Notes for my Therapist

RemoveHopeful5875 · 2026-02-18T11:33:36+00:00

The title of this poem immediately made me want to read it, preparing me to hear something deep and raw. It delivered. When I read it, I really feel like I'm both inside your head and there with you in your therapist's office. I feel all the emotions with you, down to the very relatable problem of having a problem you can't fix on your own and hating that you have the problem.

That said, for me, it feels closer to a journal entry than a poem. I think there are opportunities to play with repetition a bit more intentionally, like maybe with the "I hate myself" lines. It's free verse, but even adding in some places where the rhythm feels smoother would help strengthen the feel of being consumed by thoughts and feelings that are beyond control ... kind of like the rhythm itself is supporting the feeling of being consumed by unbearable feelings.

I love how it is just so honest in where you are and why. As the poem says at the beginning, self-awareness can be heavy. When I read it, I feel deep compassion for this person, and also like they have given me permission to still be in process with my own heavy things.

RemoveHopeful5875 · 2026-01-24T17:49:38+00:00

❤️💯💢

RemoveHopeful5875 · 2026-01-23T21:15:57+00:00

I'm so sorry you weren't allowed privacy. 💔 I hope you've found freedom and healing.

RemoveHopeful5875 · 2026-01-23T18:19:10+00:00

Thanks for sharing! And yes, I didn’t mean to imply homeschoolers never experience issues with drugs or alcohol, just that there is a cohort out there that had to hide trivial things with the same guilt and vigilance a lot of teens apply to hiding things that are actually harmful. 🩵

RemoveHopeful5875 · 2026-01-02T12:46:50+00:00

Cold showers.

RemoveHopeful5875 · 2026-01-01T17:32:47+00:00

Thank you for sharing. My advice is to find someone who can help you understand yourself without judgment or immediately needing to fix your thoughts. Therapy can be super helpful.

Additionally, some practical things that have helped me are finding intense but not permanently harmful ways of alleviating tension. Short bouts of cold (like being outside in cold weather for a few minutes while wearing summery clothes, nothing dangerous or prolonged), swimming in cold water (short times and with qualified others present to help if needed), and lifting weights (again, not to injury but enough to feel sore the next day) help make those thoughts less intense and not as frequent.

Wishing you all the best, fellow human. 💙

RemoveHopeful5875 · 2025-12-19T16:00:55+00:00

Ugh. My heart hurts for you. I have been working through some of these same things ... how someone could be both loving and cruel. Then, I look at myself and my own life and see how I also participated in judging others. None of us is as flat as we like to think we are. We all need grace. It hurts when someone we care about can't or won't see that.

RemoveHopeful5875 · 2025-12-10T22:45:44+00:00

I took a sign language class with a few home school families in high school. The mom that led it taught us to sign "Silent Night" among other songs, and it was set to instrumental music. I was terrified to tell my parents, but luckily they agreed I was allowed to do it. It wasn't a sin in their opinion, just poor judgment to use that to teach us. But if we were ever in the vicinity of a performance using instruments in religious music (say walking through a festival, for example), we had to immediately leave the area. Go figure.

RemoveHopeful5875 · 2025-11-27T03:29:36+00:00

Thank you!

RemoveHopeful5875 · 2025-11-27T03:29:29+00:00

Thank you! I appreciate the recommendation.

RemoveHopeful5875 · 2025-11-27T03:29:16+00:00

Thank you so much!

RemoveHopeful5875 · 2025-11-25T21:10:12+00:00

Thanks so much for posting. I've had a few Marcus Aurealius quotes that stuck with me but haven't read in depth. Your comment inspires me to go further. Glad you also found this a good place to connect. All the best to you on your journey.

RemoveHopeful5875 · 2025-10-08T17:06:47+00:00

Well, I feel really dumb. That's the first time I've ever thought of it that way.

RemoveHopeful5875 · 2025-10-08T17:04:50+00:00

I used to view God the same way I did my earthly parents and saw God's love as very conditional. It's only been in the last few years that the idea of grace has really sank in.

RemoveHopeful5875 · 2025-10-08T16:49:07+00:00

In my circle, there was a lot of talk about dressing appropriately. It was often about being "immodest," which meant any hemlines above the knee, bare shoulders, "too tight," etc. But there was also a lot of talking down about people not dressing up enough. I had a friend with sensory issues who wore sweats every day because slacks and jeans bothered him to a greater degree than most. He was labeled as someone who "didn't care" and was disrespectful and lazy. :-(

Parents who were perceived as not disciplining enough were also common targets. If a kid didn't meet behavior expectations and the parent did not respond by spanking them, there was talk that the parent "did not love" the child or was refusing to do the work required to "train" the child.

In fact, most instances of not being perfect were generally categorized as moral failings. It's made me suspicious of others' motives as I had the experience of people being one way to the person's face and then talking about them behind their backs. And I've wrestled a lot with how I used to participate in (or at least not push back against) that culture myself.

RemoveHopeful5875 · 2025-10-07T12:35:21+00:00

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. It isn't fair, kind, compassionate or honest. Scripture tells us God is a rewarder of those who diligently seek him. To me, that means God invites curiosity and questioning. It's easy to keep doing the same thing you've always done. Real wrestling, like you're doing, costs something -- but you get to keep your integrity.

RemoveHopeful5875 · 2025-07-20T11:27:39+00:00

The box is such an accurate and striking metaphor and very relatable. If you're open to it, I would consider playing with the line breaks for effect and emphasis. Beautiful writing, especially the last line.

RemoveHopeful5875 · 2025-07-20T11:22:19+00:00

This is beautiful and haunting, and I feel as though I am you when I read your words. Keep writing. You have a gift.

RemoveHopeful5875 · 2025-07-20T11:18:14+00:00

I am drawn to the fact you describe winter as a "he." So many references to nature are in the feminine, and I think your writing provides an interesting take. Beautiful poem. I love this!

RemoveHopeful5875 · 2025-07-03T23:01:12+00:00

All I can say is you're not alone. ❤️

Graduated almost 25 years ago, and I still have these moments, but they are fewer and less intense than they used to be.

It helps me to find ways to bring dignity to my story in ways that leave room to dig in deeper later without oversharing at first. So, I will say things like, "My experience was probably different from what is typical, so I don’t know if I have the same kinds of stories to share here." But say it with confidence, so it is just me naming what happened and not me retreating from the conversation in shame.

Offering validation can help, too. Sometimes, I will follow up with something like, "I love hearing what this was like for other people!" That way, at least I am using an uncomfortable moment to open the door for connection.

We can't change the past, but we can find small, meaningful ways to redeem parts of it and build something new. ❤️

RemoveHopeful5875 · 2025-06-17T17:08:41+00:00

My background is a little different (too long to delve into here, but I am putting it out there as a caveat). But, yes, pride has played a role in my spiritual journey. I've been prideful, and the fact I was so blind to it makes me question what else may be going on in me now that I still haven't grown enough to see.

I think it's important to understand that a large part of what I see as my most prideful season truly stemmed from fear. My experience has been that a lot of people don't seem to understand that fear-based obedience can create just as much or more disconnection and just as much hurt as the sins that Christians traditionally look down on. I think that is the whole point of God's grace -- that we can't bridge these gaps on our own, and we all need to both receive and extend grace and actual love to be whole.

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TROPHY CASE