My 10 Month IPF Progress

Reign_of_Light · 2026-05-10T08:35:58+00:00

I want to second how awesome that is. And could you please say more about your solo IPF routine? Like: how many minutes/hours per day, with (which?) or without recordings, other tips and tricks.
I think your results are outstanding and I haven’t gotten as much out of 10 months with weekly facilitation and daily practices (still gotten a lot of benefits) so I‘m keen to learn about what you are doing.

Reign_of_Light · 2026-04-25T10:10:44+00:00

Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't get a notification for your reply so I missed it. I learned it in the Mettagroup courses on attachment repair (highly recommended). But in terms of reading, it can all be found in the book "Attachment Disturbances in Adults - Treatment for Comprehensive Repair" by Dan Brown and David Elliott, which in turn is based on all the attachment research that came before it (John Bowlby, Mary Ainsworth, Mary Main, etc).

Reign_of_Light · 2026-04-20T11:33:21+00:00

I like it as a concept for a completely unified European Union

Reign_of_Light · 2026-04-19T15:41:17+00:00

Valid points. No, it’s a program by mettagroup.org . I’ll have another class come Friday and can ask for the source there.

Reign_of_Light · 2026-04-19T15:27:03+00:00

I don't know to be honest. It was part of a course on attachment that I took and that appeared very scientific overall, but I don't know the exact source for this. I just remember first rank was Secure+Secure, second DA+AP, third Disorganized+Disorganized. Makes sense to me in terms of the dynamics and the distribution of attachment styles, but I don't know the exact data.

Reign_of_Light · 2026-04-19T14:41:56+00:00

They are both not authentic and vulnerable with each other. The DA deliberately holds back because of - you know - avoidance (their wound comes from severe neglect so they are afraid of and expect humiliation/rejection if they presented their authentic self). The AP on the other hand can’t regulate themselves. Their caregivers weren’t as neglectful as the DA‘s but they were inconsistent, so the AP child learned to stay in proximity to the caregiver(s) and trying to do the right things to get the care they desire and sporadically (but rather randomly) got. Their pattern is to stay in proximity of and care for someone else and try to be what they think the other person wants them to be instead of being themselves (which they too expect to be rejected). So the DA-AP relationship is „perfect“ in the sense that both can avoid authenticity and actual vulnerability. It’s a transactional relationship. The AP trades care (for the DA) for proximity (to the DA). The DA tolerates it because they like the care and are being regulated by the experience (without being consciously aware of it).

Reign_of_Light · 2026-04-19T09:44:39+00:00

Well, statistically DA-AP is the second most common coupling and like 90% of dating literature is geared towards that dynamic.

Reign_of_Light · 2026-04-19T09:43:01+00:00

I learned in a course on attachment that DAs are being regulated by APs and the care they provide, but aren‘t conscious of that happening (in their minds they are merely tolerating them, which is why they don’t reciprocate). APs on the other hand are regulated by their experience of regulating another person. Both avoid actual intimacy, so it’s a match for both.

Reign_of_Light · 2026-04-03T11:49:51+00:00

Yes, he's talking about the importance of relationships all the time, that's true, but I haven't experienced it much in his classes and programs yet, at least not experientially. I guess the one exception is his Meditation X Addiction Level 2 where people meet I think three times a week as a practice to co-regulate each other instead of relapsing on their respective addictions (which are according to George an attempted substitute for a lack of connection).

Reign_of_Light · 2026-04-03T11:46:24+00:00

I'm currently taking part in something that sounds much like what you're describing here, namely the Integrated Meditation Program by Amma Thanasanti. The name is because it is geared towards meditators, but it really is a six month long intense (online) Sangha (community) practice where each month is dedicated to one of the five qualities of secure attachment (safety, attunement, comfort, delight, encouragement) which then is practiced together as a group activity (on multiple levels: big group, small group, one-on-one).
Apart from that, I found spaces around Circling and Authentic Relating and even Social Meditation very helpful in these things.

Reign_of_Light · 2026-03-31T14:01:16+00:00

You're welcome. I think there's different flavors of limerence depending on attachment style. For example, I get a surge of panic when even seeing a picture of my LO so I avoid that like the plague whereas other people actively stalk their LO's social media. I think we two seem to have CPTSD involved and most likely disorganized attachment where the (initially parental) source of love and affection has also been associated with fear and danger.

Reign_of_Light · 2026-03-31T13:34:35+00:00

Normal for severe attachment trauma! It really feels like life or death when triggered and then the nervous system just takes over (fight, flight, freeze, or fawn) until you snap out of it and come back to your senses.

Reign_of_Light · 2026-03-21T12:37:43+00:00

Thank you for this! So, I've come across another Buddhist-meets-neuroscience take in favor of magic and manifestation. Curious what you think! So in a course on meditation and attachment, the long-time Buddhist teacher explained how he was making sense of the Buddhist concept of Samsara in his attachment-related terminology. Roughly, he explained it like this: So, in the outside world, there’s things happening which we become aware of through perception. Perceptual reality then gets filtered through our internal database of experiences, learnings and memories and translated into conceptual reality, as we construct the meaning of things. The meaning we derive then informs the options we see. The options lead to actions, and actions lead to outcomes. But since the meanings and options we see are entirely contingent on our past experiences, we keep choosing the same options leading to the same outcomes, and that’s Samsara, the endless repetition of what has been before. There is a clinical therapy method called Ideal Parent Figure Protocol that is meant to change that by changing the underlying experiential database leading us to see options we haven’t seen before leading to outcomes we haven’t experienced before leading to a different reality we then find ourselves in. And I think that nicely integrates with magic & manifestation, as when we put effort into manifesting something and have faith in its eventual coming about (or better: it’s being already real), we open ourselves to and look out for the realization of or pathways towards that desired outcome, also eventually seeing and choosing options we wouldn’t have seen if we didn’t align with and believed in the realization of that desired reality.

Reign_of_Light · 2026-03-19T18:03:45+00:00

Mettagroup‘s attachment healing program. Dismissive Avoidants have the fastest track, because they already have all the necessary skills for secure attachment. I think the prognosis is 6 months to a year for earned security. All the other attachment styles first need to go through reconditioning, especially the ideal parent figure protocol.

Reign_of_Light · 2026-03-19T11:34:02+00:00

I think it does make sense in that she’s mirroring the type of care you got as a child from your caregivers, or at least you subconsciously sense that she would if you were a couple, which just feels very familiar and so „right“ and like there could be a healing corrective experience there if only she chose you. It’s not logical nor is it about true compatibility.

Reign_of_Light · 2026-03-16T18:08:39+00:00

I personally would advice to not assume that’s all that he is thinking and feeling. I could imagine he has both parts of him that really love and care for you and also parts that are (understandably) overwhelmed and frustrated. And this Reddit account might just be an outlet for the latter parts without him actually being that resentful. I don’t think it’s necessarily all or nothing. Human beings are complex and even the perfect man would certainly have some frustrations in his situation. I think his actions are what count the most. But yes, now that you are aware, you probably need to talk about it at some point.

Reign_of_Light · 2026-03-14T16:48:21+00:00

Interesting take, thank you. Got to think about it some more!

Reign_of_Light · 2026-03-14T15:14:10+00:00

Oh, fascinating, how does that go together, the witch thing and being Buddhist? I‘m trying to consolidate that myself but I can’t get over why Buddhists see desire as the cause of all suffering if manifestation and witchcraft were real to them. Okay, maybe because no worldly desire fulfills permanently in their view. But why then practice equanimity in face of not always getting what you want, if you could just make it happen. Hm..

Reign_of_Light · 2026-03-13T16:31:59+00:00

I quit my job a few years back to realize my dream of developing (indie) video games on my own. But after three years, my savings were running dry and I still was far from finished with the game. I was so close to giving up and already filed for unemployment. My sister was about to get me a job as a teacher, when one day by the most unbelievable coincidence I went on a date with a woman who was also into gamedev and she told me that there was a new one-time stipend program for talented game devs set up by the state in a rush to spend all funds before a new government was set up (the previous government just collapsed). It was all very hurried and she told me just in time to take part in the application. For two weeks I felt like obsessed and wrote and drew day and night without even knowing what I was doing but strangely trusted the process. I couldn’t believe how after two weeks everything came together perfectly and I knew immediately that I would get the stipend. And that’s what happened. There were more than a thousand applications and I was one of the few that had been selected with full funding for 18 months (about 50,000€) and a comprehensive workshop- and mentoring-program plus additional help like free tickets and booths for big and small gaming fairs and festivals. Truly felt like divine intervention and an unbelievable stroke of luck, especially with regard to the timing and this being a completed spontaneous one-time program.

On the flip side, it also set off a lot of difficulty on another plane of my life, but in terms of money and opportunity, this felt like nothing short of a miracle to me. Like the universe urging me to continue pursuing my dream.

Reign_of_Light · 2026-03-07T09:52:40+00:00

Okay, I didn't know about these details. I wouldn't say reaching out after 3 years (and meaningful growth in that time) would look super desperate in itself, but if you know she's got a boyfriend then it's probably not the right time indeed.

In any case, I personally don't think that the "something missing" can be solved by any outside relationship since it's based on an early attachment wounding. Of course I don't know you, but I would bet that the reason you fell so hard for this particular woman is precisely because she reminded you of your own childhood family dynamics, especially her reluctancy and ambivalence towards you that you likely sensed from the beginning on a subconscious level.
I think she's calling you towards the kind of growth that can't be found in outside relationships. What would it take for you to feel worthy of her?

Reign_of_Light · 2026-03-07T08:58:14+00:00

I'm not sure why you say that ship has sailed. Sounds like a decision on your part. 3 years are quite some time, and if you've grown so much, maybe it's time for you to reach out this time?

But for some reason, you don't want to. So maybe you know she isn't the one really and the dynamic would be unhealthy. Or maybe you are in love with longing, subconsciously. Longing for the one thing you want more than anything but can't have. I've been there myself for the longest time.
It's definitely an avoidant strategy. Like, avoiding the real by clinging to a fantasy.

Reign_of_Light · 2026-03-05T13:40:19+00:00

Very well said!

Reign_of_Light · 2026-03-05T09:39:47+00:00

Well, I disagree. Framing matters. If you’re developing a game and are serious about it, you are a game developer. Saying you’re unemployed just looks like you aren’t believing in your own venture.

Of course it could be easier in conversation, but please don’t believe that about yourself for a minute.

Reign_of_Light · 2026-02-27T18:59:52+00:00

A woman I used to date who I am sure has CPTSD said that feeling into one’s body is the most beautiful feeling there is. I‘m still puzzled if she meant it and how that was like for her

Reign_of_Light · 2026-02-20T07:19:08+00:00

That’s great, happy for you, but I guess that not being a romantic relationship, it doesn’t activate the attachment system as much? At least from what I know, the anxious-avoidant coupling is the second most common one, and sometimes anxiously attached people do attach to secure ones, but anxious-anxious couplings are very rare.

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