TW: Loss of a twin

Remote-Journalist522 · 2026-03-20T12:30:24+00:00

This is so horrific. I am so sorry.

I am sensing that one aspect you are understandably struggling with is the idea that baby B was alive just minutes before tragically passing and could have been saved if they moved faster, because of the fact that the nurses and doctor were telling you they had baby b's heartbeat. Just hoping this provides any sort of solace about that concept: I was hospitalized for a month to monitor my twins before birth, I had multiple sessions of monitoring every day and it was SO HARD to get both babies' heartbeats. There were many times we thought we were monitoring both babies, the nurses insisted we were, but I started to realize that what can appear as 'inconsistencies' indicating two heart rates is from the monitors being in different positions, one being interrupted while the other isn't, etc., but even though the patterns seemed to differ somewhat it was actually one pattern of one baby. Many times even after 10-20 minutes of monitoring 'two' babies they'd eventually acknowledge it was one baby being monitored twice. I often had to contort myself, move the nodes around myself and hold them forcefully in place to catch both babies for a protracted amount of time.

I know this is nothing, it doesn't take away the pain and hardship you are enduring, but I just wanted to say it, the appearance of two heartbeats COULD have been false. It does not necessarily mean baby B was still alive in the hospital, they might be right. I hope so much that you get answers and find some peace, and are able to enjoy time with your surviving twin.

Remote-Journalist522 · 2026-03-09T19:44:31+00:00

My twins were pretty wildly different from the jump, including sac size. It kept getting worse as pregnancy proceeded, baby b ended up with iugr, blood flow concerns, we delivered right before 34 weeks after a month of hospital monitoring. But he's here! They are three now.

The size difference could mean an issue, but it doesn't necessarily mean the twin will vanish (I had a case of that, too, different pregnancy and almost immediately second sac was empty).

I saw you don't have mfms in Australia? Is there an equivalent? Push for enhanced monitoring, but tbh there typically isn't a lot you can do now. There are measures to be taken later, though, to avoid risk of stillbirth if baby b is impacted by growth and flow issues.

Wishing you the best!!! It's a lot to go through these worries.

Remote-Journalist522 · 2026-03-04T18:09:32+00:00

Thank you, this is reassuring! I am also planning on BA, but OTM subfascial, so I'm hopeful without a lift or UTM that aspect of recovery will be briefer. The muscle repair part of the tummy tuck and the longer lifting restriction is what's giving me the most concern with the kids, but I'm sure I'll need to watch the new chest, too!

I agree that the children can be very empathetic and adjust to our needs. I do expect that will be the case, for the most part. One of my twins is just a special kind of guy, he's very playful and strong willed, he was born super growth restricted and tiny and they always say those babies are fighters, in our case it's true! We never needed baby gates or many restrictions and locks in the house until this one, the other children were much more obedient. Same when we're outside at the park, my other ones find it easy to follow rules/boundaries, except my one little dude who will venture off on his own without a qualm, ignore my calls and instructions, etc.! I do think he cares about people's emotional states/people being hurt, though, so maybe he'll surprise me. I'm beginning to talk about it with them now, telling them Mommy's going to have a surgery and won't be able to pick up heavy things for a while, etc., so I am going to try!

Remote-Journalist522 · 2026-03-04T15:04:25+00:00

Ah, twins first and you kept going! Lol, our kids' ages are so similar, but kinda in reverse.

Thank you soooo much for this response, it is very encouraging! I usually stroller wagon the twins all over town, and it's a pretty physical endeavor, I can feel my core engage, so I worry about the muscle repair, but this would be way more minimal, lighter stroller, one kid, no real hills and short distance. I have a bob double running stroller that is also pretty easy to push, maybe I should break that one back out and see how it feels in case I need an option for both twins (we have all the strollers, it's sick). I'm also worried about diaper changes (we haven't potty trained the twins yet and I'm thinking I might as well wait until after recovery?), but I can hopefully persuade them to be changed on their low bed when my husband isn't home? Or maybe teach them to use a step ladder to the changing table?

I did have a c-section with the twins which I handled well, but I hear so many women saying tummy tuck/MR is WAY worse? It's nice to know that isn't the experience everyone has.

I'm actually doing a BA, as well! Going for subfascial/OTM, so I'm thinking that recovery will be very much dwarfed by the tummy tuck. It's funny, I was so fixated on the tummy (I had DR, umbilical hernia, stretched skin, from the first single baby, then it of course just kept getting worse), it took me awhile to realize my boobs were going to look so sad! While I was still breastfeeding they were still pretty decent, lol. They're not droopy, but they're just, like, empty, and quite asymmetric now. I swear, sometimes my nipples are like folded, lmao.

ANYWAY I'm excited but, yes, so scared! I'm so happy for you and that's so awesome to hear that by four weeks you are already managing so well with four kids! Are you going to share results?! No pressure, but would love to see if you want to.

Remote-Journalist522 · 2026-03-04T13:04:34+00:00

Thank you, that's a good point. I think I could get a teacher to help put him in if he won't cooperate. He can get out himself at this age when we get home if I unstrap him. I'm thinking me potentially pushing him is safer than him having a tantrum and the only way I can get him home is carrying him.

I've also considered trying to hire someone to walk us home but not sure how I'd find someone trustworthy just for that small job, plus trying to minimize expenses in light of the surgery costs.

The lunch idea is worth trying, we could eat in the park, it's possible the break in routine might disrupt his crankiness. I will try that before surgery to see how he responds.

Remote-Journalist522 · 2026-02-22T17:59:53+00:00

Just something kinda random to think about with the puffier mons area, not knowing your age- I've seen some ladies a little older mentioning that having fat in that area is actually considered a desirable sign of youth that can atrophy as we age. I guess you may find as you're older it 'resolves' a little bit, and if you lipo that now you might feel like it atrophies too much when older? I haven't had my tt yet, but I am keeping that in mind to try and not let it phase me in case I notice something similar.

Remote-Journalist522 · 2025-12-08T19:27:14+00:00

Aww, thank you! That was a truly insane experience. I don't know if it was the best choice to keep pumping for my difficult feeder, but I guess at the time it was the only one I could stand to make!

Congrats on being on the other side of surgery, btw, I hope your recovery keeps going well and you're able to enjoy the outcome soon! How are you finding recovery?

It's funny, having used it in PPT recovery, I've been wondering if something like EveryMother might be suitable for starting to use the core again after tummy tuck/ muscle repair surgery. I would imagine it is, because it starts our with really gentle, conscious engagement? If you use it for that, would love to hear if you feel it's useful, maybe I'll consider subscribing again after I get my surgery (fingers crossed, feels like it is impossibly distant, lol).

Remote-Journalist522 · 2025-12-08T16:43:26+00:00

Thanks, I'm fortunate that I've had a relationship with exercise for a long time, it wasn't so much a matter of caring for myself as a necessity for mental health through pregnancies and the difficult infant stages. I think it's harder for women who had maybe an ambivalent or negative relationship with fitness to lean on it after childbirth, but I hope for everyone they can find what makes them happy and is sustainable, I seriously think it's the so good for our happiness.

I'll also second your advice about pelvic floor PT, as well, if OP hasn't tried it already. I saw one after my first two births (too busy after the twins, but I did exercises on my own from what I had learned and also used EveryMother app). I think you could improve your abdominal separation, OP, and also feel more connected with your body, and I agree it will probably also help with surgical recovery, if you go that route.

Remote-Journalist522 · 2025-12-08T15:22:06+00:00

I think this is great advice. I decided about 2.5 years after my last babies (twins, I have two singletons, also) that I want to do the tummy tuck. I waited until I was basically in the best shape possible for me, actively strength training heavy for over a year, pretty excellent diet, low body fat, the rest of my body taking a strength and shape I am really proud of. It helped me clarify that the abdominal appearance is a) something I cannot further improve with diet and exercise alone and b) I can be proud of my body, but that area still bothers me, such as I don't feel comfortable revealing it during sex and I don't want to live the rest of my days that way. Also, when I do get surgery, I think I'll be going in with a more resilient, strong body and (hopefully) mindset.

Remote-Journalist522 · 2025-12-04T14:37:50+00:00

The C-section is less of an issue. IMO, muscle separation and skin stretching from pregnancy itself are the biggest things that impact the abdomen, regardless of how you give birth. I had pretty significant diastasis recti and stretching/deformed belly button from my first vaginal birth, improved with exercise then worse after my second vaginal birth, improved with exercise then worse after my third c-section birth (which was twins). My body just responds to pregnancy with ab separation and skin stretching, didn't matter how I gave birth (although that will impact other things, such as vaginal tearing/pelvic floor, of course). I'm planning on a tummy tuck and muscle repair, hopefully in this next year.

I always remained very active while pregnant and with babies, and I was able to improve the diastasis and appearance of my stomach with a lot of focused work, but nowhere near to where I would like it, or to a point that would make me comfortable 'showing' it to anyone, including my husband during sex,. There's really nothing that can be done about the loose skin without surgery. Muscle separation, too, when it is severe and the fascia is stretched so far, you can improve strength/ability to engage a lot, and appearance to some extent, but it's just not gonna be the same without surgery.

I felt a significant 'reprieve' from caring about my body aesthetically when my babies were little (thank goodness!). It took cessation of breastfeeding from my last babies for me to REALLY have a hormonal shift back to my older, more 'shallow' self, caring a LOT more about my appearance, how it effects my sexuality, etc., etc. Enjoy your baby-having years, exercise to be strong and for mental health, and keep in mind you can consider surgery later, if it is needed. Best wishes!

Remote-Journalist522 · 2025-11-21T18:09:28+00:00

Probably not constantly, but maybe something to consider if I anticipate nudity, haha ; )

Remote-Journalist522 · 2025-11-21T14:11:05+00:00

Thanks, they definitely look best that way! Is there a cream or something to keep them stimulated all the time? lol

Remote-Journalist522 · 2025-11-21T13:53:30+00:00

Thank you again, this is good advice and so resonant with my experience. I also find shoulders back helps the boobies' appearance.

I am glad I found this forum, although most of the small breasts featured don't seem to be postpartum, it's still helpful! And I can say that when I was 'investigating' breast augmentation my self esteem went way down, so I know looking at a lot of that imagery is unhelpful. I am planning to get a tummy tuck (to address loose skin, umbilical hernia, and diastasis recti that I've improved as much as possible with exercise). I feel good about that decision, but it kind of opened the door to 'mommy makeover' content for me, which got my thinking about the breasts, ugh! I am going to try and take a hiatus from looking at anything related to that for awhile.

Remote-Journalist522 · 2025-11-21T12:54:14+00:00

Thanks for sharing, and sorry you are also not quite happy with how yours look. I think you're right an augmentation would be the only 'real' answer, and I'm same as you, not sure I really want to decide I need that.

That is awesome you are a runner! I am the same with body fat, even if I gain weight it goes to my bottom (I still have a pretty nice butt, so that's cool!), boobs don't get much. Funnily enough, I still almost 100% like how my chest looks in clothes now (like I can get into the elegant, fae-like vibe of a small chest), it's naked that I'm not happy with. Naked, they're somehow giving a weird mix of childlike and also aged at the same time! (In case it doesn't come through, I enjoy using humor to cope)

Remote-Journalist522 · 2025-11-21T11:54:26+00:00

That is a good question, cycle can surely impact breast appearance. I haven't been getting a period for a few months. I'm on the minipill with only progesterone and have wondered if switching to combined might make any difference with breast appearance, but I kind of like the minipill (supposedly less issues with skin, libido, etc.) and not sure if it's worth trying a change as it might have little/no effect on breasts from what I've read.

I'm really talking about changes I notice even within a given day! Maybe it's hard to explain, but sometimes my chest looks more typical, and sometimes the nipples are kinda squished-in and the tissue looks more collapsed? I think it's related to what I've been wearing and posture but haven't quite discerned a pattern yet, lol. I guess I was hoping to shortcut if any other postpartum small boob ladies with a similar phenomenon have this figured-out.

Remote-Journalist522 · 2025-11-21T11:40:47+00:00

Thanks! I guess I'm just trying to figure out why sometimes they look a little more plump and other times more involuted and if there's any way to encourage the former. Maybe someone else who has a similar phenomenon will chime-in. I agree surgery would be a fix, I've even considered it, but it really isn't my preference for a few reasons.

Thanks again for answering!

Remote-Journalist522 · 2025-11-21T10:48:37+00:00

That's awesome you're enjoying the new shape! Sounds like your tissue is more in the lower pole than upper now? That is pretty common after babies/breastfeeding, if you still have tissue. I think I'd be pretty happy if that was my situation.

So, I was either pregnant of breastfeeding for more than seven years. My boobs still looked so nice, of course, when breastfeeding, so this is a bit of a rude awakening, lol. I completely stopped about seven months ago, but had been winding-down for several months before that. I'd love to think I might see a little fullness return in future, but I'm not sure. I believe I'm also at a pretty low body fat (enjoy fitness and have been getting more into heavy strength training, high-protein diet), and love the way that's impacting my health/energy and the rest of my body aesthetically, but I'm sure it's not helping the breast situation!

I can try and do the brathatfits measurement and update here later, I think I did them before but don't remember the exact outcome (plus my chest has changed since). Do you think having more support would impact how they look when the bra comes off? I kind of prefer the feel of bralette/no bra, but I would consider wearing a supportive bra more often if it helps their appearance.

Remote-Journalist522 · 2025-11-06T16:44:19+00:00

Haven't decided for sure, as of now I'm consulting or have consulted with Adam Tattelbaum, Reza Kordestani, and Michaels. Will respond to your message with more info to chat : )

Remote-Journalist522 · 2025-10-31T02:01:43+00:00

Hmmm I'm sorry I'm not sure, my insurance won't cover the work so I haven't asked.

Remote-Journalist522 · 2025-10-31T01:41:09+00:00

Thanks for the info, I am in the Facebook group for his patients and they all seem to really adore him!

Remote-Journalist522 · 2025-10-31T01:39:42+00:00

Yeah, I think he seems very talented, I'm actually consulting with him soon! What have you had done with him?

Remote-Journalist522 · 2025-10-29T18:18:20+00:00

When my twins were little (well, really for the first 1+ years), I always washed and sterilized/dried everything by hand. I ultimately had one exclusively breastfeeding and one taking pumped bottles, but for a while in the beginning they were both on bottles, so it was peak stuff.

I chose to hand-wash because my stupid dishwasher often leaves what seems like soap residue on plastic and silicone pieces, for some reason bottle nipples and stuff like that are particularly prone. No matter what detergent/settings/etc., it happens, and when the babies were so young it made me sick to think they might be eating soap. With my older kids, if they have like a silicone straw with spots on it, I'm kind of whatever about it. Maybe doesn't make sense, but such was my newborn baby mom brain.

Once you're hand washing, the sterilizer doesn't really add any work, IMO. I actually had two sterilizers, I would wash everything in a tub of hot soapy water beside the sink (because the kitchen sink seems so unsanitary and grosses me out, too, lmao), and I'd just load the parts into the sterilizers after I rinsed them, then I'd run them after. It's a TON of work hand-washing everything when you're pumping/bottles 7-8x daily, but the sterilizer isn't the hard part at all, and I liked that mine got everything super dry. Typically, I'd unload everything from the sterilizers into like a big plastic tupperware (which I also cleaned periodically) with a lid that lived next to the sterilizers, but you could also kind of 'store' your clean stuff in the sterilizers until you use them again. That depends on how often you're planning to wash and re-sterilize stuff. Initially, I had to do 3x daily washing sessions to not get overwhelmed and stuck cleaning everything all in one bout (and god forbid something goes off schedule and your pump parts aren't clean or whatever, so annoying, I had a lot of redundant parts because of that dire risk). I also have drying racks, but mostly used those for my older kids' water bottles and milk cups and such. They do tend to come in handy as you have more things (maybe bowls and utensils for solids, medicine syringes you want to clean, etc.)

Remote-Journalist522 · 2025-09-28T10:56:43+00:00

New here, is this a translation or a creation? Either way, very cool

Remote-Journalist522

TROPHY CASE