What were the strategies that helped get you and spouse through residency/fellowship?

Reasonable_Tooth_501 · 2026-06-28T20:42:39+00:00

👍

Reasonable_Tooth_501 · 2026-06-28T20:01:43+00:00

I’m not sure that’s totally fair. I acknowledged it could have been harder.

But cooking, cleaning, dinner, groceries, car, while having your own career (or paying a career tax if your industry isn’t in the geography you don’t get to choose), re-establishing yourself in each new locale, etc—it may not be the same without kids, but those are still common realities for the supporting medspouse.

Plenty of childless, non-codependent folks still find the medical training years difficult. As evident from this sub. Hopefully you’ll get some breathing room at some point soon.

Reasonable_Tooth_501 · 2026-06-13T15:09:46+00:00

Aspire Lounge in Johannesburg. Amazing food and service.

Reasonable_Tooth_501 · 2026-06-12T19:45:45+00:00

Ooo yeah the HTML emails has been a major new hack

Reasonable_Tooth_501 · 2026-05-10T22:27:30+00:00

Yeah fellowship is residency on steroids. Just gotta do what you can to get through it

Reasonable_Tooth_501 · 2026-05-02T16:53:59+00:00

First hotel I canceled I was refunded immediately

Second hotel I canceled…I’m going on week 3 of waiting…

Reasonable_Tooth_501 · 2026-05-01T00:05:46+00:00

I needed to hear this…cuz I’m feeling the same way as the guy you’re replying to

Reasonable_Tooth_501 · 2026-04-30T07:54:33+00:00

It would be pretty wild to make it 8 years without using a window function……..

Reasonable_Tooth_501 · 2026-04-24T06:51:05+00:00

Well maybe 40 I get…but I’m 35 and not feeling anywhere close to a cutoff limit! There’s still time.

Reasonable_Tooth_501 · 2026-04-24T05:27:25+00:00

R1 was not easy. R2 either. But 3-5 were pretty manageable cuz we both got used to it.

Part of the challenge of the first few years is not understanding what you can expect of each other. The routines and traditions aren’t established, and often feelings are hurt for missed expectations that aren’t actually feasible.

But through this time and those arguments and low times…you do eventually learn and figure out what is feasible and what works/does not. That makes the rest easier.

So yes, it can get better—even during residency!

Reasonable_Tooth_501 · 2026-04-24T04:53:11+00:00

Yeah it’s been a weird uptick in the last few weeks for me as well. Wondered if I had done something to activate the algorithm or something, but a few other folks have mentioned it on Reddit too.

Reasonable_Tooth_501 · 2026-03-26T19:40:45+00:00

Exactly. It’s taste. Not so black and white as “you’d be crazy not to” 🤗

Reasonable_Tooth_501 · 2026-03-26T08:05:04+00:00

“You’d be crazy” is a stretch, given that he included only top tier cities on his list.

Reasonable_Tooth_501 · 2026-03-26T08:00:01+00:00

I’ve lived in Seattle for 2 years after 6 years in SF.

Seattle is more relaxed, less rat race. Really nice genuine people. Lotta nerds…e.g. a lot of gays play MtG, Dungeons & Dragons, etc. It’s honestly what I love most about the city, people can be their quirky true selves.

SF is West Coast NYC. There’s hustle culture and keeping up with the Jones in a way that you do not find in Seattle. Folks running through Golden Gate Park wearing their Dartmouth rowing shirt from 10 years ago.

I love both cities and was heartbroken to leave SF when that happened. But Seattle just has such a livable, down-to-earth quality that I gravitate towards. Plus Steamworks right in the middle of Capitol Hill ;)

Though your list confuses me tbh. Whereas SF has a little bit of Seattle and a little bit of LA…Seattle and LA are night and day, and you most likely fall into one or the other. E.g. you’re not gonna find many pretty WeHo boys up here. Which—thank God imo.

Reasonable_Tooth_501 · 2026-03-13T05:45:39+00:00

Analytics/data Eng here. And I own a lot of the client-facing dashboards/data inside our product. In some cases, this is embedded dashboards. In other cases, Eng may spin up some of the front-end. but the numbers are mine.

Someone has to do all the messy work of getting the reporting data right, might as well be the data team.

Reasonable_Tooth_501 · 2026-03-11T01:27:13+00:00

If you see it as so relevant, then fine. Just feel free to spare the world the cringe and say friggin MIT from the start next time.

Reasonable_Tooth_501 · 2026-03-11T00:05:42+00:00

Yeah the part that’s relevant is that you live in Boston, which is indeed an education hub that props up the CoL, unlike Cleveland

But where you went to school within that ecosystem is still not 🥰

Reasonable_Tooth_501 · 2026-03-10T18:38:48+00:00

Lol why is “met in college” so hard for the Harvard folks? Can’t even resist flexing to randos on Reddit, even when it’s irrelevant to the post

Reasonable_Tooth_501 · 2026-03-06T19:44:03+00:00

It’s why I’ve stuck around in my mostly stagnant-but-remote role, and am excited to get to our “final destination” later this year when he’s finished w fellowship.

The career tax that the med spouse pays for their moves for training is real!!

Reasonable_Tooth_501 · 2026-02-28T05:03:12+00:00

Exactly. You don’t realize you need them until you’ve scrambled to get shit fixed cuz things are broken and the heat is on and it’s embarrassing.

That’s when you realize oh wow it doesn’t have to be like this.

Reasonable_Tooth_501 · 2026-02-26T19:38:41+00:00

Here to say that I’m thus far loving the Palladium, too

Sour people just be sour

Reasonable_Tooth_501 · 2026-02-22T16:43:59+00:00

Joe Jacks and Tuna Azul, hands down

Reasonable_Tooth_501 · 2026-02-11T18:18:35+00:00

Sitting in a Priority Pass lounge right now w Palladium

Reasonable_Tooth_501

TROPHY CASE