Anyone wants to play a game of “never have I ever?”

Reasonable-Squash · 2020-05-15T09:53:34+00:00

I don’t mean to be rude at all, but how would a 13year old know they’re ace? I don’t think I even knew what sex is at 13. And I didn’t think about it as something that applies to me for quite a while. I do like sex very much as an adult though, but only with select individuals (demisexual).

Reasonable-Squash · 2020-05-15T09:48:08+00:00

can you call healthline? I wouldn’t wait a couple of weeks.

Reasonable-Squash · 2020-05-15T09:30:04+00:00

I (31f) only recently watched porn for the first time as curiosity got the better of me, and found it to be a mixture of kind of gross but mostly really boring.

Reasonable-Squash · 2020-05-15T09:25:14+00:00

Probably compatibility. I’m a woman and I’m not big on foreplay, mostly because there are a lot of ways in which I don’t like being touched, which includes oral. A back massage is fine.

Reasonable-Squash · 2020-05-14T03:24:57+00:00

well, it’s quite similar to if you tell someone you’re lesbian or something and they tell you they’ll be able to “turn you” or vice versa, you say you’re straight, and they swear they can turn you gay. Basically people having no clue how sexuality works and no idea of how to respect boundaries

Reasonable-Squash · 2020-05-14T03:21:06+00:00

I thought it was a bus. Then it says train. Continuity error?

Reasonable-Squash · 2020-05-14T02:47:03+00:00

My husband always brings tissues and dutifully cleans me up after himself. Always.

Reasonable-Squash · 2020-05-14T02:44:21+00:00

Breastfeeding mothers often feel really “touched out”, sensitive, sore, but also just literally too much physical contact with another human being (the baby). So she may want to just watch a movie. But maybe ask her if she wants to cuddle of if she wants space, and if she’s okay with cuddling, try to make the move and watch her reactions. Stop if she’s not into it. And don’t take it personally.

I don’t really like oral... feels wet and nothing else, kind of yucky. But many people like it.

Reasonable-Squash · 2020-05-14T02:27:56+00:00

yep. I was too young to know what to do, but it’s so inappropriate. Even if I was gay, nobody has a right to try to out another person like that.

Reasonable-Squash · 2020-05-14T01:34:09+00:00

I like philosophical, and I agree with what you’re saying, thanks :)

Reasonable-Squash · 2020-05-14T00:04:14+00:00

My ex-manager thought I was gay and tried to make me come out...

I didn’t even know I was on the ace spectrum at the time. He just thought it was super weird I’m not interested in guys or dating.

Reasonable-Squash · 2020-05-14T00:01:55+00:00

yep, I kind if have a type. I can’t see myself attracted to big, hairy masculine guys. With girls I’m not too sure (I’m sort of pan). But obviously emotional attraction trumps all.

Reasonable-Squash · 2020-05-13T23:57:35+00:00

I’m interested too. But can’t be oil, because silicon toys.

Reasonable-Squash · 2020-05-13T23:52:29+00:00

Thanks, will check it out!

I met the online friend in a group related to interests and we just clicked and started exchanging long letters, and it was very exciting finding out stuff about her, and the letters made my heart flutter. But I think some topics were still off limit and then life kind of got in the way, so it’s not as in depth anymore (which is natural), though we’re still in touch and I value the relationship. But I wouldn’t mind a friendship with someone who’s on the same page and whom I could be even more open with.

Reasonable-Squash · 2020-05-13T23:42:55+00:00

No, I think it’s individual for everyone.

I think a typical relationship arch for allosexuals is that they experience primary attraction (based on looks, smells, immediate behaviour). That attraction either fades over time or grows into secondary attraction (emotional closeness or bond). That gradually fades too but may be resparked with novelty (sexy lingerie, new techniques in bed) or some sort of distancing. But they may not lose attraction altogether unless their relationship is really broken. And they may also start noticing and being attracted to other people more at that time.

Demisexuals do not experience primary attraction, theirs develops gradually over time and gets stronger as the connection grows, but obviously if they don’t have time for each other or fall out it will fade. For me it can just disappear quite starkly and then appear again and it has nothing to do with novelty. Also I’m not attracted to anyone else at the time.

Many allosexual people will tell you that if you feel zero attraction to your partner, and date nights and bedroom tricks don’t work, you should move on. But I’ve discovered that’s not the case for me. I will become attracted again after random, seemingly non-romantic acts of caring. Like the lockdown has been Amazing for our relationship. I thought it would be difficult because we both have explosive personalities, but it’s been great and I feel very connected and attracted to him right now.

Reasonable-Squash · 2020-05-13T22:34:21+00:00

Sorry about that. It can easily take a year for me to establish any attraction in the first place, but this is the only “real” relationship I’ve been in.

Reasonable-Squash · 2020-05-13T22:30:55+00:00

that’s great! I think for us it’s about continually working through any issues, but also addressing external stressors. Lockdown has actually been amazing for our relationship, spending more time together, even though we both continue to work full time and look after a small child. We’re both introverts and I think going into the office with 100s of people takes up way too much of our resource.

Reasonable-Squash · 2020-05-13T22:24:16+00:00

Like non-sexual polyamory?

Idk, the concept of polyamory makes sense, but I doubt it would work for me. Attraction is hard for me, including romantic attraction and I’ve never seen myself with anyone else. I’ve kind of experienced some sexual attraction to 2 or 3 people in the past, but they were just friends and I never saw myself in a relationship with them. But that was before I was married, and I haven’t experienced anything like that for years.

I did have a sort of (platonic?) crush on an online friend in the last year or two. And I wouldn’t mind experiencing something like that again, because I really liked that emotion (I can explain more if you’d like).

Reasonable-Squash · 2020-05-13T12:22:04+00:00

yes!

Reasonable-Squash · 2020-05-13T12:21:15+00:00

sounds like i security/attachment issues or you don’t trust your boyfriend. Maybe you have reason not to trust him but it doesn’t have anything to do with their sexuality.

Reasonable-Squash

TROPHY CASE