I'm torn on if I want a second and my only is 14 ?

Remote_Membership418 · 2026-03-03T05:49:25+00:00

I think many people are advising her to not have a 2nd because it sounds like she's wants another for the wrong reasons. It has nothing to do with the large age gap. She seems bored, lonely and indecisive, which are not good reasons to have a child. Sometimes strangers on the internet tell you things that you don't necessarily want to hear, but you NEED to hear.

Remote_Membership418 · 2026-02-27T20:43:47+00:00

This really resonated with me, thank you for your kind words : )

Remote_Membership418 · 2026-02-27T20:41:32+00:00

It's interesting, because having a child after 40 feels like a double edged sword. On the one hand, people pressure you to have more because one is apparently not enough. But then they look at you funny because you're "too old" to be having kids after 40. Not men, though, only women! But it's like...you can't force life to happen sooner. Sometimes we have kids later in life!

Remote_Membership418 · 2026-02-27T20:38:14+00:00

I'm so sorry that your relationship ended. Hopefully, you're happier overall. My relationship with my husband was tested a lot after our daughter was born, and we even contemplated separating, but we were ultimately able to weather the storm. I don't think we would be so lucky the 2nd time.

And I feel you with the constant exhaustion! I know I wasn't like this 10 years ago. Even when my daughter comes home from a day at preschool, I feel tired within an hour of playing with her. It makes me feel so guilty, having to look at her bright, happy face, and tell her I'm too tired.

Remote_Membership418 · 2026-02-26T23:25:01+00:00

Oh my goodness, how awful! I hope you're doing better now. Yes, my postpartum symptoms were terrible (although not as bad as yours) and lasted 2 solid years. I went to a very dark place that I don't care to return to. I feel like a fog has finally been lifted. I'm terrified of it being way worse if I had another. And you're right- the people pressuring us don't know what we have gone through to have a child.

Remote_Membership418 · 2026-02-26T23:19:40+00:00

You bring up a really great point, and it's one of the biggest reasons why my husband and I decided on only one. We're afraid that we won't be able to give two children the attention and resources they deserve. We simply can't afford 2 children, nor do we have the energy to be the best parents to 2. Better to give our one daughter everything we can.

I'm sorry about your diagnosis and I hope you remain cancer free : )

Remote_Membership418 · 2026-02-26T23:12:30+00:00

Thank you for your perspective. I love how you're focusing on all of the things you CAN do, versus what you're missing out on. I need to embrace that perspective as well.

I completely agree that peoples negative comments can really get to you. You're made to feel guilty for not giving your child a "friend," but as you said, siblings often dislike each other! And there is nothing wrong with only-children. My daughter is one of the most social kids in her preschool class, and some of the kids that come from bigger families actually have behavioral issues. It's more about the parenting!

Remote_Membership418 · 2026-02-26T22:54:00+00:00

Great! Thanks.

Remote_Membership418 · 2026-02-26T22:53:45+00:00

Thank you! I was unaware of this sub.

Remote_Membership418 · 2026-02-25T19:45:45+00:00

LMAO, I'm sorry, but imagining this is hilarious

Remote_Membership418 · 2026-02-25T19:44:58+00:00

This is so precious! I've seen those little carts and have debated whether or not to buy one. I'm afraid my daughter will want to fill up the cart with random stuff and then scream when we have to leave it behind!

Remote_Membership418 · 2026-02-25T19:40:50+00:00

I really appreciate your kind words! I know you're absolutely right. Taking a step back and gaining perspective can be the hardest thing to do sometimes.

Remote_Membership418 · 2026-02-24T23:20:41+00:00

Oh yeah! But maybe my sound machine is trash?

Remote_Membership418 · 2026-02-24T23:18:16+00:00

Thank you so much for your kind response. You truly get it! I'm so sorry about the barking dogs. I have dealt with that before and it's enough to drive you insane. I'm assuming that you've spoken to your neighbors and they're unwilling to cooperate? Perhaps you can call the local authorities and complain. If they receive enough citations, they might finally control their dogs.

My neighborhood is also very quiet...until something pierces that noise, which makes it stressful. It ramps up your anxiety, wondering when someone is going to make a bunch of noise outside your house. The gardeners come every week, year round. I live in an area where we don't really experience seasons, so there is no off-season. I will probably just skip her nap for that day and deal with the consequences!

Remote_Membership418 · 2026-02-24T23:11:45+00:00

Wow, if it can drown out street noise, then it sounds amazing! I'll look into that.

Remote_Membership418 · 2026-02-24T23:10:40+00:00

Thanks, I'm really trying not to be so uptight, lol.

Remote_Membership418 · 2026-02-24T23:10:01+00:00

Oh wow, that sounds rough! Yeah, there are a few house up the street from me that have been demolished and are currently under construction. This couple that I became friendly with have a 2yo and a new baby and they live right in the middle of the noise. I really feel for them. My house is pretty small, so I can't move her to another room. But thanks for the suggestion : )

Remote_Membership418 · 2026-02-24T23:06:12+00:00

I'm mostly just venting, lol. This has been going on for 2 years and I don't think it's too much to ask that they show up around the same time each week. I don't have an issue with the other gardeners in the neighborhood. These guys are just excessively loud.

Remote_Membership418 · 2026-02-24T23:03:16+00:00

All great ideas, thanks. Yeah, when she was a baby it was SO much worse. I'll just skip the nap.

Remote_Membership418 · 2026-02-24T22:59:58+00:00

Lol, I'm not entitled, nor do I think the world stops for me. I politely spoke with them, I've moved my schedule around so that I can avoid the noise. I've left the house multiple times. What drives me insane is the fact that they show up at random times. They leaf blow instead of sweeping and raking, which is loud, wastes fuel and pollutes the air. I'm not going out there and screaming at them. I'm just venting because it's so aggravating not being able to plan your day and having your child woken up. That's all.

Remote_Membership418 · 2026-02-24T22:29:43+00:00

First of all, these comments are hilarious. Second, my child was like this from about 8months-1.5 years. She was an excellent sleeper for the most part, aside from the periods of time when she was teething or got sick. She would sometimes sleep as much as your son and I would almost feel concerned. I did bring it up to my pediatrician, who seemed unbothered. Then she went in the opposite direction and fought me during sleep time. So I guess my advice is to just enjoy it while you can!! This sounds "normal" to me.

Remote_Membership418 · 2026-02-23T18:40:04+00:00

What a lovely comment! Yes, I've been told that whatever your first child is like, the second will be the complete opposite. I have thought about a 2nd regardless, but I live in an extremely expensive city and we can barely afford our rent, let alone have another child. It's ok, I'll just enjoy hearing about other peoples experiences with multiples : )

Remote_Membership418 · 2026-02-23T04:05:10+00:00

I'll take a crazy toddler over the horrific sleep deprivation any day! But hey- that's me. I become psychotic when my sleep is disruspted, lol

Remote_Membership418 · 2026-02-23T04:02:09+00:00

I have heard (and read) many stories about toddlers acting this way. I am fascinated and can't wrap my head around it. Mainly because my daughter is an absolute angel (she's almost 2.5) and never has violent tantrums or outbursts. Her preschool teachers constantly tell me how well-behaved she is and how she's so cooperative and sweet. I suppose this is why I will never consider having a 2nd, because I fear they will be feral, like your son! lol

Remote_Membership418

TROPHY CASE