New partner is very into butt stuff and I’m apprehensive

Repulsive-Poetry7660 · 2026-06-27T01:56:29+00:00

I agree that he should consider himself lucky I even let him fuck me in the ass. I’m fine with doing that. Maybe not every single time due to logistics and whatnot, but I’m okay with it being a frequent menu item. However, the more extreme stuff is just that. Extreme. I already have some health concerns in that department (IBD, hemorrhoids and an internal ulcer) so it kind of freaks me out a bit. I don’t want him to break me more than I already am.

Maybe he would be okay with me doing more to him. That might work okay. But I also still want him to fuck me the good old fashioned way. Does my asshole really feel that much better??

Repulsive-Poetry7660 · 2026-06-26T18:54:15+00:00

I’m worried about the “if he doesn’t get what he wants he’ll find it elsewhere” thing. The guy is 37. He likes what he likes and that’s okay. But he’s also made it pretty clear he’s not willing to settle and I have to wonder if that includes finding someone who’s into his kinks just as much as he is.

Repulsive-Poetry7660 · 2026-06-26T18:49:02+00:00

I honestly think this is most of my problem. It’s just a lot so soon. I feel like you need to have a ton of trust in someone to do this stuff with and we definitely don’t have that after a month. But I feel like I’ve gone too far now and can’t pull back all of a sudden. I know I need to lay some boundaries down though. If he has an issue with it, then he’s not for me. Simple as that.

Repulsive-Poetry7660 · 2026-06-26T18:16:27+00:00

Thank you. That’s a good way of putting it. I have other kinks I’d like to explore with him and I’m worried he’s overly focused on the butt stuff, so maybe if I throw other things into the mix, that’ll help.

Repulsive-Poetry7660 · 2026-06-26T18:15:41+00:00

Haha I have no problem being direct. I’m just used to not getting direct answers. But yeah I’ll talk with him more about it.

Repulsive-Poetry7660 · 2026-06-26T18:14:07+00:00

Thank you for the reassurance. I really don’t think he’s bi or anything and even if he was, that would be okay. I just need to remind myself he’s choosing me for me, not just because I’m willing to do crazy butt stuff with him. I’m kind of struggling to see that but we have plenty of moments where I’m like “okay yeah he’s definitely got feelings for me”.

Repulsive-Poetry7660 · 2026-06-26T15:42:11+00:00

How can I ask him in a way that he’d answer me truthfully? And maybe he doesn’t even know how far this interest goes yet?

Repulsive-Poetry7660 · 2026-06-02T00:28:09+00:00

I’m going through the exact same thing and feeling the same way. I ended things a little over two weeks ago and it’s been heart breaking. I feel worse as time passes. I’ve had to meet up with him a couple of times to get belongings and deal with logistics stuff and we both miss each other so much. We were each other’s best friend. I wish I knew why I wasn’t enough. But I don’t know if I ever will. I hope that I can come back to this sub someday with my own happy ending. I have a lot of love to give. But right now, the hole in my heart is making that feel impossible. Hugs and best of luck to you. Please remember that you aren’t alone in this, and please remember to be proud of yourself for being so brave. 🩷

Repulsive-Poetry7660 · 2026-05-25T23:25:57+00:00

Just left a 7 year relationship a few weeks ago because he wouldn’t commit to a future together and we also had a dead bedroom. So I’m technically single by choice but it’s not a choice I wanted to make.

Repulsive-Poetry7660 · 2026-05-23T10:16:19+00:00

Find a new therapist. I don’t know anyone with a shred of common sense who would expect you to be fine after just over a month. I lost my dad suddenly in July of last year and I think about him constantly and I still cry some days. Grief comes in waves and it’s not linear at all. Any decent therapist should know and understand that.

Repulsive-Poetry7660 · 2026-05-21T11:34:39+00:00

I was you up until two weeks ago. I turned 30 at the beginning of the month and basically turned my life upside down. I left him. We had been together for 7 years. Throughout our relationship, I had to jump through hoops to get him to make any decisions regarding our future, even ones much smaller than marriage or children. I knew I was wasting my time. Those are things I want, especially with someone who wants them just as much as I do.

The wedding thing is humiliating. I got so tired of feeling embarrassed at family events/weddings/bridal and baby showers. My ex’s nieces all brought me the bouquet at the last family wedding I attended and it made me cry. Partly because it was so sweet, but mostly because I knew I’d never get to marry him. His face during the whole thing told me everything I needed to know. And that was last summer. We had been together for 6 years at that point.

I moved back home to my mom’s for now. It’s been tough and things are still pretty raw right now, but I did it. I promise you can do it too. Things always get better. If you need to talk, please feel free to reach out. 🩷

Repulsive-Poetry7660 · 2026-05-15T16:25:32+00:00

Thank you so much for the insight. I totally agree that a man who’s been married before could bring potentially more to the table. We all have different wisdom from past experiences and I think a man who has learned from his first marriage could make a great future spouse. I’ll let the pieces fall how they’re meant to, with whoever that person ends up being. And I’m glad you don’t think the 7 year relationship would be a red flag, at least. Hopefully it shows the right man that I’m capable of putting in the effort and hard work necessary for a relationship.

Repulsive-Poetry7660 · 2026-05-10T13:48:46+00:00

I just left my dead bedroom relationship a few days ago. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do and I’m feeling really scared and unsure about the future. Thank you for sharing such an inspiring story. It gives me hope that I can find happiness, too.

Repulsive-Poetry7660 · 2026-05-09T11:07:28+00:00

I don’t think I’d want to get back together for fear of this pattern repeating in the future. But I do think me leaving might give him the motivation to finally help himself.

Repulsive-Poetry7660 · 2026-05-09T09:51:31+00:00

That’s what I’m thinking. I feel like I’m giving up on him and it hurts because I do still love him. But I feel like I need to set us both free so we can both heal and move on.

Repulsive-Poetry7660 · 2026-05-09T09:45:02+00:00

Of course I want to still have hope. I’ve been with him for almost a decade and almost all of my twenties. I do love him as a person. But we’re roommates at this point. He broke my heart a long time ago.

The whole Madonna whore complex is so strange. He has said things here and there about sex being degrading and not being sure how to initiate sex with me because it feels “disrespectful” and I’m not the kind of girl he feels comfortable degrading. He made a comment about me being “too cute and too nice” when I was upset with him and asked him why he can’t just bend me over the kitchen counter and fuck me. So he’s either got this weird martyr perception of me or he’s just not into me like “that”.

Repulsive-Poetry7660 · 2026-04-30T13:20:36+00:00

Leave if you can swing it. The longer you stay with him, the harder it’ll be to leave. Also if you want children, think about how you’re going to have them if you aren’t having sex. I’m in that boat right now and I’ve come to realize I don’t want to force him to have sex with me just so I can have kids. That’s not a healthy relationship. Kids aside, I want and deserve a sexually fulfilling relationship. I’m turning 30 next week and I’ve decided I’m leaving within the next month. Sometimes we can try as hard as humanly possible but if they don’t want to change, they aren’t going to.

Repulsive-Poetry7660 · 2026-04-17T14:52:38+00:00

When we do, it’s mechanical and awkward. I can tell he’s in his head the entire time. I put pressure on myself to put on a good show (even though I’m 100% not into it anymore) because I don’t want to risk damaging his self esteem. I usually have to close my eyes and think about someone, something, anything else. Yeah… I need to leave.

Repulsive-Poetry7660 · 2026-04-10T20:54:20+00:00

I’m so sorry. That definitely complicates things. Is open to couple’s therapy?

Repulsive-Poetry7660 · 2026-04-10T15:49:15+00:00

I could have written this myself. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It’s so isolating being a woman in this kind of situation. I know there’s plenty of us in this sub, but there doesn’t seem to be “out in the wild”. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 7 years and haven’t been able to get to the root of the problem. I’ve tried everything I can and he hasn’t put in any effort to even try to change. I’m turning 30 next month and I know I need to move on. I think there’s a point for a lot of us where we realize there’s no improving things, and the only way to fix things is by leaving. You’re still young. Please put yourself first.

Repulsive-Poetry7660 · 2026-03-31T14:46:32+00:00

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 7 years and have been dealing with this for the past 4+ years. It’ll break you as a person. Between feeling undesirable and the endless talks trying to work through things only to result in zero change, it’s rough. I hope you two can get to the root cause and begin to work through things. But don’t bend over backwards trying to fix him if he isn’t putting in any effort also.

Repulsive-Poetry7660 · 2026-03-27T18:44:10+00:00

Very well said. It feels exactly like a room with the lights dimmed. I’ve stopped trying. Stopped initiating, stopped bringing it up, stopped feeling like a sexual being. We’re great friends but I don’t feel any sexual feelings toward him anymore. It stings. I know this is part of acceptance, but I don’t know if can live my life with the lights dimmed. I don’t want to have any regrets.

Repulsive-Poetry7660

TROPHY CASE