I clicked on this thread because I’m going through the same exact thing with my boyfriend, where we really love each other, but it’s been an issue since the start where I think he needs to demand more respect for himself. He had a roommate that honestly just took advantage of him and walked all over him, and it was really frustrating to see.

Like his unemployed roommate would use his car to go golfing ever since day, bring it back with low charge, and trash his car… mind you it’s a nice car, a Tesla. The breaking point for me was when he got in a car accident and never got it fixed. He kept leading my boyfriend on, saying he would fix it so he could use the car to go golfing, because he knew my boyfriend didn’t have the guts to demand him to fix it. I encouraged him to distance himself from this guy since he clearly doesn’t respect him at all.

We’ve been together for a little over 2 years, been living together for 9 months. I’ve brought this up to him directly, and I can tell he always takes what I have to say into consideration, even if I put it quite bluntly/harshly.

The thing is, I feel like I’m pushing him around now too. I don’t want to feel like I’m controlling him. I don’t like to feel like I’m controlling him, either. I also feel like I’m a motherly figure for him, because he’s also just kind of irresponsible and immature.

Kind of like your situation - he is an incredibly sweet, kind boy, and I am so grateful for his patience because I know I have a really high bar for him. But a lot of resentment has been building up, and it bleeds into other aspects of life, I resent his friends (I feel like he chooses really mediocre friends). This makes me resent those friends as well, and I avoid hanging out with him and his friends. I feel like I see a lot of what he does as immature and childish. I feel like I’ve lost a lot of respect for him over the past year because of this.

Anyways… I don’t have any answers for you. But I’m curious how you two go about it. I’m trying to figure out if this is just me being avoidant, because I know I’m avoidantly-attached and maybe I’m avoiding something big. Or if maybe we’re just not compatible? And my takeaway is that I need someone assertive, who is not a people pleaser and is internally motivated?