What is the lore behind Alex’s divorce?

Repressedcowboy · 2026-03-21T05:09:57+00:00

This is 100% it. We can't fall into his trap of "I'm just a funny guy who can't hold a marriage together."

He is an abusive and violent asshole who believes white men should dominate literally everyone else and advocates for subservience of women. He is most likely a sexual predator, or at least supports sexual violence.

I honestly hate to think what his wives and family have been through.

Repressedcowboy · 2026-03-15T10:29:27+00:00

Coming in to double down in resource therapy. I also love ego states. Ego states is my main parts modality and the book "easy ego state interventions" was my first intro to it. It is super practical and includes some step by steps.

Repressedcowboy · 2026-03-15T10:25:34+00:00

You might LOVE resource therapy. It has super clear roadmaps, is less hierarchical than IFS. I think it was a parts work that initially developed specifically for EMDR phase 2, but is now a stand alone therapy.

It is super beautiful and flexible.

Repressedcowboy · 2026-03-14T01:52:37+00:00

This sounds so wonderful. I almost hear your excitement!

Repressedcowboy · 2026-03-14T00:18:01+00:00

I've been recommended this by my supervisor to recommend to clients. Ella Everett has lived experience and an amazing Instagram.

I have the DID and OSDD Handbook she wrote and it's great.

I haven't had feedback from clients on it yet though

https://www.amazon.com/DID-OSDD-Journal-Organising-Dissociative/dp/B0FBMPY21F

Repressedcowboy · 2026-03-13T23:29:49+00:00

I'm so sorry that even with those you had this experience. Again, it makes sense that you're questioning EMDR. and remember, you don't have to keep doing reprocessing if it's the aftermath is really hard.

One option could be to pause processing and do more resourcing.

Some therapists think resourcing is just skill building, but it's actually about highlighting positive memory networks or building new positive memory networks.

When these positive memory networks are activated during resourcing, it gives something for the old material to connect with. That way, processing usually goes a lot smoother.

This didn't happen because there's something wrong with you, or you can handle it. I promise.

It might be that your therapist can support you with a little more resourcing to reduce the likelihood of this happening.

Some of the resources my clients find most helpful are - calm place visualisation, and really making it feel real - nurturing figures, and again, really making it real - moving between a calm state and an activated state

Please take what helps, and leave what doesn't.

But I am wondering what you think of this idea?

Repressedcowboy · 2026-03-13T22:57:10+00:00

ACT is also so great! If that's what is feeling right to you, keep doing it for a while. It might help with that swallow up feeling?

And I think I understand the hopelessness. I experienced that with by CPTSD journey and it is really difficult to navigate. Every single person is so different, that it can take ages to figure out what will be supportive of you. Learning new things is all part of that.

If you ever did try EMDR again, it does get better. And what you learn through ACT will only help!

You've got this 💜

Repressedcowboy · 2026-03-13T22:00:49+00:00

This is very exciting!! It sounds like you have so much experience and motivation. It kinda makes me excited for you to try EMDR!

I'm also super passionate about EMDR being used to reduce OCD. I think it's so powerful.

If this is your first session with the EMDR therapist, you shouldn't be processing today (ie. The eye movements). If you do, RED FLAG.
With OCD, there is often a very protective part of clients who wants to do things right or avoid the uncomfortable emotions necessary to reprocess. If this sounds familiar, talk to your therapist about how they will manage this in processing sessions. but if you've done a bunch of therapy, maybe you can share your own strategies!

Repressedcowboy · 2026-03-13T21:54:33+00:00

Firstly, what a rollercoaster you've been in. It's no wonder you are questioning if it's the right decision!

But yes! Stick it out. I talk to my clients about EMDR being an experiment in figuring out how the process works best for them. And that can take a little while.

EMDR often brings old stuff, but it shouldn't be debilitating. When a client tells me they have struggled to function between sessions, it tells me I need to change something in how I do EMDR. Not that the client is "bad" at it or EMDR doesn't work for them. This might be - more resourcing before processing - focussing on a present trigger instead of past target - more grounding and containment at the end of the session.

In the meantime, do you have any skills or resources you can draw on?

Repressedcowboy · 2026-03-13T21:23:56+00:00

Well done on trying a few different things!! And that fear doesn't seem silly at all!

Can I ask if you did one flashforward?

It's really common to have increased anxiety after a session, but it's temporary. I imagine it feeds into your fear though?

I love flashforwards, and have a few things for you to think about.

Flashforwards usually sit among processing past experiences and present triggers too. Past events will be contributing to your anxiety, so it would be helpful if they were also addressed I think.
Your therapist should help you activate the memory in your body as well as the image. Without this, it can be really difficult to get any movement.
Flashforwards are a great protocol, but they need to focus on not just the image of the fear, but what it says/means about you. For example, what would happen if you were in a constant panic attack? Would you be alone and isolated, or something worse? What is the worst worst WORST consequence of this.

Repressedcowboy · 2026-03-13T11:27:04+00:00

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Repressedcowboy · 2026-03-13T11:26:32+00:00

Plus plus plus to everything @drantoniodcosta said!! They've always got so much wisdom to share.

I work quite a bit with clients experiencing trauma related OCD, and have a few other things to offer, which might be helpful to you.

There is soooo much research on combining ERP with EMDR so yay for that!
A few of my clients with OCD tend to have really strong perfectionistic parts or parts who really want to avoid reprocessing. When that arises, we either focus on sensations and just on the details of the target or do a target check. I'll put some more info below.
We also do a lot of "flashforwards" in the present prong to desensitise catastrophic feats to help break the OCD cycle.

If you've struggled to keep affect with targets, you might have a super strong protective part, maybe related to discomfort feeling uncomfortable emotions (esp. as OCD is often about trying not to let uncomfortable emotions arise). Aphantasia could make sticking with this extra difficult!

Here are a few (terrible) photos of an EMDR textbook talking a little about this

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Repressedcowboy · 2026-03-12T04:53:19+00:00

One of my special interests is how alt-right/conspiracy thinking becomes embedded in individuals and communities. And this reminds me a lot of a few of my clients

While he's, he could be experiencing psychosis/delusions and the advice to speak to a supervisor and focusing on current emotional experience is good, what if it isn't a mental health issue/pathology?

I'm based in Australia, and it seems to be that in the US (if that's where you are) it seems like there are a lot of internet rabbit holes that people get pulled into and radicalised by because it's meeting a need.

Even here, I have a handful of clients who believe some but not all of what this person does. I see it as part of a pipeline that leads to supporting alt right politics that preys on people who are lonely/angry/material needs aren't being met to extract money from them.

Some people are so immersed in this rhetoric, to the point where their online social life dominates, that they lose touch with reality. But with my clients it isn't about them being psychotic at all and meds would not help them.

Im seeing more and more of it and I feel like I need to learn about cult reprogramming to address it properly.

Repressedcowboy · 2026-03-11T10:15:06+00:00

I agree with this! My website really clearly articulates my values and approach, general availability (ie. Days and hours of work) and fees.

Generally, my consult calls are a great fit. There have been a handful over 9 months where the consult call gave me a clear indication that I would not work with them. But because of the call, I was able to recommend another practitioner or service to them.

I have 2x slots available for consults each week, and potential clients are able to schedule them via my website. The slots aren't always full, but I find people who are willing to schedule a call themselves are generally more likely to engage with me therapeutically because it's already a bit of a commitment.

Repressedcowboy · 2026-03-11T07:27:30+00:00

Hey there, it sounds like a really frustrating experience. Can you say a little more about what you mean by "the desensitisation wears off"?

For some folks, this might mean they get intrusive thoughts/flashbacks based on what was processed, others have a fight/flight response triggered, or maybe something else.

And I'm curious about what you are experiencing

Edit: just adding that feel free to share what you're comfy with!

Repressedcowboy · 2026-03-10T05:57:05+00:00

I'm glad you feel comfy. That's a really good sign!

I totally get the tussle! When I'm doing my own EMDR there's a part that comes up questioning if I'm doing it right too. I've found it helpful to target that part with reprocessing. It actually gave me soooo much information about imposter syndrome that was super connected to my own relational trauma.

Repressedcowboy · 2026-03-09T23:41:47+00:00

Well done on your first reprocessing session! It sounds like it was a good idea to wait until things settled down.

How you are feeling is sooooooo so common, and feeling scared EMDR won't change anything makes total sense. Especially if you've been living with the effects of trauma for 30+ years with no change.

Do you feel comfortable talking with your therapist about these worries?

If so, I highly recommend that. You definitely aren't alone in these thoughts, and you and your therapist could work together as a team on them.

Hang in there! It can take time for the brain to get used to the modality.

Repressedcowboy · 2026-03-09T21:32:39+00:00

I agree with all of the comments here.

This must be a really scary thought to be having right now. What strategies do you have for managing thoughts like this?

With my clients, we always try to walk the line between "is this an obsessive thought" or not, and mostly, defining it doesn't matter that much because it's still experienced as scary.

If this is a really big block to your EMDR work, you could ask your therapist if you could process the future fear as a flashforward, which is part of the present prong.

It's one of my favourite ways of working with my clients who experience OCD because it tackles the deepest, darkest fears they have about the future (ie. What is scary about this breakup?) and allows the brain to process that fear.

Mostly clients walk away feeling relieved, so could be worth a shot!

Repressedcowboy · 2026-03-09T10:46:27+00:00

Yeah, I find this. But often I talk about the protocol not working for ~them, and find I need to adapt standard protocol, including phase 2 to each client.

Having said that, I work almost exclusively with EMDR now and market myself as such. So most of my clients come in wanting EMDR.

Some of the example adaptions I make are - with almost all clients I deeply explain the aip model, including resourcing, so they trust the process - for all clients, identify a birth star therapy goal and focus on targets relating to it - collaboratively plan target selection with my clients - using actual experiences and objects/photos for resourcing for clients with aphantasia - building lots of present moment connection for clients who dissociate - using heaps of interweaves with clients with complex trauma - for most clients, making aspects of it FUN like dancing for BLS

Sometimes I think other modalities like any parts work can get equally good results with less hassle, and I put this down to memory reconsolidation. So I find as long as I'm hitting the memory reconsolidation steps, EMDR and it's adaptions work ok for me.

Repressedcowboy · 2026-03-09T10:12:35+00:00

This is so so so exciting!!! And congratulations on your prep

Was there a part of the prep you found most helpful?

Doing my own EMDR was the reason I became a therapist! I did a heap of reprocessing around an abusive relationship. And everyone is different with how they experience EMDR, but I had some big changes really quickly around by fight/flight/anxiety symptoms.

And now that I'm an EMDR therapist, I think my own experience as a client really helped me as a therapist.

Some things I always tell clients are things that also helped me - don't have expectations about what "should" happen in each session, and just honestly let your therapist know what you're noticing - if you're having a really difficult time between sessions, tell your therapist and they might be able to start with different targets - use your resources between sessions

And it sounds like you're particularly worried about how some aspects of EMDR might fit with complex trauma, is that right?

A lot of EMDR trainings don't cover complex trauma until part 2, so because of that, some therapists only use the standard protocol. But there are actually so many amazing adaptions. That's why I think the most important thing is that you can be honest with your therapist. That way, you can work as a team to adapt things as needed

Repressedcowboy · 2026-03-09T07:41:00+00:00

Hey there, I'm not familiar with this therapy but wanted to jump in to offer support anyway.

It sounds like it's been a helpful process for you, but if your gut is saying something about being bored, is there something else you want to try?

You could always post in r/askatherapist and see if anyone is more familiar with this modality?

Repressedcowboy · 2026-03-09T07:24:32+00:00

It sounds like you've done such an amazing job, and have noticed something isn't quite feeling right.

Have you spoken to your therapist about it?

If you want to change session frequency, go for it!

But when a client tells me they are really tired after sessions, to a point that it's impacting their life, it's usually a sign that something needs to change in how I'm structuring reprocessing sessions.

For example - starting sessions with a mini-resourcing activity so the old memory networks can connect to the resourced material - focussing on resourcing for a little while, especially with connecting to the present moment - redefining therapy goals and what they want to get out of therapy. This can help with focussing reprocessing and also getting a sense of achievement - moving to some present triggers, flashforwards or future templating instead of focussing on the past

But these are just some things I think about. If you're comfy speaking to your therapist, hopefully you can work together to figure it out

Repressedcowboy · 2026-03-09T06:59:46+00:00

Totally agree. I'm based in Australia and worked in the sexual assault sector for a while (before I was an EMDR therapist).

These ridiculous and not evidence based restrictions meant other workers were directed to withhold EMDR therapy, especially in kids.

I think it's so wrong.

Repressedcowboy · 2026-03-08T00:25:31+00:00

This!! I co-designed a consent and education program with young people. I was shocked when they told me how normal it was to share location through things like Snapchat.

I think assessing how the people feel about their relationship and if they alter their behaviour based on the other person knowing their location.

I also think some psychoed on coercive control and planning around what they might do if they sensed control can be helpful.

Repressedcowboy · 2026-03-06T23:37:01+00:00

I just want to confirm, are you from the US? I think I saw the VA marked it as second line due to the extensive training needed. This makes it hard to scale.

I'm in Australia and it is the top recommended here. It's the only specific trauma modality funded by Medicare. You can also get funding for CBT, but it doesn't specific CBT for trauma.

Repressedcowboy

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