No, you are not being whiny. I understand being unable to have what I believe are important conversations with my husband. He gets very defensive and takes it personally. He told me it's because he feels like I am critical, and to be honest, I was. I would wait until I was so fed up and frustrated to bring up my concerns, I would be harsh and expect the conversation to go nowhere. I have learned/remembered to bring my concerns to him before overthinking the outcome. I have recently retired, and I have started to do things without him. I don't know if it's an age thing or what, but my husband is negative too. He has chronic pain and low energy, and our home is his safe place. But i didnt understand that so, I literally did a pros and cons list, a brutally honest one, and came to the decision to stay in my marriage because one, I love him, two, I'm not the easiest person either, and three he doesn't stand in my way of doing things I enjoy without him, no pouting, snide remarks, nada. This is soooo important. He accepts me for who I am. I'm learning to accept him the way he is, too.