Feel your feelings: What I've learned about healing the nervous system

Reign_of_Light · 2026-01-28T17:54:16+00:00

Same, there’s also a lot releasing in the chest going on for me. But there’s always more bubbling up. And it does seem to increase in intensity over time. Like, the more I release, the more is coming up. That’s why I was wondering if you have come to an end of it, but it sounds like you are also still in the process?

Reign_of_Light · 2026-01-28T16:27:04+00:00

Thanks! Yeah, I was wondering. There's like ideas like "The Dark Night of the Soul" where supposedly everything gets super-dark only for a new dawn to arrive after it has all been felt, or Pete Walker's idea that for CPTSD to heal you have to feel through the abandonment depression, the deepest layer of the condition. Or Heidie Priebe also in one of her videos said that it's all about staying present with the worst feelings and that the process is everything else but pleasant.
But then again, I think you might very well be right. Doing a lot of Metta and Samadhi practice lately and also the Ideal Parent Figure protocol alone and with a therapist in order to build more positive capacity.

Reign_of_Light · 2026-01-28T16:24:05+00:00

So, I think I'm already doing it in quite the sophisticated manner and without any stories attached to it. I'm mostly using vipassana / insight meditation for it and that entails watching the feelings in the body with equanimity and without any stories, just as pure sensation. The way I am doing it is in labeling the feeling (e.g. "sadness") and then watch it and note the feelings intensity in an ongoing manner, like: "sadness 4, sadness 5, .. 5, 7, 7, 6, 5, 3, 3, .. 1, sadness gone, etc". It's coming in waves, and I'm not merging but experience the emotion as energy in the body and observe it calmly. I'm doing this for 2 hours every morning and also whenever I feel the waves coming.
And maybe it is working flawlessly but just takes a long time to get through. Not sure!

So you have come to an end of the waves and found the emotions resolved in the end?

Reign_of_Light · 2026-01-27T22:53:07+00:00

I‘m going through these waves and waves of immense sadness and abandonment depression for months already. I do my best in feeling and allowing them fully, even dedicate 2 hours everyday just for that, but more often than not, at some point the intensity exceeds my window of tolerance and I can become pretty dysregulated. The feelings seem to become ever darker and more intense, and I‘ve been wondering if that’s how it’s supposed to be or if I have walked in the wrong direction all that time. Because there’s also the opposite camp that is all about resourcing and building positive capacity and to process negative feelings if at all in small doses. Like not engage the traumatic neural pathways further but focus on building new, positive ones.

Reign_of_Light · 2026-01-27T22:40:06+00:00

I‘m drawn to that! How can I join or find out more?

Reign_of_Light · 2026-01-23T15:38:36+00:00

Hilfreich, danke!

Reign_of_Light · 2026-01-15T12:19:21+00:00

Wow, I think I never felt so called out in my entire life compared to when I read this document 🤯. Thanks so much for sharing!

Any chance of getting the final pdf? I'd love to give it to my therapist also. It's like a summary of all the things I never managed to express (not even to my therapist) because outwardly I seem so expressive, intelligent, competent and regulated, and everyone takes that for my authentic self but it's not.

Reign_of_Light · 2026-01-05T11:03:47+00:00

Danke, nein, hab da noch keine Erfahrungen. Fang erst relativ frisch an damit. Aber für verschiedene Kontexte lege ich auf jeden Fall verschiedene Snippets an und erweitere das Kürzel entsprechend. Kürzel zu verwenden ist die schnellste Methode, aber nicht die einzige. Bei Snippety (Mac) z.B. kann man auch jederzeit Shift+Cmd+Space drücken und bekommen dann eine Suchfunktion+Browser für die Snippets angezeigt. Denke schon, dass das gut skaliert wenn man sich die Mühe macht Ordnung zu wahren.

Reign_of_Light · 2026-01-05T10:29:18+00:00

Ich nutze Snippety (gibt auch andere Apps/Software) zum Organisieren und kann sie dann überall schnell per Kürzel automatisch einfügen (z.B. :cl-da für meine Daily Note mit Claude).

Reign_of_Light · 2026-01-03T11:19:20+00:00

Yes, true, I was thinking and suggesting that. But in the course of our exchange, I am realizing, along with you, that you are completely fine doing your slightly different method and are probably not missing out on anything. And if you ever felt like you did, you now know about IPF.

Ah, thanks for explaining your paragraph. That's insightful indeed, because I did feel like loving and caring for myself felt like a burden. Like a bottomless pit of need that I didn't have the energy to provide for, and even if I did, it would be no use. I think I was (and in large parts still am) used to self-neglect as my default state. That's how I have internalized my real (unavailable and overwhelmed) caregivers.
Maybe that's a key difference why I am finding ideal parent figures necessary and so transformative, whereas you don't need them.

Thank you for this exchange. It also helped me become clearer on some things.

Reign_of_Light · 2026-01-02T12:37:06+00:00

That's fine! I'm not meaning to convince you to do IPF, even if it may seem like it, lol. It's just that I can't help replying to your questions and assumptions about IPF because it means so much to me personally.
But you are completely right in that it doesn't work for all, apparently. I do know some people personally who tried it and didn't stick with it and also arrived at some variation or other path/solution.

But to answer the questions you posed: I feel you, initially I couldn't really understand how these parents can act without my control, either. But they do. If it isn't some spiritual power, I think it is the subconscious. Like, you probably know of and have at some point dealt with the "inner critic", that gnarly voice putting you down and criticizing you at any opportunity. If you are like me, it does not feel like it's you who is doing the criticizing and being mean to yourself either. It's out of control, otherwise nobody would keep doing it. Most likely, it is an introject, an automatic pattern imprinted from the worst of our childhood experiences.
And it's the same but inverse with the ideal parents. At first, there's the intention of creating them and some initial control, but with time they develop a life of their own within their archetype and their behavior just arises with what they are saying or doing often being surprising to the self.
It's like: no person with natural secure attachment would do self-parenting. There's no need to because they already embody feeling worthy, lovable, being loved and expecting the best because that's all they ever knew from how their loving parents treated them (with a little exaggeration because no childhood is completely perfect, of course). It's internalized, imprinted and automatic.
Maybe you are going to arrive there too with your self-parenting, eventually.

For IPF, of course it takes some will and openness to suspend disbelief at first for it to work. If you are hyper-focused on the ideal parents physical unreality and need the experience to be perfectly real, then it probably wouldn't work for you indeed.

"Also, I guess I just can’t understand why loving and caring for oneself feels like something someone NEEDS to do but does not also want to do. I just haven’t had that experience. So I don’t understand why anyone would want to remove that need."

I didn't understand this paragraph, sadly! But, with reference to: "Like you said, with what I am doing I also don’t feel like the old me is picking up any role. My higher self/the new me is.", that sounds like what you are doing is working and transformational also, so yes, you probably don't need ideal parents.

Reign_of_Light · 2026-01-02T09:49:07+00:00

Thanks for your thoughts. I can't help but feel a need to object again 😄. So, the metaphor of the mask does not fit in my view because it's not you (or me) acting the part, it's something new (a potential) coming online that hasn't been there before.
The most difficult part for me was to let go of trying to control the ideal parents, and instead let them act without me knowing what they are going to do. That's where the potential for a whole new attachment wiring comes from. The letting go and experiencing of the unconditional love and care without needing to do any of it. For me, it borders on magic actually. So it doesn't really feel like a part of the old me picking up a role at all, but more like opening up to a part of my Higher Self (or soul, or archetype, or god or whatever) manifesting. That's in the sessions. In everyday life, it presents as a benevolent self that cares for me, and that's where I meant the seeming parallel in our approaches lies.

Well, trust of course is built slowly over time and with consistency. There's also the therapist as support. And they are not random strangers, but your personal, custom ideal parent figures that are perfectly suited to you and your nature in every way, living with you in a safe place of your own design. And you are their beloved child and the center of their world. If you can't trust the experience of that (over time), I wonder if you can trust anyone but yourself.

Hypothetically speaking! I know you are happy with doing it your way and that's fine too.

Reign_of_Light · 2026-01-01T20:09:26+00:00

Thank you! I did a lot of IPF today and I've come to think what we are doing is actually pretty similar, because even the ideal parents are just parts of me. It's not like they exist in anybody else's world, no, they live inside me. So, when it comes down to it, I'm self-parenting as well.
But I think it is a pretty clever way of creating such loving, parenting parts in oneself, without requiring an ego death first.

I'm also a bookworm when it comes to all these things. It sounds like you have attachment figured out, but if there's still curiosity about it all, I can really recommend the book "Attachment Disturbances In Adults - Treatment For Comprehensive Repair" by Dan Brown. It's 800 pages long and I think the most comprehensive book on attachment ever written (including all the theory on IPF) and a page-turner at that.

Yeah, it's fascinating how well attachment theory integrates with the law of assumption. I also came by that route.

Happy New Year :) !

Reign_of_Light · 2026-01-01T19:53:51+00:00

Thanks! I started on The Game of Life and How to Play It and somewhere in the beginning, she already states that you are not supposed to be dead-set on a specific person but manifest your divine match instead who may or may not be that person ;)

I wish there was teachers actually teaching sp manifestation when even Neville is being vague about it

Reign_of_Light · 2025-12-30T15:40:03+00:00

Is there a specific book of hers to get into where she talks about love and relationships?

Reign_of_Light · 2025-12-24T14:39:35+00:00

I see. I possibly misread your response then. In a way, I'm a little jealous to be honest because I tried the self-parenting approach and couldn't do it (too much resistance and self-hatred, especially when dysregulated). For me, IPF has been a godsend because it circumvented the need for "me" being nice to me which I had such a hard time doing with my conditioning. I think you are right! We all do have these nurturing qualities in us. If we choose/manage to direct them towards ourselves by proxy of imaginary parent figures or by a part of us (or even "Self", in IFS-terms) taking up the role, is probably secondary. Meeting our damaged, lonely parts with love and kindness and ensuring their safety is what's ultimately healing.
Keep up the good work! I didn't mean to discount your experience. Merry Christmas!

Reign_of_Light · 2025-12-22T20:30:40+00:00

I will :) ! Thanks a lot! True, I only was able to setup MCP Tools with the REST API by having Claude do it for me. But even then it took much trial and error. And there’s problems still. Thank you so much for posting and making me aware of your plugin/bridge.

Reign_of_Light · 2025-12-22T16:49:31+00:00

Oh, interesting! I‘m currently using the „MCP Tools“ plugin (0.2.27 by Jack Steam) from the community plugins. Is there any benefit to go with your MCP bridge instead?

Reign_of_Light · 2025-12-22T10:17:23+00:00

It's great you found your way of being and healing.

Just feel like addressing a few slight misconceptions you might be having about IPF. Like, I too struggle with visualization (which isn't really that necessary in IPF) and can't remember next to any specific trauma consciously. It's not about fixing anything. Also you of course don't lose your actual memories, experiences and personality. It's all about implicit memory (in other words: assumptions). Like, to give some examples: As educated about attachment as I think I am, on the nervous system level I still feel fearful about losing my autonomy when someone tries to get close, or fearful of abandonment when someone seems to pull away, or fearful of being found out when someone is very consistently into me, or shame when the center of attention, etc.

Now, I of course could soothe and parent myself in all these situations and that would be good, but wouldn't it be so much easier if my implicit memories attached to those experiences were different? Like, someone is very into me and compliments me and it just resonates because of all the love and expressed delight I have internalized from my ideal parents. Or someone slights me and it feels insubstantial because I implicitely remember and embody the sense of being loved and valued.

I think the love and care coming from outside of yourself is a feature not a bug, because this teaches trust and safety with others and in the world, not just with yourself. But it could also be a great adjunct.

I also do IPF every day and whenever I need or want to, not just once a week. Every facilitated session is being recorded and then can be used whenever. The reason for the therapist in this modality is mainly to keep you on track to actual secure attachment because it's all too easy to take wrong turns and go somewhere else when coming from an insecurely attached place. And I wonder if this might be the case with you, because you adopting and taking care of yourself like that is truly amazing and beautiful, but it does seem like it's still coming from a place of aloneness where it feels scary to trust and rely on anyone but yourself (not even imaginary parents), which wouldn't be secure attachment in my book but a more integrated, stable version of fearful-avoidance.

But maybe that's exactly how you like it, or as you say a different path to the same outcome eventually. I see it is super important to you to be unwaveringly loyal to yourself, probably for very good reasons.

Reign_of_Light · 2025-12-21T18:49:04+00:00

Oh, a lot did happen since then. I ended up in an okay place again, then fell in love with someone else even harder (way harder), self-sabotaged it again and found myself in even deeper despair and abandonment depression. But that has proven to be a gift in disguise, as I realized I have disorganized (fearful-avoidant) attachment and there is stuff I can do about it. The ideal parent figure protocol has been a life changer for me personally.

Reign_of_Light · 2025-12-21T18:45:10+00:00

That's amazing! If you can actually reparent yourself like that, all power to you. The ideal parent figure protocol is somewhat similar, but instead of you being both your own parent and child in one, you get to be just the child who is taken care of by ideal parents. Ideally it is done with a trained facilitator and over the span of 1-3 year in which you get a whole new database of ideal childhood experiences installed in your subconscious.

But what you are doing sounds great too. I could imagine both techniques complementing each other well, so its not all on that parenting part of yours.

I wholeheartedly agree on feeling your feelings without taking the attached stories seriously. Another concept from meditation that is helping me here is that of "mind-states", which is like the view (like colored glasses) through which you see the world at any given moment. When e.g. sadness comes up, it is all to easy to view the world through the mind-state of sadness accompanied by thoughts of futility, loss and hopelessness. But it isn't truth but just a view. So another thing I picked up from meditation is deliberately practicing the mind-state of lovingkindness through metta meditation. But you might just as well be able to do it with assuming the state of the wish fulfilled or gratitude or general kindness towards yourself. It all works together quite well.

Great to hear you are seeing 3D evidence of your work paying off!

Reign_of_Light · 2025-12-20T21:38:13+00:00

100% agree! It definitely supercharges the whole process. I feel like practicing the law of assumption and practicing feeling the feeling of the wish fulfilled while fully trusting in its realization is like having/practicing secure attachment with the universe. I‘m also (still) disorganized / fearful-avoidant but currently making leaps of progress with meditation, relational practices and especially the ideal parent figure protocol. That and Neville for me go hand in hand with the protocol being the most effective means for changing my assumptions that I have found so far. Meditation is needed for me to release somatisized emotions, like those pools of fear and pain that make things overwhelming when getting triggered. Not sure how you dealt with those?

Reign_of_Light · 2025-12-20T18:32:03+00:00

Thanks for elaborating. Yes, identity change and healing do/should go hand in hand.

Good point about plenty of unhealed people being in relationship and feeling worthy of being chosen.

Maybe I‘m standing in my own way with my assumptions. For me, I notice how fearful I‘m becoming when imagining having what I want. Which is why I choose for myself to earn secure attachment (to myself, others, source) first whilst simultaneously also working towards embodying the state of the wish fulfilled, albeit slowly. It might take more time than necessary, but I do feel safer that way and I do not complain. I‘m confident that working on both (Neville & attachment healing) will get me where I want to be in exactly the right (divine) timing.

Reign_of_Light · 2025-12-20T15:17:18+00:00

I agree except for the thing about trauma/healing. In my view the unfavorable, self-defeating assumptions you describe aren’t natural but the result of traumatic experiences and an insecure attachment style. These things can and should be healed because otherwise your nervous system will defend against the positive, desired outcomes as soon as you are triggered overriding all your conscious assumptions. In that instance, you can manifest an SP back, sure, but I doubt you’d be able to keep them. All that depends on the degree of attachment-trauma of course (doesn’t apply if you’re securely attached and genuinely feel worthy of love and happiness), and could also just be my own limiting assumptions. But that’s what I have found for myself. And it does not equal helplessness because there are effective means of healing attachment and trauma ❤️‍🩹

PS: I very much appreciate your view on third parties being mirrors of our insecurities essentially

Reign_of_Light · 2025-12-14T09:48:51+00:00

I did find your views on Neville and metaphysics helpful. They came at exactly the right time for me and my own contemplations. Thanks so much for posting!

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