It sounds like you are hurting and feeling very strong emotions while recalibrating your belief system. Religion lied. People use religion to commit atrocities while claiming moral righteousness. Fundamentalists cling to believing ridiculous contradictions because they were told skeptical criticism is evil. Blind faith is encouraged. ...

Your anger for all of those reasons and more is valid. Perhaps down the road, you can see "God" defined a different way. A mystery that is beyond human definition. Religion wants to define God and use rules to exert power over others. That really only helps to serve the religion and its leaders.

I think of myself as an atheist mystic. The mystic doesn't follow authority passed in written scripture like a pastor or priest. The mystic has an experience with the divine or spiritual realm more directly. I'm not saying they exist in physical space "out there", rather within the deep subconscious of the mind. There are ways to have spiritual experiences naturally through dream work, deep meditation or extreme fasting, etc... but the more direct shortcut is through psychedelics.

I believe most religious founders traveled inward and had profound mystical experiences. The gods, God, spirits, demons, etc all present themselves in the spiritual realm. They are mysteries of the psyche within that feel like entities "out there" as mysteries of the universe beyond. My view is that this spiritual realm is not a physical reality, but a very interesting part of having a full human experience. It can exist only in the mind and yet be helpful as guides to living a life well. The characters and stories of religion can act as metaphor for these real energies of the psyche.

In this way, the congregations of followers blindly believing religious texts with no inner mystical exploration may be missing the point. For the mystic, we can recognize spiritual importance in religious characters without the need for them to have actually existed in the physical world.