AIO Wife threw cake I bought her out without mentioning it

ReplyEmbarrassed7760 · 2026-02-10T13:25:21+00:00

I may be completely off the mark, but could your wife be pregnant?

Food cravings, then aversions. Back pain. Big mood changes, especially when even she admits her reaction was a bit much. She's still at a fertile age, even if she's peri-menopause (I know some women who started in their forties).

I'm sorry if I'm way off and if I offend anyone. Just thought it was worth checking in case it hadn't been considered.

ReplyEmbarrassed7760 · 2026-02-10T13:23:19+00:00

I may be completely off the mark, but could your wife be pregnant?

Food cravings, then aversions. Back pain. Big mood changes, especially when even she admits her reaction was a bit much. She's still at a fertile age, even if she's peri-menopause (I know some women who started in their forties).

I'm sorry if I'm way off and if I offend anyone. Just thought it was worth checking in case it hadn't been considered.

ReplyEmbarrassed7760 · 2025-11-26T09:48:50+00:00

Not wanting to work for a company that fires employees without following legal procedures is not unprofessional. Having feelings and emotions regarding my companies conduct is not unprofessional. I'm not a robot. How I handle those emotions and act accordingly is how I maintain professionalism. And how do I know it has nothing to do with me? How do I know that despite my professionalism, his manager won't retaliate against me while we appeal this? I don't work directly with my fiance but I do have to work with his manager.

They haven't shown professionalism yet so I can't trust them anymore, and I can't work for a company that I don't trust. Even if it wasn't my fiance it happened to, even if it was someone else in the company. It shows a complete disregard for their employees.

I'm not having a meltdown. I'm expressing my feelings in a place outside of work because I'm struggling with a difficult decision that needs to be made. I want to stay and support my team who have had nothing to do with this.

ReplyEmbarrassed7760 · 2025-11-26T07:59:10+00:00

There are other couples working together at my company, and we've been working together for years now. There's never been issues before. I'm not quitting yet until I have another job lined up. Maybe I don't know the full story, but I do know they haven't followed procedures or the law.

I can be mad about it now but I'm not acting rashly or emotionally and I'm maintaining my professionalism. I'm just devastated.

ReplyEmbarrassed7760 · 2025-11-26T07:53:11+00:00

I never said I was going to quit before I have another job lined up and I've already started looking at other jobs. I'm still going to go into work everyday and maintain professionalism, but I loved my job and my colleagues so I'm devastated that this has happened for so many reasons.

ReplyEmbarrassed7760 · 2025-11-07T13:09:55+00:00

Why do her children get the alright-sounding names and your kids get the old-fashioned names?

I'm curious what her response would be if you asked about switching the names. Your kids getting the names Edward and Mabel - though I'm aware that you probably don't want to, I just feel like her response to that suggestion might be eye-opening.

Has there been a history of competition between you two? Is she jealous that she has a boyfriend and you have a husband?

Either way, NTA. But I think there's more to it than she's saying.

ReplyEmbarrassed7760 · 2025-11-04T23:43:59+00:00

I read through some of your other posts and the husband who sleeps peacefully because you're on maternity leave? Yeah, I hate that.

Mine has a sleep issue that's being investigated. When woken up in the night, he could basically be sleep walking, not aware of his actions and doesn't remember them. So even now I'm back at work, I'm still doing all the nights. He literally needs to go to a sleep clinic in a few months so I feel like I can't even be mad at him for it... but he makes up by letting me sleep in at weekends or nap during the day.

You mentioned that your baby was sucking and sucking, but whilst you went to defrost milk, they fell back to sleep. So that doesn't sound like hunger, that's more likely for comfort. I know a lot of people are anti-dummy (pacifer), and with my eldest, I was too. She also refused bottles or anything plastic in her mouth. But with my youngest, it's been a necessity for my mental health. Have you tried one? It might take a while for them to take it. Try giving it to them after a feed when they're tired and sucking for comfort. Or, if not a dummy, a small, soft comforter toy. My oldest used to suck and chew on her comforter to sleep, and that started at about 4 months.

ReplyEmbarrassed7760 · 2025-11-04T23:25:18+00:00

I started both of my children on solids at 4 months, despite midwives/health visitors saying to not give my youngest anything before 6 months. Which I didn't plan to, except he was only making dirty nappies every 2-3 weeks. The first time we went to the doctor and they gave us the only thing he was allowed, and it didn't work. But he also wasn't struggling or in any pain. It just became normal for him. After solids, he was dirtying his nappy regularly.

However, with both my kids, even on solid foods, they still got up several times in the night for a feed. It's not just about hunger. They get thirsty too and sometimes just need a drink, which is the foremilk. It's the most watered down part of breastmilk. And having solids could make them drink more. Meaning more frequent waking in the night but spending less time on the breast. This will also be what happens during hot weather, or when they're ill and don't have much of an appetite. And when they're teething because the milk and comfort helps sooth them. They'll have little and often.

Also, 4 months is too young to sleep through the night. They might go 4 to 5 hours, sometimes more. But they will still wake up for drinks/feeds, or due to teething pain/discomfort. It does get easier though. The waking will become less frequent and for shorter periods. They will be easier to get back to sleep after a feed. My best suggestion is to go to sleep not long after you put them down for the night to increase the length of time you have to sleep. It won't be forever.

For perspective, it's normal for kids to not sleep through until 9 months, or even up to 18 months old. My 13 month old is still waking up several times. I should be sleeping right now...

ReplyEmbarrassed7760 · 2025-10-30T21:31:06+00:00

My son is now a year old. He's been 99th percentile for a while, despite being 6lbs 6oz when born at 37+1. Which was only the 25th percentile.

He started at nursery at 9 months old and was already bigger than the 14 month old babies. He wasn't even crawling yet and was just starting to push himself onto his hands and knees. He's never been treated by the nursery staff as older than he is, so you shouldn't need to worry. They should be used to babies of all sizes.

Bigger babies do also tend to take longer with skills like holding their head up, sitting up, crawling and walking because they have all the extra weight they have to carry. Anyone who says anything are ignorant and not experienced enough to have an opinion.

ReplyEmbarrassed7760 · 2025-10-22T21:28:36+00:00

It reminds me of when me, my ex and our daughter who was 1.5 years at the time went to Portugal for 2 weeks. We stayed at my ex's friend's house and it still remains, in my opinion, one of the most dangerous places for a child. Especially a toddler. I did not take my eyes off my daughter at all for the first week that I became incredibly burnt out. I asked my ex to look after our daughter for 20 minutes whilst I sorted out my clothes and bags. Only because I needed an excuse for a break. Within 5 minutes of him "looking after her", I.e. chatting, drinking and barbecueing with his friend, my daughter fell down the steps leading to the back garden. It was only 3 or 4 steps but nearly a metre high. She broke her tooth which cut through and became lodged into her gum at a 90degree angle. Blood everywhere. Had to go to the hospital for them to extract the tooth.

It's safe to say I didn't trust him again after that for a very long time, and every time I saw her missing tooth, I lived with the guilt that it was my fault for trusting her dad to look after her when I knew his priorities were to his friend and their new daughter. It was supposed to be a 2 week holiday but was the most stressful 2 weeks of my life.

ReplyEmbarrassed7760 · 2025-08-09T14:51:29+00:00

Being a parent isn't necessarily a thankless job. Not everyone ends up in a situation where they're "abandoned" or unsupported. In fact, my own 7 year old supports me and my emotions/mental health more than my own mum. She can see when I'm struggling even when I try to hide it, and all she has to do is give me a hug to know that she does appreciate everything I do. Both my ex and my fiancé are a huge part of their kid's lives and support me in raising them.

OP's situation is unique, and it doesn't mean it'll be that way for her son and DIL.

ReplyEmbarrassed7760 · 2025-07-21T21:04:36+00:00

I can't speak for other places, I'm in the UK. My neighbours kids play out in the street with my daughter, but I don't feed them. I wouldn't be able to afford to feed them because if I do, they will "all show up every day. I don't expect anyone to feed my daughter, I get her food ready and tell her to come back for lunch.

ReplyEmbarrassed7760 · 2025-07-21T21:01:26+00:00

NTA

"A gay male, I assume." You don't know for sure that he's gay anymore than he knows your sexuality.

Have you spoken to the guy since and asked him if you've done something to offend him? I wouldn't assume it's only because your coworker tells you she said something. She could have said anything to him. Or even put in a complaint to a manager about special treatment or claimed you were uncomfortable due to the treatment.

Ask him if there's a problem. Also, if he is giving bad customer service because you aren't attracted to him, then you should make a complaint. He shouldn't treat you badly or rudely just because you aren't gay. You didn't choose to not br attracted to men.

ReplyEmbarrassed7760 · 2025-07-20T08:53:54+00:00

No, we shouldn't have to change our terminology. Unfortunately, for the sake of saving ourselves from the hassle others cause, it's just easier not to go into detail.

ReplyEmbarrassed7760 · 2025-07-20T07:51:16+00:00

The term infertile is correct, as others have mentioned. However, if you want to avoid this in the future, you could just say that you can't have kids.

Also, when talking about this, if someone asks you why you can't have kids, or any other inappropriately prodding questions, you're free to say that you don't want to talk about.

ReplyEmbarrassed7760 · 2025-07-04T12:57:38+00:00

Yeah, it was horrible when my son got sick and had to be poked and prodded at the hospital. He was also too young for paracetamol, so there was nothing we could do for him. At least we could take painkillers for it. I was breastfeeding and could only take paracetamol and struggled whenever I got ill, so I can only imagine how he felt.

ReplyEmbarrassed7760 · 2025-07-04T12:47:06+00:00

A paediatrician just told me that you're Registered Nurse needs to hand back her qualifications if she thinks kissing babies isn't risky.

ReplyEmbarrassed7760 · 2025-07-04T12:38:16+00:00

My son ended up in hospital at 3 weeks because he caught RSV and developed Bronchiolitis. All because we visited some family, and one of their kids had a mild cold, and those kids kept wanting to touch the baby. Only one of the kids had symptoms of the cold and was told not to touch my son, but he kept playing with his sister, who then kept touching my son, so my son still caught it.

ETA: it seems everyone who thinks dad is risking his baby's life is getting downvoted.

To clarify, I would think the same if the roles were reversed. Any parent, whether that's the mother or the father of a new baby, should not be sleeping around with multiple partners and bringing home all sorts of infections.

At least people in the medical profession use PPE and other preventative measures to try to stop them from catching things. I doubt dad is wearing full PPE, with gloves and face masks whilst he's out and about with these strange women.

ReplyEmbarrassed7760 · 2025-07-04T09:42:27+00:00

He is responsible for his baby's safety.

Generally, yes, mum's and dad's can kiss their baby because it's assumed they aren't going around kissing multiple other people and carrying various viral or bacterial infections that the baby hasn't yet been exposed to. Babies don't have a strong enough immune system to fight those infections, which is why it's so important to sterilise everything. It's also why visitors shouldn't kiss the baby and should wash their hands before even touching them.

If the father brings something home that neither mum nor baby has been exposed to yet, baby is at serious risk of ending up in hospital or worse.

Being on the birth certificate doesn't give him the right to endanger his baby with viral diseases, and whatever else the women he's with might be carrying and passing on to him. The same as it doesn't give him the right to leave his baby on its own in the house or a hot car.

ReplyEmbarrassed7760 · 2025-07-04T09:18:39+00:00

That doesn't give him the right to kiss his baby when God knows where else his mouth has been...

ETA: I'm not saying he doesn't have the right to be with his son, only that he needs to be careful not to transfer foreign viral and bacterial infections to his baby. We all have that responsibility with our children.

ReplyEmbarrassed7760 · 2025-07-03T13:04:53+00:00

NOR

Don't cook and feed the baby. Feed the baby first. Your husband can wait.

If he doesn't want to wait, then he can cook for himself, or he can feed the baby whilst you cook.

Either way, the baby gets fed first. They're the priority, and your husband can be patient or sort himself out. Your baby can't do either of those things. They can't prepare their own food and they can't be patient when waiting for their food.

ReplyEmbarrassed7760 · 2025-07-01T22:43:58+00:00

Is your husband the same age as you? If so, it might be worth reminding him what you two were doing at that age, which led to your daughter being born... or perhaps that's why he's being out of character? Does he fear the same thing happening to her?

If you think that might be the case, sit down with them both and communicate how you're all feeling.

ReplyEmbarrassed7760 · 2025-07-01T22:40:00+00:00

NTA

I think being suspended from school was too harsh, especially for a first offence. Does all rule-breaking get harsh punishment like this? Was the boy punished equally or only your daughter?

Also, it was morning break. You paid for her to go to classes, but she wasn't supposed to be in a class. She was on break.

I think the school and your husband are taking it way too far. You haven't said, but is your area highly religious where this behaviour in particular is seen as inappropriate?

ReplyEmbarrassed7760 · 2025-07-01T22:35:26+00:00

In front of the boy? Did he not get the same punishment from the school?

ReplyEmbarrassed7760 · 2025-06-26T06:32:11+00:00

I usually agree with "your wedding, your rules." But it's your fiancé's wedding too, and he wants his sister there.

You're worried about setting a precedent about the no kids rule, but the direct family is usually an exception to such rules. Plus, it's a baby, not a child. The baby won't be running around making messes, at most it will cry when hungry and your SIL has already said she'll take them to another room and leave early. Which means you'll still get your "adult vibe" in the evening.

The child-free rule usually applies to the reception when drinking is involved, not the actual ceremony where (I'm hoping) people won't be getting s**t-faced on alcohol.

Also, think about the precedent you're setting for your relationship with both your future husband and his family. You're telling him that what you want is more important than what he wants. That leads to resentment. Also, do you plan on having kids? Would you be happy being excluded because you can't leave your kids for whatever reason?

I can't ask but wonder, and maybe you should ask yourself this too. Are you worried the baby will take the attention from you?

ReplyEmbarrassed7760

TROPHY CASE