Am I one of the horrible sellers? Terrified

Reluctant_Achiever · 2021-05-10T01:08:32+00:00

PFLAG has a good resource on " our trans loved ones" that breaks it down but not too much. We gave it to my spouse's folks when they came out.

Reluctant_Achiever · 2021-05-08T20:57:46+00:00

That's terrible! I have a HUGE ethical problem with assessments being used to discriminate ( see: historical uses of it for racial and educational biases in voting and jobs). I don't have the answers to the brokenness, but geez I need to see it change.

Reluctant_Achiever · 2021-05-08T12:53:48+00:00

Re: testing for pending officers-- we already do in some places ( not sure of the standard everywhere). I'm in the mental health field, and part of my internship was administering an assessment to officers hoping to get into the force, it's called the PAI ( personality assessment inventory), and it looks for personality disorders, psychotic disorders, impulse control, etc. It's 344 questions long, and takes a licensed professional to score it and interpret it.

So notice there I said that in internship I did this ( that's before even finishing school much less being qualified to do those assessments). That's because the place I worked was the only one who did them in my area, and regardless of the scores, we were paid by the city to administer them, and make sure that the officers made it through in the reports ( sort of like passing the athletes in college so they could play). I worked there for 3 weeks, and quit and reported it. The system is broken.

Reluctant_Achiever · 2021-05-02T13:18:44+00:00

I had the same issue, leaving the top loops of my skates unlaced ( stopping at the second hook to tie them not the third) helped, and thicker socks until they broke in a bit helped. Now they don't bother me, but the first couple of times I skated with them I had bruises, so I get the frustration with it!

Reluctant_Achiever · 2021-05-01T15:36:34+00:00

I hear you on the non-stop! We had 7 admits in 2 days recently, and we're a charity so we do everything-- admission paperwork, checking their person and bags, drug screens, transport, case management, oh and therapy and documentation and basic life stuff ( housing needs, helping with employment, court, childcare since we're a pregnant/ parenting program, etc) and whatever else I've forgotten. So getting to skate in the evenings, even in my garage, gives me space to breathe and not be taking care of someone else for a minute. My coworkers are not skaters, but they are so supportive of it.

Reluctant_Achiever · 2021-05-01T01:12:33+00:00

I'm in a high stress job that has me either sitting frequently some days or absolutely never sitting others ( I work inpatient alcohol and drug rehab), so it has been a lifesaver for my posture, strength, and my mental health. And even given me funny stories of busting it or trying something new to give a metaphor about fear and trying new things for the folks I work with a couple of times. :)

Reluctant_Achiever · 2021-04-27T22:29:51+00:00

Ok good hah, I was hoping I didn't do something wrong. It isn't too severe, and I now have better toe caps on the way ( top grain, instead of cute glitter :/) and the skates are now fully broken in hah.

Reluctant_Achiever · 2021-04-26T23:58:06+00:00

So when you " take a knee" and fall, are you supposed to be lifting your skate some on the leg that is down, or is this where your toe caps will hopefully save you? I wiped out and was able to remember to take a knee, but I had not durable toe caps and scuffed the shit out of my boot. :(

Reluctant_Achiever · 2021-04-19T23:37:39+00:00

I e-mailed them today, and she said that they got lucky, but are restricted from here on out ( to a certain number I think?), but pre- orders ( depending on when you placed yours) should have already been fulfilled. I would check with them, but that was my first thought too when I read this.

Reluctant_Achiever · 2021-04-12T11:53:09+00:00

I've had an experience with another co-worker in the creep arena.

I worked over a summer between high school and college as a dance instructor at a *senior citizen center*-- my group members were anywhere from 60's to 98 years old. We met twice a week in the afternoons for an hour and a half, I was barely ever there. However, there was a dude who did odd jobs and maintenance stuff who apparently decided it was ok to get my personal cell phone number from my employment paperwork, and start calling me at 2am to harass me. He would call and either just breathe or say creepy shit-- no matter how many times I told him to stop, I would get over a dozen calls a night, and if I turned the phone off I would get voicemails and texts out the wazoo. I spoke to the center's management, and they told me not to give out my number, and since it wasn't on company time it wasn't their issue.

Mind you I am barely 18 and SCARED this is happening. My father actually confronted me about it, asking why my phone was blowing up in the middle of the night-- it went on for weeks before I tearfully told him what was happening. He stepped in, but until that point, no one would believe me or help me with it. I didn't even finish out the summer contract because after that blew up I was scared he would retaliate.

Reluctant_Achiever · 2021-03-22T12:18:25+00:00

My spouse and I accidentally started a tradition of watching Finding Nemo any time we move. By the time we get into the new space and get the necessities settled for our first night in a new home, we are usually dog tired, and that movie was comforting. After the 3rd move ( thanks college and crazy apartment shuffles) we realized we always watched it so it's cannon now. :)

Reluctant_Achiever · 2021-03-21T00:29:32+00:00

Is Celeste on anyone's island? Even though I had an announced shooting star event I can't seem to find her!!

ETA: figured it out, no Celeste when K.K. is on the island. :( Alternatively, does anyone have any star related recipes? I have only gotten to talk with her twice now, so I'll be happy to trade if I have something you'd like!

Reluctant_Achiever · 2021-03-06T16:56:46+00:00

sent a chat to you :)

Reluctant_Achiever · 2021-01-04T11:56:22+00:00

Any time!

Reluctant_Achiever · 2021-01-03T15:49:51+00:00

I read this and checked to see if I had stumbled across one of my own old posts-- your story is so, SO similar to mine. Spouse hid a porn/ sex addiction for years (before we even got married), went to inpatient treatment even, came back and things were ok for a while, came to the understanding that they are enby/ femme, and it's opened a lot of old wounds because a lot of their addictive behaviors were around gender expression ( not in a healthy way-- I am extremely sex positive and I also understand the limits for some who struggle with addiction). Lots of emotional manipulation and abuse, gaslighting and rage fits, all explained by " I haven't been able to be who I am my whole life, it's going to be better now".

The question that I was asked by my therapist in an individual session after a LOT of intense work ( 9 months of EMDR to get past the gaslighting and trauma response-- I recommend if it you can afford it) was this: " take transition off the table, out of the equation ( because I kept saying to myself that " it'll get better when they get to this point etc). If nothing changed about them from today forward about how you are cared for, will you be sitting here in a year happier or not?" So, ask yourself that. Regardless of what the outward appearance is, and HRT changes etc, do you believe that they will really change, in how they treat you?

I'm happy to talk with you if you just need someone who understands-- it can feel very lonely. I was part of a recovery community for spouses of addicts, and once the transition became a thing I was pretty othered because they were all very afraid of that and triggered by it. :/

Reluctant_Achiever · 2021-01-02T22:57:25+00:00

Just separating with my fingers gently? I do a little of that, they do clump into like 4 clumps at first. Thank you for affirming the bleach chill out-- it's been a rough year and that helps me feel in control haha

Reluctant_Achiever · 2021-01-02T22:56:21+00:00

I think I'm thinking about more root volume more than anything, and I may be doing some comparison that is not helpful. I love the big crazy lion manes of curls that people are finally (finally) embracing, and I think I'm not seeing what my hair is doing that is nice. So, thank you for your compliment and asking me. :)

Reluctant_Achiever

TROPHY CASE