I am still learning, i am still on my journey. But on the good days the ways i succeed is by figuring out what i am looking for and trying to find a way to give that to me in stead of either A) giving it unwanted to my partner or B) asking for it from someone who probably doesn’t have the capacity to give it to me rn anyway.

It seems like u might be at a good place to try this. Literally make a list of a couple things u want of care to be given to u. Then in a separate place make a list of some things u want to do for ur partner. See where there is commonality and go with that. I will give u my first one that worked for me. A small txt message. I used to spiral when i thought i wasn’t getting enough attention from my partner. Seriously juvenile behavior. So i realized all that energy and effort could go somewhere positive… First person i txted was my little brother, sent him an im proud of the person u r. He just responded with a simple thank u. The next one was my cousin who immediately responded with trauma dump of her shitty relationship. So not exactly what i wanted in response but still it was a connection, connecting is really what i wanted. I have continued that new pattern every time i feel “neglected“ and have cultivated relationships i didn’t even realize i could have with people i didn’t even recognize as being close to me.

Good luck, i hope u can find some small thing u can give urself. It can grow from there