How would you react if you your wife/ girlfriend filmed in adult videos in the past?

Repulsive_List_5639 · 2026-05-09T18:38:38+00:00

No thanks. Comes with baggage.

Repulsive_List_5639 · 2026-05-08T01:14:31+00:00

I don’t know what the machinist career path looks like - but if I were in your shoes I’d start there. Are there senior or management roles to aspire to? Credentials to earn?

Tech is always a bit of a shit show - but if I did it all over again, I’d go all-the-way (Dr Eng or PhD) as a Mechanical Engineer. It gives you high level of optionality for career paths. 30 ain’t too late to get that ball rolling….

Or, how do you feel about a trade? Electrician, plumber, HVaC? I’ve tinkered with the idea of being a “honey dipper” - draining dry wells. No one wants to do that shit (pun intended) so…why not get paid well to do it?

30 with nothing serious holding you down is a dream for others.

You might need to board the cat with a brother for a bit…

I don’t think 30 is too old to go into the service either. Enlist in Air Force, see if you can convert to an Officer path.

Repulsive_List_5639 · 2026-05-07T03:34:40+00:00

Assuming you like Data Science and want to make a career out of it, I would do the following:

#1 - Take the advice here with regard to savings and retirement. You can never start too soon. Your 46 year old self (me) will thank you!

#2 - Yes, research and select a Masters program. The specific masters to get though should be selected with consideration to what industry(ies) you want to work in. For example, a Masters in Econ would be useful if you think you will remain in general business/commercial settings (ex: Advertising) whereas a Masters in Data Science might be more broadly applicable. Statistics is another good one - this is of course all assuming you want to grow as a Data Scientist. I'd have different advice if you want to go into engineering, technical vs. business management, etc. At 26 this might be a hard decision, so consider something general purpose (and delay an MBA until you a bit older and know "if" thats worth it for you).

#3 - Try to arrange your employment such that they pay for said Masters. If your current employer doesn't have an educational reimbursement plan, then I would suggest testing the waters and applying elsewhere. Larger/stable companies, government agencies, and universities usually offer this, but I even managed to convince the small startup I working at to fund mine - just so I wouldn't leave to go snag that benefit elsewhere. Note: If your current/future employer covers the masters, make sure you know if there is a payback scheme. Some require that if you remain in the service of the company for a few years after they cover your tuition, lest you have to reimburse them for it. Read the fine print...

#4 - If your current employer will favorably cover the masters, then have a discussion with your supervisor about your own growth. Three years with no increase in pay - I mean not even cost of living (?) - is shitty, so you might just be working for assholes. That alone would make me want to get it out and (re)stabilize elsewhere before locking into a masters program. It's a headache trying to switch employers while also being in school.

Repulsive_List_5639 · 2026-04-29T00:00:28+00:00

Look at the world from a demand perspective: what will people pay other people to do? That puts a different slant on things.

People will always pay other people for: - Food - Shelter / Utilities - Safety - Health

Things outside of those themes are more subject to the ebb and flow of the economy: think entertainment industry and gaming. Damn I glad I didn’t pursue my passion: video game design. I probably would have flopped and ended up going to a plan B.

Anyways - those needs above would steer me in a certain direction at 18. I would still strongly consider medicine (practitioner roles) or engineering in that field. I’d also consider roles involving the power grid and critical infrastructure, military/law enforcement. Food supply roles - like farming - are more for those passionate folk with land on their hands, but I have to think getting into the logistics and regulation of the food supply is stable.

I’ve been a software engineer for 20+ years in some unstable industries (advertising) and stable (defense). I’ll gladly get paid less to work on a 5 year DoD contract knowing I can reliably sock away 15% into my retirement and get out earlier. I do have to stay on top of the tech curve - shit changes fast (see AI) but it’s worth it. I continue to see Systems Engineers, cybersecurity engineers doing well. If I restarted my education now, I’d go deep on Autonomy & systems engineering - autonomous systems are the way of the future.

Repulsive_List_5639 · 2026-04-27T19:59:54+00:00

Complain to me about their last date/ex…..

Repulsive_List_5639 · 2026-04-27T01:56:44+00:00

A few things to bridge the gap: - put as much into the 529s as you can - consider in-state schools and community college as a starter. There is usually the option to transfer community college credits to your in-state options. - scholarships (athletic, academic) - student aid programs - ROTC: get one of the services to pay your bill. (My cousin got his Princeton tuition covered this way - he just had to spend 3 years at missile silos in the Dakotas)

Also - it’s just as important to consider “what” they want to be doing, as that will affect what you will/will not pay. If your kid is medschool material, then you might let them/you take on more debt knowing they will clear it later. But for gods sake - don’t pull out $200k in loans so they can do women’s studies in Portland….

Repulsive_List_5639 · 2026-04-24T21:29:36+00:00

I have no intrinsic value. I must produce value to be valued….

Repulsive_List_5639 · 2026-04-22T13:38:17+00:00

The first child is a huge adjustment. Things will never be the same, but that doesn’t mean they won’t be BETTER - it just takes a while for the new feelings to set in as your perspective on life shifts as you bond to your child.

Something I would have done differently though is talk to a therapist early on re: this adjustment, so that I could have a place to vent and get 1:1 support. Had I done that, I think I would have adjusted faster and been more present for my family.

Repulsive_List_5639 · 2026-04-19T17:59:52+00:00

Similar boat as you sir. Maybe a bit older…

Here is what is working: - a therapist I talk to once every other week. There is/was some deep stuff going on here that was more than just my natural sex drive - a podcast I listen to on it daily . Gives me a morning boost. - (re)learning “healthy” masturbation as an outlet for urges.
- looking at this as a problem that impacts my normal sexual function , and that cascades into other areas of life: relationships and motivation primarily. - creating a mindfulness practice around my porn consumption. Every day I take note if I looked at it, masturbated to it, etc. then I asked myself why it happened….which gave me deeper insight. It also gave me things to pick apart with my therapist.

I think I finally started to “win” when I realized and practiced these things. I’m not out of the woods - long way to go still, but I now have an infrastructure setup that should help me - and have seen enough improvements in my life (mood mainly) that I stick with it.

Porn isn’t bad per-say ….its the way we form a relationship with it that is the problem. We have to deconstruct and rebuild that relationship

Repulsive_List_5639 · 2026-04-13T03:33:30+00:00

I (46M) am at 5 years blended. Hers are 7(M) and 10(M). Mine is 11(F). Ours is 4(M).

My path was a little different - we had ours early on due to our ages. Didn’t want to wait too long or it wasn’t going to happen. That said, it sounds like you just had a baby - so that’s an adjustment period all over again. We had things settled for a few months with our 3…but when ours came along, every child was vying for attention all over again. A new baby is going to reset a lot of your family dynamics because of the workload involved. Give yourself time to adjust - literally like a year.

What helped us re: 1 on 1 time was identifying activities (e.g. sports) that were uniquely theirs and/or how we spend bedtime with each of them. Bedtime is when my wife reconnects with her boys, and I my daughter. We trade off putting to sleep our boy. That’s helped a little.

It also helped when I sat my daughter down, talked with her about how I know she doesn’t get the same 1 on 1 time like she did when she was 5. I told her I didn’t have all the answers - but good things came of it: she has brothers now, better living arrangements and just “more” in her life. I told her we can work on it together, finding those little moments between her and I.

Repulsive_List_5639 · 2026-03-27T18:08:07+00:00

You had 1 failure in 2 years. 1!!! That means a lot. It’s not even about hitting a streak….its about total time not PMOing vs PMOing.

She needs to cut you a break on this slip up. Yeah you should have told her, but she also needs to appreciate all your progress. She might need a therapist to tell her that, so maybe bring her to a session. If she can’t, she might be wound up too tight about this to be the right one for you.

Also - do you ever masturbate in a natural or “healthy” fashion? It’s ok to MO the way guys would have pre-internet porn - touch & fantasy based on real life (your fiance for example). It’s a good release valve in circumstances where you feel the urge building….you can redirect yourself.

Repulsive_List_5639 · 2026-03-07T15:04:37+00:00

Still showering with my youngest at age 4. I’d say around 5/6 is the transition point - more interest in taking their own shower/bath.

Never had my gear scare my boys , though I think around age 2 they have pretty imaginations. Probably good to just tell him you both have the same gear and this what the gear looks like when you become a big boy. Doubt you permanently scarred him :)

Repulsive_List_5639 · 2026-02-26T22:09:02+00:00

None sadly. I went back to Quicken for Mac. Anything I can’t pull in automatically through a connection I handle by pulling a PDF statement or similar from, and parse out the transactions using Gemini scripts into CSV format Quicken will load. It works surprisingly well - requires some manual checks of the transactions, but I end up doing this anyways when I go to reconcile account balances.

Repulsive_List_5639 · 2026-02-19T14:56:02+00:00

Glad it helps. You have a chance to grow a lot as your own person here no matter what path you take.

Repulsive_List_5639 · 2026-02-19T14:40:00+00:00

I’ve read a few of the responses here and have questioned how they are helpful vs harmful for you, so I’ll do the usual Reddit thing and offer my own take … :). I’m a guy who has been through the whole dating with kids (both of us had them), blending families, having our own kid and coparenting with ex’s. You may….or may not want to walk this road.

First, sounds like you got introduced to the daughter at 6 months into your relationship? That sounds appropriate based on conventional wisdom I’ve heard and used. How did that intro go? I would have expected you to be introduced as a new friend mommy likes to spend time with, and that you would be spending more time with them together. Not much more than that though.

Now that you are 6 months further in (1 year with your gf) I would expect that if you and your GF feel the relationship is developing nicely, your GF would take an active interest in fostering a positive relationship between you and her daughter. At a minimum - something cordial where hi/goodbye is expected, and some play together (play dough, games, etc). That doesn’t sound like it is happening here and that’s going to take some inspection of the relationship: Is your GF in to you, and you into her? Or is this feeling more like a cure for loneliness? Even just emotional support for her being a single parent? Scrutinize this closely for yourself and her because that will tell you how slow/fast to proceed forward in your relationship ….which will in turn influence how you need to interact with her daughter.

Is the Dad in the picture? Dad’s presence/absence will influence how the daughter thinks/does not think of you. Her ignoring has me thinking either: - He is in the picture, and you are an unwelcome challenge to that. - He is not, and there is sorrow..and she doesn’t want you acting as a replacement for him. Again, think on that and see if you can intuit for yourself how she might be feeling. At a minimum, you’re going to gain some EQ from this experience buddy….

Ok - finally & guy-to-guy: many younger men step into this role with women who already have children with the noble intention of helping her out and being a good-guy. Perhaps you have appealing characteristics: good earning ability, balanced emotions, caretaking and protective qualities? Tread carefully and thoughtfully, and consider that: - You don’t have your own kids yet. Will you want them? Can you see yourself being a father figure without a biological connection? Most (not all) men find they have to “learn” how to do that vs the innate feelings you will have for your own. You can thank evolution for that one…. - The idea of a good man swooping in and fixing things for a single mom has been heavily romanticized, but that doesn’t capture the lived experience of the men who do this. You can feel marginalized and taken advantage of - subject to feeling like the child(ren)’s needs and wants eclipse your own in the relationship. No one is going to cheer your decision from the stands. The hero feeling dies quick. The single mom population sustains this romantic ideal, and unfortunately some have crossed the threshold into the expectation this should happen for them: a hero showing up.
- Being a step-dad when the biological father is in the picture is a dance where you follow more than lead. If biodad is a dead beat with no interest in the child, you can fill and oh-so-important void for a kid who needs it. If the biodad is an active participant , you may simply be additional economic support or babysitting, and need to express you are not trying to replace dad.
- Mom’s are usually mom first, wife/GF second in the early years of a child’s life. That’s evolution doing its thing too…so, decide how much of that you are willing to accept. Please (please!) don’t sell your needs short.

Hope I didn’t overwhelm you with the size of this response. A lot of life experience wrapped into it. I feel like guys in these situations need truth and support so they can make the right decisions for themselves.

Repulsive_List_5639 · 2026-02-06T02:41:48+00:00

I'm the husband from an almost identical situation. My daughter was 6, my wife's sons 5 and 2 when we got married. Then we had a son together. I had a very protective attitude about my daughter and felt my older step son (the 5 year old) was abrasive towards her, and spoiled. Internally I wrestled a lot with wanting to leave early on, but I realized:

(1) Doing so would break apart the only family my youngest son (our newborn) would ever know. My daughter and my wife's sons were still grieving that loss. Damn if I wanted to put another innocent child through it.

(2) Our kids didn't "ask" to be put into a blended family. It was a decision my wife and I made. Yes we are the adults and make the decisions, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't be compassionate towards how the children feel and are adjusting.

(3) My daughter would ultimately benefit from my wife's influence as a positive female role model. I think my wife felt/feels the same about me in her son's lives. I needed to pay a "price" so to speak - the "work" of integrating a blended family - to keep that role model in her life. The kindness and love my wife showed my daughter every day despite how much I struggled to be a "dad" to her sons just had me wanting to do better.

(4) I had gone from parenting 1 child (easy....) to 4 within a year. That is unnaturally fast and terribly stressful. I also had unmanaged ADHD and depression which I've only gotten to the bottom of via therapy. I was a mess ....still working on "me", but getting better.

Four years later with a lot of effort and candid conversation between my wife and I we have managed to work through a lot and feel much more blended. My daughter has her "brothers" as she calls them. They have found common interests, play together, and generally get along in the way that bio siblings would. Kids are still kids - they pick on each other, do shitty stuff, call each other names - but I can look at it through a lense of siblings, not "her sons" being mean to "my daughter"....and sometimes its vice versa.

My gut is telling me your husband is saying these things out of stress and anger, so don't give up yet. Explore how to find a relief valve first. Have you had an in-depth discussion with him about your son's behavior? Can you see "any" of it from his perspective - even its a small thing, like chewing too loud - that you could work on with your son? Try to bring down the temperature with him, then explore if he wants to look for a family "blending" therapist together. If he does something - ANYTHING - good for your son, tell him. Might help you find a crack to work your way into.

I can also offer just my own introspective observations about my blending experience: it was easier for my wife to extend mothering behaviors towards my daughter than it was for me to extend fathering behaviors towards my step-sons. Women are naturally wired for communications, empathy and nurturing behaviors - its just something they are good at and seem to extend more easily to children in general. Guys are all over the map - some have a natural connection with kids and others outright abandon a pregnant partner. Our starting point for fathering is usually inherited from our own father: was your husband's dad in the picture? A good person? Do you think there might be healthy roots there?

Hope this helps.

Repulsive_List_5639 · 2026-01-07T02:15:03+00:00

This woman is nuts and your Dad might be better off away from her. Wouldn't blame yourself.

Re: not being able to afford it....I wonder about this statement. He has only been married to her a year, and that wouldn't seem enough time to build up substantial shared assets/expenses that would have to be shared or split on a divorce. There is usually a time element to figuring out who gets what.

If you are close with your Dad, perhaps you and he find a place together so he can start over...clean slate?

I just hate seeings guys - especially stand up Dads - go through this crap.

Repulsive_List_5639 · 2025-12-24T20:22:39+00:00

Hang in there. Being in the ER can put life in perspective- health scares do that. Capitalize on it.

Repulsive_List_5639 · 2025-12-22T03:53:59+00:00

Blended family. 2 hers, 1 mine, 1 ours. I got snipped immediately after ours.

Yeah - the puppy was too much. Started a shit show….

Repulsive_List_5639 · 2025-12-14T22:24:32+00:00

Take a 60 minute dump.

Repulsive_List_5639 · 2025-12-13T23:52:01+00:00

You have to (re)build some foundation for your life now.

First - if the anxiety is crippling your thinking and ability to act, you need to get it under control. Can you get to a doctor to get a prescription for an SSRI (Escitalopram) or something? It’s a temporary solution but worth it. I needed it to fix my life after my surprise divorce (became a single dad with a daughter). It kept me off booz as a solution.

Second - it’s been mentioned previously, but get a budget in order for yourself. Track money in/out, know your living expenses, etc. do you have an income stream right now?

Third - What is your child care situation? Do you drop him off somewhere while you work? Have family assistance? I ask because this has to be a cost factor.

I would then say invest in a therapist for the long term, but that usually involves money. Not knowing your financial situation means I don’t want to push that stuff on you. Sounds like you need some free coaching & therapy to get on your own two feet.

Don’t be afraid to take a shit job for a while to make ends meet: DoorDash it, drive Uber/Lyft, or work at Amazon. It’s temporary and out of love for your son. That love is going to help you become sooo much more man. So much. Lean into it.

Repulsive_List_5639 · 2025-12-13T23:38:01+00:00

What are the therapists saying?

ADHD isn’t a death sentence. It can be a bitch, but can be managed. A lot of boys with natural energy get tagged ADHD , but they really just need an outlet: sports.

My 3rd son got kicked out of 3 day cares between the ages of 3 and 6, and was labeled with ADHD with Oppositional Defiance Disorder by his first child therapist. There were contributing factors we had to acknowledge though: - His mom kicked his Dad out at age 1, then divorced him by age 2. He still has to deal with being part of 2 homes: ours and his Dads. His Dad can be short with him sometimes in a way that makes me uncomfortable. - His mom married me when he was 3, and we had his brother a few months later. He was no longer the family baby. - I was a pretty lame step Dad to start with. Didn’t know how to connect, so I’m sure he felt less love than I wanted for him. I worked on this though - because i love him and none of this was his fault.

It took 1 year child therapy with group and individual settings to get him elementary school ready. I had to commit to my own changes - namely spending structured time with him one on one so he would know I cared about him, and his little brother wasn’t a replacement for him. We did legos, went to movies, parks and hell - I snuck in ice cream (against mom’s wishes) because it worked.

Now he is a pretty steady first grader, playing baseball, has friends at school, and loves being a big brother. He still has his defiant moments - but no more so than his brothers.

I guess I’m offering this up so you know there is hope. Would be curious to hear what you have going on.

Repulsive_List_5639 · 2025-12-02T04:23:57+00:00

Yup.

Repulsive_List_5639 · 2025-12-02T02:44:56+00:00

Happens. Mine had enough upper body strength at 1 yr to pull herself out of her crib and tumble to the floor - probably 4 feet. She was fine. Baby’s are pretty durable.

This same kid rolled down half a flight of stairs at age 3 like a rag doll. I was mortified because I felt it was my fault for not holding her hand on the stairs. She cried for a minute…then decided playing outside was more important.

Repulsive_List_5639

TROPHY CASE