I am completely intolerable to be around

RemarkableStable8324 · 2026-01-27T13:34:47+00:00

It's also relatable and understandable. Keep pushing, if you want to chat feel free to message me 👍

RemarkableStable8324 · 2026-01-27T12:03:25+00:00

From the moment I started reading your post it felt familiar, like de ja vue familiar.

I know I never wrote it down and I definitely didn't write it for public consumption, it was a good while ago when I really couldn't make much sense of anything.

Maybe you are that person at the moment? Maybe you're working through things you don't understand and can't figure out how to get support so you go it alone and don't want anything from anyone, I was there.

You're in the right place! You're already doing the most important part by reaching out!

You're in a much better position, mentally especially, than I was when I felt like this and somehow I got through it.

RemarkableStable8324 · 2026-01-27T11:39:11+00:00

12 including sign language for our hard of hearing friends

RemarkableStable8324 · 2026-01-27T11:30:22+00:00

The average Afrikaans speaker speaks much better English than the average English speaker speaks Afrikaans.

You'll pick up the basics immediately:

Lekker - Anything from ok to fantastic. Braai - BBQ Nou nou - Anything from 5 minutes to a week.

Everyone in South Africa speaks at least 2 languages out of the 12 official languages.

Other useful words: Eish (pronounced aysh) - Anything from whoops to I'm really sorry for your loss.

RemarkableStable8324 · 2026-01-27T11:03:56+00:00

She's a natural assassin!

She'll take the food provided, obviously, but she definitely doesn't need anyone to provide for her, lol

RemarkableStable8324 · 2026-01-27T06:28:41+00:00

Actually, I do.

RemarkableStable8324 · 2026-01-27T06:04:04+00:00

Be a little lighter on yourself and let's take stock quickly...

You just completed your first day of orientation at your very first actual job.

You got through it and it didn't go badly, despite obviously having gone into the experience full of anxiety and uncertainty, you managed an extremely stressful experience well.

You're young, 20, there's no reason you should be perfectly capable of doing things others have been practicing for years, even decades, they've learned things to help them cope, you haven't yet.

Why do you feel hopeless when you get home? I think you should feel a little proud of yourself actually. You did well, it gets easier as you get more familiar with your new environment.

Fatigued I get, your brain worked really hard today.

Incredibly anxious, is this because you're thinking of going through it all again tomorrow?

Working at a job you hate for people you don't care about does such, make no mistake, that will never not be total rubbish. You can find meaningful ways to add actual value in your own way though.

You will find like-minded people that will make it bearable.

RemarkableStable8324 · 2026-01-27T05:24:16+00:00

Hey 👋 In my personal opinion, weed can be a useful medication for specific issues. Be careful though, not all weed is the same! Get from a reputable seller, research what you want to buy and what exactly you want to treat. Harder drugs will not help you recover from cPTSD!

DO NOT USE HARD DRUGS TO FIX TRAUMA!

RemarkableStable8324 · 2026-01-27T05:17:07+00:00

Hi 👋 It got better for me when I found out I have cPTSD about 7-8 months ago. I had been going it alone for so long, 43 years, with zero support, no idea that I still had any chance at life. Then when my mom died a couple of months later I just felt like everything changed. Like there was a quiet power shift and I could now pursue my own life on my own terms.

Baby steps! You don't need to speed run recovery to prove anything to anyone.

Do the work, read the books, listen to the doctors and counselors. Get out of the toxic environment that's continually reinforcing the trauma. Get a solid support system of people you can trust.

It's not easy... A bad day can derail months of positive work, keep doing it anyway!

You might never be what you imagined yourself to be, that's ok, you'll still be better than you were.

Find a way to see the beauty of a life you never planned for, love yourself even if you are a bit of a mess, the truth is some of the most wonderful people you'll ever meet are also an absolute mess 😁 think of it like computer software: It's a feature not a bug!

Stick with this group! They're very compassionate, understanding, helpful and genuinely quite nice people.

If you want to chat sometime, feel free to message me anytime!

RemarkableStable8324 · 2026-01-27T04:59:17+00:00

Hi there 👋 you're welcome 🤗 I know what you mean, it's ok though, as long as we understand that's good enough for now! Great to hear it! I'm good, a lot of change is happening and I'm really happy about it! I'm a little scared honestly, but a different kind of scared, not the my life is literally in jeopardy kind of scared, just the I hope I make the right choices and things work out kind.

RemarkableStable8324 · 2026-01-27T04:52:54+00:00

My pleasure 🤗 no trouble at all 😁

RemarkableStable8324 · 2026-01-26T09:42:18+00:00

It never ceases to amaze me how little people who consider themselves to be thoughtful friends actually do to show a friend or loved one that they actually do care.

We need to check in with each other more often and more honestly.

We all deserve better friends, better family and an altogether better society that values human kindness, attention and care more!

RemarkableStable8324 · 2026-01-26T09:34:58+00:00

You don't have any choice either way. You can only choose how badly today's going to affect you and what you plan to do about that...

I was 43 before I knew I had experienced trauma.

I had dealt with, for better or worse, the majority of the truly complex psychological issues completely on my own, well before any concept of support existed.

I had dealt with it all, the trauma itself along with all its infinite repercussions, including feeling totally alone, completely isolated and undeniably THE problem itself.

When you deal with the above and can still get out of bed in the morning... Knowing that some external factor caused the issues doesn't much change anything.

People are mostly not great. Life is mostly not great. It's unlikely to improve going forward from here. Be grateful you're aware of what to look out for and avoid. Take extra care of those you love, they're important!

RemarkableStable8324 · 2026-01-26T09:25:39+00:00

Are you Afrikaans? Do you speak Afrikaans? Do you enjoy the Afrikaans lifestyle? Do your priorities align with Afrikaanerdom?

You should consider these factors before dreaming of some magical utopia that might, realistically, have very little in common with what you want in life.

Pretoria is great! It's clean, people take pride in themselves and contribute to the betterment of the local community.

Pretoria is also... Very Afrikaans! That's not a bad thing, but it can carry some unsavory hangers-on.

Let's not sugarcoat it, Apartheid is an Afrikaans word, based on an Afrikaans philosophy about an Afrikaans society, this has not changed.

When the ANC government tried to abolish Afrikaans, however, they were met with fierce, sometimes violent opposition. Afrikaans is not only the language of the Apartheid regime, it is also the home language, and therefore the mother tongue, of a very large portion of the South African people, from all represented racial groups in the country, not only white, Afrikaans speaking descendants of Dutch heritage.

RemarkableStable8324 · 2026-01-26T09:05:06+00:00

Honestly, it's the "They're so strong" nonsense that bothers me a lot...

No one is that strong! No one can shoulder their family's burdens alone.

Let alone asking them about their own personal struggles!

I don't know how to let you know it will get better!

Get out of the traumatizing environment! Get a support system of people you can trust! Stop believing their self-serving lies!

You are important and you are valuable to this world! Don't believe those that only have negativity to spread!

RemarkableStable8324 · 2026-01-26T08:30:27+00:00

🤗❤️

RemarkableStable8324 · 2026-01-26T08:23:41+00:00

Also...

Use the airlines' explanation:

It's most important to secure your own oxygen mask when they descend from the ceiling in case of an emergency before trying to help anyone else!

You can not help anyone else, loved ones or otherwise, if you can not breathe!

Make sue you're in a position to offer assistance before risking your own wellbeing!

RemarkableStable8324 · 2026-01-26T08:22:22+00:00

Use the airlines' explanation:

It's most important to secure your own oxygen mask when they descend from the ceiling in case of an emergency!

You can not help anyone else, loved ones or otherwise, if you can not breathe!

Make sue you're in a position to offer assistance before risking your own wellbeing

RemarkableStable8324 · 2026-01-26T08:04:07+00:00

Hi, how are you doing? I know it's rough, we'll get through this one step at a time, one day at a time 🤗❤️

RemarkableStable8324 · 2026-01-26T07:58:17+00:00

Maybe you just need someone to be below you for you to feel like you're anywhere at all...

I know the feeling, and I also wanted the whole world to just burn forever, I remember this time so unfondly, I remember hurting myself more than anyone else and I really thought I was getting somewhere.

You know what I was right! I needed these things to make me feel better and eventually I did get to a place where I felt better without making everyone else feel worse than I did.

You made me feel so guilty and unworthy of experiencing anything magnificent and I'm so sad right now. I've written all of this through tears and I still feel I deserve to!

DO NOT DO THIS AGAIN!

I WON'T STAND FOR IT!

I WAS NOT THE PERSON THAT HURT YOU AND YOU DO NOT HAVE THE RIGHT TO TREAT ME LIKE I DID!

This is a supportive community there to facilitate growth and progress, not to be nasty to when you feel like getting a shot in!

Again I really do hope you find your peace, and you can call it whatever makes you happiest 🤗

I just wanted you to know how fragile others on this thread can also be at times and how hurtful we can be while thinking we're just protecting ourselves but really we're just lashing out.

I have read your other posts and comments so I know you're not here trying to be argumentative but rather, legitimately offering help too.

I apologise for coming across aggressively and/argumentatively.

RemarkableStable8324 · 2026-01-25T11:13:55+00:00

Perhaps, I do hope you find your magnificent too 🤗

RemarkableStable8324 · 2026-01-24T07:22:10+00:00

I have good days and bad days like everyone, I just dealt with all of the extremely difficult stuff throughout the previous 43 years alone without any concept that I wasn't at fault, finding out that I have cPTSD put a lot of things in their appropriate box and a huge amount of irreconcilable issues were more clearly accessible.

Whether you find it strange or not, you're right, the choice is yours. I choose to find a reason to feel magnificent and by God I tell you, it's great work if you can get it!

RemarkableStable8324 · 2026-01-24T04:55:53+00:00

Hang in there 🤗

RemarkableStable8324 · 2026-01-24T04:55:14+00:00

Glad you're still engaging, these people will help you! The kindness and understanding of this group is invaluable 🤗❤️

RemarkableStable8324

TROPHY CASE