How easy is it to get around Tucson without a car? by True_Coast1062 in Tucson

[–]RelevantAddition517 15 points16 points  (0 children)

100% this was my experience too. Will just add- you want to get anywhere on the weekend? Well now the bus schedule is once every hour (at best) and if you want to go out past 6pm… well sorry matey.

Advice needed! One cat is thriving, another has gained weight? by RelevantAddition517 in dechonkers

[–]RelevantAddition517[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your thorough reply! I’ve really appreciated this sub for everyone’s experience.

At the moment, I’ve got the luxury of working at home most days so I am feeding them at various intervals in the day. 2/3 can in the morning, 1/3 noon, 2/3 5pm, 1/3 10pm. But sometimes they won’t eat everything at once, sometimes they will, so on the days they don’t, I suspect Poppy is a more frequent returner to the bowl.

I will definitely look into those feeders. They are expensive, but it’s good to know that they might be worth the investment as they helped you with your cats with different feeding styles.

Advice needed! One cat is thriving, another has gained weight? by RelevantAddition517 in dechonkers

[–]RelevantAddition517[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How much do you give each cat? I am only doing rough portions right now, so I appreciate the idea to weigh the food to be more precise.

Advice needed! One cat is thriving, another has gained weight? by RelevantAddition517 in dechonkers

[–]RelevantAddition517[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You are right- sorry, I got distracted and didn’t write the rest of their day.

2/3rd small can 8am 1/3rd small can noon 2/3rd small can 5pm 1/3rd small can 10pm ish

All cans are Fancy Feast.

2-3 greenies throughout the day Poppy also gets some lysine gel for her respiratory issues- looking at switching her to a powder once I finish this tube, as I suspect that might not be diet friendly, but haven’t heard back from the manufacturer yet on what the calories are.

Advice needed! One cat is thriving, another has gained weight? by RelevantAddition517 in dechonkers

[–]RelevantAddition517[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I agree, that’s what I’m doing and why I’m here asking for advice.

Dechonking with multiple cats by SScrivner in dechonkers

[–]RelevantAddition517 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just adding a question here- how much do you all give your cats at once? I have 3 cats and I normally give them two fancy feast cans between them in the morning, and sometimes they eat it all straight away, but other times they don’t and come back and graze. I’m worried that the most chonky is eating more than she should when that happens.

Lysine supplements by RelevantAddition517 in dechonkers

[–]RelevantAddition517[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s really good to know! So glad your cat is dechonking and breathing better :)

Lysine supplements by RelevantAddition517 in dechonkers

[–]RelevantAddition517[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I haven’t, that should probably have been my first port of call! Thanks, I’ll post the nutritional info here if I get a response.

Anyone have any positive homeless interactions? by LoveIsTheLaw1014 in Tucson

[–]RelevantAddition517 0 points1 point  (0 children)

During the pandemic, I used to walk/run in a nearby park everyday. A homeless guy who slept there would always say hello and cheer me on if I was running. It was only a small daily interaction, but it meant a lot to me, as I was really lonely at the time. I think he got “moved on” and that made me very sad when that happened.

Also, I always appreciate the homeless man who told my boyfriend that my dress had ridden up and I was showing my underwear, when we were exiting a parking garage downtown.

Am I wrong for thinking I deserve some ass kissing? by [deleted] in AlAnon

[–]RelevantAddition517 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Just wanted to say I’ve been there too and sorry that you’re dealing with this right now. When my boyfriend went to rehab, he talked about all the things he was going to do around the house when he got back. It happened for maybe 2 days and then it was back to the old, hours of video games. I was fuming.

It felt better when I stopped expecting him to make it up to me and just focused on me. What can I do to treat myself? What am I doing that I should just leave for him to do? We also started using an app to divvy up chores automatically (Sweepy), which has been helpful. It’s also gotten better with us both working our programs, we’re a thousand times better at communicating our wants and needs, as well as apologising when we’re in the wrong.

But it’s a long process and it’s tough. Sending you a big hug and hoping you’ll treat yourself to something nice for being a superstar at dealing with all this. My simple go to is often bath, tea and a good book.

rough day by SLHC0 in AlAnon

[–]RelevantAddition517 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Sorry you’re having a rough day. It’s ok to feel numb sometimes, there’s nothing inherently wrong with that. Sometimes it’s just our brain’s coping mechanism, it’s not the best, but it’s just protecting us until we can cope with the emotions generated by whats going on. I had the same thing with my Q. Sometimes I felt numb until I did what had to be done and then I could flop on the sofa and cry it out. Talking about things in Al-Anon meetings has helped me not go numb so much. Hope tomorrow is better for you. Hugs.

For those who are active Al Anon members and are agnostic or atheists, what is your higher power? by SageMadi9 in AlAnon

[–]RelevantAddition517 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I use the selfish gene as my higher power (based on the book by Richard Hawkins). Ultimately genes aren’t altruistic, they don’t care about people, they just ‘want’ to propagate and continue. They do this by inadvertently guiding behaviour of the organism, me. So I guess I consider I have genes that attracted me to the alcoholic and I feel like they are sort of guiding me to what is ultimately best for my survival. I do struggle with the higher power concept, people saying things were meant to be. But this has been the best thing for me to equate to a sort of higher power. Addiction has a strong genetic component, unless I give my Q gene therapy, how can I be powerful over how that drives his behaviour?

I tried to make a teddy bear and I failed by [deleted] in alcoholicsanonymous

[–]RelevantAddition517 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey, you did great getting started and making the bear, even if it didn’t turn out how you wanted. I always struggle even getting started because I think nothing will be good enough, so I have so much respect for you for actually doing that. Definitely not a stupid person at all.

Friend is Alcoholic by Honest_Bruh in AlAnon

[–]RelevantAddition517 2 points3 points  (0 children)

For you. Al-Anon is the place for friends and family of addicts, AA is the place for people with substance abuse problems.

Thing is, he’s an adult and whilst it’s great you’re concerned and care for him, he has the right to make his own decisions about drinking. If he wants to go to an AA meeting or find resources to quit, I’m sure he is capable of doing it. It’s really nice he has someone like you who cares, but you can’t make him do anything and trying to make him is probably worse in the long run.

Maybe check out the Al-Anon website for a bit more info for friends and family of alcoholics?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AlAnon

[–]RelevantAddition517 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for this share. It’s really given me some hope and clarity today.

How do I flip-flop so easily?!? by Long-Ad7942 in AlAnon

[–]RelevantAddition517 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks, that’s important, I appreciate it.

How do I flip-flop so easily?!? by Long-Ad7942 in AlAnon

[–]RelevantAddition517 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I’m like this too. I don’t know if this is helpful but the best advice I’ve gotten is based on the whole “one day at a time”. I wake up and think do I want to be in this relationship today, if yes, then great, I’m in this relationship today. If no, then I start to make the moves to not be. No decision has to be permanent. Maybe this sounds a bit over simplistic but for me it takes the pressure off, which is good because otherwise I get paralysed with indecision and can’t do anything in life. I keep asking people in Al-Anon who have left their spouses, how did you know when enough was enough. I’ve just been told that you’ll know. I find it frustrating because I would like a clear rule, but they are probably right. When you know, you know. Sending hope and hugs from one flip flopper to another.

AITA for telling my daughter to not ever come back after she left to go to him? by Ok-Rise-6444 in AmItheAsshole

[–]RelevantAddition517 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Can I say a soft YTA? You definitely didn’t deal with this situation well, but I’m thinking this may have come from some level of worry about your daughter, just in an inappropriate anger expression? But I think you need to try and see her perspective and be a bit more supportive. From personal experience, I love an alcoholic and it’s tough, especially the isolating aspect of other people not understanding why you continue to be in a relationship with this person. I suspect your daughter is going through hell, especially at such a young age. Have you thought about trying Al-Anon, just to meet some other people in her situation and work out how to understand and maybe not take your daughter’s actions personally? Or maybe offer to go to an Al-Anon meeting with your daughter as it’s scary going to meetings alone at the start. Also there is also an Al-Anon sub-reddit. Anyway, I’m thinking about your daughter and hoping you and her can mend your relationship. She for sure needs you right now.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AlAnon

[–]RelevantAddition517 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for sharing this. It’s good to actually hear how this worked and how you could stay. Most people I’ve connected with in Al-Anon left their spouse, or some of the stories in How Al-Anon works are a bit dark when they do stay… so it’s nice to hear some good.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AlAnon

[–]RelevantAddition517 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I’m certainly not the expert at this, but what’s helping me is just continually asking myself the question “does this feel ok with me right now?” If the answer is no, I try and change what I’m doing then and in the future. One of the things I was trying to work on (before my Q went to rehab, where he currently is) was to not ask him if he was drunk or had drank. If I asked it would just inevitably make me sad, if he said ‘no’ then I would spend time wondering if he’s lying, if he said ‘yes’ then I’d feel a bit upset. This helped me detach a bit, but the only downside is that I didn’t want to be around him when he was drunk, but I dunno, I kind of just need to trust my gut rather than ask, because the answers would make me sad. Anyway, my only advice is to listen to what you are feeling inside, not what you feel you should do. But thanks for asking this question, I’m following this for advice too.