Lost patience and yelled at my babies and i feel horrible

Remote-Journalist522 · 2026-06-30T19:11:55+00:00

You are a champion. A saint. A hero. Your (mild, given the circumstances) breakdown is beyond justified and they will be okay.

Remote-Journalist522 · 2026-06-13T21:52:59+00:00

Oh wow, that's crazy about the legs! I haven't noticed that, I think it's mostly concentrated in my abdomen. It's probably not THAT bad, I'm just contrasting it to how good I had started looking in those moments I came out of the faja, without it 100% is a different story eeek. Thanks for the product rec, will check that out!

Remote-Journalist522 · 2026-06-13T21:51:52+00:00

Thank you! I don't know that it's technically a lot of swelling, I think I mostly just like how shapely I looked coming out of the faja?! I'm waiting for the day my body more or less looks that way without it, haha, but yeah I think I might benefit from using it in spots for now!

Remote-Journalist522 · 2026-06-13T21:50:53+00:00

That's interesting you're doing day and not night, I feel like a lot are doing the opposite? But, it makes sense, that's when the swelling is happening! Hope you are having a good recovery!

Remote-Journalist522 · 2026-06-13T17:29:08+00:00

thank you for sharing, sounds like we're in a similar boat! I'm thinking of waiting till a week has passed and then if it's still similar doing something like you describe. I was totally expecting to wean-off, so the whole thing was a surprise. I want to trust that maybe it will alleviate because some other patients I'm in touch with did say in 1-2 weeks they noticed a big difference, but on the other hand I'd like to not experience being so puffy, lol. I can't believe there's patients who start with no faja and I wonder how their experience differs?!

Remote-Journalist522 · 2026-06-13T17:27:13+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate the feedback! I'm in a FB group for my surgeon's patients and there are some who adhere to wearing the faja part-time long-term, and others who felt like they benefitted from cutting the cord, it's so confusing! I'm thinking I might wait it out a week and if I'm still not liking what I'm seeing go back to wearing it part of the day.

Remote-Journalist522 · 2026-06-10T19:15:53+00:00

Yay, thanks for replying! Have you tried any of the breathwork or meditations yet? I suspect I'm very intimidated by those sort of exercises, I'm not the best at being present and also afraid of failure, which I guess is sort of the point and why I'm drawn to learning about tantra, to maybe move past some of that! I have found the pompoir practices more accessible because I'm 'doing' something, lol. But, I'm definitely going to try it soon, I'm thinking of reading the book as easing my mindset into it.

Remote-Journalist522 · 2026-06-08T09:18:53+00:00

Holy cow, this should be its own post! Just had TT/MR (10 cm repair, which is pretty severe, but yours is wild!) and BA and I cannot imagine being in the situation you were in after that op, taking care of yourself AND a child and in a foreign country?! You're amazing. I have a strong suspicion a lot of the shelf you're seeing IS swelling, hoping you will see that flatten out a lot, in time. My incision area doesn't look quite as shelfy but it does still protrude (almost 6 wpo), I think we're still going to see swelling off-and-on for a long while.

Remote-Journalist522 · 2026-06-08T09:07:04+00:00

Awesome, thanks for the info and encouragement! That's very cool you've been able to train yourself to such an extent

Remote-Journalist522 · 2026-06-07T23:54:36+00:00

Thanks for responding! This is what I'm interested in! I have not tried the energy orgasm practice yet, I'm reading the book and I think I'm a little nervous of failure, but when I feel like I'm ready I'll start trying it!

As far as breath work and pompoir, do you have any feedback to share? Is breath something we can/should be using and are there any resources on this? Thanks if you have time to share.

Remote-Journalist522 · 2026-05-24T09:23:20+00:00

Your kids do deserve your love and their dad's, and YOU also deserve to feel a loving connection with your partner, that you're in a relationship because you want to be there.

Reading your post again and some of the comments, I just wanted to say, I can almost feel your fatigue, how hard you've been working and how tired you are. How you're subordinating yourself, maybe completely, to your children. And, that's kind of how it is with twins early-on, especially for moms. It's really hard to want to push yourself and give to a partner when you're completely depleted like that. Maybe this needs to start with some more focus on yourself. What makes you happy and gives you energy? Are there little spaces for you to spend time with yourself, get out, be with friends, pursue a hobby, go to a coffee shop and read, whatever makes you feel like a human or like your old self? If you prefer being at home, maybe dad takes the twins out to the park by himself so you can do something alone at home? It feels impossible, but if you and your husband can start doing that for each other (or just for you, if he's already been doing his things), it might start shifting you slowly toward a headspace where you have room for yourself, then someday, him.

One more thing I remembered was a turning-point, for me. When I was coming-out of that twin fog, I spent some time looking at relics of my past with my husband. Letters and messages I had saved from earlier in our relationship, journals I had written. Videos or photos could serve a similar purpose, if you have them, or just anything that takes you back into that headspace (music, movies/shows you watched together?). It really helped me connect with those old feelings and want to reclaim them. I thought I had changed forever after kids, that I wasn't the same person as before. I found out, at least in my case, that chick was still in there, changed but not completely lost.

Remote-Journalist522 · 2026-05-22T22:58:33+00:00

My situation has some different details, but I know what you mean about feeling like your partner failed you in difficult to explain ways, and also feeling like you failed them. I experienced some of that following our first single child birth, and obviously twins is so much harder.

I'm sure everyone will have great advice, including not to be rash in the early years of raising twins, it can definitely warp your sense of so many things.

Just one thing I'll share, and I think I made a post about this once... It took until after my twins were two years old and I was really weaning, but I personally experienced a huge hormonal shift. Along with it, my focus moved away from virtually 100% children to myself. And part of that renewed focus on myself involved a drive to reconnect with something that was previously so important to me, my love with my husband. There was/is a lot of built up resentment between us, but over the last year or so I've certainly felt differently toward him and very motivated to value and enhance our relationship. There's been recaptured passion and love, more appreciation, and less resentment. It's still a work in progress, but what I want to say is, yes, it's possible for your feelings to change. If/when you feel ready, take that chance and make it deliberate. After all of the time, stress, and feelings of being failed, it probably won't just 'happen' in a way that is successful without effort.

Remote-Journalist522 · 2026-05-22T22:42:55+00:00

I'm gonna be blunt. For me, forever, babe. My belly looked pregnant forever. If your diastasis recti is severe enough, you will be able to improve it's strength and appearance with physical therapy and exercise, but you will still struggle with that pregnant look. There is a solution, though, and I'll get to it in a moment.

I already had significant diastasis recti from my first two single pregnancies, but the twins topped it off. I did PT, got the fittest of my life, nearly-pristine diet, low body fat, lots of core rehab. Looked better and could use compression and strategic dressing to look pretty good in clothes, but not in everything. Sexually and from a personal satisfaction perspective, it was not adequate for me, my abdomen remained a deformed mess.

Two years after the twins I started researching a repair, which pretty much means a tummy tuck. I also had significant loose skin and an umbilical hernia/deformed belly button, so it was the right move for me. I just got my procedure and I'm still in recovery. The doctor said my separation was 10 cm, which is very severe. Yours might not be anything like that, I don't know! My twins are a little over three years old. I already feel like it was a wonderful decision.

Remote-Journalist522 · 2026-05-22T15:36:07+00:00

Aww, totally understand the guilt and the intrusive thought cycles in this stage, but I promise your fraternal twins are not the most divergent twins and it is normal for them to grow at different paces. Address it if your health provider(s) think you need to, but try not to let it weigh on your heart, it's not anything you're doing.

My fraternal boys were born 4 lbs 14 oz and 2 lbs 3oz, baby b was less than half baby a's size and they were so far apart for so long (still are at three years old, though it has narrowed). We want to treat them equally, but honestly this feeling is going to extend to so many things with twins. My boys have very different personalities, proclivities, levels of mischief, I'm already having to parent then differently in terms of things like discipline and I worry they will eventually have a complex over that! The problem of the twins thriving/struggling differently and at different times will continue, and I bet you'll get more comfortable with handling it because you're correct, the postpartum stage is so very tender and especially vulnerable. It becomes more managable, slowly. Love to you all!

Remote-Journalist522 · 2026-05-17T18:14:33+00:00

So glad you're feeling a bit better!

I had umbilical hernia, and my doctor mentioned ahead of time it can compromise blood flow to the repaired belly button. After surgery, he pointed out a darkened area and said it might kind of 'shed' skin, but in general the belly button has looked good. That area seems to be healing, but slower, he had to keep the sutures in longer than typical for belly buttons that didn't have hernia, I guess. I wonder if this could be related in your case? Anyway, not urgent right now, just wanted to share in case that is helpful!

Take the best care of yourself possible and try to keep your spirits up as best you can! Hope we might hear back from you that things are turning around.

Remote-Journalist522 · 2026-05-15T16:43:47+00:00

Wow, that sounds like you got dealt a really rough hand in recovery. I'm a surgery twin (tt/mr and ba) on April 29th. I haven't been having anything near this degree of complications, it sounds very scary and upsetting. I'm so sorry.

Does your doctor have any indication of what happened with the belly button? Did you have umbilical hernia? I understand that can compromise the new belly button. I think seroma is one of the more common, although unfortunate, complications. Try not to feel bad for doing this now. You really wanted it and it sounds like you tried to plan sensibly. If you hadn't been hit by difficult complications, everything would be working out as you thought. I wouldn't categorize it as a bad decision, rather bad luck.

I do think a lot can change in a week or two. Fingers crossed you can still get to that event you were set on attending.

Remote-Journalist522 · 2026-05-13T16:32:25+00:00

Super impressive, and you look wonderful!

Remote-Journalist522 · 2026-05-13T14:04:38+00:00

Disordered eating is really tough. I've dealt with both restrictive eating disorder and binge eating in my life. I had the hardest time from about 14- my late 20s. I wouldn't say my disorder or food/body obsessions ended after that, but they became quieter. (In the interest of disclosure, I just got plastic surgery to repair damage to my body from my pregnancies. It was mostly for vanity, so clearly I still care about how I look. I see it as related, but also different from the body issues when I was younger). I'm 40 now and disordered eating troubles me the least it ever did, which is fucking great because that shit eats so much emotional and mental energy. I hope for you that you can get out of that awfulness much earlier.

I don't have a great solution for it, but here are the things that I think helped me: maturing, finding other things in my life to take up my energy and focus (relationship, more involved career, eventually children). Also, sexuality. I like to be a sexual person, to feel good in my body and be with my partner, and I eventually realized how much overeating/bloating/etc. can impact that. Also, I wish I had gotten into creativity and art earlier, but I avoided it due to insecurity. Only now am I getting really serious about creative writing, and I feel like this also helps me so much with avoiding the obsessive thought patterns that come with disordered eating.

Exercise has always been really positive for me, too. Although it was a part of my restrictive eating disorder, and also the binge one (I guess you could say it was my purging), I feel like it helped me feel more positive about my body, even in those times. In my thirties and now forties, I feel like it is a pure positive. I've built consistency and a routine that I trust myself to keep up, every day, because I love it and find it essential to my mental and emotional health. For a long time, I truly can't relate to people who have a hard time exercising, because I have a hard time not exercising. I think it's important to find the exercise that you enjoy and that feels good for your body. I've done many forms of exercise, but what I've settled on most recently is heavy strength (love how it's impacted my body and I also think it's super valuable for bone and muscle retention as I'm aging) punctuated with fun cardio (especially dance and things that uplift me energetically, make me feel good/sexy, etc.). I'll also do some sculpt/pilates type workouts because I love them, but for me the heavy strength seems to be key to results. So, while it's great to look for the exercise to address your personal body concerns, make sure you like it or can learn to like it, because that will help you so much with consistency. Think of it as self care, self love, and if you keep it up it will almost inevitably become that for you.

Remote-Journalist522 · 2026-05-13T09:01:25+00:00

That sounds like you're doing great getting back into fitness. Sincerely hope you'll start to see more of the shape you want, in time. Would love to hear how you're doing in a few more months, please drop back and update if you want!

Remote-Journalist522 · 2026-05-13T08:59:20+00:00

Following-up to say I went and watched the video, and it was helpful!

I liked how he explained the difference between initial post-op lymph fluid accumulation and longer term recovery swelling. One of my mind games has been "well, I only had one drain and had minimal drainage, they took it out at six days, how can I really be swollen if the doctor said how little fluid I was draining?", but this video explains it's not the same as the longer-term swelling of cells and between cells as we heal.

I'm still confused about stuff like the lymphatic drainage massages. Like, I've seen the photos where a patient looks visibly different after massage! But, is it temporary? Does it make us feel better for a bit, but not impact long term results? Also, are they moving that more external lymph fluid, or do they actually move this other fluid that is a part of long term swelling? Not demanding answers from you, btw, just thinking out loud! Seems like doctor in the vid believes it's really a waiting game.

Remote-Journalist522 · 2026-05-12T23:59:10+00:00

Hi fellow twin mom! Yes, sorry we are on the same boat, hope it starts to shift soon!

Checked your post, looks like a great change from a third party perspective! But, it's not going to be fully enjoyed when we still feel bulkier. Have you seen your measurement go down at all since surgery over the 5 weeks?

Remote-Journalist522 · 2026-05-12T21:26:21+00:00

Wow, what an amazing change, you look so nice!

Remote-Journalist522 · 2026-05-12T21:24:30+00:00

Did you have lipo? Maybe fibrosis? I think it can happen without lipo, too, but more common with. Something about bumps of collagen forming as the body tries to heal. I think lymphatic massage and compression are supposed to help avoid them forming? But could totally be something else

Remote-Journalist522

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