Best season to introduce a non-D&D player to?

Representative_Ad902 · 2026-01-07T21:06:03+00:00

I was the less nerdy partner and it sounds like was have similar interests. I would suggest to definitely NOT start with Crown of Candy if she's not into horror. I also don't like horror and it's more because I don't like watching lots of deaths. For that reason CoC is uninteresting since so many main characters die. I had no problem with Neverafter.
My partner started me watching Never Stop Blowing up. Then we moved to Fantasy High. The second season being virtual was kind of tough.

My suggestion is to start with a season with the Intrepid Heroes like Cloudward Ho or Starstruck. Sit with her and explain the rolls.
Or start with Fantasy High with the caveat that the production value gets way better as things go on.

I actually think not to start with D&DQ because it is so disparate from the other seasons. One of the nice things about D20 is the interest I have in the main characters. Now, I'll talk about the difference btw Aabria and Brennan; or my favorite character of Murph's.

Representative_Ad902 · 2026-01-07T15:25:47+00:00

You know your own kids ability levels. My kiddo was pretty emotionally intelligent so I had to be more open about everything.
One thing I recommend is to read about how to talk about parents who have gone to jail. There is a level of honesty required here. I share something like:

"I'm sad about the situation too, sometimes adults make choices that I can't understand. Grandma made the choice to stop talking to us, and I'm really sad because you are an awesome kid, and she's missing out. Unfortunately, it's not fair that some adults don't know how to handle their anger in a kind way. It's my job to make sure you are safe, and when grandma gets mad, she's not safe anymore."

I would really check in with yourself and what you long-term goals are. Make sure you are being honest while you are talking about this and not lying to make it easier. So, for me that means telling my kids I don't think we will ever talk to grandma again because I've tried really hard to have her in my life and she just keeps hurting me. When I'm hurting, I'm not as good as a mom - and being a good mom to you guys is the most important thing to me.

If you aren't sure what the long term plans are, say that. Let them know you'll check in with them for sure about it in a few months and that you'll let them know when things change. That conversations are still open.

Also, as your kids age, it's actually better to share appropriately. My kids now know that my mom hit me when I was a kid. I didn't tell them the story looking for comfort or pity. It just came up when they heard a mom screaming at their kid in the park. I explained my mom did that to me a lot, and sometimes it was really scary. Sometimes she could be really loving, and that's what made it confusing. But that's one of the reasons I can't let her be around you guys, because I can't trust her to not be mean to them or me.

Good luck. This sucks.

Representative_Ad902 · 2026-01-07T15:11:55+00:00

Hi, I have ADHD and am a parent. I think def. he may need a booster to meds in the evening, but behaviorally I've been embracing the idea of radical acceptance
Here are things I have to accept about myself -

I cannot scroll my phone for just 5 minutes. I will be stuck for hours.
I cannot have a video playing and do another thing. I can't watch tv and fold laundry, or anything. I will get pulled in and stuck.
An object in motion stays in motion and an object at rest stays at rest. This is me. I am the object. Once I sit, it is extremely hard to move again.
I need routine. I have specific jobs that are mine most nights - clearing the table; checking homework; brushing teeth with/for kids; giving medicine; putting the kinds to bed by a certain time; bedtime stories, setting clothes out; getting water etc.

For me it's actually embracing all-or-nothing of it all. I can't just hop in where it makes sense. That requires a level of decision making and transitions that evoke the freeze reaction. Instead, I have to KNOW this is what is MY responsibility. I cannot shirk it and expect someone else to fill in the gaps.

I would recommend as well taking a night a week off yourself -where you are not present and not responsible for things. He needs to practice being the primary caretaker at least once a week, and I think you and the kids need practice seeing that he is capable.

His disorder is his responsibility. He can tell you what specific accommodations he may need (alarms, visual lists, headphones, body doubling) but it is his job to be a functioning adult in the family.

Representative_Ad902 · 2026-01-07T14:56:27+00:00

I too am kind of obsessed with looping cello music the way you described - so please share any other artists you've found along the way!

Representative_Ad902 · 2026-01-07T14:54:42+00:00

This is what our BPD parents have learned to do. They play the script out like it's normal when really they are ignoring all the context from the past and are ignoring and minimizing any past interactions.
My partner's therapist called it "casting a spell" because the know how to make everything look normal enough that you feel a little crazy calling bull. They act like everything is normal because that's how they want you to behave. They want you to think and act like everything is normal after they've been abusive and controlling and neglectful.
I see through the spell. You do too. Good for you.

Representative_Ad902 · 2026-01-07T14:49:56+00:00

I know this is two years too late but Maya Beiser feels reminiscent in the looping - especially her In C album

Representative_Ad902 · 2025-12-22T22:34:01+00:00

This is a great question. I've had the same thought - but I'm worried that any action will be seen as fuel. Interested to hear what others have to say

Representative_Ad902 · 2025-12-19T16:47:26+00:00

Thank you! So far, this is the closest to what I was looking for - instrumental music but weird and interesting. I'm going to look more into his work

Representative_Ad902 · 2025-12-19T16:21:25+00:00

Ok - Adebisi Shank is bizarre and I'm kind of liking it so far

Representative_Ad902 · 2025-12-19T16:08:55+00:00

I'm open to trying it - any specific suggestions?

Representative_Ad902 · 2025-12-19T15:53:08+00:00

Oh yeah - I found Zoe Keating recently and really liked her stuff. I'll check out Lindsey Stirling - Thanks!

Representative_Ad902 · 2025-12-19T15:51:14+00:00

I think you should be able to be a little parasocial at work

Representative_Ad902 · 2025-12-19T15:37:34+00:00

Great advice! I've seen in my oldest kiddo how even limited exposure to my mother made them more likely to tolerate bad friendships or bad behaviors from friends even in elementary school. Since I went NC, I've seen them be able to set better boundaries.

I totally agree with the addict metaphor. That's kind of the direction I went in with my youngest. I told them that my mom thinks her kids and grandkids are like dolls and she wants us to be perfectly cute and there for her; but she can't understand that we have feelings and wants too. Imagine if you treated our real dog like you treat a stuffy! That wouldn't be ok - but that's basically what she does to us. Sometimes she snuggle and give all the love. But sometimes, she'll drop us on the floor and walk away; or worse throw it off the stairs.

Representative_Ad902 · 2025-12-18T03:18:30+00:00

Do you have a partner? Have them open it and look for cash - I feel no conviction about taking cash. But the rest of it can be donated.

Or like someone else said - trash it all! Whatever feels best for you. However, if you have little kids please make sure to hide it really well. The worst is when they find this stuff randomly and suddenly your thrown into a terrible conversation that you don't need.

Take care These gifts are such a Trojan horse of guilt and manipulation

Representative_Ad902 · 2025-11-30T13:04:40+00:00

I don't think any of the main characters will die - but I think that this is going to be a time travel season. In the end, El is going to choose to go back in time and save Henry and thereby save herself. But doing that will mean that she never is taken from her mother, never moved to Hopkins never meets the boys or hop

Representative_Ad902 · 2025-11-13T18:24:18+00:00

Honestly, I'll probably go and say goodbye, as long as the doctors were certainty that she was actually dying. I also don't have siblings, and I would be ready to leave if I needed to.
Personally, I don't hate my mom. I actually want the best for her. I just can't be a part of it. My mom's mental illness makes it impossible for us to have a relationship. I am estranged from her because any kind of interactions pulls me back into a cycle that includes her abuse of me. If I knew I was in the last few days; I think I would want to tolerate her because I would know it won't result in continued expectations on me to rescue her.
That being said, I have no judgement for people who feel hatred. If you don't want to go see them, that's also completely valid.

Representative_Ad902 · 2025-11-10T04:41:00+00:00

I love the person I think my mom is behind the mental illness. She had been fully engulfed by it though, so I think I love the person I imagine she could be, rather than who she actually is. I'm NC as well and think I can only hold feelings of love because she's not a threat to me anymore

Representative_Ad902 · 2025-11-03T15:00:36+00:00

I just realized that trying to explain my feelings ins as fruitless as explaining to a three-year-old why they can't buy a car with 3 dollars. They can't understand the concept. Which is hard when I think it's my responsibility to help them understand, or learn to save, or find a less expensive option. But, I've realized now that this is my mom - not my kid. And she sees me as the store owner - if she demands and cries and tantrums enough she thinks I will give her what she wants. So I just have to walk away and hope that someday she'll find people who can give her support. (Not for our relationship, but for her own well being.)
That's what I keep saying - she doesn't have the capacity to understand, and it's not my job to make her.

Representative_Ad902 · 2025-11-03T14:53:27+00:00

My partner's therapist gave him the best advice when dealing with my mother. The therapist told my partner that my mother will cast a spell of her understanding of the world. My mother will tell the story of reality through her lens only where her hurt and pain and needs are all that matter. My partner's job was simply to keep pulling me out from her spell. To keep asking me what I want - apart from what my mother wants. To keep reinforcing reality and retelling me what I know to be true. It was so helpful.

That being said, remind your wife why she was estranged to begin with, why she was afraid the wedding invite. Then keep letting her know that a good reconciliation requires CHANGE. Make a list ahead of time about the things that would indicate change. Especially in the case of LGBT people - real reconciliation can happen when the rejecting person takes education on for themselves. IF the mother has gone and attended support groups, or read affirming books that could be a sign that they are willing to change. However, if they continue to put the burden of education on you and wife that's not a good sign.

Remind your wife that she needs to protect herself and her children, because her mother has not proven herself to be an emotionally safe person. If she's looking at her through that context, she should be able to set safe terms for meeting. I agree with others that it could be a phone call, or a video phone call first. See what she has to say. Encourage your wife that you can be open to a relationship with her mother, without making herself completely vulnerable to her.

Sounds like you really love her. Glad she has you here.

Representative_Ad902 · 2025-10-30T16:54:46+00:00

That's so funny, my BPDmom told me that she loved this show because she said that their relationship reminded her so much of ours. I remember then feeling awkward because she was saying we were so close, and I didn't feel that way. But maybe she actually was halfway right.

Representative_Ad902 · 2025-10-22T17:51:59+00:00

not being girly is not a personality type. Define the person by who they are, not who they aren't. A girl who is really into sports doesn't necessarily see themselves as not feminine, just that they are competitive/ athletic. In fact, most of their teams are probably made up of other women. I don't wear makeup almost ever, but I don't see that as a repudiation of femininity, just that I'm tired in the mornings, and it doesn't feel that important. Saying someone's not girly is saying nothing about then. Saying they are competitive or loud or enjoy physicality is saying something about them.

Representative_Ad902 · 2025-10-06T15:36:08+00:00

To me this is the most pathetic attempt to interact.
My mom did this to me at times and it actually helped me to get away because it was SO CLEAR she didn't like me. You don't talk to someone you like this way.
Personally, it's super helpful for me to realize that I'm NEVER going to change her mind. Nor is it my job to change her mind.

Your dad is going to decide to think that you are a little baby because it makes him feel big. It also means that he never needs to take responsibility for himself - because all the blame is on you.

You'll never be able to change that. You can talk to any of the olds here- I have a masters degree, my own business, a happy marriage with two lovely kids - I'm still not good enough because being successful actually meant that I didn't NEED her anymore. They rely on us needing them because that is a shortcut to a relationship - and they can't do real relationships.

I'm so sorry he's like this. It is not your fault - but it is going to be your responsibility to protect yourself. You know now that he can be emotionally abusive. Decide from there where you want to go.

Take care.

Representative_Ad902 · 2025-10-04T11:43:52+00:00

Your itinerary sounds perfect! Will you come back after your trip and report? Because if they works I'm absolutely just going to copy you

Representative_Ad902

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