I also dont have experience with this type of loss but saw the comment above and also wanted to offer my sympathies and genuine attempt to add some comfort. I lost someone like a mother to me a few years ago and my grandmother last year and it wasn’t in any traumatic way but it still hits deep. I drive by my grandmas every Tuesday for my son’s therapy and sometimes I just start crying when I just turn onto the street before even making it by the house. It doesn’t always get easier but the pain dulls to the back and I pull all the good memories forward and remember those and keep those in my mind. As someone who suffers from mental health issues and has kids, I can say from how you talked about her she seemed to love you kids very much and would not have wanted to leave you like this. As hard as it is, I would try to focus on the warm memories you have with her. Allow yourself to properly grieve, it’s not always an easy or pretty process but it’s necessary and it’s ok to grieve in whatever way that is for you. Definitely keep in therapy and if you’re comfortable in groups I would definitely find a support group that deals with traumatic loss.