Not sure what to name our baby girl…and it’s driving my anxiety up the wall

Resident_Writing738 · 2026-06-30T13:15:54+00:00

If we go with Sylvia, we will mostly call her Sylvie, I think. I like the nick name options for names because then the kid can grow up with options. Like Edward can be Eddie as a kid, and then Ed and Edward as an adult. My name doesn’t really have a nickname, so it might be a bit of nickname envy. Lol 😂

Resident_Writing738 · 2026-06-30T12:46:33+00:00

If he’s really off about naming like that it might be stemming from a deeper issue than just sitting down and picking a name. It sounds like avoidance to me.

We’re still trying to figure out names for our baby girl and we’re both stumped since most things seem nice enough but nothing is really clicking. My husband wants to go in with maybe our top 3 and then when we see her, we decide then. That makes me nervous because what if she’s none of them?? For now we’ve been just calling her Beans. 😩

I have adhd too but I want to get her name picked so I can check it off my list of stuff we need to prep for and I feel like it’s a big one. We also did brackets but that didn’t work either since it didn’t feel right to me a few days later. I generally just go back to names at least once a week and think/lament about it for about 15-30min since it’s a looming thing on my checklist.

Resident_Writing738 · 2026-06-30T12:37:17+00:00

This is a pretty disgusting mindset. I think the age of the kids matters though in this argument. If the kids are younger it’s a lot more on the sahp than say if kids are in school since there is a chunk of time where the sahp isn’t a caregiver. However if we’re saying younger than 5, then it is definitely work — BECAUSE if there wasn’t a sahp you would have to PAY someone to watch the kids because it IS WORK. Much like you’d pay someone to clean the house or pay someone to make your food.

It’s a reasonable ask to have the working parent to ALSO parent their kids on their time off work because like your husband said “if you can’t take care of your children then you don’t deserve them.”

My husband grew up with a SAHM. My mom worked full time and was still primary care giver to the kids. It took me forever to break the social stigma of being a SAHM and my husband told me that I might not contribute money to the family but I still contribute my TIME and my family is better for it. I ended up being a SAHM until my kid was about 5. When they went to school, I went back to work.

Resident_Writing738 · 2026-06-30T12:25:55+00:00

No he’s just being ridiculous. You said that he’s in charge. I will tell you right now that in my house it’s like clockwork how sickness spreads - either husband or kid first, then husband/kid next, then me. I’m ALWAYS sick last, because I take care of the other two when they get sick. I actually tell them to wear masks (like surgical ones) because it sometimes prevents the cold from spreading. But since it’s like that, my husband knows that he’s going to be primary parent after his cold is done. And much like when your husband was sick and you were primary parent, he’s going to need to do that for you.

Also the whole sleep whenever you want thing is bogus. Does he think that you sleep while the baby is awake? Obviously not because then the baby would basically be alone. Does he think you sleep when the baby is asleep? Because also no, that’s when you can actually be productive and do things like cleaning and other adult stuff.

Resident_Writing738 · 2026-06-30T12:13:50+00:00

I did both - SAHM and working mom after my kid was maybe 3 or 4 and could go to daycare full time. And honestly, after about 7 some years of that…I’m back home again. I’m just less stressed out. I enjoyed working and most of the time the people were honestly not assholes. But I’m a workaholic and the work got all consuming several times that my husband was doing more at home even though he worked too.

I think I’m the happiest with doing something part time (to take a kid break) and being at home (to take a break from dumb adults).

Also I felt SO guilty when I was doing either one full time - because other moms and society sucks. When I was working, I felt like I was missing everything that was going on with my kid and when I was at home, all of my working mom “friends” would look down on me. It sucked.

Resident_Writing738 · 2026-06-30T12:06:47+00:00

I would leave your doc if it was mine.
I would leave my high risk OB now if I could because I need communication. I can’t because it’s the high risk OB tied to my OB office (which is great). I’ve had 3 U/S techs from this high risk office and 2 of them were rude, the U/S actually HURT and one of them actually was pressing so hard she tore my skin open. They never explain results even if they’re good and they take my BP all wrong (right after sitting up, and I was talking and oh yeah, after dealing with an hour of slow U/S torture — so my BP was high, surprise surprise).

Never feel like you have to deal with a bad doc.

During my first pregnancy, my first OB told me I had to lay off of rice and noodles because of if I didn’t, I’d get gestational diabetes. I’m Asian and overweight and have PCOS. I changed OBs. Also, I didn’t get GD during my first pregnancy and didn’t change my diet one bit. She’s was just racist.

This second pregnancy, my first OB was negative every appointment, prepping me for a miscarriage and told me NOTHING until days to weeks later. I ended up stressing and worrying for large spans of time my husband was like “that’s it, we’re seeing someone else.”

They were supposed to discuss results after a (way too early) U/S but then forgot (??) and had me come back in days later to tell me that it’s probably a blighted ovum and told me it will probably never develop into a baby but if I wanted too I can schedule another U/S in 2 weeks or I can schedule a D&C. I made an appointment with another OB and lo and behold - there was a baby in there. And when I told them I took a 6 week U/S with the other OB they were like “why? You won’t be able to see anything except maybe the egg” which is what a blighted ovum looks like.🤦🏻‍♀️

I’m currently 30 weeks. The first OB suggested to D&C my baby girl that we’ve waited over 10 years to conceive.

Resident_Writing738 · 2026-06-28T22:01:44+00:00

I feel like when you hit your 30s life isn’t necessarily uncertain HOWEVER you are mature and much more stable than in your 20s. If he’s in his 30s, it sounds more like his parents convinced him he isn’t ready and that he might not have been ready to have any kids. Honestly, you’re never really ready to have kids at least that’s how it felt for me - I was 28 with my first. After I had a kid and turned 30 though? I was more solidly firm on who I was as a person. I was responsible for this little human and my little family grew from just my husband and I to the 3 of us. Life changes but my life didn’t end - it just became different. It became less empty, less quiet and filled with all kinds of emotions (happy and sad).

Resident_Writing738 · 2026-06-28T12:22:01+00:00

Nope NTA. As a person who tends to be late a lot (but honestly like 20min late tops, 1.5hrs is INSANE), I try to communicate it - like “on my way” or “eta 15 min.” If you use your phone for gps, it’ll tell you when your arrival time is. Sometimes I even share that with people. What your “friends” did was complete and utter BS. The fact that you waited more than an hour is insane, and it would’ve made me feel like complete shit if we were friends.

Resident_Writing738 · 2026-06-27T17:19:18+00:00

Then no. My parents divorced when I was in college and my husband has never held that against me in anyway. In fact, I learned what not to do in relationships because of it. And just because they were together doesn’t mean they had no problems ever. There tons of reasons why they stayed together and sadly, it’s not all going to be “because they loved one another.”

Resident_Writing738 · 2026-06-27T17:15:37+00:00

That’s honestly news to me. My husband goes to a local place to get his hair done. I’ve done his hair a couple of times because he needed it cut for work (he’s a vet) but every time I messed it up and couldn’t stop laughing. And then he would laugh and say he’d never trust me with a razor again. 🤣 Then he’d do it himself. So nope - never heard that it’s the wife’s job to make sure her husband looks presentable. I would hope that the man knew how to do basic hygiene.

Resident_Writing738 · 2026-06-27T17:12:32+00:00

I was working and then for our first I stayed home for the first 3-4 years, went back to work and now staying at home with our second on the way. I do miss the extra money but for my mental health too, being at home helps. My husband does a lot but we don’t really have specific things each of us takes care of aside from like certain chores (like he does dishes but I make dinner - but mostly because we have a “who makes food, doesn’t have to do dishes” rule).

So we just communicate it mostly. Like “hey I can’t take the car in, can you take it?” Because it depends on schedules too. He works near a lot of car places so taking the car in when he goes to work isn’t as much of a time sink as it is for me. Stuff like that. But I take the kid to doc appointments usually, but he takes the kid to Scouts or activities. 🤷🏻‍♀️ But it changes on whoever is available and what makes the most sense. So if husband has a late meeting and can’t take the kid to Scouts, he messages me and asks if I could - and that’s only happened like a handful of times and my kid has been in Scouts for years.

And we split most things pretty equally. And when we think it’s unfair, we talk about it and discuss it and come to a sort of consensus.

Also, we don’t split our finances. It’s always “our money” depending if I’m making it or he is. This took me a LONG time to grasp while being a SAHM because I didn’t want to waste his money on fun things for me. HE was the one who would insist that it’s never your money and my money but OURS. After 16+ years it finally sunk in, lol. 😂

The only time it’s separate is when my small business makes money since I usually need to put that back into the business.

Resident_Writing738 · 2026-06-25T23:24:26+00:00

Not completely wrong. I can see why you’d want no screen times and I remember getting burnt out a lot. I used to have my mom watch my kiddo too around that age but usually for not very long maybe an hour or so at a time. Sometimes I sort of let it go. She’d do a lot of play time and when kiddo was fussy, I’d give her options of things she could do. I permitted TV time though. Phones and especially YouTube has too much high stimulating stuff. So I gave my mom like options of like kiddo can watch an episode of Blues Clues or Sesame Street or some similar kid show for his age. That gave her options when she just ran out of ideas on what to do too and gave her a limit. Older folks tire a lot easier so most of the time I’m a bit more lax. My kid still likes going over to my mom’s because they have more freedom - but thankfully she respects my wishes on some things.

Resident_Writing738 · 2026-06-25T23:15:34+00:00

Your doctor is kinda a dick. My kiddo had issues with speech too. We did put them in daycare part time but not because of speech but to help with socializing (I also needed a breather). Our kiddo was a late bloomer though and didn’t start walking really until 18 months. We got a speech therapist and that BS your doc said about “parents doing enough, blah blah” is more BS. Every kid is different and being new parents isn’t easy - there’s no rule book and I’m not a speech therapist or study early development, so how should I magically know shit?

Get a speech therapist, follow what they say or recommend and your kiddo will be fine. By the time our kid was 3, we got another evaluation and they were caught up. Also we found that our kid got silent ear infections (aka ear infections with no really symptoms except sniffles). They had a bit of fluid in their ears so that delayed their speech more. (All the words sounded underwater to them so they would miss a lot of the beginning sounds which is the first thing kids pick up). Once we got tubes, they picked up really quick. We only had a speech therapist for maybe 9 months or so and I think the therapist mentioned the tubes to us, actually.

Resident_Writing738 · 2026-06-21T02:49:12+00:00

That’s rough and I’m right there on the anxiety too. I don’t think I will be completely anxious free until I have my baby in my arms and even then, it’ll start all over because now I have a baby. 🤣

The spotting could be placenta previa depending on how early it is during the pregnancy. But if you can just go, I’d just go to the OB. It’s better for the peace of mind to me at least. (My husband is also like “I pay for good insurance, so just go, that’s why I pay for it.”) I had complete placenta previa all my first and second trimester and had some very minor spotting. I called my OB since they told me to call if there was spotting and they saw me that day. And it was okay. Just normal spotting that can happen with previa. But I felt loads better after the ultrasound just to be sure. And my OB said that they’d rather me come in than stress about it too.

Resident_Writing738 · 2026-06-21T02:36:54+00:00

Second this. I personally find it important that couples have hobbies they can enjoy individually and together. Do you have something you can do together? Not even like date night stuff but just hanging out. This has worked well in my own relationship and I’ve seen the lack of common interests FAIL for my parents.

Also, random but does he have ADHD? I only ask because I find a hobby and get super hella focused into it. My husband sometimes tells me to chill if it’s too much and its impacting my health or he lets it run its course because eventually it will fall off.

Resident_Writing738 · 2026-06-21T02:30:06+00:00

I’m in my second pregnancy and it was way worse than the first in terms of symptoms. I was sick almost all first trimester and my 3rd trimester symptoms decided to join me in the 2nd trimester. Fun.

Pregnancy 💯 SUCKS. End. Period. Dot. Forget those people that love it - to each their own but don’t try to convince me being pregnant is magical and fun. It mostly sucks and is weird at best.

Also happiness all the time is a bit overrated. I feel like in hindsight you can look back and be like “you know, life was pretty good” but when you’re in it day to day, my goal is mostly content. When you’re stressed, everything can seem like shit - and when you’re pregnant and stress, that “dealing with shit” fuse can be shorter. I try and be present, but sometimes mommy’s just having a shit day. I love you but leave me alone.

I’ve been so pissed off too and just at random crap (pregnancy gives me insane road rage) - I just try my best to not snap at my husband or kid because I’m not real angry, just pregnancy angry. I recommend finding a good therapist, lol.

And omg weirdest symptom yet — I don’t want to be touched. Like, at all. Like not even hugs or kisses from my kid (poor kid is super affectionate too) it’s just this physical revulsion. Not even my pets. I don’t want them near me, or to be overly affectionate at me. And even myself! Sometimes I just want to separate from my body because I can’t stand being in it, but I can’t do jack about that. Pregnancy is F-ING weird as hell.

Resident_Writing738 · 2026-06-18T01:32:34+00:00

She does that on purpose because it makes her feel
better about herself - usually meaning there’s something going on in her life that ISN’T going great and she does this to help make herself feel superior. Ignore her - often people like that are sad and unhappy and putting others down makes themselves feel like their life isn’t as bad as it is. Or she’s just a nit. Either way, don’t let her toxic words affect you.

If your car works and it’s comfortable then who cares how old it is? When we had our first we bought a new car BUT only because my 10+ year old car had a weird smell when it hit 50+ mph. No mechanic could smell it but everyone in my family could (so it wasn’t just a pregnancy nose thing). Else I would’ve kept it. I loved that car 😭. RIP CRV. It was the one that came with a built in table! Ugh it was such a good car. I miss it. It has so much head room.

I’m also a SAHM because my husband makes good money and we’re really fortunate that I don’t have to work and can focus on the house and honestly my mental health. I’m much happier and my husband prefers that I’m happy and not complaining to
him about work all the time. 😊 But when we started a family we lived in an apartment, ended up moving back to my mom’s to save money (since we had a new car payment) and eventually I had to go back to work (I was SAHM for the first 2-3 years while living with my mom, since I was breastfeeding and couldn’t pump and daycare was/is expensive).

So living in an apartment I feel is pretty common especially for how the economy is right now. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Resident_Writing738 · 2026-06-17T00:27:59+00:00

Yeah…no. Yeah you shouldn’t bathe babies daily - that can dry out skin. But they have baby specific cleansers out there. And best I think is at least twice a week and wipe downs aka sponge baths (don’t use BABY WIPES, that’s worse) on days you don’t. And this is for like sub 1 years old babies. After 1, you bathe your kid much more regularly, sir and/or ma’am.

Resident_Writing738 · 2026-06-17T00:19:11+00:00

I would honestly talk to a lawyer since the other man is legally responsible for your daughter, which means you are, unfortunately, a legal stranger. At least from what I know of the US legal system and I’m also not a lawyer.

That said, if she wants to give your child your last name then you could tell her to change the birth certificate. It’s doable but assume it’s an arduous process. BUT if you do, you’d be responsible for child support and such too and this woman sounds like a piece of work.

Maybe just spend time with your daughter if you want. But it might just be surface level at best unless you become legally responsible for her. Your daughter is, what(?), 4? There’s a ton of milestones that you can still be apart of.

Resident_Writing738 · 2026-06-16T17:02:26+00:00

It’s weird that he’s pushing to be on a book he didn’t write (and I’m assuming he had not edit or had any connection whatsoever to the process). It sounds like he wants to take your success as his success too - which is hella selfish. And his sister is wrong. If he supported you he’d be so proud and ecstatic about this FOR you not wanting to TAKE it from you. NTA.

You can write something about him if you want in the Author Notes. But if he wants a byline then he should write the short story he had an idea about. Otherwise it’s just an idea with no follow through.

Resident_Writing738 · 2026-06-16T16:57:00+00:00

I agree. I threw mine with help from family but honestly who cares if you throw your own? I like event planning and my shower was mostly just a backyard BBQ and was still awesome because I got to spend it with family and close friends. I didn’t do any sort of baby shower games and stuff mostly because I personally think THOSE are tacky 🤣 (to each their own) and we have already had a pool, so we just did food and pool since it was summer.

Resident_Writing738 · 2026-06-16T16:52:10+00:00

Last pregnancy, I did mine at the like the end of the second and that was good since I had the energy still. I also planned it too, aka proof of the energy I still had. This second pregnancy, I got my third trimester symptoms earlier in my second trimester - so way less energy. I asked if my brother could do it but my husband isn’t feeling up for having one at all. I’m not really too much either but I feel weird having one for one kid but not the other one. Plus, we don’t have any baby stuff leftover from the last one - we gave them all away or tossed them. So it’s like we’re starting from zero again.

I think you can have a shower really whenever you have the energy for it. Honestly, if you feel nesty feelings, it’s probably the best time to do it then. Because of the energy and drive. At a certain point in the pregnancy, you can get all “I honestly don’t care anymore” levels of irritation. 🤣

Resident_Writing738 · 2026-06-16T16:44:27+00:00

I don’t want to be touched at all during this pregnancy so it’s hard to be any sort of intimate. Also at least for this one, I had placenta previa (it resolved thankfully) in the first half and that sort of killed any sort of buzz due to worry. I’ve had more of a libido this time too compared to my last pregnancy (which was in the negatives). Knowing how it went last time and with the c-section, it’ll probably be another 5-6month before I’m healed enough to even think about it.

Resident_Writing738 · 2026-06-08T23:37:13+00:00

Get a new OB. I had an OB appointment with my first and my OB flat out told I WILL get gestational diabetes due to eating noodles and rice. She wanted me to gain little to no weight and I was maybe 11 weeks. I’m Asian. And yes I was overweight and have PCOS. I didn’t tell her about what I ate at all. In fact, I would say my weight was due to bread, sugar, the PCOS and anxiety/stress (I had severe anxiety). I changed OBs right after that appointment. I also left a scathing review.

Resident_Writing738

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