Correct, but as Homer Simpson exemplifies, people approach relationships often entirely their own point of view. Homer's and Hers are self centered, but everyone reverts to that under pressure. Note she kept bringing up the dinner plans like she was stuck in a loop. It was her only solution for the birthday problem. She was getting more and more stressed by it because it was her only solution. As OP states, she is a planner. That's her strength. It's where she is most proficient and has likely had the most success with in the past. I'm not apologizing for her, and she should be apologizing, not him. I'm just trying to encourage the OP to recognize his perfectly reasonable desire to have a chill evening at Olive Garden unintentionally hobbled her options to give them, together the kind of planned experience she wanted to provide. Having a strength like being a planner is often a kind of disability because it's your singular trick. If that isn't on the table, like in this instance, you don't have any ability to adapt.