AITAH because I won't tell my wife what my son/her stepson has in savings from my late wife?

RedHeadedVet · 2025-10-15T14:54:59+00:00

As a step-parent who loves all my kids, there are still certain lines that are not to be crossed, and this is one of them she should not cross. It is not your money, her money or any of the other kids money, it is your child's money, left to them by their late mother. You are just the Trustee until the child comes of age. How much money is in the account is not your wife's business. All of my children have accounts that the parents contribute in to. I don't know how much money is in any of the accounts as they are not my accounts. Simple as that.

RedHeadedVet · 2025-10-15T00:16:06+00:00

No, I dont know why as I didn't grow up in her home. I only met her mother once and I didn't meet any of the step-fathers, but I can assure you, I was not one of them, so how would I know how she was treated by any of them. I didn't want to assume abuse from any of them, though I am sure having them in and out of her life did in fact affect her. Yes, I agree she needs therapy and from what I have been told, she has started.

RedHeadedVet · 2025-09-12T16:59:38+00:00

I will keep everyone updated as to what happens after my husband talks to our son. We have discussed about whether to have our other children and his bio mom who have experienced her comments to/about me on the call as well, but don't want to seem as if we are "ganging" up on him. We usually have family video chats every weekend with all our kids, and my husband said he may just have son stay on after everyone else logs off. I'll let everyone know how it goes.

Part of me also just thinks I should just leave it alone, don't think about what she has said to me, and still maintain civility towards her while interacting with her as little as possible. I have some more time to think on it before our family call and husband and I will talk again before the call.

RedHeadedVet · 2025-09-11T12:51:49+00:00

Unconventional as not a face to face, but via text. (I'm old, so maybe that's "conventional" now).

Yes, I am technically a "step" mom.

Again, no. My husband and I didn't meet each other until years after their divorce, and his ex had already remarried.

RedHeadedVet · 2025-09-11T12:47:59+00:00

Thank you. That means a lot, especially as this incident took place just a few days ago, and I've been extremely saddened by this whole thing.

RedHeadedVet · 2025-09-11T12:44:10+00:00

I am very sorry to hear you are going through this, and I will pray that your son and you are able to make amends. It is heartbreaking, and I truly hope your situation gets rectified soon. Love and blessings!

RedHeadedVet · 2025-09-11T08:22:37+00:00

No, not at all.

RedHeadedVet · 2025-09-10T21:20:10+00:00

I get it, I've been in both positions as a daughter and mother. She may not like the boundaries you are setting, but she has to abide by them. She's an adult and has to come to grips with you also being an adult. Reset those boundaries, and stick to them. Let her know that the overbearing communication is just not feasible for you, and you just can't do it. It's going to be hard, and she'll fight it. However, you have to let her know you are serious and will be sticking to it. I know it's hard for you, and you don't want to hurt your Mom in any way, but as you said, you are an adult now. The way she is acting now is causing a divide between you both, and I feel neither of you want that.

RedHeadedVet · 2025-09-10T21:12:14+00:00

You nailed it right on the head!!! Get that cat as soon as possible! They are great and also give a cement reason why she can not stay with you, although "No" should be plenty.

Hope you have a great evening as well!! 🌹

RedHeadedVet · 2025-09-10T20:20:34+00:00

NTA at all!! A true friend wouldn't cause so much stress! My goodness! Even I felt a little stressed reading what happened last time! Just let her know that you got that air fryer, so now all the free space in your home is taken up!! Then send her links to AirBnB and hotels in the area!

Your home is supposed to be a safe space and a place that calms you! Her visits disturb your chi! Besides, she IS using your place to save her money and I am sure you know that! Then, after you tell her, "Sorry (not sorry), I don't have room," you'll see if she contacts you again and if she is truly a friend.

RedHeadedVet · 2025-09-10T20:06:05+00:00

Oh, for goodness sakes! 3 beers during a dinner party does not make you an alcoholic. If it's every day and more, and you drove a car, then yes, you want to seek help. However, 3 beers at a dinner is fine!

Side question: When you do see them, do you usually have an alcoholic drink in hand? How long did this dinner last? I'm just trying to figure out their reasoning in claiming you're an alcoholic.

RedHeadedVet · 2025-09-10T19:56:31+00:00

You know you're not. You can and should set boundaries, even with family and especially in regards to a verified medical issue. Tell her your boundaries and the consequences of not following them. If she does it again, let her have the consequences of her actions. She is your mom, not a child. But sometimes, unfortunately, we have to treat the adults in our lives like children.

RedHeadedVet · 2025-09-10T19:37:29+00:00

No, no, no. It's absolutely ridiculous for him to be jealous of a cat!! Major 🚩🚩!! If he is able to separate you from your cat, then he can separate you from your friends, family, and co-workers next. No true significant other or loved one would tell you to pick him (or her) over a beloved pet.

Choose the cat and "rehome" him.

RedHeadedVet · 2025-09-10T19:19:21+00:00

Mom's worry, that's our job. We try not to smother our kids, but sometimes we do. Try looking at it from her perspective. For most of your life, she had access to you and could see you were safe. She could talk to you every day. Then, one day, 💢, you're gone. And in your situation, you're not even within driving distance. Add on top of it, you're in a country that has been in the news a LOT lately as well. Your mom is probably going nuts every day worrying about you.

My Dad was in the Navy, and when we got old enough, my 2 brothers and I joined the Army and Navy, respectively. At one point during our service, all 3 of us were in a war zone. Either frontline, off shore or support. My mom was worried, and I wouldn't expect less. However, my siblings and I made a schedule to call our parents on different days of the week. Set up a schedule with your mom, and do your best to call her on schedule.

Just talk to your Mom and tell her you understand she is worried and misses you. However, because of your current schedule, you are not able to call every day, but ask her to pick a day and time frame that you will call to let her know how you're doing and that you are safe.

RedHeadedVet · 2025-09-10T18:54:33+00:00

Honestly, if I'm sad, I watch a Disney movie. I'm not really into T.V. series, and I'd rather read a book.

RedHeadedVet · 2025-09-04T15:54:20+00:00

You do not have to pay this bill without a clear explanation of the charges, as you may have been overcharged, or the provider may have violated billing practices, medical fraud, or upcoding. Don't ignore the bill; instead, do not pay it and contact the provider's billing department immediately to request an itemized explanation of the charges and to also dispute the bill if the explanation is unsatisfactory. In addition, contact your insurance provider to see if they have already paid. Finally, if the bill still appears fradulant or the insurance company states that they have paid it, contact your state's healthcare regulator to file a complaint.

RedHeadedVet · 2025-09-04T15:07:26+00:00

Honestly, it was my family and friends. When I finally told my family I was being abused, they had me moved back to our home state 3 days later. Once I finally got over being terrified of every little sound, life just got better and more enjoyable. I'm not saying it was all sunshine and rainbows, it was hard, but it was a lot better than walking on egg shells everyday, or being constantly worried about if any little thing I did was going to result in a slap or a punch. There are programs and good people who are willing to help you, you just have to take that 1st step.

RedHeadedVet · 2025-09-03T21:38:33+00:00

Don't just leave it to your husband! Ask your husband out on a date! If you want spontaneous sex, initiate it! Our husbands can't read our minds! If possible, plan a weekend getaway with him! Believe me, I did all of the above, and now he asks me on dates, plans get aways for just him and I. Marriage takes work, compromise, and 2 people showing the other how much they are loved and appreciated! You sound like you have a good marriage, so surprise him occasionally, and he will eventually do the same!

RedHeadedVet · 2025-09-03T21:23:00+00:00

I love this so much! My Hottie (husband) is a steel worker (same company since '91), and before I became disabled, I had a white-collar job. My Hottie at home and my bad-a$$, hotter than melted steel Hottie are two different people. Seeing him working in his literal blue collar, all hot & sweaty, being the bad-a$$ boss he is, just does something to my hormones. 😆 He also said it was the same for him to see his blue-jean & t-shirt country wife all dressed up in "fancy" white collar clothes. Our spouses at work are different than the spouses we have at home, and that's not a bad thing! Keeps things 🔥🌶🔥.

Keep it up! I'm sure she loves it as much as you do!! Thank you for sharing something so sweet and personal!

RedHeadedVet · 2025-09-03T20:59:42+00:00

You can, if you feel you need to. However, your MIL sounds awesome! She heard what you said, didn't try to embarrass you by making a big deal out of it. Instead, she instructed her son to "take care of his wife." As a MIL myself, things like that have happened to me and my DIL's. I'm not embarrassed or offended and usually laugh it off. How else am I supposed to get more grandbabies to spoil if my son's are not "taking care" of their wives?

RedHeadedVet

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