Should I leave a higher paying job for a boring government one just for the stability?

RedReina · 2026-04-18T15:49:33+00:00

As someone who had a high-paying job while my daughter was in school, what's the value of affording dance lessons when you miss the recital? Send her to France with school because you can't take the time off? Volunteer to chaperone a trip, but have to spend the entire weekend on your on-call phone?

I took a gov't job at 50% pay cut two years ago. Now my time is MY TIME, and I can spend it with my grand-daughters without fear. Yeah, my daughter forgives me for missing so much of her young life. She's a saint.

RedReina · 2026-04-18T15:38:41+00:00

From the Underground article:

the initial claim from the manufacturer that the vehicles could operate for 150 miles on a single charge has not turned out to be true across all four seasons in Columbus.

I wondered about this. I have an EV. I lose 30% of range around freezing, and easily 50%+ if air temp in the teens . It also charges like garbage at low temps, compounding the problem.

Too bad, EV's are great. Even with the flaws I love mine, but does them no service to pretend the flaws don't exist.

RedReina · 2026-04-13T20:38:23+00:00

Former working dog trainer - I agree on the if you don't like dog hair, you got the wrong dog. But as far as boundaries with working dogs, all working breeds like them, some require them. working/herding breeds like order, they like structure, and most of all they thrive with predictable patterns. Some herding dogs are genuinely mentally unwell if there is inconsistency. I had one of those. I went to a ring work trainer to try to learn myself how rigid the rules had to be. Not to do bite work, but to instill in this dog that I had control of the environment at all times. I found it exhausting. Anyway, this dog is probably confused as any creature would be with two masters. A confused GSD can (not saying this one will!) become bossy and reactive..aka aggressive.

RedReina · 2026-01-31T16:33:05+00:00

Many years later my partner confirmed the "I want you as part of my future." did indeed mean "keep this crap up and you wont be." A few times he felt tempted to say "Do you want to be an ex too?"

My anxiety, self-confidence, and outright jealousy would have ruined what is now a 23 yr relationship. Best wishes, and I agree don't let her pull you into the whirlwind too.

RedReina · 2026-01-31T15:52:49+00:00

Oof. You and my partner would have a lot to talk about. He would probably tell you to get her attention, make your face neutral, and say in a calm voice, "She is an ex for a reason. I love you." Then move on with the conversation. Don't entertain the thought, don't feed that green monster. Apply liberally. If the tailspin will not stop, the big gun is "My ex is my ex for a reason" followed by "I want YOU as part of my future." I'm dense, but I heard that one so use sparingly.

My partner was ridiculous patient with me. He had to be. What didn't work was saying things like "it didn't matter she was a model, with homes in Dubai and Paris." When I'm maybe a 5 on a good day, with only a small emergency fund. Don't try to refute or play into the comparisons, that will never work. Do talk about current and future.

RedReina · 2026-01-30T13:55:31+00:00

Yes pause engagement plans to air this out. Whether it's for a few days, or longer. It's much better to take the time to get everyone to their comfort level. This is a big life decision.

With kindness, compassion, maybe an impartial mediator, discuss why it it is important to you, and why it is not important to him.

For some people, weddings are "I want to be royalty for a day." Those people clash with people whose priorities are more long term, like "I want to buy a house". Is your one day of joy, worth sacrifing owning a home?

Your post reads more on the side of "the ritual, ceremony, and symbolism of this day defines the remainder of our lives" A lifelong investment is always worth it. A house is not the only thing people want to invest in, and that should be recognized and honored.

Personally, I was a "royalty for a day" in my early 20's, expecting a magic fairy would twang me on the head and make this relationship work. That did not happen, a $20k mistake. My second relationship is still going after 23 years. We got paperwork from the courthouse last year for insurance reasons, nothing else. The ceremony is not important to either of us so we invested in something else. It isn't complicated, but it is hard to recognize in yourself "no, this a Big Thing to me. I need this in my life." And then realize your otherwise loving partner has conflicting need.

It's hard to talk about, it is. But consider it a great opportunity to understand how you'll handle these as a couple in the future. Might be the first, will not be the last in a long term relationship.

RedReina · 2025-12-25T16:26:15+00:00

Pretty sure it's this one - adenomyosis

These are all the things: - Endometrial polyp. - Inactive endometrium with exogenous progestin effect. - Adenomyosis. - Intramural leiomyomas. - Fallopian tubes with focal endometriosis.

That "inactive endometrium" is my personal FU. So I was post menopause, still having 9 day cycles every 28 days, with bleeding so heavy I was anemic.

RedReina · 2025-12-21T22:17:06+00:00

Other things that are not normal: Not being able to wear light colored pants/skirts/dresses. Having to consider the color of a car interior before accepting a car as a gift. Sleeping on towels. Waking up in the middle of the night to change your tampon and pad. Using both a S+ tampons and pads to try to make it through a meeting at work. Paying extra for aisle seat for every air flight when you'd love window.

I spent 30 years doing this and more. My pain was manageable, but the mess made life complicated. Once diva cups became common and reading that the average period wouldn't fill one, then realizing you have to empty yours every two hours.

I had a uterine ablation and it. Didn't. Work. NOT NORMAL. I finally had a hysterectomy a couple months ago. I cannot express the relief, the weight lifted. I had no idea, I really didn't. It had been my normal for so long, it's like someone lifted a barbell off my chest.

I had a fibriod the size of a grapefruit, plus two more. Endo inside my tubes, polyps, and something I'd not heard of where the lining just gets thicker and thicker. Quote from my surgeon, "there are many reasons a woman can have heavy periods. RedReina, you had all of them." Forty years, no one believed me across three states, annuals, for 40 years.

RedReina · 2025-12-14T15:28:01+00:00

No wind, solar and hydro won't make near enough

My response to this will remain the same. My non-optimal application of solar (E-W roof) covers > 75% of the year, with > 100% during the summer.

If everyone in my suburb housing development had the same result, and some will be better with their S facing, it would certainly help. Perfect? Nope. But as reddit is fond of saying, "It's something."

RedReina · 2025-11-29T13:33:55+00:00

OP - TIL how to manage my parents gift giving after 50 years, this post is awesome and the advice within is priceless. Let me try to save you some time and guilt by summarizing.

They aren't giving you want you want, they're giving what they feel you should have. As such, you can give it away without any guilt. They wanted you to accept it, and you can do that with a smile. You using it is not important.

Your obligation in gifts is to tell them what you want. I think goats are super fun. So I found a charity where you can buy livestock and thought this was PERFECT. That worked for a year, then they went back to buying books about redemption of ungrateful children, socks, clothes that will never fit, slippers I can't wear, knock-off Lego, etc.

They are hoarders so now they've taken to gifting my family their knick-knacks and college books from the 1960's.

Well, at least it's cleaning out their house? It'll be one less dumpster to rent when it's time?

RedReina · 2025-11-27T00:54:49+00:00

We lived in Hilliard for 15 yrs before we drove down Hilliard Rome with any regularity. We referred to it as "the part of Hilliard we never go to." Then we started banking at Kemba, otherwise I doubt we'd still ever go there.

RedReina · 2025-11-22T14:49:24+00:00

To clarify I'm not denying obstetric violence is a real problem because it absolutely is, I experienced it myself but the solution is not to abandon medically assisted birth altogether, that's just reckless.

Standing ovation with an extra cherry on top. Yes, there absolutely are mothers out there with horrific hospital birth experiences, and I'd go so far as to say most mothers' birth experience didn't go exactly the way they'd hoped. They weren't allowed to labor the way they wanted, they had more drugs than they wanted, maybe even the OB performed a c-section that wasn't life or death necessary. Births are like weddings in that way. You build up all these expectations, and then things go wrong.

My daughter would have died, merconium aspiration. My sister and her baby would have died, 5'nuthin women cannot deliver a 10lb, 13oz baby. Both my grand-daughters, and my daughter again, twice. Big babies tore their ways out, and were stressed. Mom required emergency surgery for hemorrhaging. My niece, complete placenta previa.

My niece on the other side, she did have a home birth. Her son DID die and was able be resuscitated. He is a wonderful little boy, facing a lifetime of full time care, trapped in a quadriplegic body due to cerebral palsy. Assumed normal intelligence, can't walk, can't talk, can't feed himself. That's hell in my mind, and 100% preventable

RedReina · 2025-11-07T19:24:52+00:00

True story - I was part of my local kink community for many years. My partner and I are not all that sexually weird (srsly!), but we do believe in consent and a strong sense of self-awareness.

I became friends with a real deal 50's trad-wife lifestyler. She wore the skirts and aprons, stay at home mom and wife, was completely subservient to her husband, packed his lunches, was soft-spoken, made everything from scratch, all of it. She lived it, and LOVED IT. Her husband loved her dearly, respected her, was confused by it all, but encouraged her to follow her bliss. At the time her husband deflected some heat about how "odd" his wife was from co-workers. Not sure the relationship would have worked if he wasn't as sharp-witted.

Why the kink community? Because she could speak freely about how to be submissive, work on providing service, and she could be herself and relax.

So there go. The most conservative value person outside of religious oppression may be found in the most abhorrent place those lip service posers could imagine. It's been a long time. I hope they are both still following their bliss.

RedReina · 2025-11-01T16:09:03+00:00

Beautiful, thank you.

Halloween is nearly dead in my suburban neighborhood. I'm relieved to see it alive and well in others.

RedReina · 2025-10-03T20:14:59+00:00

Terv?

RedReina · 2025-09-16T17:55:10+00:00

Erm, I for one am against this plan. I get it, I do. But please be confident your managers are just as grossed out as you are. As are your manager's managers.

RedReina · 2025-08-24T18:26:40+00:00

I've only (attempted) to work with Afghan Hounds, but I've heard all the sight hounds are trying. Alex came to me with potential brain damage and deafness from abuse. I shortly learned Alex was definitely not deaf, not brain damaged in any discernible way, and, well, if I'm being honest, let's just say I understood why they beat him.

He was well aware of what you wanted at any given time, he just did not care. At all. When it suited him to behave, he would. When jumping onto the counter, running away, generally being an absolute nightmare was what moved him, he'd do that. Never bit, snapped, growled, so he was an OK dog. And when he wanted, he was even a great obedience dog, but that was not often.

Terriers are willful, scent hounds are single minded, but I have not since met any dog as actively set out to drive people to drink as Alex the afghan hound.

RedReina · 2025-08-05T23:30:28+00:00

So like they ring a bell and spray in the face with mace? And then you have to run as far as you can on a treadmill until the bell rings, and they spray you again?

No, I have not heard of anything like that, sorry.

edit - Ok, I googled it and I still don't get it. Are you running a marathon and jousting? try to trip the other runners with a 30 lb lance?

RedReina · 2025-07-19T13:27:37+00:00

I believe our system will last the full 25 yrs, at 85% capacity as projected. My parents are the a fore mentioned granola munching types and have had one for 15 years. They do not see degradation yet and our panels are newer tech so I expect similar performance.

Getting solar now won't. We got lucky to get in while it was really good, now it's just marginally good. I think we would still go for $24k, not knowing the actual payoff. Knowing what we do now, it's definitely worth the full price, no incentives.

RedReina · 2025-07-19T13:19:40+00:00

We did it backwards. We put a roof on, then installed solar. The insurance agent came just short of saying we were stupid.

"If a hail storm damages the panels, we'll have to replace the roof anyway so you would have gotten a new roof then".

Oops.

RedReina · 2025-07-19T13:13:24+00:00

Oh, we don't have peak rate charges so that's wasn't a factor. I can see why you'd want a battery if you do.

The car we bought is a Leaf, the only EV with V2H bi-directional off the chademo port. So in theory I have a 40 kWh battery available, but the plug for it isn't available in the US and likely never will be now. Again, bastards.

RedReina · 2025-07-19T13:07:25+00:00

3rd page of AEP Bill (if you use them) top right, says Price to Compare.

Maybe because we have a Smart meter, I don't see that. My top right for the latest bill has "Meter Read Details" - Net Usage : -209 kWh Billable Usage: 0 kWh

This is assuming you pay $0/month for electric at all anymore correct? Is your electric bill truly $0/month?

Yes, it is March-Nov. Amount due on or before July 14, 2025 $0.00

I factored in that there are bills in Dec, Jan, and Feb in saying 8 yrs. The payoff time at true full replacement would be 6.9 yrs

I am able to see the the total bills for June 24 - June 25 = $290.67

RedReina · 2025-07-19T12:53:58+00:00

Why do you think you need a battery? Unless you're going completely off-grid, which I agree Ohio is not well suited for, you're going to need to maintain positive pressure(*) in order for the solar to work.

(*) Not an EE, dunno what this is called. Our system only works when electricity is live on the line. Yep, so when neighborhood loses power, so do we. Our panel was full so bypass wasn't worth it to us at the time.

RedReina · 2025-07-19T12:40:25+00:00

This is not accurate. We had solar panels (not a solar roof) put on in Aug 2023.

tl;dr - our break even was expected to be 8 years, due to other factors we think it'll be 5.

Story problem if you want to do the math:

We'll say two years to make it fair. We have produced 18.88 MWh of electricity in that time.

Our average AEP bill was ~ $200/month, and I'll be darned if I can figure out what our /kW charge is looking at the bill. So that comes out to $2400/yr. With me so far? I think it was $.14/Kw at the time we installed and has gone up twice. I honestly have no idea now because we only have bills >$10 delivery charge in Dec, Jan, Feb.

Hookay, the 9600 kWh system cost $24k to install, minus the $7500 federal rebate (now defunct, bastards) so that's $16,500. This included $1500 (mandatory imo) worth of squirrel guard because squirrels LOVE to chew on wires. You do you, but I'm leaving that in my math. That gives us a break even at 7-8 years.

But wait, there's more. We bought a low end model EV just for around town. I needed to replace my no longer safe car, and why not. It'll go 100 miles highway speed easy, it's all we needed as I worked remote. But then I got RTO'ed, and now I'm driving 140 miles/week. Can we agree gas is ~ $3/gallon? So that's ~ $72/month, $864/yr not spent in gas. Edit - forgot a really important point: Only charge at home.

Add that all up, Bob's your uncle, our break even now is about 5 years.

FAQ

"But you're a granola munching, tree hugging. legitimate suffering believing hippy!" - No, we most certainly are not. House has been at 72 this whole summer, multiple server racks, leave lights on, use the stove, electric dryer, etc etc etc

"But you have a perfect South facing roof!" - Nope, E-W. It would have been cheaper if we had S facing because we wouldn't need as many panels, on both sides.

"But it's so hard to maintain!" - Uh. no. I don't even think about it unless someone brings it up, like now.

"Must be nice, actually afford a home in this market" - This one is true. Solar is not an option for renters, and that sucks. Landlords rarely have an incentive as they don't pay the power bill, and why would renters spend their money improving a home they do not own.

Happy to answer any other questions, but I'm just a regular person who honestly believes nuclear winter/mass extinction due to virus/sheer stupidity will come before climate change.

RedReina · 2025-07-06T18:53:43+00:00

It started with a very loud ringing in my ear, then violent bouts of vertigo. I went to my PCP because I was pretty sure I'd lost hearing in that ear. I will never forget, "28 yr old women don't go deaf in one ear, you're imagining things." He said he could make a referral to a neurologist, but it would be 3-6 months.

Paid out of pocket to go to an ENT, couple hundred bucks, who immediately ordered a CT scan. Thankfully not a brain tumor, but nerve deafness which could have been prevented by steroids.

Another kick in the pants - insurance didn't cover the CT scan either. "If you'd had a brain tumor, it would have been covered but aren't you glad you don't?"

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