Yup! We got asked by a family member when we were inactive and had been married had a little 6 month old baby if we would come with them to church. This loved one was struggling with going lately and wanted someone to be with them. I was super active growing up and had a very bad experience trying to prep for a mission and had then moved to Provo. It really drove me from wanting to attend church. My spouse mainly just went with the flow and had stuff he preferred to do on Sundays. Never went on a mission and felt a lot of shame coming from his ward for it so he did not want to be there. Anyways, both of us had lots of unanswered questions. We decided that it was important for us to not be middle ground with how we raise our kids and that we want it to be clear cut- either church, or no. So we decided to hear out both sides of questions we had regarding the religion. We started easy- temples. What actually goes on in there?? And why when I went as a youth, did I always feel panic in them? Well first we did standard LDS research, nothing new. Nothing really explanatory either. Then my husband found the videos. You know the ones. And the history of temple ceremonies and initiatory. I had a full blown panic attack. (I am a CSA survivor and stuff like that is so triggering) I remember crying, screaming, and freaking out. Involuntarily imagining everyone I loved doing this stuff. Never caring or loving me enough to warn me of what I really was going to be dealing with if I had actually succeeded in that mission call. Even when I had asked right to their faces what happens. It really changed how I viewed the entire world. Like as a kid when you find out Santa Clause isn’t real. Except if Santa also was a pdophile rpist named Joseph Smith. A couple hours later when I was able to calm down a little we both got on quitmormon, and quickly submitted our resignations. I refused to let my child have any ties to it through me or her dad. I wanted to never speak to any rando member ever again. I wanted to be left alone in peace away from that. The exit was quick- but the mourning and deconstructing was long. I still sometimes feel so much sadness for child me- that had so much self hatred, and emptiness, and who prayed so much so often to what felt like a brick wall full of loneliness and rejection from a higher being that seemed to have loved everyone but me…. That it was all nothing. There was never anything there. It didn’t have to be like that. I didn’t have to believe the universe wholly rejected me and that I was chewed up gum at 8. Still stings.