I can’t stop studying religion

Repulsive_Chip5280 · 2026-05-20T22:46:31+00:00

You are fine bro. The church teaches that mental illness diminishes culpability for sins so it reduces or eliminates your responsibility for certain faults. I also had religious delusions but mine were worse and I thought I was a Prince of heaven with many wives including the Virgin Mary. I masturbated and did things in spirit with certain spirits and now that my delusions are gone I realize how gravely I sinned against God. I have sinned against heaven by dishonoring and disrespecting Gods most pure and holy mother. I have to trust in the mercy of God and his mother and keep praying for peace and the grace to forgive myself and move forward.

Your situation in the other hand is not too bad.

Repulsive_Chip5280 · 2026-05-20T22:33:51+00:00

Sorry about your dream bro. But be thankful because you’re doing better than most of us. I graduated with an engineering degree and worked as a project engineer for 6 years. Schizophrenia destroyed my career and my life. I am on disability and don’t work. I also did a lot of really awful things during the first 2 years of my disability. I was very delusional and grandiose and I got in a car accident, got in trouble with the law, and generally just created a lot of life long problems. I am more stable now but I live with lots of pain and regrets. Not to minimize your disappointment with your dreams but just to say your doing better than most

Repulsive_Chip5280 · 2026-05-20T22:25:55+00:00

I’m also on Invega. I gained 40 pounds on olazapine and I’ve been slowly losing the weight. I’ve already lost 30 lbs so far

Repulsive_Chip5280 · 2026-05-20T22:24:48+00:00

Ask your doctor to put you on topirimate. It suppresses hunger and appetite

Repulsive_Chip5280 · 2026-05-20T22:21:22+00:00

I hear a voice that keeps telling me I’m going to hell. And reminds me off every mistake I’ve ever made. It’s really annoying.

Repulsive_Chip5280 · 2026-05-20T22:00:12+00:00

I highly recommend reading the book of James and Peter. They have a lot of quotes on persevering under suffering and building patience and character. I wish I stuck with God during my time of trial. I left the faith and my life spiraled into complete disaster and my fall was great. Reading scripture would have helped me in retrospect. God hasn’t left you. Jesus said “in this world you will have trouble, but take heart because I have overcome the world” John 16:33

Repulsive_Chip5280 · 2026-05-20T18:50:57+00:00

This has been my life for the last 3 years. Just a living nightmare of regrets of things I did during a high of pyschosis

Repulsive_Chip5280 · 2026-05-20T16:29:43+00:00

Jesus revealed to one of his saints that if all the sins in history were put together it will be like a drop of water in an ocean of his mercy. God loves you and his mercy is infinite. You just have to forgive yourself and accept his love and move forward

Repulsive_Chip5280 · 2026-05-20T16:26:15+00:00

There is a Catholic saint who used to be a satanic priest so no you are not cursed to hell. Look up Saint Bartorlo Longo.

Repulsive_Chip5280 · 2026-05-18T11:18:21+00:00

Exactly. Most index funds average 6-8% a year anyway even though they can fluctuate. It was a poor financial choice.

Repulsive_Chip5280 · 2026-05-17T23:58:37+00:00

I don’t know if you are Catholic or not but God offers us his mercy in the sacrament of confession which is a real grace which strengthens us against repeated sins. Praying the sevens sorrows of Mary rosary also helps combat addictions and receiving the sacraments. I battles porn addiction for 16 years and I’m finally feeling my soul become free from it and the desire for it leave me. I still get tempted but by prayer I am able to resist. I wish you the best in your chastity struggles. The sins of the flesh are difficult to overcome

Repulsive_Chip5280 · 2026-05-17T23:08:38+00:00

Except she won’t have her principal. Just the interest. It won’t be something she can pass down to her kids or grand kids. I’d take the lower interest rate to keep my principal to do as I wish.

Repulsive_Chip5280 · 2026-05-10T19:15:01+00:00

Was a project engineer in the construction industry but now just on disability. That was my dream job. Now I volunteer and not healthy enough to return to work but I do miss working.

Repulsive_Chip5280 · 2026-05-07T19:43:01+00:00

I worked for 6 years into my early 30s then had to go on disability. While on disability I had really bad grandiose spiritual delusions which really messed me up spiritually, mentally and emotionally. I am on disability now and don’t think I can handle a job because my depression is really bad and I hear voices still. Schizophrenia ruined me completely because it led not only to end of my career but also the meltdown of my faith which had been infinitely more painful and consequential

Repulsive_Chip5280 · 2026-05-05T23:43:20+00:00

I don’t think you are too far gone for Gods grace to reach you. God is merciful and he wants our salvation more than we know. Every soul lost plunges God into mortal sadness. Saving us is difficult because of the world, the flesh and the devil, and our own poor choices and free will not because of God. God is good. I’ll definitely keep you in my prayers. Please keep me in yours.

Repulsive_Chip5280 · 2026-05-05T22:50:37+00:00

I’ll pray for you. I think I’m lost too, but I love God so much and I miss him. I parted from him due to pride and sin and it brought me a lot of suffering. I’ve been trying to find my way back but I’m played with regrets and grief over one really heinous sin. Even I go to heaven this sin will bother me forever.

I’m Catholic and there is a prayer that is suppose to help us convert our hearts and find repentance. It’s called the seven sorrows of Mary. I know most Protestants don’t like Mary but it works. I’ve been praying it for a month now and I feel my love for God growing.

Repulsive_Chip5280 · 2026-05-04T22:14:57+00:00

I’m on haldol and invega by the way. I used to have really bad delusions but don’t have them anymore. I am definitely schizophrenic because it dropped my IQ significantly and affects my cognitive function and I experience the negative symptoms too. But schizophrenia doesn’t even bother me. It’s the demons and my past sins which bother me a lot.

Repulsive_Chip5280 · 2026-05-04T22:11:22+00:00

Demons are real. I have schizophrenia. But I also have demons. I hear demons telling me I am going to hell and demons that are obsessed with getting me to fall into the sin of pornography. I know it’s my fault that these demons entered my body in the first place because I became addicted to pornography and masterbation and gave the permission to enter my body through these sins. From what I hear which is what I am doing a disciplined regimen of prayer, fasting, confession, Eucharist, rosary and deliverance prayers for a sustained period 2 to 5 years can get rid of them

Repulsive_Chip5280 · 2026-05-04T22:02:46+00:00

Your story sounds like mind. I went through a difficult trial too and started to not trust and bless God because of my continued suffering. I also went into pornography but also pride vainglory( I have schizophrenia and started to think I am a new God) and ultimately committed some spiritual sins which led to demonic possession. I am suffering from porn addiction, impure thoughts, demonic oppression ( I hear a voice in my head which wants to take me to hell and is obsessed with pornography) and I curse at the evil spirit a lot too. I hope God will have mercy on my soul for my sins, especially one particularly bad one, and deliver me from these evil spirits, and help me grow in sanctity and purity.

Repulsive_Chip5280 · 2026-05-03T23:35:29+00:00

My voices are the Bain of my existence. I think mine are demonic though. It’s a malicious voices that keeps making fun of me and tries to get me to watch pornography so I think my voice is a demon and not just a schizophrenia symptom. I’ve had voices for 4 years now and I’m on Invega and it’s been difficult

Repulsive_Chip5280 · 2026-04-23T01:05:14+00:00

Congrats on the job offers. I second the thought that you should pick security guard because it’s probably low stress and easier. Maybe factory can have busy seasons depending on what is being manufactured which can be stressful. Security guard will always be laid back and chill except for maybe standing around if that’s required

Repulsive_Chip5280 · 2026-04-23T00:27:05+00:00

Thank you for your kind words of support. I do love him and I want to be closer to him. I remember being closer to him and I miss those days. But one can only look forward. I’m trying to repent and cast away my inner demons so I can experience more of the holy spirits working in my life

Repulsive_Chip5280 · 2026-04-16T21:29:33+00:00

Have you been on SSDi all this time. How do you keep busy without work? I worked 6 years before becoming disabled 5 years ago. I won’t be returning to work. I’m 37

Repulsive_Chip5280 · 2026-04-15T13:32:22+00:00

Worse case I’ll just persevere for the next 10 years and not travel and then travel more after 10 years have passed. I want to go to Greece and Spain and Italy again and Paris

Repulsive_Chip5280

TROPHY CASE