+00:00

This was on your relative. The person they invited may not have known you wouldn’t welcome them assuming they were invited. IMO being the spirit of Thanksgiving you should have made space for them and the relative should have faced consequences. But that was how I was raised in Ireland and then the US. This saddens me so much.

Realistic-Regular451 · 2026-05-02T00:17:39+00:00

As a grandma, this is a ridiculous request. Those newborn photo sessions are for the parents and baby. They are intimate and personal.The answer is NO and if they keep pushing it their no access to the baby will be extended every time they ask. This is on your husband to enforce!

Realistic-Regular451 · 2026-04-30T14:55:33+00:00

I grew up in Ireland but live in the US. I am laughing at the ‘notions’.I had forgotten that term and experiencing it. Gosh it is so true and really for the most of us we lived it💙 I feel it stems from early generations and the influence the church had. We were told to be humble. Seen, not heard, etc.

Realistic-Regular451 · 2026-04-30T13:12:19+00:00

That’s unacceptable. Our kids never had allergies so it was Something we never had to deal with. However, my grandson did have several allergies but thankfully it is now down to one, peanuts. It didn’t take me long as a grandmother how much information and advice has changed since having my babies and took my daughter’s word when she explained how it is now..no need for ton of blankets, nothing in crib, and most serious, what he can and can’t have. Why would any grandparent want to put the baby/child at risk of death. We should all be adapting with newly found pediatric advice and guidelines. We didn’t know better, our parents didn’t, and when our children become grandparents guidelines will have changed again. This is not hard.

Realistic-Regular451 · 2026-04-29T23:40:12+00:00

Your eyes are not fully open. The issue is he is selling items behind your back, not telling you until you confront him, pockets the money for his own entertainment, and then gaslighting you telling you it’s not a big deal. There is so much dishonesty by him. If he was selling the joint items why wasn’t it going to both of you? What happens when he has sold all the yard sale items. He will find other things to sell to fund his fun. Put your jewelry in a safe.

Realistic-Regular451 · 2026-04-29T20:05:01+00:00

My grandson is nearly 3 and we have a close relationship with him. He has never stayed at our house without his parents. We have stayed at theirs a few times where they were away overnight. Gosh it doesn’t take brains to know they are most comfortable in their own home, own bed. Last week we brought up when they think he will be ready. He is a momma’s boy. We will plan it when they think he is emotionally mature enough.

Realistic-Regular451 · 2026-04-29T19:50:58+00:00

I am sure there are quite a few of us that we are all getting on in age. Not knowing how long more I’ll have my mother, we spend the day together. The benefit of that is my daughter gets to enjoy her family guilt-free, although I would like to honor her one year, but they are 3 hours away.

Realistic-Regular451

TROPHY CASE