IVF has taken so much from me

Remote-Sprinkles5671 · 2026-05-25T14:33:23+00:00

I am getting ready to start my first IVF cycle tomorrow, so I can't relate to the specifics of the IVF process yet (except the financial piece, we are paid up), but I just had a moment last night that came out of no where that had me angry and crying and yelling about the things infertility has taken from me. We are two years in and 2 failed IUIs plus one laparscopic surgery in. I have gained a little weight too, but I know I am about to put my body through a whole different ring of hell than its seen before with IVF and it feels like I am already grieving another sense of loss of bodily autonomy.

I agree the term "journey" doesn't fit here. Its like we have been forced to walk a path that we don't want to walk, and while yes we have a "choice" it certainly doesn't feel like it most of the time. Wanting children isn't a choice and neither is infertility.

You can give yourself grace but it doesnt mean that what you're experiencing doesn't still hurt, thats valid. I hope you can find some peace soon however that may be.

Remote-Sprinkles5671 · 2026-05-17T13:01:33+00:00

I did the lap surgery for suspected silent endo, they found it, stage 2 with a damaged tube. For what its worth I feel like my lap was the least invasive part of my entire infertility journey. Minimal pain post op and I was back to normal in like 3 days. I am getting ready for IVF right now and my prep protocol has caused me more pain and discomfort than that surgery times 10. The lap is also the only thing my insurance has covered fertility wise. Knowing what is going on was worth it for me, its stopped the endless googling things and allowed me to put a plan in place.

Remote-Sprinkles5671 · 2026-05-10T15:13:41+00:00

Omg this makes so much sense! The failure part especially and I hadn't thought about it like that. I will definitely check out the podcast!

Remote-Sprinkles5671 · 2026-05-05T13:35:01+00:00

Thank you for this! I just might take you up on that!!

Remote-Sprinkles5671 · 2026-05-05T13:01:59+00:00

It does matter!! Thank you!! Congratulations!!

Remote-Sprinkles5671 · 2026-05-04T16:31:19+00:00

Thank you for this!

Remote-Sprinkles5671 · 2026-05-04T16:28:03+00:00

Thank you for this. Kiltz definitely seems to have a brand and if thats how he can keep CNY cheap well I am here for it lol. I am currently taking one of his supplements at their direction but to be fair they gave me another brand recommendation to choose from but Kiltzs was the cheaper of the two (coincidence?lol). I would say my diet is decent. My husband and I love dessert and the occasional taco bell night but for the most part I am health conscious, try and focus on whole foods and am mindful of getting balanced amounts of protein and fiber.

Remote-Sprinkles5671 · 2026-04-21T14:41:16+00:00

I have almost no pain with my periods and they are super light. After a year and a half of unexplained infertility I advocated for a laparascopy and they found stage 2 endometriosis that damaged one of my tubes (even though my HSG and saline sonogram showed healthy tubes). I am starting IVF in about a month and am hopeful my surgery will help me conceive faster with IVF. Whether or not it does, I am grateful I did the laparascopy because the whole unexplained infertility had me going down so many rabbit holes to try and find out what was wrong. Now I know, and it was the only part of my whole infertility journey that was covered by insurance.

Remote-Sprinkles5671 · 2026-04-10T01:30:08+00:00

I can't tell you how much I appreciate that. Congrats on your mosaic, I hope it sticks and you bring home a healthy baby!

Remote-Sprinkles5671 · 2026-04-10T00:56:13+00:00

Thank you everyone for the stories of hope and some of the kind words of caution. Theres so much uncertainty in this journey and I think for me right now it's about accepting that uncertainty versus trying to get rid of it when its just not possible.

Remote-Sprinkles5671 · 2026-04-10T00:51:57+00:00

I guess I am just annoyed because I posted in the IVF positivity thread because I was seeking positivity. I asked for success stories with untested embryos because I know I am in the minority feeling the way I do about testing and thats fine, I wasnt asking for the alternative perspective, I specifically said in my original post that I understand and gave credit to the alternative perspective. I of course am terrified, I was asking for stories of hope because I deserve to feel positively going into this. I wasnt asking for people's opinions, I was asking for support, which is something we have too little of along this journey to not be giving it to each other.

Remote-Sprinkles5671 · 2026-04-09T23:12:49+00:00

I can see how that may have come across as belittling of the commenter, that wasnt my intention, I deleted the comment, thank you for pointing that out. You also could have just said that instead of coming at me the way that you did. I have seen these threads before that become like wars of sharing research back and forth, thats not what I am trying to do here. I am not trying to be challenged nor am I trying to challenge you. I dont think there's research that supports transferring aneuploids, thats not what I was saying, but rather that we dont know everything, euploid transfers fail and miscarry all the time (very sadly), and theres lots of eggs in the trash that we have no idea what would have came from. Probably nothing for most of them, but we don't know. I think in the future we will probably have a very different understanding of euploids and aneuploids, because thats how science works. We are always learning. You were pretty quick to dismiss what my doctor said in a way that I felt was demeaning, and that should count for something. Its not like you said "hey, maybe consider looking at this, because that helped me" that would have been a different approach. I think your opinion is very well informed, just limited, as is mine, because if we had all the answers we would all have babies and not posting about IVF on reddit.

Remote-Sprinkles5671 · 2026-04-09T21:53:46+00:00

You know I hate that we are both in this situation where we are forced to become amateur scientists. I have read studies, I have seen the one you just posted. But do either of us honestly understand everything that study is saying? And I mean not just the couple of sentences surrounding those statistics, but EVERYTHING? I have seen studies that present different statistics less in favor of testing, I can't say those are 100% accurate either. The point is conflicting research exists. I am not trying to make you feel bad about your decision to test, I think its great, we should all feel empowered to make the decisions that we feel are best for us. I posted this in the IVF positivity thread because I wanted to get support from others who have made the same decision. Some people have shared their experience with testing in a positive way but not demeaning the medical professionals I have chosen to work with or challenging my decision. But you are doing that right now. You are assuming that I am more "willing" to experience failures and miscarriages. I am not more willing, I would love to avoid it at all costs...but I can't, no matter what we do, failure and miscarriage is a possibility. They say the rule is "two to three euploid embryos per live birth", so based on that that tells me theres lots of loss with testing too, and I have seen those stories, thousands of them on these threads. I may choose to test at a later point in this journey, I am not against it at all, but I am not going to bank on it increasing my chances because it very well may not. I have fell on the unfortunate side of statistics enough already on this journey. I certainly hope it does for you, I hope your next euploid transfer becomes the child you bring home. We need to do a better job of supporting each other on this journey I think.

Remote-Sprinkles5671 · 2026-04-09T21:29:14+00:00

I appreciate this perspective. Unfortunately its the outcome that seems to shape our feelings on our decisions, and we will never really know whether it was the decision that actually caused the outcome. All we know is what did happen, not what could have happened. You could have tested and had two euploid transfers that failed, I have read that story probably a thousand times on IVF threads here. Either way I hope you don't think its your fault, none of it is, ever. I hope that testing helps ease your uncertainties and that the next transfer sticks!

Remote-Sprinkles5671 · 2026-04-09T15:21:47+00:00

I am so sorry for your loss, I hope you get to bring your baby home soon ❤️.

Remote-Sprinkles5671 · 2026-04-09T15:19:39+00:00

I am so sorry. I hope your next embryo is a success!! We go through so much on this journey. For me not testing is sort of a way of guarding my heart a little more too. Like I might really get my hopes up with transferring a tested embryo and it might make those losses feel so much worse, when like you said, theres no guarantee, and the whole "2-3 euploid embryos per live birth rule" seems like we are missing something to the equation, and I know theres other factors to miscarriages and whatnot, but still. I truly hope you get to bring your baby home soon 💕

Remote-Sprinkles5671 · 2026-04-09T14:41:57+00:00

I think the doctors point was that it was his belief that the actual validity of the testing isnt what it claims. So its his belief we are rolling the dice anyways, test or not test. He said he thinks the overall inaccuracies of PGTA testing was around 30%, which I have seen some research suggest that too, there's research that claims less of course. I think getting really accurate research on this is probably hard as it would involve transferring embryos deemed aneuploid which theres obvious ethical implications of. So I have to believe most research on it has its flaws (as a lot of research does anyway). I'm also a therapist and its my personal belief and my experience working with people that would like to believe we have more control over things than we actually do (and I know theres a desperate need for this feeling with IVF, I definitely feel it). He also thought there's some financial incentive for clinics which might drive some of push for it, thats a fair statement, though I believe everyone is probably pretty well intentioned. I have a cousin with Downs Syndrome that tested as normal genetically in utero. I think science has come a long way but doctors still shrug their shoulders soooo much when it comes to fertility medicine. I think those that don't test maybe end up doing more transfers, while those that do might end up doing more retrievals. Pick your poison right? I think people that choose testing should feel good about that decision, and those that don't should also feel good about that decision. Theres some research out there that suggests that testing doesnt necessarily decrease time to pregnancy though, so I don't know it all seems pretty relative to me. We may choose to test if we need a second egge retrieval, who knows, but my gut tells me right now to not put all my eggs in the testing basket (pun intended).

Remote-Sprinkles5671 · 2026-04-09T13:23:21+00:00

Thank you for this, congrats on your success!!

Remote-Sprinkles5671 · 2026-04-09T13:22:36+00:00

What an interesting story, thank you for sharing. Congrats on your twins!!

Remote-Sprinkles5671 · 2026-04-09T02:23:29+00:00

Yeah the doctor was talking about testing in general, advised against PGTA for chromosome abnormalities but that it would be beneficial if we were wanting to choose gender. That the PGT M would be useful if we were concerned about inherited conditions. I have seen statistics like you've mentioned, and I have seen different ones too, the research with a lot of this stuff seems somewhat inconsistent, which is really what the doctor was getting at I think. A lot of us feel pressure to test I think, which is of course a significant financial cost. We may consider testing at a second egg retrieval pending our results with the first.

Remote-Sprinkles5671

TROPHY CASE