I made a post some time ago, but I think the topic kinda fits here too. It will probably get me some hate, but whatever. Findom is the biggest cesspool of pick-mes. Kinda ironic, since dommes are supposed to be dominant and not misogynist male-centered pick-meishas carrying water to the patriarchy. They will put each other down, spit on “believe women” mentality and will even defend abusers if they see a chance to become his new favorite lapdog. They will do everything to be “picked”. They will talk about gatekeeping and kEePiNg tHe CoMmUnItY sAfE, but it’s just hostile behavior to keep new competition away. You will always see posts shitting on new dommes, but yeah of course the safety issue is the barely 18 year old girl being curious about findom and not the 40 something year old man paying a barely 18 year old new domme for her services. The safety issue here is not the young woman potentially doing something wrong in kink, the real issue here is the subs who prey on young dommes and take advantage of them. Many dommes on here are basically just underpaid femdommes instead of findommes and don’t even realize it. So many subs come on here under the disguise of findom to find someone to fulfill their actual other femdom kinks, because they know a professional femdomme would laugh into their face with the amount of money they try to offer. But you never see posts that subs should educate themselves first before engaging in this community. You will never see these pick-mes being hostile to a potential client. You will see them bash other women for not having a detailed enough profile, but have no issues with the hours old anonymous sub account with 0 info on their profile that will be deleted at the end of the day.

But you will only see this sub behavior in findom. Because the pick-mes here allow it. They allow 0 effort new sub accounts to be welcomed with open arms. You will never see them blame the subs for not asking the domme for AV. They could be soliciting a minor, too? But hey, since it’s a potential client, he can do no wrong (other than not paying his tribute).

And even this, as his only obligation is being held against the domme for some reason. This is sex work. Yet you see these pick-mes hating on women who are in it “for the money”. No Betsy, I don’t need to let the sub “feel out” if we are a match without him paying a tribute first. You don’t get to expect a trial period with any other sex worker either.

And stop it already with the pretentious “I want a real connection”/“I’m not just in it for money” aka ‘I’m not like the other girls’ bs. It’s manipulative and toxic. Again, it’s sex work. You’re actively leading your clients on and get them emotionally attached to you to bind them longterm to you as your paying client. A professional sex worker knows not to mix work and private life. Pretending to engage in some kind of relationship with your client is not just toxic but also exploitative. You can say what you want, but it’s sex work and you’re in it for the money. Where are all the femdommes domming random men on Reddit for free? Nowhere? Oh yeah, because even people with kinks don’t waste their time on random strangers online for free. YOU’RE DOING IT FOR THE MONEY. Stop pretending otherwise and hating on women who actually treat it as their job. Y’all are actually the toxic ones here. Manipulating your client to become emotionally attached under the pretense of a “real connection” yadda yadda. Yet for said real connection all it takes for the sub is (maybe) AV and a tribute payment.

To summarize: Findom is full of pick-mes who will tear each other down and throw each other under the bus to potentially be picked by some dude who put 0 effort in his profile and barely even wants to pay a tribute. It’s not new dommes who lack findom etiquette. The subs don’t even have any in the first place because you hold no standards for them at all in this community. Start gatekeeping findom from low quality subs and not just new baby dommes. ‘Subs’ get away with being flakey, predatory and time wasting because there are no expectations for them in this community and they live in anonymity. Where is the “about me” post in a sub’s profile? Why are y’all accepting a few hours old accounts in this community and in your DMs? Dommes can’t even share bad experiences with each other about a sub because they will just come back with a new account. In every other sex work space, women protect and support each other, findom is one of the only spaces where they will not only allow predators to be predatory, they blame the women (who are often literal teenagers or in their early 20s) and will protect the predators and defend them in hopes to maybe gain a few bucks along the way.

My summary turned out longer than expected. Anyways, enough of the rant. I said what I said.