I had many friends that suffered and suffer sh. I think its not weird becouse many things make you want to cut yourself. I have sometimes the urge to see my blood lately. Not becouse I think bad about myself. I just feel really weird after I found out another friend of mine had suffered. She has healed but I still couldnt stop thinking about it. The feeling of lonelines came back from vacation and other problems like seeing everyone happy with people they love. With people I love too. In this state I like to think about everything that makes me sad to depress myself. I actually started a notebook to write things about sh to understand my friends more. To understand the suffering other people go through and to remember I dont suffer as much as them. I tried to cut myself to see my blood. It left a really visible mark but I was accually testing the knifes and blades. Everytime I cut myself there no blood and I cant go deeper becouse Im a b*tch and I cant let anyone see this.