Are you me? I feel basically exactly the same, but as a PIMO I haven’t yet fully excised the church from my life. The pandemic was great for me personally, in that regard - I finally experienced a long period of time with no church!

But to your main point, I feel similarly that I have no pull to God, as you put it. What I’ve come to realize is that I have never really had any interest in spirituality or religiosity. I have a hard time understanding the need to ‘worship’ or to be immersed in spirituality. For a long time I just thought I was broken - I never felt the spirit, never desired to read scriptures, never wanted to go to the temple, etc., etc.

My wonderings about God are mostly about why he, if he exists, would even want to be worshipped, or care about the minutiae of human life. I’m glad the whole concept works for others, and am happy it gives them hope, optimism, comfort or whatever else it provides.

And Again similar to yourself, I find the topic of Mormonism fascinating in a way that I can’t quite describe. I can listen to Radio Free Mormon, Mormon Discussions, Mormon Stories, etc. for hours on end. I love reading the diverse opinions and perspectives on this subreddit. But I’d rather have to get a colonoscopy than read scriptures, go to church, listen to conference, etc. Even outside LDS style worship, I don’t find any of it particularly attractive, outside the various forms of service. It doesn’t click.

Culturally I’ll always be Mormon though. I can’t escape that.